Toxic People

Off Topic
41

[quote]chinadoll wrote:
I agree that the OP’s problems with his mom may not be “toxic” or “abusive”. And yes, there are so many whiney people, trust me working in the EMS field where some people will consider “extreme suffering” a hangnail or the emotional toil of their kids cutting out of school to take priority over people critical condition barely holding onto life.

At the same time, I wouldn’t globally discount when someone says they have “toxic” and “abusive” situations[/quote]

It’s almost always bullshit is the problem. It’s like people who are overweight: 95% of them are fat because they don’t take care of themselves. Then you’ve got 5% who have serious thyroid issues or have some kind of outrageous situation which exempts them from fat = lazy.

The person who calls someone else toxic or abusive (or years ago, suppressive, though I guess that’s still in use in Scientology) is full of shit often. You’ve got rare situations where the people really are trying to bring you down, but the majority of this language descended from upper middle class caucasians who had parents who disapproved of things they did in the 70s->80s and this pseudo psychological terminology became popular to compensate for perceived psychological abuse as children. None of these people were abused, they were just cretins.

I grew up with people who made psychosis a high art-form. Don’t assume I haven’t experienced it. I’ve purged people from my life, and I’ve had to go to court more than once to do it. There are DCF files up the wazoo on me.

The abuse that the majority of the people who speak like this refer to is not abuse. People who chronically get sand in their vagina are not living in a toxic situation where everyone is trying to ruin them. It’s bitching for the sake of bitching, and it’s blaming your mistakes on the people around you. Whenever self responsibility died, it’s when this shit started. I am not making light of serious situations of verbal or physical abuse, but they are few and far between compared to the hoardes of whining yuppies who don’t like it when someone doesn’t agree with everything they say.

42

[quote]sasquatch wrote:
His mom asked him about his day. His mom asked where he was or where he was going.

Hardly toxic by any definition[/quote]

While it could be an exaggeration, he also said…

I think the hardest part is being put down when

This gives different implications than just the cursory take that mom is enquiring about a few things. If she’s calling him a loser and otherwise offering emotional abuse, as opposed to physical abuse, then things may not be so rosy.

Whether or not the situation is truly “toxic” none of us know, though I’ll agree with what we’ve been told it doesn’t seem like it.

It sounds like he’s got some pie in the sky ideas and doesn’t want to listen to a more cautious voice.

However, giving advice about what to do is you are in a toxic environment seems perfectly reasonable. I don’t think anyone has suggested being asked a few questions is actually toxic.

So, what’s your little vendetta about anyway?

43

Oh, I completely agree.

And I completely agree again.

[quote]Dweezil wrote:
It’s almost always bullshit is the problem. It’s like people who are overweight: 95% of them are fat because they don’t take care of themselves. Then you’ve got 5% who have serious thyroid issues or have some kind of outrageous situation which exempts them from fat = lazy.

The person who calls someone else toxic or abusive (or years ago, suppressive, though I guess that’s still in use in Scientology) is full of shit often. You’ve got rare situations where the people really are trying to bring you down, but the majority of this language descended from upper middle class caucasians who had parents who disapproved of things they did in the 70s->80s and this pseudo psychological terminology became popular to compensate for perceived psychological abuse as children. None of these people were abused, they were just cretins.

I grew up with people who made psychosis a high art-form. Don’t assume I haven’t experienced it. I’ve purged people from my life, and I’ve had to go to court more than once to do it. There are DCF files up the wazoo on me.

The abuse that the majority of the people who speak like this refer to is not abuse. People who chronically get sand in their vagina are not living in a toxic situation where everyone is trying to ruin them. It’s bitching for the sake of bitching, and it’s blaming your mistakes on the people around you. Whenever self responsibility died, it’s when this shit started. I am not making light of serious situations of verbal or physical abuse, but they are few and far between compared to the hoardes of whining yuppies who don’t like it when someone doesn’t agree with everything they say.[/quote]

44

[quote]vroom wrote:
sasquatch wrote:
His mom asked him about his day. His mom asked where he was or where he was going.

Hardly toxic by any definition

While it could be an exaggeration, he also said…

I think the hardest part is being put down when

This gives different implications than just the cursory take that mom is enquiring about a few things. If she’s calling him a loser and otherwise offering emotional abuse, as opposed to physical abuse, then things may not be so rosy.

Whether or not the situation is truly “toxic” none of us know, though I’ll agree with what we’ve been told it doesn’t seem like it.

It sounds like he’s got some pie in the sky ideas and doesn’t want to listen to a more cautious voice.

However, giving advice about what to do is you are in a toxic environment seems perfectly reasonable. I don’t think anyone has suggested being asked a few questions is actually toxic.

