I hope you told her you wanted to see her proof as well!
Yep, that was her deal, she will proof and I need to proof.
Itās funny because I have not been having sex with the same woman for twenty years, and sheās been with other guys, I mean sheās single, so all good.
This is my sorry ass game, I told her again I liked her, that the old boyfriend shit was bugging me, and she brought up the proof thing.
Think I am making progress, lol.
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Hmmmā¦ the old boyfriend angle is a little, uhā¦ awkward. Is that the word Iām looking for?
If she actually used the word ābangingā that would be a deal breaker for me. But I am an asshole!
I donāt know how much it cost for a STD panel, but you can probably buy a hooker for less 
(Just joking)
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Yeah, sheās 52, heās 35, so awkward to say the least.
So not an asshole, that was my term, but, methinks it is appropriate. Sheās cagey on this, side steps the discussion, but mentions proofing before sex, wtf?
This is true, and hookers donāt ask for a meal afterā¦ a friend told me.
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At least she is considering it!
Or maybe you could just get a couple of helmets!
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This is going to be fun new log name: the mythical dating log 
About the father/children thing.
As long as youāre there, as long as youāre doing something WITH the kids, then youāre good.
I canāt recall their age, but at some point parents are just something thatās there thatās given. They start their own life in school, with friends and are not dependent at us any more.
Not to say at some point they move out.
So when youāre with them talk WITH them listen to them, and ask about howās life whoās their friends be interested, thatās all kids need. They know you love them.
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The Mythical Friend Zone Log, lol. Whatever happened to casual sex and FWB?
Thanks for the pep talk with the kids. Dealing with some anger today, victim mode for sure. Feel like Iāve been used by most of the people Iāve dated in my life. Unfortunately Iām a slut so the list is long.
My kids are awesome and I guess thatās what I get out of the relationship with my wife, two phenomenal kids. Iām not sure why they turned out so well, I was always pretty hands off with them, protected them from a distance, let them make mistakes and learn from them. Theyāre both emotionally intelligent and I think thatās a product of me supporting them and letting them learn on their own, letting them fight their own battles. My wife is a bit of a helicopter, so I guess that balanced it out.
It will all work out.
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That is very weird.
Without meaning to sound like I am insulting the lady, are you sure this is worth pursuing? That, plus the situation with her ex, kinda screams crazy person, yāknow?
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Been thinking about this my own damn self. She told me she doesnāt like condoms. Iām not sure, but this type of share feels like foreplay, yetā¦sheās got a dude.
She called me on my way to a retreat last summer and we talked for five hours while I was driving, have been talking ever since. She mentioned the other dude, but never made it clear she was still with him.
Not sure why she mentioned the clean bill of health, or the dislike of condoms. Doesnāt feel like friend talk. TBH, I think she wants to have sex with me, wants to use me for sex. Sure youāre familiar with this.
Iām cool wit dat.
But, either of us could be tested, come up clean, then go sleep with somebody the next day and get an STD.
She sent me this vid today.
Figured she was an eight on hot, and an eight on crazy.
Yep, friend zone.
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She sent you that vid?
Welp, sheās crazy but at least sheās self-awareā¦
The relationship with her ex is a red flag, but not because sheās in a relationship but because āā¦ she doesnāt like condomsā¦ā so if you go bareback youāre exposed to whatever this guy is exposing her to. Seems like a lot of drama.
Donāt get sucked in by the 5 hour talks on the phone and quit thinking about the Friendzone. Itās simply victim-speak which is seems like you sometimes veer towards. Itās not a healthy way of looking at women or relationships and certainly not women you want to be in a relationship with.
On another note, if your ever looking to spend some time at an Ashram I can highly recommend the Sivananda Ashram in the Bahamas. It may not be the perfect choice if youāre looking for an ascetic retreat, but I enjoyed my time there very much.
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Not sure you know this but I love your posts. Didnāt realize you followed my log, glad you do.
Yes, she sent me that vid, and two others about the female version - one was hot on one line, stupid on the other. The girl was wearing a cock on her forehead (okay, it was a horn, but it looked like a cock).
