Telling Other People How to Parent

Off Topic
162

Trigger warning: I’m about to say something sexist.

double plus trigger warning: I don’t give a shit

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:

You come home early from work and find one of your kids naked in the shower with their boyfriend/girlfriend.

[/quote]

My son? I’d laugh, and tell her to get dry and the fuck out before my wife came home and flipped out. And buy him condoms.

My daughter? I’d flip the fuck out and likely end up in prison (unless were talking 17 and they are within 12 months of age and been dating/he’s been around for a couple years.) I’d also buy condoms and suggest the pill.

163

[quote]countingbeans wrote:
Trigger warning: I’m about to say something sexist.

double plus trigger warning: I don’t give a shit

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:

You come home early from work and find one of your kids naked in the shower with their boyfriend/girlfriend.

[/quote]

My son? I’d laugh, and tell her to get dry and the fuck out before my wife came home and flipped out. And buy him condoms.

My daughter? I’d flip the fuck out and likely end up in prison (unless were talking 17 and they are within 12 months of age and been dating/he’s been around for a couple years.) I’d also buy condoms and suggest the pill.
[/quote]

I’d flip out regardless. Have the common sense to hide that stuff like we all did.

164

[quote]ouroboro_s wrote:

[quote]countingbeans wrote:
Trigger warning: I’m about to say something sexist.

double plus trigger warning: I don’t give a shit

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:

You come home early from work and find one of your kids naked in the shower with their boyfriend/girlfriend.

[/quote]

My son? I’d laugh, and tell her to get dry and the fuck out before my wife came home and flipped out. And buy him condoms.

My daughter? I’d flip the fuck out and likely end up in prison (unless were talking 17 and they are within 12 months of age and been dating/he’s been around for a couple years.) I’d also buy condoms and suggest the pill.
[/quote]

I’d flip out regardless. Have the common sense to hide that stuff like we all did.
[/quote]

Fair enough, but coming home early is “hiding it” to a teenager, lol.

I’d be much more angry with my daughter than my son though, I know that. Double standard? Sure. But I’d be irate. With him… I’d find it more funny than anything, plus I’d know something was up that he was showering again that day…

165

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
I’ve found that parenting teens has it’s own set of decisions about when to go talk to the other kid’s parents. Or when to speak to the kid, but not go to their parents. How you react might depend on the age of the teen, and if you have a relationship with your kid’s friends, or know their parents.
[/quote]
I’ve always kept my mouth shut regarding my kids’ friends in these situations (a cutter and a bulimic come to mind not to mention drug/alcohol use), although I must admit that it doesn’t always sit well with me as I’d sure want to know if it were my child.

I should also mention that the parents of my son’s best friend are friends of mine. I knew them before they were married and long before he came along. So I have a very close relationship with them and am deeply invested in the boy himself. And hence why it bothers me so much that their hands off style of parenting doesn’t seem to be doing him any favors. But at the end of the day, it’s not my business.

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]kpsnap wrote:

I’m a big believer that it takes a village.

[/quote]

Depends.
[/quote]
Yeah. True. Like everything in life.

166

[quote]countingbeans wrote:
I’d be much more angry with my daughter than my son though, I know that. Double standard? Sure. [/quote]
Here’s an area of parenting I couldn’t have predicted before I became a parent myself. The whole double standard that I found loathsome as a young adult yet now enforce with my own kids.

167

[quote]kpsnap wrote:

[quote]countingbeans wrote:
I’d be much more angry with my daughter than my son though, I know that. Double standard? Sure. [/quote]
Here’s an area of parenting I couldn’t have predicted before I became a parent myself. The whole double standard that I found loathsome as a young adult yet now enforce with my own kids. [/quote]

It’s not even the fact of her having sex. It’s that my boy doesn’t bring forth the same unrelenting need to protect.

With him I feel okay that he’s going to be okay. That we did okay. That he will weather the rough and apathetic seas of life and be totally fine, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders with a smile.

But with her, it’s different. I don’t doubt that she will be equally prepared, and we will do as good of a job preparing her, but it’s that she’s my baby girl, and I don’t want her to have to face any of this. I know how hard life is… And I’ve given her the worst of me, along with the best, and it makes it harder. I just want to be a barrier for her, be a shield for her. I want to take her nightmares for her. I want her to be that sweet, happy and innocent little girl forever who is so happy and just enjoys everyday, all day.

168

[quote]countingbeans wrote:

[quote]kpsnap wrote:

[quote]countingbeans wrote:
I’d be much more angry with my daughter than my son though, I know that. Double standard? Sure. [/quote]
Here’s an area of parenting I couldn’t have predicted before I became a parent myself. The whole double standard that I found loathsome as a young adult yet now enforce with my own kids. [/quote]

It’s not even the fact of her having sex. It’s that my boy doesn’t bring forth the same unrelenting need to protect.

