Outside of those worst-case scenarios, I wouldn’t expect a spouse to not be assertive (competitive?) when it comes time to divvy up assets, either. I would just like to think that there WOULD be an element of fairness involved and that one party wouldn’t set out with the aim of “destroying” the other.[/quote]
LOL.
Yes, if a woman feels WRONGED in a relationship and her man makes 200K a year, we can all hope that she will want to be fair and leave the way she came in assuming she hasn’t literally spent her life with the man.
If a couple married less than 4 years gets a divorce with the guy making that much more, are you really fucking serious thinking even most women won’t be looking for a big pay out?
I would point out something that hasn’t been brought up, but that is pertinent to the discussion and that is the role of divorce attorneys in shaping the expectations of their clients, especially female clients.
I have first hand experience with divorce attorneys and know that 1) promising to take the other spouse to the cleaners is a way of getting a retainer check regardless of what the clients best intentions are 2) lengthy divorces, multiple depositions, frequent court appearances all serve to increase the cost of the divorce and all contribute to the rancor of the breakup of the marriage, and 3) the adversarial nature of court, while well suited to determining tort and contract law is a terrible venue for family law. The financial resources of the family are unnecessarily depleted in many cases and the divorce proceeding unfortunately, set the tone for the rest of the relationship as exes. It’s especially unfortunate if there are children involved.
If one of those 40 or 50 people died, you would be on the list to take care of their kids?
This debate has gotten dumb and some of you really think you sound smart.[/quote]
Let me isolate a few thing here, I responded calmly before, but let me just make two quick points here. Namecalling? Really? You need to call me a retard? Calling someone a retard doesn’t mean you are winning the debate, you do understand that don’t you?
Secondly, would I be on the list to take care of thier kids? I’m guessing no, they probably have this thing called an extended family that would handle those types of situations. But if you want to stop making absurd scenarios up and focus on the discussion we could still advance it.
Thirdly, what you don’t seem to understand is that people like emily and OE and me have space in our reality for a person like you, we understand you and accept that you exist, we also think it’s fine if you get a pre-nup and even better if you don’t get married. You however seem to think we don’t really exist and that we are some type of myth, or anomoly or that we are outright lying to you. Why we would lie is beyond me but you don’t seem to believe people can do what some of us seem to be doing. You think we are dumb or retarded to not live like you do, that is myopic, everyone is not a professor X clone.
Outside of those worst-case scenarios, I wouldn’t expect a spouse to not be assertive (competitive?) when it comes time to divvy up assets, either. I would just like to think that there WOULD be an element of fairness involved and that one party wouldn’t set out with the aim of “destroying” the other.[/quote]
LOL.
Yes, if a woman feels WRONGED in a relationship and her man makes 200K a year, we can all hope that she will want to be fair and leave the way she came in assuming she hasn’t literally spent her life with the man.
If a couple married less than 4 years gets a divorce with the guy making that much more, are you really fucking serious thinking even most women won’t be looking for a big pay out?[/quote]
Are two people who bail on each other after four years the type of schmucks that the successfully married people here are speaking of when they write about truly knowing their partners and developing strong connections before tying the knot?
I agree with you about pre-nups being a smart move “just in case”, though I also agree with the other side when they write that taking the time to make sure you pick the right spouse will go a long way alleviating many of the problems that some people are afraid of when it comes to divorce.
Outside of those worst-case scenarios, I wouldn’t expect a spouse to not be assertive (competitive?) when it comes time to divvy up assets, either. I would just like to think that there WOULD be an element of fairness involved and that one party wouldn’t set out with the aim of “destroying” the other.[/quote]
LOL.
Yes, if a woman feels WRONGED in a relationship and her man makes 200K a year, we can all hope that she will want to be fair and leave the way she came in assuming she hasn’t literally spent her life with the man.