So, what’s your little vendetta about anyway?[/quote]

I have no vendetta and your presumption helps your post make sense. You want to try and be someones friend so you found one line in a six paragraph cryfest to help back it up. What most got out of this post was a kid who didn’t like mom’s rules so he wants to move out. I have no problem–move out.

But let’s not throw around ‘toxic’ and ‘abusive’ for teenage angst.

Nobody complained when I questioned Fool for his ridiculous posting. Nobody questioned me recently on the fruit PWO thread when I disagreed with a poster. Why is it so big a deal that I disagree with a female poster? In this particular case, and feel free to reread and see if you see what I see, she was deragatory in her “I see toxic–you probably have never seen toxic” crap. I simply stated this post and this poster have little to do with toxic. Sorry you don’t approve of my propensity to disagree with a post–no matter who posts it.

45

Theres no such thing as a casual negative comment.

46

[quote]sasquatch wrote:
I have no vendetta and your presumption helps your post make sense. You want to try and be someones friend so you found one line in a six paragraph cryfest to help back it up.[/quote]

Oh please. If you have any sense you already saw me rant that he needs to not take mom’s concern and care as something toxic. However, there is still a chance things are worse than we’ve heard… it’s reasonable to give advice for a toxic situation. The OP isn’t the only person who’ll ever read this thread. Other folks with truly toxic situations will as well.

I don’t give a shit if I have online friends or not, but I see you being an ass towards someone for no reason, and thought I’d stick my nose in and stir up shit.

Job easily done when you are involved.

The deal is your escalation and insult. Go back and read. You got a friendly “leave me alone post” and went back and escalated and insulted more.

I ask why the vendetta and immediately you are on my back. The issue isn’t whether or not you are calling people out, it’s about whether you seem to enjoy being an asshole a little too much.

Methinks you might be toxic, ahahahaha, good job!

47

[quote]vroom wrote:
sasquatch wrote:
I have no vendetta and your presumption helps your post make sense. You want to try and be someones friend so you found one line in a six paragraph cryfest to help back it up.

Oh please. If you have any sense you already saw me rant that he needs to not take mom’s concern and care as something toxic. However, there is still a chance things are worse than we’ve heard… it’s reasonable to give advice for a toxic situation. The OP isn’t the only person who’ll ever read this thread. Other folks with truly toxic situations will as well.

I don’t give a shit if I have online friends or not, but I see you being an ass towards someone for no reason, and thought I’d stick my nose in and stir up shit.

Job easily done when you are involved.

Nobody complained when I questioned Fool for his ridiculous posting. Nobody questioned me recently on the fruit PWO thread when I disagreed with a poster. Why is it so big a deal that I disagree with a female poster? In this particular case, and feel free to reread and see if you see what I see, she was deragatory in her “I see toxic–you probably have never seen toxic” crap. I simply stated this post and this poster have little to do with toxic. Sorry you don’t approve of my propensity to disagree with a post–no matter who posts it.

The deal is your escalation and insult. Go back and read. You got a friendly “leave me alone post” and went back and escalated and insulted more.

I ask why the vendetta and immediately you are on my back. The issue isn’t whether or not you are calling people out, it’s about whether you seem to enjoy being an asshole a little too much.

Methinks you might be toxic, ahahahaha, good job![/quote]

And since when has a ‘leave me alone post’ ever stopped you. How can my post that this poster seems not to be cause celeb for toxic be construed as calling people out and enjoying it.

But, she got just what she wanted. Some chump from the cheap seats to jum p in and protect her. Good for you.

If your belief mirrored mine, then why take exception to essentially me agreeing with you.

Once again–over dramatizing the toxic word. But I’m sure you’ll get a sweet pm. Mission accomplished.

48

[quote]ssn0 wrote:
Theres no such thing as a casual negative comment.[/quote]

Yes, there is. It’s called criticism, and it’s only negative when it’s unwarranted.

49

[quote]sasquatch wrote:
And since when has a ‘leave me alone post’ ever stopped you. How can my post that this poster seems not to be cause celeb for toxic be construed as calling people out and enjoying it.
[/quote]
Dude, if someone was actually friendly about it, I generally wouldn’t go out of my way to be an asshole in return. It’s just not my style… though apparently it is yours. I’m really not that toxic.

Really, this seems to an issue you have, now that you’ve brought it up again. I’m not trying to rescue her, I started by politely wondering if there was a reason for your apparent vendetta.

From there, you decide to start finding ways to attack me instead. Please, if I choose to defend myself and try to point out my own intent, don’t try to play it into your own little game with Chinadoll. You two go ahead and play that on your own.

I didn’t take exception of your opinion, but I did ASK you why the hostility because it didn’t seem warranted. Can you see the difference?

You don’t like toxic? Howabout severely confrontational? I hope you aren’t the same in real life as you are on the Internet. If so, you’d be a fucking landmine always looking for an excuse to go off.

