I’d have to consider practical things with husband candidates. For example,
- job/career prospects
- his family/family background
- lifestyle habits (when they wake up, what they like to eat, workout habits)
Okay, but what differentiates a husband from a fling?
Do flings have no criteria?
Since I don’t have sex, my criteria for “flings” is intellectual fit and temporary utility
I imagine that for sex, the criteria is physical??
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I would argue that women want two different sets of traits, for different purposes; let’s call those “mating strategies”.
I would further argue that these mating strategies are competing/conflicting.
Attractive. Clean. Probably not a murderer.
Really, that’s what the surveys of younger women say. Not a whole lot of humor, intelligence, work ethic, provider/protector criteria, etc. required for today’s hook-up app culture.
I disagree. Granted it’s been a while since I’ve had flings, and they were before the app culture really took off, but in both cases women generally seem attracted to traditional masculine ideals. Strength, confidence et cetera. For a fling there are quick and topical judgements. Muscles, height, perceived popularity in a group. For a deeper connection career status and potential, an ability to protect et cetera. Same shit, different projection.
I don’t understand, you said you disagree, but clearly pointed to two different strategies without me even saying what they are.
In general, I think women want as many of the positive traits they desire as possible. By that I mean, I don’t think a woman who is sexually attracted to a strong masculine man is out there looking for that for a fling, and the opposite for long term. They would like the positive traits also for long term, but in most cases, they aren’t the gatekeeper (men are gatekeepers of relationships in most cases). Basically, men will sleep with women that allow them to, and women will be in relationships with the best man that will commit to her (which may not be the strong masculine man). This is also probably why in the studies women will say things like “likely to cheat” if the guy is strong, masculine, handsome… That is a valid concern, but if the woman was confident that the man would commit and be loyal, I doubt it would stop her from pursuing long term with that man. That concern is rooted in the fact that men with attractive traits often have some options with women. The concern is a projection of insecurity that she isn’t going to be good enough for him to stick around.
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Interestingly, this exact dynamic has revived more than one dead bedroom.
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It makes sense. If you were a woman in a relationship with a man that has the ability to easily find other women, it would be in your interest to go out of your way to make him happy (if you also want to keep that relationship).
Not just sex either. Women have the ability to secure (or at least a high likelihood of doing so) the men they want if they are willing to be kind, caring, useful… to the man. Might be old fashioned, but the whole making food for a man thing is an example of this.
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I agree with everything you said.
The whole idea of Monogamy is to have sex with only this person. The rarely talked about flip side to that coin: you cannot be monogamous if you aren’t having sex with this person.
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Do you expect to be as active as you are now when you’re 75?
You talk a lot about physical attraction and sexual frequency - both good things! But that’s easier when you’re a buff 30 year old (I forget how old you are) and not a wrinkly, tired elderly person. Women will struggle with this as they age even more. What about someday when your wife simply doesn’t want to have sex, no matter how macho you are?
I’m not saying “don’t have sex now because you’ll need to be used to less when you’re a grandparent,” I’m just thinking sex and physical attraction are only one part of a happy, healthy relationship, right?
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Do you think there is a strategy in place for women regarding long vs short term? I didn’t agree with that, but I can see how it appears that way, which is what I tried to address in my posts.
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I see these as the exact same thing.
Like eggs might have spots sometimes but they’re eggs with or without. Different presentation of the same desire.
TBH I don’t know if I want to make it to my 70s. I’ll probably mature into it but it sounds like I’d rather just… not.
I assume that if I’m in my 70s, that I won’t have the desire to be like I am now either.
Yes.
Short term: spam alpha behaviors.
Long term: predominantly alpha behaviors, but you need some beta behaviors as well. Calibrating this is quite difficult.
Alpha = Dopamine/Sexual Attraction
Beta = Oxytocin/Comfort/Mate Retention
QFT. Modern schools are built in a way that suits little girls much more often than little boys. People confuse being good at school with being mature.
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This guy is 70. It’s all about genetics and environment, like everything else.
Why get so personal? I still want it as much as any red blooded man.
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You can be sure I am not letting my wife read this thread.
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