Agreed. Iāve only recently come to understand the victim mentality and recognize my role in it. But, itās still my default.
I am planning on spending a few days at the Guru Ram Das Ashram in Espanola New Mexico this summer - itās a 3HO Kundalini ashram. In the future, I will for sure check out the place in the Bahamas.
How long were you there?
I was there for ~ 7 days. Itās kind of like āchoose your own retreatā as there are vacationers there who are really only interested in a couple Westernized yoga classes a day and sitting on the beach but there are also those who are there for an extended period of time a take a vow of silence. Some may find it too āfancyā but I enjoyed being exposed to a wide variety of people and beliefs. My next door neighbors (I stayed in a tent provided by the Ashram) were Jains. I had a great time talking to them even though I didnāt share their beliefs. Thereās no alcohol, caffeine, meat, or onions at the Ashram. There is, however, a Starbucks in the lobby of the hotel 1/2 of a mile down the beach or so I heardā¦
Morning begins with a bell calling people to meditation at 5:45 followed by Satsang later in the morning, all types of classes, then lunch, more classes, dinner, evening Satsang, and then a speaker. I saw a series of talks by Bessel van der Kolk, a Boston-based researcher of PTSD. While itās not a topic that particularly interests me his research and stories were amazing. He works primarily with veterans but others who suffer from PTSD especially related to their family of origin have benefited greatly from his work.
I recommend this book if it at all interests you: The Science of How Our Minds and Our Bodies Converge in the Healing of Trauma ā The Marginalian
Addicts will be addicts. lol. A good latte is hard to find.
Iām interested in doing a silent retreat, and there is a Kadampa Buddhist center near me that does them.
My Kundalini Teacher Training classes do an Aquarian sadhana every month, an hour of chanting mantras after listening to Japji in gurumukhi and and hour of yoga kriya.
When I went to the retreat in North Carolina at The Art of Living Center, we did the Ayurveda thing, no garlic, no onions, no meat, no gluten. After a week of that I felt great.
So much to experience, so little time.
Been cooking on this, I went to Portland Lutheran, was Concordia, and we used to play Vernonia - a two hour bus ride with a bunch of Lutheran kids equals oranges injected with vodka and pot brownies.
In 1978 I think, Vernonia had a 6ā11" kid named Gaylen Weigand. My brother was a senior, 5ā11" PG averaging 23 a game before the three point line.
Anyway, we lost, and the rematch was on,
Vernonia story.
No game log.
Talked to J via text tonight, asked her what she was looking for. Her response was ādinner fun conversationā
I include no punctuation because she didnāt.
Never followed up on the fun comment. She sent me a pic of her cat.
Yoga training this weekend, having dinner with her next weekend. Invited her to early dinner near me, and back to my place for a movie and she said, āLetās keep it to dinner because Iām not sure what I am doing that day.ā
Think itās time to punt.
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I guess this will become the pursuit of mythical dating, gains, and testosterone log.
Iāve been fully off T for just over two weeks, but took a minor booster on 1/1, really off for 26 days except for the minor booster of 20 mg before my doctor appointment on 1/3.
Havenāt noticed much at all other than a lack of libido, which is probably a good thing - I am 55 and single, so being all fired up might not be a good thing. But, that really just started today.
Also, a lack of desire to lift, but I havenāt been in the gym much anyway, so doubt itās a T thing.
Six weeks is the true demarcation so I suspect it will get worse over the next few weeks, I figure February 15th or so to be when it gets really shitty.
Weāll see.
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Think itās time to punt.
In my humble opinion, take her cat picture, her STD panel, and punt her to the curb. The only thing Iām hearing is sheās driving you nuts while youāre feeling a bit down on yourself. Easy for me to say, but look elsewhere my friend.
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These are not related things, lol, but you are correct.
She is definitely sending me mixed messages.
Agreed. And, within is the best place to look.
Thanks for the post! Hope things are well with you, still following your log.
More weirdness,
Thereās a girl in my neighborhood that I see once in a while, and she just texted me a pic of her blood test showing she is clean.
Is this now a thing?
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Apparently.