What’s your fixation on sweet pm’s? Aren’t you not getting enough of them or something? I’ll talk to various people on here at various times, and since I live in Canada, there’s very little danger I’ll ever have to meet any of them.

Were you spurned by an Internet lover or something? On another note, a lot of people on here actually know some of the other people online, having met them at places like the Staley Bootcamp. It’s probably okay if they’ve formed actual friendships. Do you not have any friends?

Later spanky… you toxic angry enigma you.

50

The real point then vroom is–

exactly where did you see hostility in my saying this poster and his situation hardlky qualifies as toxic.

Your opinion of what I may or may no be like is unimportant. I do find it odd one of the most confrontational guys on this site is calling out another for said issue. If you are so willing to bow out now, why stick your nose into it in the beginning.

I really don’t feel the need to continue this little diatribe. You got just what you wanted–and I could care less.

51

[quote]vroom wrote:
sasquatch wrote:
And since when has a ‘leave me alone post’ ever stopped you. How can my post that this poster seems not to be cause celeb for toxic be construed as calling people out and enjoying it.

Dude, if someone was actually friendly about it, I generally wouldn’t go out of my way to be an asshole in return. It’s just not my style… though apparently it is yours. I’m really not that toxic.

But, she got just what she wanted. Some chump from the cheap seats to jum p in and protect her. Good for you.

Really, this seems to an issue you have, now that you’ve brought it up again. I’m not trying to rescue her, I started by politely wondering if there was a reason for your apparent vendetta.

From there, you decide to start finding ways to attack me instead. Please, if I choose to defend myself and try to point out my own intent, don’t try to play it into your own little game with Chinadoll. You two go ahead and play that on your own.

If your belief mirrored mine, then why take exception to essentially me agreeing with you.

I didn’t take exception of your opinion, but I did ASK you why the hostility because it didn’t seem warranted. Can you see the difference?

Once again–over dramatizing the toxic word. But I’m sure you’ll get a sweet pm. Mission accomplished.

You don’t like toxic? Howabout severely confrontational? I hope you aren’t the same in real life as you are on the Internet. If so, you’d be a fucking landmine always looking for an excuse to go off.

What’s your fixation on sweet pm’s? Aren’t you not getting enough of them or something? I’ll talk to various people on here at various times, and since I live in Canada, there’s very little danger I’ll ever have to meet any of them.

Were you spurned by an Internet lover or something? On another note, a lot of people on here actually know some of the other people online, having met them at places like the Staley Bootcamp. It’s probably okay if they’ve formed actual friendships. Do you not have any friends?

Later spanky… you toxic angry enigma you.[/quote]

Glad to see you’ve really taken the high road. You complain about my toxicity all the while ratcheting up the toxicity of your own.

52

[quote]sasquatch wrote:
The real point then vroom is–

exactly where did you see hostility in my saying this poster and his situation hardlky qualifies as toxic.
[/quote]
Go back and read your shit, that isn’t all you said skippy.

You are so far off the mark it’s laughable.

News flash for you skippy, if I wanted a sweet PM from Chinadoll, I’d PM her myself. In fact, I did so after the recent earthquake to say that it was good to see her back online and that I hoped things were getting back to normal.

Holy shit, how underhanded is that!

Dude, I’ve been here for years. I could probably send a friendly PM to just about anyone, even you on a good day, so I have no ulterior motive in wondering why your appeared to have a vendetta.

I don’t need some lame excuse to hope for a PM from someone. What is this, high school?

Anyway, reasonable responses from you could have been “vroom, it’s none of your business, back off” or perhaps “vroom, I didn’t see it that way, but now that you mention it, I guess it could have been taken wrong”.

However, yes, you and I do have a history of butting heads, so the odds of either of those happening was low.

53

[quote]Dweezil wrote:
ssn0 wrote:
Theres no such thing as a casual negative comment.

Yes, there is. It’s called criticism, and it’s only negative when it’s unwarranted.[/quote]

I think there’s two schools of thought here, based upon peoples’ experiences. I can see where both are coming from. I think we all here are slightly off topic because we’re arguing the definition of toxic.

At the same time, we should respect that the OP may be only telling half a story- maybe it’s worse than it seems, or maybe it’s just basically he doesn’t like being told…we may never know.

Nonetheless, the question was “how do you deal with Toxic people?” That’s an open ended question that is the suject for really good debate, and a lot of people can benefit from a sharing of ideas and experiences from many different people.

Some will take Toxic as someone being in a truly abusive situation- physical abuse and the like.

Some will take Toxic as some spoiled, whiny person being overly sensitive and claiming abuse. Everyone can agree that the majority here on T-Nation loathes and despises (sarcastic humor) that type of person.