With him I feel okay that he’s going to be okay. That we did okay. That he will weather the rough and apathetic seas of life and be totally fine, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders with a smile.

But with her, it’s different. I don’t doubt that she will be equally prepared, and we will do as good of a job preparing her, but it’s that she’s my baby girl, and I don’t want her to have to face any of this. I know how hard life is… And I’ve given her the worst of me, along with the best, and it makes it harder. I just want to be a barrier for her, be a shield for her. I want to take her nightmares for her. I want her to be that sweet, happy and innocent little girl forever who is so happy and just enjoys everyday, all day.

[/quote]

I only have daughters so it’s tough to compare. I swing wildly between wanting to punch some other kid in the face for hurting one of them and wanting to shake them myself.

In addition, every time either one of them talks to me like I’m the village idiot, I’m reminded with crystal clarity of the number of times I did that to my own mother. Sometimes I remember word for word some of the pretentious shit I spewed at her.

170

[quote]ouroboro_s wrote:

[quote]countingbeans wrote:

[quote]kpsnap wrote:

[quote]countingbeans wrote:
I’d be much more angry with my daughter than my son though, I know that. Double standard? Sure. [/quote]
Here’s an area of parenting I couldn’t have predicted before I became a parent myself. The whole double standard that I found loathsome as a young adult yet now enforce with my own kids. [/quote]

It’s not even the fact of her having sex. It’s that my boy doesn’t bring forth the same unrelenting need to protect.

With him I feel okay that he’s going to be okay. That we did okay. That he will weather the rough and apathetic seas of life and be totally fine, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders with a smile.

But with her, it’s different. I don’t doubt that she will be equally prepared, and we will do as good of a job preparing her, but it’s that she’s my baby girl, and I don’t want her to have to face any of this. I know how hard life is… And I’ve given her the worst of me, along with the best, and it makes it harder. I just want to be a barrier for her, be a shield for her. I want to take her nightmares for her. I want her to be that sweet, happy and innocent little girl forever who is so happy and just enjoys everyday, all day.

[/quote]

I only have daughters so it’s tough to compare. I swing wildly between wanting to punch some other kid in the face for hurting one of them and wanting to shake them myself.

In addition, every time either one of them talks to me like I’m the village idiot, I’m reminded with crystal clarity of the number of times I did that to my own mother. Sometimes I remember word for word some of the pretentious shit I spewed at her.[/quote]

I’ve said this a number of times, but boys teach you how to be a man. Not in the macho “Rambo First Blood” way, but how to suck it the fuck up and just do what you need to in order to provide a strong example and the best life you can for your family.

Daughters though, they teach you how to love. Like true, deep, endless love.

171

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]kpsnap wrote:

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
I’ve found that parenting teens has it’s own set of decisions about when to go talk to the other kid’s parents. Or when to speak to the kid, but not go to their parents. How you react might depend on the age of the teen, and if you have a relationship with your kid’s friends, or know their parents.
[/quote]
I’ve always kept my mouth shut regarding my kids’ friends in these situations (a cutter and a bulimic come to mind not to mention drug/alcohol use), although I must admit that it doesn’t always sit well with me as I’d sure want to know if it were my child.

I should also mention that the parents of my son’s best friend are friends of mine. I knew them before they were married and long before he came along. So I have a very close relationship with them and am deeply invested in the boy himself. And hence why it bothers me so much that their hands off style of parenting doesn’t seem to be doing him any favors. But at the end of the day, it’s not my business.

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]kpsnap wrote:

I’m a big believer that it takes a village.

[/quote]

Depends.
[/quote]
Yeah. True. Like everything in life.[/quote]

But in this particular case it doesn’t take a village in many, many, many instances.

And the woman most famous for that quote is such a piece of pond scum that many would and should be hesitant to repeat it.
[/quote]
Whatever you say, Push.

172

[quote]countingbeans wrote:

[quote]kpsnap wrote:

[quote]countingbeans wrote:
I’d be much more angry with my daughter than my son though, I know that. Double standard? Sure. [/quote]
Here’s an area of parenting I couldn’t have predicted before I became a parent myself. The whole double standard that I found loathsome as a young adult yet now enforce with my own kids. [/quote]

It’s not even the fact of her having sex. It’s that my boy doesn’t bring forth the same unrelenting need to protect.

With him I feel okay that he’s going to be okay. That we did okay. That he will weather the rough and apathetic seas of life and be totally fine, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders with a smile.

But with her, it’s different. I don’t doubt that she will be equally prepared, and we will do as good of a job preparing her, but it’s that she’s my baby girl, and I don’t want her to have to face any of this. I know how hard life is… And I’ve given her the worst of me, along with the best, and it makes it harder. I just want to be a barrier for her, be a shield for her. I want to take her nightmares for her. I want her to be that sweet, happy and innocent little girl forever who is so happy and just enjoys everyday, all day.