If a couple married less than 4 years gets a divorce with the guy making that much more, are you really fucking serious thinking even most women won’t be looking for a big pay out?[/quote]
You expect me to cry for a guy who WAS making 200 per year and has some nice stuff and now he still makes 200 per year and his wife took half of his nice stuff? Bro, your fixation on money is really strong. WHO GIVES A FUCK, IT’S MONEY! MORE CAN BE MADE.
You make it sound like any guy who goes through a divorce who makes good money has thier life ruined. You know who has thier life ruined? The Guy making 40K per year and his wife takes half HIS shit and half HIS future earnings in alamony. They guy was scraping by making 40 and now he has to survive on 20. I think someone can manage going from 200K to 100K a little more comfortably than a guy going from 40K to 20K.
[quote]SkyNett wrote:
Let’s sew this up right now.
!) Yes X - you absolutely should protect your assets if and when you choose to get married. No question, with a home and cash assets, you would be stupid not to protect yourself.
No one can know with 100 % certainty what will happen to their relationship in the future.
[quote]dianab wrote:
Sorry, if you are an honest person then faking happiness at home ain’t gonna work.
Staying together for the kids is a terrible idea, kids aren’t stupid and they pick up on things pretty fast.[/quote]
^ This. Kids aren’t stupid at all. You think they don’t know what’s going on? Wrong. What kind of example, as Dr. P pointed out, is to show kids that a “happy” marriage is two people who never speak to each other and show obvious contempt for each other? But hey if you want your kids to think a loving marriage is two people who don’t speak and one or both are cheating, going for it. They’ll thank you later.
Bullshit back at ya. Mincing words over what “hell” means? If you asked her if she went through hell she would say yes and she would genuinely mean it.
[quote]Professor X wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
[quote]Professor X wrote:
Here you are claiming I am materialistic when you don’t know shit about me. I am pretty certain I do more community service, hell, and simply help more lives period, than most of the people typing right now. Protecting shit I worked hard for does not make me “materialistic”. It makes me NOT a dumbass. You are talking to a guy who basically wears tank tops out of work all day and polo shirts at work.
[/quote]
You think Elin should be emotionally fine because she’s getting millions. That speak volumes.[/quote]
Bullshit. This right here means YOU have a fucking reading comprehension problem. I wrote that she has not been through HELL. I even used my grandmother’s cancer to make the distinction but you still missed it.
This woman is subjecting her kids to more bullshit through the media but some of you cheer her on for it.
Why? Because she got cheated on? Bullshit. I don’t give a shit about whether she is emotionally fine. I know for a fact that HELL ain’t what she experienced.[/quote]
[quote]dianab wrote:
Sorry, if you are an honest person then faking happiness at home ain’t gonna work.
Staying together for the kids is a terrible idea, kids aren’t stupid and they pick up on things pretty fast.[/quote]
Ok then choose to love. Being in love after the first few years together is as much a conscious choice as it is a matter of the heart. It’s all attitude, for the sake of the children you can choose to love.[/quote]
[quote]dianab wrote:
Sorry, if you are an honest person then faking happiness at home ain’t gonna work.
Staying together for the kids is a terrible idea, kids aren’t stupid and they pick up on things pretty fast.[/quote]
Ok then choose to love. Being in love after the first few years together is as much a conscious choice as it is a matter of the heart. It’s all attitude, for the sake of the children you can choose to love.[/quote]
Bump for the responses to my earlier post.[/quote]
It’s hard to chose to love someone you have no feelings for. Sorry, there is a lot I would do to try and make a marriage work, if I ever went there again, but lying to myself is not one of them.
[quote]on edge wrote:
Bullshit back at ya. Mincing words over what “hell” means? If you asked her if she went through hell she would say yes and she would genuinely mean it.
[/quote]
Who gives a shit what she would say? This woman doesn’t care about tarnishing her kids’ father’s name even further long after the man has been beaten by the media about as much as can be expected. She got a huge pay out, continues to harp on about him even after signing paperwork meant to keep her from talking to the press further…yet she went through hell? You mean the same hell she is now bringing on herself and her kids?
LOL!
I am sure his kids love her making him look even worse in the media. I bet that will have NO lasting effects.
