I know they do. I’m glad she didn’t feel like she had to hide it…
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I respectfully agree. The only caveat I would add is that any talk therapy isn’t enough. I believe it needs to be paired with something else.
Talk is just that - talk. Unless a patient is motivated to make changes, it does no good. Pairing it with meditation, yoga, or something else, makes it more effective, I believe.
Granted, when you write
you hit the nail on the head. One of my therapists calls it pulling my covers, lol.
I did talk therapy for a long time with no improvement. It was only when I began doing breathwork that things shifted for me. Meditation came after that, and now yoga.
Side note, what’s your take on TM? We’ll call it your confession on TM so it’s not considered derailing the thread, or you can answer it over in Woowoo if you prefer.
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This happened to me too. My wife gained a significant amount of weight with our second child and the marriage quickly became sexless. She has other issues as well, but refused to join me in counseling.
While there were other issues, the refusal to address any of these issues resulted in our separation in June of last year. Might want to work on this. You seem to have your shit together pretty good, so please, realize, I’m not criticizing, just suggesting.
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Confession: I find my post workout shake is the hardest ‘meal’ for me to consume. I just never feel like it after a gym sesh and it seems to go down way too slowly for my liking…
Unless someone wants to make changes, nothing’s going to work, is it? That’s when they may find it helpful to seek relaxation-oriented therapy. After all, it’s stressful to maintain self-defeating behaviors once you recognize them as such.
I would analogize it to a good workout program. When you’re on track you can feel it and don’t need a secondary program, though you may choose to add other elements.
Will come back to TM later!
I’m sorry about this. I’ll hopefully come back to this later, too!
I’m of the opinion that if your body doesn’t want food then you really shouldn’t feed it.
I bet if you skipped the shake you’d not notice anything negative, and you’d actually feel way hungrier when you finally did get hungry and be able to get more nutrition in from whole food sources.
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Thanks for giving me a different perspective! Also, for sharing your personal experience!
Yeah he said a lot of hurtful things like as cruel as he could. Editing sometimes I hear them in my head…but is muuuuuch better now! We were hurting each other 
Ok, I ordered the candy undies and nipple tassels. You guys convinced me 
we’re going back to old days I hope
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We work on it. We know our differences and try to work on them for each other. I crave the physical attention (everything, not just sex), but that could simply be my priority because I don’t get it as much as I’d like. My wife is way less touchy feely. There are times when I hug her and she’s all tense and awkward. Her grandmother never hugged or showed affection. Her mom is similar but slightly better. Hopefully our daughter can appear normal from the outside since it’s getting better with each generation. It’s a strange thing (to me).
Even though my wife isn’t holding out on me I think she’s still beating herself up on the inside. It’s tough for me because I’m a simple minded male. “If you don’t like something about your appearance then fix it.” After all, she’s a former college track athlete, PE teacher, and has a degree in Exercise Science. The girl knows her stuff.
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Hope they work better for you than they did for me. My wife said I looked ridiculous.
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Oh, we won’t go through my childhood.
Luckily we were friends for a few years before we started dating. So, we’ve always been able to communicate. Positively and negatively.
He plays drums, too…so now that it isn’t saggy loose skin I’ve told him he better watch it or he’ll break his hand lol
Now you guys are making me feel like a teenager 
The sweet tart ones are nice
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No worries I’ve gotten some advice and no he won’t go to a counselor. We have no problem satisfying each other’s needs. Just a hang up in my “dumbass” head.
A lot of grist here.
I would suggest a book called The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Your language is probably physical affection, hers might be acts of service - we all hear “I love you” in different ways. For you, it’s a hug. For her, it might be taking out the garbage. It’s a good book.
Redundant, lol.
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We did the test at counseling. I’m physical. The Mrs likes words of affirmation. Both of our top scores are the other’s lowest lol!
Knowing that helps us work on it.
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I am sure it is just a confirmation to her that she has the hottest husband!
Congrats on such a long marriage!
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And that’s the big thing isn’t it?
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Not sure I understand…please expand
Woman’s point of view: it is her own internal struggle with how she has changed, and most likely changing levels of self esteem that is the issue, has very little to do with you. Just keep telling her what you love about her (physically, mentally, emotionally) and hopefully the seeds of her self esteem start growing and she starts believing these things about herself. I have always appreciated it when my hubby is very soecific about what he likes about me. Also, since validation is important to her, you could always just be honest, and say “ yep, our bodies have changed but I love your (fill in the blank) and think you are super hot”. It sounds though like you guys can talk about this stuff, and hopefully she can just adjust her thinking about herself.
P.S) it is always very challenging when one person in a marriage works hard/looks good/takes care of themselves, and the other doesn’t (and is unmotivated to make changes necessary to reach their goals)
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