This type of “settledness” is what I am seeking, and why the woo woo meditation stuff doesn’t resonate with you. I have always been impatient, results oriented, hurry up and get it done. The woo woo is helping me on this path to being settled. Kabat-Zinn says we are human beings, not human doings.
The encouraging thing is that it seems I am having some success, proving that with commitment, we can change.
C1W1D2 - SQUAT
45x10, 95x3, 145x5, 165x5, 190x10, 145x5x5
Ab Machine 30x10, 50x10, 70x15
Shrugs 45x10, 50x10, 55x13
Hammer Curls 22.5x10, 25x10, 27.5x10
Face pulls 40x10x3
Preacher curl machine 20x10, 30x10
I was dreading squats today. Back has been tight, twingey, so wasn’t sure what to expect. I was very pleased with the AMRAP, and frankly surprised at the ease of FSL - each set got easier.
I had set my alarm for 3:30 because I have a phone call at eight did not want to rush my workout - I attend a 6AM meeting every day when I am home, IYKYK. Woke up without the alarm at 3:15 and felt great with the workout. Feels like my capacity for work is growing.
To thine own self be true. 
C1W1D3 - OHP
80x5, 90x5, 105x10, 115x3, 125x2
I have decided to just log my main lifts here - I keep the other FAFO tracked in a notebook.
C1W1D4 - Deadz
160x5, 180x5, 210x10, 160x5x5
I was not looking forward to deadlifting today, feel good about getting them done. I have not done FSL before and was dreading it but things moved well.
Last day with my parents in Oregon, a little sad. Always feel like it might be the last time I see my dad.
But, off to NY tomorrow to watch my son graduate HS, woot woot!
You have described every deadlift day for me.
Congrats to your son! And, by extension, you! That’s outstanding news.
Damn - I thought I was a unicorn.
It’s a bit of a shift from the NLP as I was excited about adding weight . . . until I wasn’t.
Thanks for the congrats. I have been thinking about both of my kids and the huge changes in their lives from 15 - 20 (my daughter is 20). At fifteen you are getting rides to school, riding your bike up to The Green to hang with friends, and meeting up at Taco Bell was a big deal. Three years later, driver’s license, boyfriend/girlfriend, prom, , pack up and move away from home all by yourself for the first time, and then assimilate in college in a different state.
It’s truly a wonder any kids are successful at the transition, yet the vast majority seem to do it.
C1W2D1 - BP
45x10, 95x5, 120x5, 135x5, 150x12, 120x5x5
Forgot to do Joker sets, my bad.
Head to NY today so will likely take tomorrow off as I land late.
C1W2D2- SQ
155x5, 180x5, 200x7, 155x5x2
This sucked. Sucky AMRAP, could not get through FSL, cut my FAFO short. Eating was a challenge yesterday and I think I was light on calories, sleeping on an air mattress, time change, probably a combination of all of them, so I’m not worried about it. Got some provisions so should get myself fed today, another day to adjust to the time change, etc…
NY is muy humid too.
I hear sucking could mean you are on the right track. Embrace the suck!!
C1W2D3 - OHP
85x5, 100x5, 115x10, 125x3, 135x2, 85x5x5
Slept better, more energy today.
C1W2D4 - DL
140, 160, 180x10, 140x5x5
Was not feeling it this morning but decided to let universe decide for me. I went late figured if there was a rack open I would dead lift, if not, FAFO - there was a rack open.
I reset my TM’s on DL and SQ because I was overly aggressive/stoopid, so it moved pretty good.
The bulk was clearly the right decision. I am not sure what I weigh now but I was 204 when I left Portland on Saturday, have probably dropped a pound, but I look fuller and see way more room to grow.
Yes
A lotta maturity in resetting the TM there. It’s one of the benefits of being a “seasoned” lifter, haha. I still let the meathead in me take control sometimes, but I’m getting better at listening to the sage.
The meathead in me thinks I am a pussy so I appreciate your reassurance. I figured part of my twingey back was poor form so I figured resetting and working on form would be better for the long term. I also reminded myself that health and aesthetics are also goals, that strength will come with time. A big part of my healing journey has been learning patience and becoming process oriented.
Interestingly enough, my abs are actually getting more visible. I am training them with weight for once, and eating enough seems to be helping develop the muscles. Also, adding some mass to my shoulders, traps, and pecs makes them seem more developed as well.
