That makes sense. I can do Smith pulls another day before cardio, which will lure me into the gym to do cardio 
I didn’t know this. Thanks for the info! I’ve noticed a synergistic effect between squatting plus accessories once a week and jogging/running twice a week. I’ve also noted here how squatting and deadlifting once a week each had yielded my best results.
That’s an excellent point. It’s a succinct thesis of how to train for athleticism.
Squatting doesn’t hurt your hips?
I’m not sure whether squatting, RDLs, or doing both hurts my hips.
I’m going to take a break from those two lifts with the following awesome program that 1) accounts for the equipment available at Planet Fitness, 2) incorporates all the exercises that I currently enjoy/ feel good, 3) addresses the need for cardio, and 4) gives me a good way to fill the lonely weekends while I get my life moving forward and figure out my dating relationship:
Sunday
Rower/ push-ups/ elliptical, 4 rnds
Walking lunges, 4 x 10
Curls, 4 x 10
Rear delt flyes, 3 x 15 - 20
Pec flyes, 3 x 10 - 12
Monday, off
Tuesday
Pull-ups, 5 x bw
Leg curls, 4 x 12, 10, 8, 12
Low rack Smith pulls, varied
Dip machine, 5 x 6-8
Lateral raises, 4 x 15
Wednesday
Arc Trainer, 30 minutes
Toes to bar, amrap
Thursday, off
Friday
Low incline Smith press, max + PR
Pull-ups, bw x 5
Mag pulldowns, 2 x 12
Seated rows, 5 x 8
Leg press, single x 4, double x 3
Calf presses, 3 x 20
Saturday
Treadmill, 35 minutes, incline
Hanging leg raises, 4 x 10+
Sorry I missed this! Looks like you’ve listed out your priorities and appropriately assigned a plan. I’m not as good at this, so well done!
If there’s any confusion or uncertainty in a relationship then someone isn’t ready for it. It could be that they’re focused on other aspects of their life such as career or they might not be mature enough yet. Either way, it won’t work.
You should know exactly what you want in a relationship. If you’re in one and don’t know what your long term goal is then perhaps you shouldn’t be in one.
It’s kind of like going to the gym. If I asked you why you went to the gym then I’d hope you had an answer. You wouldn’t say “I don’t know.” Your relationship should be the same.
I’m not saying you’re the uncertain one; just providing general advice.
Eh, gym or relationship you could just be screwing around
Well said. My goal is marriage for the sake of a companionable, passionate partnership serving God together in this crazy life.
Incoming rant, because I need to vent and also need a more objective view:
My confusion stems from the recognition that her behavior towards me changes after six weeks of dating. This is her consistent behavior each of the now four (yes, four!) times we’ve dated. We’ve known each other for 19 years, been everything from casual friends to seriously dating, and have dated now four times.
At first, things are amazing, but I’ve realized she emotionally retracts to the point she’s so distant, I forget we’re dating! For the first six weeks, she does all the what I consider normal girlfriend behaviors - looks forward to seeing me, leans against my arm when watching movies, shares private jokes and general goofiness when at restaurants or theaters, cuddles for hours and talks about how she feels protected and secure with me and how the physical chemistry is palpable.
But after six weeks or so, she retracts. We still get together, but she literally forgets to hug or kiss me hello, never says she missed me or is glad to see me, at times doesn’t listen when I talk and will actually cut me off and talk about some unrelated topic as if we’d just been silent; keeps conversation superficial and won’t talk about more intense or difficult topics… the list goes on. She says she wants to find her best friend, forever person, yadda yadda, but once we move into the confortable-companionable stage, it feels like she emotionally checks out.
Cuddling no longer makes her feel protected and wanted; now it’s the source of her shoulders and neck being out of place and needing professional massages twice a month. I pointed out the 180 in her attitude, she said she was just griping an cuddling is important to her, but two weeks later, when I tried to put my arm around her, I get a brusque “I know YOU want to hug, but I’m hot, and even your hand on my back is overheating me.”
Side bar - the physical connection is very important to me. She and I haven’t slept with each other (she’s a virgin, I’m not) and we want to wait for marriage with each other. Back to griping…
After six weeks of dating, she announced she’d want to put some sort of divider down the middle of the bed if we marry - as newlyweds, no less - so I don’t intrude on her sleep! Yes, sleep is important. So is being a never-before-married couple in the honeymoon phase!!
She said she doesn’t always understand how she feels about me, and she’s worried I’ll leave, so she’s hesitant to commit. Fair enough (maybe.)
