I have learned I want the lean, muscular, cosmetically dashing physique. I also play roller and ice hockey. I lift for core stability and neurogenic tone. I could care less about weight moved in toto or how much mass I have. I have learned to go into the gym and not worry if I can’t lift as much as guy x or y. I love HIIT. I love dialing in low carbs and refeeding on the weekends. I have learned from some mistakes, both being too lean and too soft. I probably will never have balance. At least not right now. I am obsessed with two things: studying and acquiring a rock hard, defined physique. I have friends. I have friends that respect me. I don’t have guilt. Obsession gets me places. Its a mindset, an attitude, a gift. Its not just training. I approach life this way. Will some people say I am mentally banged up? Sure. Do I care? No. I make no apologies.
On an aside. I want to say one thing. Until one has dieted to severe leaness (i.e., contest prep) no matter what level of LBM, they don’t know the self-induced deprivation and hell that it can be. Cutting tight is def. harder than gaining mass.
Sorry if I digressed from the main flow of this thread. Jeff, you are not alone. We all go through hell. Everybody on this board probably has some hangup. Find yourself.
Vain.