Oldest son has been dating this one girl for a month and a half… my wifes current attitude I believe at the moment.
3 Likes
6 Likes
My anesthesiologist asked me if I was on steroids yesterday. I don’t know if I should have trusted her to administer my anesthesia…but I got a good laugh out of it.
1 Like
When my youngest boy was 16 I thought I’d show him a way to earn some quick money if he ever needed to. The drains were blocked in my house so the conversation goes like this,
Me: C’mon, I’ll show you what to do with blocked drains, you can get £60 a time for doing this. These are drainage rods, put the gauntlets on and start screwing them together.
Him: Ok.
Me: Use a screw driver to unscrew the corners of the manhole then use a spade to lift it off.
Him: Ok
Me: Now, I’m going to put this curly piece on the front rod and push the rods down the pipe. You’ll know you’ve reached the blockage once you have hit something solid, like this. Now we’ll break it up with the rods and push it through to the manhole at the front. See the foul water going down?
Him: Yeah
Me: I want you to go in…
Him: You can fuck off, I’m not going in there
Me: Wait and listen. I want you to go inside and turn the utility room tap on to flush it through.
9 Likes
I’ve had a large bearing sitting on my desk for a week now. It’s fairly shiny, but still has more grease than it looks like in it with bronze flakes mixed in. I’m going to take it apart at some point to check some things but have been enjoying people walking in and getting grease on their hands.
4 Likes
I fit Windows for a living:
When a job’s finished, chatting to the customer before leaving, I’ll say, “Remember the silicone around the frame and glass is wet, so don’t touch it for 24hrs.”
It’s amazing how often, as I’m loading my van, the customer will approach me with silicone all over their hand and say, “I touched the silicone.”
Sometimes, like literally straight after I’ve warned them, they’ll poke a finger in the wet silicone right there and then in front of me.
4 Likes
I do the same thing with hot things.
Someone else: “That’s still hot.”.
Me: “oh, ok.” and proceed to burn my fingerprint off. Then “Damn! You weren’t kidding!”.
4 Likes
Those are both right up there with “This smells rotten.”
(everyone in the vicinity proceeds to inhale the putrid stench to confirm)
2 Likes
This just reminded me of an absolutely hilarious sight.
Few years back I was helping my friend clean out/re-organize his house. We were moving stuff around in the garage when we found a cup of piss. It was a sealed medical cup, he had to get some tests done the prior winter and would keep the cups of urine in the garage (guess the doctor wanted them chilled or something?). Anyway, that cup of pee had been through a full winter-summer-winter-back into summer cycle. It was already pretty funny but then he cracked the fucking thing open and took a wiff. He reeled so hard that the piss splashed out, and he was gagging and heaving, and then had to clean it up. It was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.
That dude just got his PhD in math.
4 Likes
1 Like
Congratulations to you and yours for your clear superiority, usmccds!
(Note to any other military branch members reading: just kidding.)
2 Likes
You didn’t have to add the disclaimer, they already know we’re far superior!
I’ll be honest, I’m surprised USAF wasn’t the fattest…I was a PT leader when I was in and had to coach many a SNCO to lose weight to meet regs … a lot of sitting going on in the AF when I was in
1 Like
But you guys have fancy gyms and real food in your restaurants, I mean, chow halls.
I have an enemy on the boards currently, and prefer not to have more than one at a time.
2 Likes
I prefer to be surrounded by my enemies.
“Great. Now we can shoot at those bastards from every direction.” - Chesty Puller
2 Likes
Just b/c we have fancy gyms doesn’t mean a lot of people used them. A lot of the time I’d be one of the very few in there doing real work. More treadmills set to 5 than actual hard work being done in there. As far as the food goes, that’s part of the problem isn’t it
1 Like
lol … that lightweight? Or heavyweight depending if you take his posts seriously hahaha
1 Like
Just eat crayons like the marines. Instant weight loss.
3 Likes
No one wants to piss off the Navy!
One weak whiner is fine, but Google tells me there are 1.3 million military personnel out there currently, of which only 220K are Marines. One treads lightly…