I think it’s based upon your set of experiences. When someone thinks toxic, for example, I think along the lines of Prof X, about the woman I’m trying to place into a spouse abuse shelter after she’s discharged from the hospital because of her jaw fracture, or the teenager who cuts herself because she was molested as a child and the physical pain helps with the emotional pain- they’ve had to contend with toxic people.

Someone here mentioned the spoiled, upper class whiny people who use abuse and toxic as catchwords to describe minor inconveniences in their lives. Very true.

Bottom line, people have different sets of experiences and are basing their opinions on them- no one is right or wrong, people do what’s best for them in their situation.

As far as the OP, if he feels he needs to spread his wings and assert his independence in order to grow as a person, that is a completely appropriate developmental milestone and healthy. While right now he thinks he may want his mom out of his life, that is also part of growing up and healthy, and usually kids that age will outgrow that with maturity.

He seems to have a healthy, although young, outlook, and while his terminology many people will not agree with, the message is still there, he’s trying to grow up. Good for him.

54

[quote]Dweezil wrote:
ssn0 wrote:
Theres no such thing as a casual negative comment.

Yes, there is. It’s called criticism, and it’s only negative when it’s unwarranted.[/quote]

Well said.

“You sing like a dying cat cries” may be a “negative comment”, but to label it as anything other than “casual”, especially if the person to whom it was directed truly can NOT sing is really dumb.

There are many people, as we see on this site daily, who can’t seem to take ANY kind of criticism at all if it isn’t praising them in some way.

Some guy gets told that over the course of 5 years in the gym, he should have gained more than 3lbs of muscle and suddenly we get a 5 page bitch-fest. Nothing this poster stated is raising any flags as far as there being true ABUSE going on in his house.

Abuse is getting raped by your dad or NEVER given ANY positive praise over a life time by whoever raised you. Abuse is not crying because your mom asked you where you were, gets pissed when you don’t even talk to her and raises her voice at you because of YOU.

“Toxic” is the new trendy word for overly emotional man-cunts who want to pretend the entire world is out to get them and that anyone pointing out their faults is trying to destroy them.

55

[quote]ssn0 wrote:
Theres no such thing as a casual negative comment.[/quote]

You’re correct. All negative comments are actually vast conspiracies created by the Illuminati and Karl Rove. Don’t let them know you’ve caught on.

56

[quote]Professor X wrote:
“Toxic” is the new trendy word for overly emotional man-cunts who want to pretend the entire world is out to get them and that anyone pointing out their faults is trying to destroy them.[/quote]

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

57

[quote]nephorm wrote:

I agree with this.

There are people who truly should be cut out.

Your crack dealing friend? Move on. That buddy from highschool that just got busted (again) for rape charges? Hang up the phone.

Most other people are not this extreme. If you are not strong enough of a person to deal with a little criticism or “negativity,” what makes you think you will do any better in the “real world,” where you don’t get to filter every little stimulus? That doesn’t mean you have to spend all your time with “negative” people. It is good to have a variety in one’s friends.

I’m not sure I trust people who make major life decisions based solely on the advice of self-help or pop-psychology books.[/quote]

If you know a rapist, his blood should be on your hands.

58

[quote]HardcoreHorn wrote:
If you know a rapist, his blood should be on your hands.[/quote]

If I were to say to you, “Man, he’s high as a kite,” would you look up?

Just asking.

59

[quote]HardcoreHorn wrote:
nephorm wrote:

I agree with this.

There are people who truly should be cut out.

Your crack dealing friend? Move on. That buddy from highschool that just got busted (again) for rape charges? Hang up the phone.

Most other people are not this extreme. If you are not strong enough of a person to deal with a little criticism or “negativity,” what makes you think you will do any better in the “real world,” where you don’t get to filter every little stimulus? That doesn’t mean you have to spend all your time with “negative” people. It is good to have a variety in one’s friends.

I’m not sure I trust people who make major life decisions based solely on the advice of self-help or pop-psychology books.

If you know a rapist, his blood should be on your hands.[/quote]

What are you saying? What if I know a rapist who is serving time in prison? (I don’t, but I’m just asking). Am I reading from you that I should assault him? Wtf kind of spew is this?

Honestly, are we to go out in posses and hunt down all violent criminals and kill them? Last time I checked, there were law enoforcement officers in all municipalities in these here parts that do the rounding up of criminals. Not to mention that it is considered illegal in most places (in the U.S. anyway) to be a vigilante.

Clearly, if I knew of a rapist who is running from the law, I am obligated as citizen to call the authorities, but if you want me to go out and beat him senseless, I won’t do it unless I need to subdue him or protect someone else.

DB

60

[quote]HardcoreHorn wrote:

If you know a rapist, his blood should be on your hands.[/quote]

Good to see all of that spiritual and physical abstinance is doing wonders for your psyche.