[quote]Professor X wrote:
Kids aren’t stupid. This isn’t about “choosing” to love. This is about not dealing with a major issue all in favor of sweeping it under the rug simply because you think the kids are better off with both parents in the house whether they can actually trust each other or not.
[/quote]
From personal experience, successfully hiding dysfunction from the kids doesn’t mean they aren’t aware of it. For me, when all the dirty secrets in my family came tumbling out of the closet (I was 25), I spent a year alone going “Holy shit! That explains so much! That explains THIS event and THAT event…”
No one is a good enough actor to raise children in a marriage that exists “for the sake of the children” and have those kids grow up completely right.
Wow X, you sound like a child. You are throwing a tantrum because people don’t agree with you. It is really pathetic. There are a lot of mature and experienced HAPPY married couples on this site. If you want to get married and be happy, listen to them; I know that I do.
As a side point, how many people lost WELL over half there stuff when the stock market crashed? I know people who did, and they were happily married. It is just possesions. If you are worried about whether or not your wife is going to take your stuff in the event of a divorce, you were looking at the wrong stuff in them before you tied the knot. Ask the mature, experienced HAPPILY MARRIED COUPLES what to look for in a wife, and then find similarities in their statements and put those things on your “check list”. That isn’t so difficult, and it will make you wise beyond your years.
“Smart people learn from their mistakes, wise people learn from other’s mistakes.”
[quote]honest_lifter wrote:
Wow X, you sound like a child. You are throwing a tantrum because people don’t agree with you. It is really pathetic. There are a lot of mature and experienced HAPPY married couples on this site. If you want to get married and be happy, listen to them; I know that I do.
As a side point, how many people lost WELL over half there stuff when the stock market crashed? I know people who did, and they were happily married. It is just possesions. If you are worried about whether or not your wife is going to take your stuff in the event of a divorce, you were looking at the wrong stuff in them before you tied the knot. Ask the mature, experienced HAPPILY MARRIED COUPLES what to look for in a wife, and then find similarities in their statements and put those things on your “check list”. That isn’t so difficult, and it will make you wise beyond your years.
“Smart people learn from their mistakes, wise people learn from other’s mistakes.”[/quote]
LOL. Emily insults me with every post but I am the one who sounds like a child because I called ONE person retarded.
LOL
This isn’t about whether people exist who are happily married. That doesn’t mean you or they will stay that way.
Or can you prove to me somehow that you will NEVER get a divorce?
If not, then you have no point. You are just another guy who got married and likely didn’t have much in the way of assets to consider to start with.
No one said the plan was to marry someone I can’t trust. If I do get married, you can bet it won’t be in some split second decision. That doesn’t mean I don’t need to protect myself and you have yet to write anything that suggests men should avoid protecting themselves as if this somehow proves love.
It doesn’t.
You are the one with the childish view of marriage if you truly think having a prenupt means you shouldn’t get married.
Some marriages work out. Some fail. NONE of you know if you will remain married forever. You HOPE you will in a happy relationship…which is why you work at it.
Are two people who bail on each other after four years the type of schmucks that the successfully married people here are speaking of when they write about truly knowing their partners and developing strong connections before tying the knot?
[/quote]
Wait…you are now claiming anyone who gets divorced in that time frame is a schmuck? They could have been a couple for 10 years previous but maybe the marriage itself doesn’t work out.
Some of you really think like this?
Does this mean you believe people who get divorced got divorced because of the reason that they didn’t know each other well enough?
[quote]The center estimates that there were 6.8 marriages per 1,000 people in 2009, after a rate of 7.1 and 7.3 marriages per 1,000 people in 2008 and 2007, respectively.
In the states for which data were available, there were 3.4 divorces per 1,000 people in 2009, following rates of 3.5 divorces per 1,000 people in 2008 and 3.6 divorces per 1,000 people in 2007.[/quote]
That would mean about half get divorced in this country.
According to some of you, this is because they all simply didn’t know each other enough.