I have always been chasing the lean look and that is an illusion. Lean at 185 isn’t the same as 18% at 205 - I think I look better now at 205 than I did at 193 and 13%.
I have abandoned carnivore for now - wasn’t prepared mentally for shopping and meal prep, not to mention beach town prices. Have been struggling here in NY to eat enough so kind of maintaining until I get back to California - coordinating schedules to eat with my kids, who have no interest in family dinners, has left me going without meals.
I have been studying for the CPT test and am learning some things that are helpful in my training, at least as far as mindset and motivation.
C1W3D1 - BP
125x5, 145x5, 160x10, 125x5x5
Forgot to do Jokers again.
Travel late tomorrow, so will get squats in before flying and then take Sunday to recover from travel and as a rest day, then back to Barbells. I have to figure out what to do as far as resetting the weight for shifting to barbells for OHP and DL’s, but then will take a deload week and can figure out the new TM’s for barbells for second cycle.
C1W3D2 - Squat
130x5, 145x5, 165x10, 185x2, 205x2, 130x5x5
Patience and managing expectations - I get to the gym looking like Ralph Malph, lift light, and expect to look like Arnold after.
My challenge, I think, will be eating, as well as patience.
Interesting development - I seldom break a sweat when lifting. My heart rate will go up but I take enough time between main sets that I don’t break a sweat. On FAFO, I only take 60-90 seconds of rest, and get a glisten, but not a sweat.
I am starting to break a sweat on the FSL sets (90 second rest, max), and keeping it going through my FAFO sets.
A tad sad to be leaving NY but am looking forward to getting back to California and diving back into my CPT course. I hope to be certified by August 1st.
Today is my 22nd wedding anniversary. A bit ironic since I have been separated since 2019 and am staying in the house with the Mrs. - always awkward to wish her a happy anniversary, especially as I am walking out the door (again).
Sitting on the tarmac at JFK an hour late leaving - no transportation from SFO to my place at 1AM.
Good times.
C1W3D3 - OHP
75x5, 85x5, 95x10, 75x5x5
This sucked.
A girl decided to deplane after the jetway had been pulled back making us an hour late leaving. Got an Uber to my place, arrived about 3:15AM. I unpacked, goofed around a bit and rode my bike into the gym arriving at 6AM.
Everything is sore/painful - quads, hams, traps, tris, bis, everything. Feeling old and weak.
I reset my TM to account for using BB instead of Smith and think I got it right - hit ten on the amrap, had maybe two in the tank. I will do deads tomorrow with a reduced TM as well, then I will take two days off and take a deload week.
I weighed 203@19.7% before going to the gym this morning. I think I’m holding water from travel, etc… so not a good indicator of where I am. I will measure again tomorrow. I had said I was going to gain until I hit 210 or 20%, whichever comes first. I might cut a bit during deload but will make that decision when it comes time. Visible abs this morning at the gym, so there is that.
I’m tired.
But, finally out of the suitcase after five weeks of travel, will hit the beach today and work on some melanin gains.
C1W3D4 - DL
160x5, 170x5, 190x10, 150x5x5 (FSL)
Misloaded the first set, oh well. First time dead lifting with a barbell in five weeks or so, reset the TM and I think I got it right. I got 10 on the amrap, had a few in the tank but was seeing stars.
I rolled out of bed about 3:45AM which is normal for me. Fooled around a bit, had coffee and rode my bike into the gym, was there at 5AM. Finished about 6:15, rode over to the levy and did a TikTok, went to a new meeting (IYKYK) at 7AM, stopped at Trader Joe’s and rode back to the cabin.
Weighed 200@17.6% this morning so that settled nicely and I am still on the gain train.
I felt good this morning so I am rethinking the de-load week. I am volunteering tomorrow and Friday at the homeless kitchen, and meeting up with the owner of the gym where I will volunteer on Thursday, so maybe a deload week is appropriate as I get used to riding the bike again and have some obligations. I will see how I feel tomorrow.
High of 79 today, beach is definitely going to happen.
Just to vent because I feel like it.
About 1:45PM twenty three years ago today I found my brother dead on his kitchen floor.
He was by far my favorite person in this world, and I am sure his loss has amplified that feeling for me.
I know that I am not the only one that has suffered loss, that we will all suffer more losses, that loss is a part of life.
But, I wanted to acknowledge his passing.