But during a 4th of July barbecue with her family, she playfully tickled her brother-in-law’s of three years feet as he pretended to nap; stroked his shoulders with her fingertips while standing beside him; poured over tire reviews for her car (an activity he engaged in with her that afternoon after she tickled his feet, despite him knowing I’d been helping her research new tires) and, when her sister was out front, gave him a gripping hug at the end of the day, saying, “it was GREAT to see you, it’s been so long (it’d been 4 or 10 days), take care of yourself! I’ll see you soon.”
She’s doesn’t hug me with the intensity she hugged him and NEVER has so succinctly, clearly, and directly expressed her feelings for me.
And it goes on and on. She barely kisses me back when I kiss her. She claims she doesn’t want to push too far, which I’m ok with, but given all the other signals, it feels like she’s simply not into me.
Her bro in law looks like her dad, btw. And is a decade older.
At the end of the day, I feel like she talks out of both sides of her mouth. She says she wants a loving companionship relationship, presumably with me, but when we arrive at that point, she gets bored and starts to flirt with her bro in law.
Oh yeah, she and I have talked marriage several times tis summer (which I’m seeing is crazy, when I look at what I’ve written.) We haven’t gone ring shopping. But she relayed to me how, when visiting with her sister one night, they got to talking about rings. Her bro in law was there and listening. All of a sudden, she said he asked her what all she wants in a ring, then proceeded to pull up a dozen websites of rings that he thought she’d like. Without me being there, the three of them then spent the next two hours online shopping for rings I could buy her. She showed me all the different rings a few days later.
After she told me about that and showed me the rings, I went home, researched rings on my own, and found a dozen I liked that I figured she’d like too. A week later, I showed her what I’d found. Just like with conversations or my music or film preferences, she distractedly looked at a couple I’d found, then cut me off and showed me another slue of rings that she, her sister, and her bro in law had again researched! She and I have never set foot in a jewelry store together, and she’s sharing the ring shopping experience with her sister and bro in law INSTEAD of me!!!
Side bar - I’m NOT comfortable with how involved the bro in law is with my relationship, and I’m very uncomfortable with how energized she gets when talking to him and how she stroked his shoulders and tickled his feet. Twice this summer, he’s made jokes at her sister’s expense in front of the family that have hurt her sister. He plays it off as being a joke; her sister pretends to go along with it but is definitely wounded; and my girlfriend approvingly laughs at the jokes, saying “oooooh, that’s mean!” but in an approving way.
And I can’t talk about any of this with my girlfriend. She and he family have a weird denial thing going on. If I were to address the obvious crush, her and the family would all turn on me.
WHY THE HECK AM I DATING HER AGAIN OR EVEN STAYING FRIENDS?!?!
She changes after six weeks of dating. The behavior with her bro in law has unfolded over this summer, after they’ve all become comfortable around me again.
On the flip side, she and I have nearly two decades of history. I find her extremely attractive. She was there for me and very caring and helpful after my leg was crushed 18 years ago. I’m in a financial pit and my career is a mess because of my past injuries, but she hangs in there with me. She said she’d support me throughout the five months of bar prep if we get married. There are positive aspects to the relationship.
But her and her bro in law’s interactions creep me out. It feels like she likes but tolerates me, but I’m not the type of man she truly desires. I don’t like the emotionally detached climate the relationship always acquires. I don’t feel respected in various ways, and I can’t totally, unrestrictedly be myself.
Long, disjointed rambling over. If you slogged through, thanks for hanging in there.
Is my perception of her stroking her bro in law’s shoulders and tickling his feet total paranoia, or is that weird?
Any feedback and insights are most welcome and appreciated, including those of a couple women whose views I’ve come to respect, because women probably understand women more than men understand women.
Thank you; the key will be actually following through with the plan!! And I’ve already slightly shifted goals, though it won’t really affect my training. I’m placing higher priority on fat loss, but two or three days of full body lifting and two or three days of conditioning will address leaning down while building at least a little strength and muscle. The rower-pushups-elliptical day is most dispensable right now.
Quite true. I’m old, fat, and lonely though and am looking for substance in both the gym and my relationship. Being fat and lonely may present a problem with finding true love tho…
Run away now! This will lead to nothing but more heartache.
These statements really cover it, don’t they? I don’t see anything good coming and certainly have no advice for improving it.
