I think maybe you could have a 55/45 split of effort. I don’t think it matters who the 55 is one way or the other. I think if you get to like 70/30, things are definitely going to fail.
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And what does “effort” encompass? Working 80 hrs a week. Planning date nights? Taking care of the kids and the household?
80 hour weeks is not seen as ‘relationship effort’ by most women, but it is seen that way by men (mistakenly).
Planning date nights is effort (should be the man anyways… “Go here, wear this”)
Taking care of the kids and household is subjective so I’d call it a wash.
A better way to look at it is: “Effort” is doing things that you know your spouse appreciates.
- A woman could see this as: keeping up with her physical appearance, cooking her husband’s favorite meal, initiating in bed on occasion.
- A man could see this as: keeping up with his physical appearance, being the emotional rock his wife can lean on, taking charge of the relationship.
Things that are attractive to the other partner that are choices.
For sure. I think no relationship is truly 50/50, but 70/30 is unstable. Possible 60/40 or 65/35 are doable, but the further away from 50/50 they get, the less stable they are. That being said, I think 60/40 is probably ideal.
I would argue that the woman should be trying to keep the man. Furthermore, I think the woman actually enjoys putting in the effort of trying to keep a man due to her evolved submissiveness.
Then I stick with as long as both people are putting in (edit) ROUGHLY equal measures of effort, it doesn’t matter. Side note, I think saying a date night should always be planned by the man is very funny.
Or almost half. Big difference in 4-6/10 and 9/10.
Either way, just wanted to clarify what you meant.
I believe overthinking things and trying to quantify what can’t be quantified is part of the problem. An algorithm isn’t going to solve relationship issues.
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Yeah, and I don’t understand spending so much time generalizing rather than just focusing on your own mate. Not every successful couple is the same, just like every relationship that fails doesn’t fail for the same reasons.
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80% of no fault divorces are initiated by women.
Does it make a bit more sense to start generalizing in such a circumstance?
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You are generalizing as if the same things would have saved all of those marriages. Every relationship is different. I’m sure there are some things that pop-up again and again, but making wild generalizations like the man should always plan the dates and tell the wife what to wear is nuts.
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I mean, if most women are attracted to that kind of behavior then it is a good thing for most relationships.
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If these things are ‘wild’ to you, then I don’t think we have enough in common to even discuss this topic tbh.
In reality, as @tlgains was pointing to, most women are attracted to this kind of behavior (assuming they are already attracted to YOU).
This is because men think about what they’ll lose and women think about what they’ll get.
If men didn’t think like that, they would be initiating more divorces.
Yeah, I prefer not to base my thoughts on what women like on random internet dudes’ opinions. In fact, I don’t think women are a monolith that all want the same things.
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Certainly a contributing factor.
The most common complaint from women that initiate these divorces? They’re bored.
Boring = not exciting/no dopamine = no attraction
Hit me up when that bedroom goes cold.
Not being sarcastic.
HA! Never had that issue in any relationship. Didn’t you start off this thread saying you did?
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The truth is, they are boring. It’s just easier to blame the outside world.
What if the man got lazy though and stopped leading the relationship?
I did. Not sure if you’re poking at the fact that at one point had a dead bedroom or not, but it’s pretty lowball if that is the case.
I, however, was able to fix the problems I was having by looking at the world through a lense of reality - instead of what the Disney movies told us.
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