This is a whopper of a question. I will come to it when I have time to compose a good response
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So I got an interview in 2 hours and I can finally start my Deep Water week today. Today is gonna be a good day.
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Alright, so hereās the thing: my wife was my best friend before she was my love interest. When we met, both of us were coming off of VERY toxic relationships and neither one of us wanted anything to do with dating or relationships.
She could match me intellectually, which is what made being her friend easy. We enjoyed talking with each other. We didnāt agree on everything, and were in fact quite different on many things, but we enjoyed discussing them with each other, figuring out how and why the other person thought that way, and just having someone that we could really talk with. To this day, sheās one of the few people I actually appreciate having a conversation with, because Iāll either learn something or challenge something I āthoughtā I knew.
It wasnāt about traits or interests. Weāre both lifelong athletes, which certainly makes the relationship work, because a non-athlete wouldnāt tolerate or understand my particular brand of insanity, but she totally gets me there and I get her when she runs a half-marathon a month to get her 35th in before turning 35.
When I met my wife, I was at a college that was 70% women, and I was very much without scruples having come from an all male high schoolā¦but I got bored pretty quickly with someone I couldnāt talk with. Physical attraction is cool, shared interests are cool, but I want to spend time with someone I Like spending time with.
Anyone can fall in love: LIKING someone is tough.
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I definitely appreciate you taking the time to type this out Pwn. It got me thinking a bit differently. I was thinking that two people needed the same interests such as hobbies or whatever. What Iām getting out of what youāre saying is that you can find some kind of emotional connection with someone and, that connection doesnāt even have to be related to similar interests.
Ours was more an intellectual connection than an emotional one, but it eventually grew into that.
Similar interests are good if you want someone to hang out with. Itās not what Iād base a romantic relationship off of.
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Sorry to derail, but this really has me thinking since what I want from a partner first and foremost is an intellectual connection
One more question: Physical attraction is important to both parties as well correct?
I canāt answer that for you. I think my spouse is beautiful and I take care of myself in part because it is unfair to have her ādeal withā me letting myself go.
@anna_5588 that and mutual respect are big to me
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Am I being unfair by judging someone by the way they dress? The way someone dresses gives me a glimpse of the kind of person they are.
Itās got nothing to do skin. I do not like wigs, lashes, or those wolverine nails.
I wouldnāt call that unfair; just insane
How is it insane? Doesnāt the way you dress kindāve make a first impression?
Thatās a different thing entirely compared to what you first wrote
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Okay maybe it is insane now that I think about it cause people can randomly change what they usually wear but theyāre still themselves
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The way someone dresses may be linked to who they are, but assuming that you can dissect the reasons behind why they choose to dress that way at first glance is foolish. Two people with opposite personalities can dress the same way for opposite reasons.
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Yeah that makes sense Flap.
I just want to second @T3hPwnisher on the similar interest things. I thought this was key till I met my wife. I could talk to her for hours even though we had absolutely nothing in common and she was the first person that happened with. It just kind of clicked that was what I was looking for and not just someone who shared similar interests.
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Thank you for sharing cstan!
Oh she also had a great sense of humor. That also wins over interests I feel.
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I had the unique position of meeting my wife in a profession where she was the expert (vet tech of 13 years at the time) and trained me. I was obviously attracted to her looks, and as I got to know her I was attracted by her personality, but the first thing that really hooked me was how much of a boss she was at her job. Veterinarians would ask her to diagnose dogs, she would do full dental cleanings and extractions, dental x rays - you name it, she was amazing at it.
Like I said, itās kind of rare for a guy to be trained by his future wife, but thatās how we met, and thatās how I fell in love with her. I think it was her confidence and assertiveness, combined with a physical and intellectual connection. In other words, like Pwn hinted at in another thread, these things are generally the same no matter what side of the aisle youāre on.
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@flappinit @T3hPwnisher @cstan097
So is the whole romance thing suppose to flow kinda like a love story?
What Iām getting out of this is that it just kinda happened. Itās not like any of you guys were actively seeking romance. Do I just keep doing what Iām doing and some lady will just stroll along?