Living with another person is hard. Make sure going in it’s someone you like very, very well and who feels the same about you, which doesn’t sound like your relationship. While being happily coupled is the most satisfying state for most of is, being alone is not the worst thing; a bad relationship is much worse.
Walk away and don’t look back. A divider down a bed for fucks sake 
I am female but the bro in me wants to say… if you ain’t got any of that shit in 19 years you sure as hell don’t want to sign a contract for the next 50. Sorry.
Six weeks of “good” is the early infatuation stage. I’ve been in multiple long term relationships and it’s always exciting and then it trails off. After the excitement wears off, people have to actually care about each other and put effort into the relationship. She doesn’t sound like she’s doing that.
To have a good long term relationship, a couple needs to share their desires. You want physical touch. I’m not sure what she wants. Regardless, she should try to serve your needs and you should serve hers. Being selfish in a relationship is the road to failure.
But to keep this from getting unnecessarily long, the short answer is to bail. She’s not really putting any effort into you or the relationship.
Also, my wife and I never went ring shopping. She dropped hints over time about her preference in jewelry and I listened. I went to a diamond dealer and bought the diamond and he sent it to a guy to put it in the ring and setting of my choice. It was a surprise to my wife. For the record, it was a 3/4 carat diamond princess cut placed in a six prong setting on a white gold ring. The rock looks plenty big on her size four finger. And it was less than $1500. I’'d never buy a ring like that from the fancy jewelry stores. Too cliche and too expensive.
Dating, quitting jobs, moving, etc. all have something in common - by the time you’re starting to question if you should leave, you’re already 6 months too late.
Wednesday, 8/26/20
Warm-up
Pull-ups
Seated leg curls
Low rack Smith deadlifts
Dips (real dips)
bw x 5 sets x 7
Heck yeah! This workout felt great, and my traps are sore today. My wrist felt good for all the dips, which I kept at low volume/intensity to let my shoulders adjust, so the wrist must be healing. I’m intentionally not programming a set/rep scheme for the Smith rack pulls. Each week, the plan is to work up to something heavier for some low reps, then do one or more back-off sets.
As long as I do the two full-body lifting days and two dedicated cardio days each week for the next four to eight weeks, I’ll be satisfied with my exercising. I can see myself returning to an upper-lower split in the nearish future, perhaps akin to @Cyrrex’s weekly routine. Time will tell.
That’s exactly what I’m thinking, too.
Don’t be sorry for telling the unvarnished truth; that’s one quality I appreciate about you.
You’re right, and I haven’t been able to see it. The relationship is what it is, and no amount of wishing will change what she and I bring to the table and the relationship that results from who we are and what we want.
Doggone, you’re right. I mentally ran through jobs, relationships, and locations I’ve lived and your statement is exactly correct.
I was reading about relationships last night and learned that people often stay in long-term relationships because they function just like sunk-cost investments. There’s a time and place to cut losses and walk away.
HAHAHAHA, right?! She said the same when we last dated 3.5 years ago. It’s not a passing thought she’s had, but a serious plan.
Totally true. And I’m fine with the zing naturally fading, but -
That’s how it feels to me. I initiate good night and morning texts at least 80% of the time, I’m the only one who initiates phone calls just to chat, her texts to me are usually one to three word replies or a single emoji, etc.
I honestly don’t know what she wants, either. She says she wants companionship, dinners together, cuddling, and shared activities, but after the infatuation stage, she’s forgetting hello hugs, shutting down conversations and touch, and performing activities in a business-like fashion. That’s the point she’s also staetying to flirt with he bro in law too.
Haha if you have more to say and the time and energy to type it, I’m all ears. I sick of treading the same ground in my own mind, and yours is a perspective I respect.
That’s exactly how it feels to me too. She does buy my favorite beer to keep in her fridge, meet me or even pick me up when my car’s down, and other hogs. But it feels like she doesn’t emotionally or cognitively invest at all.
Conversely, when her sister was dating her now-husband, my girlfriend would talk out loud but softly, like to herself, about whatever activity she and I had just finished (gone to an Indian or Thai restaurant, watched a Star Wars movie, etc.) My girlfriend would note the activity then list similar foods, movies, etc. and whether her bro in law had experienced them. Then she’d mentally catalogue whatever we’d done as something she wanted to introduce the bro in law to and learn whether he liked it or not.
Ring shopping, or at least driving around and looking at different rings, is something I look forward to if/when I get married. That said, you got a great deal. I didn’t know a hand set ring would be that inexpensive.