Birth Stories / 1421
Page Summary: This birth story came to Abort73 through our online submission form and was received from Australia on December 20, 2011.
I was raped. Then a month or so later, I was feeling sick and having to take time off work, so I went to the doctor. He got me to do a pregnancy test. The two lines came up and I was sitting there waiting for the nurse to come and tell me what that meant. There was a mother sitting there with her son. I tried to make eye contact with her and ask her. I was sitting there trying to breathe and not start bawling, in denial. How could this happen to me?! The nurse or doctor finally came over and stated “You are pregnant.” I started to cry. I had no one with me. I was shaking. The doctor said, “I will be back, to discuss your options.” The room which was full, now cleared. Not one person stayed in that room with me, to console me. I was in a daze. I left. In tears. No one tried to stop me. No one came after me. I was bawling. I am never going back to that doctor - no way, not after the way they gave me no support!
I went to my brother’s house, which was right down the road from me. He wasn’t home. So I drove to my mum and dad’s house. Thank God they were home. I flew into the house and said, “I’m pregnant” and went straight into dad’s arms and he just held me and started crying too. I though how could this happen and went back through what happened in my head. I had blocked out a lot and it took me a few weeks to remember what happened in more detail and to accept how I had gotten pregnant. I thought, “I don’t want a baby without a husband. I can’t do this by myself.” I had counseling and talked to those I trusted. Later Dad talked to me about having a pill that would abort the baby. I thought, “What the hell? He’s supposed to be a Christian and he’s telling me to do this!” I said no! I’ve always thought of a baby as a baby, none of this, “it’s just tissue” business. I hoped for a miscarriage many times. Then after a while a accepted this baby, and did everything for him/her. I accepted that my life would change. The support I got from my parents, my best friend and my church was what I needed. I was hoping for a girl, as I didn’t want a boy as I thought it would look like the guy, if it were a boy. I had an ultrasound and found out the baby was a boy. I was devastated, but after a while I accepted that too. I had a little boy, growing inside me. To feel him wiggle to music and move etc was something you can’t describe. When he was born, I was in love. He was gorgeous. The lessons I learned those first few days were amazing. I learned to stand up for myself more and for the boy. I called him The Boy, as it seemed more right. For it was God’s special gift, so he was God’s and mine. The boy ended up in the NICU, as he didn’t feed in the first 24 hours. I felt sick, I couldn’t eat much. I was so worried he wasn’t going to make it. Many prayers from many people and five days later, he was feeding and his infection was better and we went home. Other problems went on from here, but I won’t go into it.
I had the attitude that this baby was mine and not that guys. He was born for a reason; this all happened for a reason and he will go on to do great things! The way he came around was not nice, but this is the best experience. You gain feelings you never knew you had in you. When they say your heart is living outside your body, it’s true. Your love is so big you can hardly contain it. I wanted to see my child grow up, and not miss out on anything. I wanted to see his milestones. His first steps, hear his first words, etc. I wanted my child to have a father, but this was not so-for now.
Sometimes it’s hard. Sometimes it’s better being by myself as I only have myself to rely on. If a decision needs to be made, I can make it. If bags need to be packed for going away etc, it’s only up to me to pack. If something gets left behind, there is no fight with a partner to say, “I thought you packed that.” I still hope God will send a Father for my boy and a husband for me though, so we can share the joy and have more children.
Now I wonder how dad feels as he wanted me to take that pill, as he loves my son to bits and can’t wait to spend time with him and teach him “boy stuff.” I’m so glad watching my precious boy grow up. He’s such a great boy and he’s growing up in a loving, godly environment.
Thank you God for your gift of life!
Age: 27
Location: Australia
Date: December 20, 2011