[/quote]

Beans, it isn’t “fair” but I think it’s a reasonable reaction. Girls are more likely to get emotionally messed up by physical intimacy when the relationship doesn’t work out, more likely to get messed up by the effects of promiscuity, and also more likely to suffer the brunt of the consequences of a teen pregnancy.

It make sense that you’d feel more protective, even though it isn’t very egalitarian. Honestly. That doesn’t sound very PC, but I think there’s something fairly innate. A good man will feel protective of women and the cubs. Maybe that instinct to protect becomes less so as your son moves into becoming a fully formed man himself, but probably never goes away in the case of a daughter. At least those are my thoughts on how this double standard might have a basis in biology.

173

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]OldOgre wrote:

[quote]Ripsaw3689 wrote:
I constantly criticize other’s parenting.

Like in a store, I’ll slowly and calmly tell them how to properly discipline their screaming child while I slowly reach for my wallet. Once they catch a glimpse of my alpha watch and the snail-like pace that I pull out my wallet, they immediately know I am a much classier person than they are and give me immediate respect. [/quote]

Glad I’m not the only one. I usually give my best unsolicited parenting advice in slow motion alpha fashion with Hero by Foo Fighters playing in the background. [/quote]

This reeks of bush league. I keep 52-week treasury bonds on hand to pay for grocery on the date of maturity. You should see the reverence the other shoppers heap upon me.

That’s the big leagues folks. [/quote]

:slight_smile: I about fell out of my chair. That was very, very funny.

174

[quote]kpsnap wrote:

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
I’ve found that parenting teens has it’s own set of decisions about when to go talk to the other kid’s parents. Or when to speak to the kid, but not go to their parents. How you react might depend on the age of the teen, and if you have a relationship with your kid’s friends, or know their parents.
[/quote]
I’ve always kept my mouth shut regarding my kids’ friends in these situations (a cutter and a bulimic come to mind not to mention drug/alcohol use), although I must admit that it doesn’t always sit well with me as I’d sure want to know if it were my child.

I should also mention that the parents of my son’s best friend are friends of mine. I knew them before they were married and long before he came along. So I have a very close relationship with them and am deeply invested in the boy himself. And hence why it bothers me so much that their hands off style of parenting doesn’t seem to be doing him any favors. But at the end of the day, it’s not my business.
[/quote]

I empathize, K. I’d be more likely to offer to help if the parents are close family friends. And also be WAY more likely to talk to them about any of the parenting situations I brought up. I know of other parents who have sent troubled kids off to temporarily stay with friends or family. To have someone say “If it would help at all, I’d be happy to have him stay with us for awhile and see if he’ll get up and go to school with our kid.” I think that could be a very nice thing to offer, in the right situation.

177

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]kpsnap wrote:

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]kpsnap wrote:

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
I’ve found that parenting teens has it’s own set of decisions about when to go talk to the other kid’s parents. Or when to speak to the kid, but not go to their parents. How you react might depend on the age of the teen, and if you have a relationship with your kid’s friends, or know their parents.
[/quote]
I’ve always kept my mouth shut regarding my kids’ friends in these situations (a cutter and a bulimic come to mind not to mention drug/alcohol use), although I must admit that it doesn’t always sit well with me as I’d sure want to know if it were my child.

I should also mention that the parents of my son’s best friend are friends of mine. I knew them before they were married and long before he came along. So I have a very close relationship with them and am deeply invested in the boy himself. And hence why it bothers me so much that their hands off style of parenting doesn’t seem to be doing him any favors. But at the end of the day, it’s not my business.

[quote]pushharder wrote:

[quote]kpsnap wrote:

I’m a big believer that it takes a village.

[/quote]

Depends.
[/quote]
Yeah. True. Like everything in life.[/quote]

But in this particular case it doesn’t take a village in many, many, many instances.

And the woman most famous for that quote is such a piece of pond scum that many would and should be hesitant to repeat it.
[/quote]
Whatever you say, Push.[/quote]

No reason to be offended. You got your say in the matter; I got mine.

Peoplezzz differ on stuff. No big deal.
[/quote]
Not offended at all.

I happen to like the “village” concept because it certainly rings true in the rearing of my children. Teachers, neighbors, friends, local business people, coaches, relatives, etc. have all played important roles in the lives of my children by nurturing and encouraging and educating and challenging. I honestly can’t imagine any parent saying the contrary. Who authored the village statement is largely irrelevant, in my opinion. I can find a statement/concept compelling and with merit regardless of who proffers it.

180

I was at the DMV the other day and a woman had three kids running around. The youngest was shrieking quite a bit. It was really loud and piercing, i could tell that plenty of other people at the DMV were irritated by it.

Would it be wrong to say something to the woman? In that situation, i feel like if i dont say some that i am geting walked on. Without saying something i am not standing up for myself.

When she finally left, i could hear the relief from others as they quitely said something to the person bext to them.

My ears are my business and my comfort is my business. This womans kid was infringing upon it, so would i have realy been in the wrong to say something to her?