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Most marital problems happen from a lack of setting and defending boundaries, typically on the Man’s part.
Agree or Disagree? -
I think women are inherently attracted to men who can say “no” to them (that doesn’t mean they like hearing “no” though!).
Agree or Disagree?
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I couldn’t agree more.
Maximizing the polarity between masculinity and femininity has made my relationship (and the sex) much better.
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Disagree. A large number are, but setting boundaries (thereby creating expectations) too vigorously is a widely reported highway in both sexes and all genders to resentment, a key player in bed death. To make the model of your statement more likely to fit a generalizable discussion, I’d paraphrase “A meaningfully large number of marital problems stem from misidentification, mismanagement, or neglect of each party’s unspoken, implicit, or explicit relationship expectations.” It’s just that the idea of discussing something is to walk toward better understanding, and superlative descriptors or broad strokes in generating probing questions often aims that cannon backwards.
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Agree as “People are generally attracted to and feel safer around others who have confidence and seem stable without them.”
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I mean sure, but I wasn’t saying to place ridiculous boundaries either. I’m saying that a lot of dudes either don’t defend their boundaries, or have none to start with; this breeds resentment via Covert Contracts.
No need to take it to extremes.
I also think children prefer it when parents are able to say “no”
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See that’s a 100% defensible statement. I’ve likely overplayed my usefulness again so I’ll leave it alone after this; my basic premise that I think would make a lot of the social discussion in this forum more fruitful would just be to treat it like the discussions on compounds or training: be more interested in identifying variables and trends than reinforcing them. E.g. A thread: “All women like assholes, amirite? Discuss.” is rather like “TRT = cheating. Flamesuit on.” If the point is to celebrate discourse even if reductive then yeah, I’m taking it too seriously. That’s real. If the point of either of those threads is to know more about the asserted topics, wouldn’t “What makes someone choose a partner who behaves seemingly against their purported values?” get there much faster, or wouldn’t “How to consider authenticity as an athlete facing hormone replacement” set a conversation up to be treated with inquest without the extra noise of outrage due to the broad strokes taken over many’s experience?
To your point, heavy labels surrounding men’s and women’s expected behavior are culture’s version of that Covert Contract, but the “resentment” shows up in/as clunky debate because so many wildly variable things need to be reduced or affirmed before hand in order to have a conversation. If I told you only “manly” testosterone would work as an injectable, and not to use any “feminine” kind I’d expect you’d be extremely interested in figuring out exactly what I meant by manly and feminine and why. When discussing issues involving women or masculinity in a kind of vacuum, many men first reaffirm what they believe, then start looking for answers using those tools as constants. Those same men are often more highly nuanced when it comes to discussing testosterone or bloodwork.
Ill stop ruining your thread with dork vomit now.
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Actually NO!
married women and women in relationships seem to be the more open minded. Single women are literally closed the fuck off and don’t want anything to do with men.
NO it is the fault of the woman being unattractive. A man can fetishize any way to make a woman hot in his mind unless she literally has nothing for him to go off of then he’ll have erectyle dysfunction. that’s just dudes with ugly wives bro.
Hold on, are you really saying that erectile dysfunction does not exist in the presence of a pretty woman?
It’s 100% the woman’s fault, no matter what?
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Shades of grey in descent become thee. 
No, it can be wrong timing, a lot of things
you can be turned off if you feel like a woman is only using you to get back at her man or her ex.
So no it’s not 100% the women’s fault, not every man wants to fuck a girl behind a dumpster.
However- the usual erectyle dysfunction guy is with a girl that he doesn’t have a burning desire for because it was all he could lock in.
Perfect timing for this, lol
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I don’t feel like scrolling back to the original comment, but in regards to dead bedrooms I have to disagree that problems are generally caused by men. I would suggest it’s mutual but likely led by females letting themselves go over time in committed relationships if there’s a tail to pin.
Sex in its most raw form is physical and envelops physical attraction in a major way. In a committed relationship and lifelong, monogamous marriage layers are certainly added to it, but at the core it’s a physical act requiring physical attraction. Especially for men.
All the points blaming men earlier are valid as it’s certainly a two way street but women often do not age well. And it’s not necessarily a wrinkle where there wasn’t one before or crows feet or whatever, but a lot of women really let themselves go and get fat. Then give up and decide to be “strong” by not caring aka “embracing themselves” by proudly being unattractive (at least outwardly). And they quit getting fucked.
Add to that the stresses of marriage & life in general, fall out from arguments, potential low key resentment and on and on. These things affect both libidos but I would suggest it hits women more. As previously discussed by many, women need to be turned on mentally, emotionally and physically pretty much as an ongoing project to keep them primed and that’s hard to do in modern life. Men, alternatively, see a hot piece of ass and are usually ready to go. That’s ‘usually’ for the well actually crowd.
I’m willing to bet men who have a hard time getting it up for wives who’ve let themselves go and probably whine all the time have no problem physically and this is likely demonstrable through reaction to porn or on a more nefarious slope within an affair, strip club champagne room et cetera.
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Are you as tired of “well, actually” as I am of NAXALT (not all X are like that), specifically for topics related to sex, NAWALT (not all women are like that)?
Yes, with the 1 in 100 example becoming the center of the discussion afterwards.
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That goes both ways.
I’m unwilling to read an entire book about what I consider to be use of data to push an agenda. I don’t read feminist non-fiction, either, because I consider it similarly “dirty.” It’s manipulative of information. What I do read is a wade range of fiction, some of it written by feminists, some by very conservative men. I do watch a great number of the vids posted here, at least in part, and have read many of the articles. Since 2007.
What I do agree with is that boys are being disproportionately disadvantaged by a feminized educational system. I came to TN as an undergraduate interning in an inner city high school, and have stayed because I believe that it has enhanced my understanding of men and people in general. This was lacking in my education, both under and graduate. And also, my tribe is here in terms of the way I like to eat and pursue fitness goals.
Whereas I can say with certainty that feminism has given me a great number of gifts.
Well, the universally agreed-upon ideal child custody outcome is joint physical as well as legal now. That was not the case 25 years ago. Men are as likely as women to be given full custody if they pursue it. Again, a change. Battered “women’s shelters” have been pushed to accommodate battered men as well. Welfare has become harder for women to linger in. I’m sure there are more, but nothing further comes to mind and if I’m going to work out today I can’t slip into a google coma, lol.
I think having a good man and a good woman in the home together, working as a team, is the best possible circumstance for a child. Far and away. Next would be a good man and a good woman working cooperatively apart to raise the child/ren. Next would be a good man or a good woman living singly to raise the child, with points taken away relative to any shitty parenting on the part of the less-involved parent, e.g. not present at all, sporadically present, loving but substance-involved, benign but with a hostile new partner, etc. I actually think as the shitty parent reaches rock bottom the child is better off without them.
I work with a lot of people whose families have done damage. I know first-hand what impacts are. I also know first-hand that two parents is not a panacea.
The equal rights movement is the evidence.
Actually, age at first sexual experience is up, not down. Teen pregnancies, down.
Nothing to do with anyone’s relationship in here, but as a general idea, yes! People are making a wide range of choices work beautifully. “There’s no bad here” is right.
Except that of course there IS bad. But is a raped girl going to her conservative father to talk about it? No. Can a good man prevent these things happening? No. Wedding within a small community, as @BrickHead would like to see become the norm, is shown to increase some positives. But I don’t think we can unring the bell that is the individualism of America today.
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Oh my goodness, have you not seen the men out there? They totally match the women.
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I’m assuming this is across the board but is there data with regard to at risk youth, that is, those who are living in poverty and/or in dysfunctional or unstable homes?
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