Telling Other People How to Parent

Off Topic
181

[quote]carbiduis wrote:
I was at the DMV the other day and a woman had three kids running around. The youngest was shrieking quite a bit. It was really loud and piercing, i could tell that plenty of other people at the DMV were irritated by it.

Would it be wrong to say something to the woman? In that situation, i feel like if i dont say some that i am geting walked on. Without saying something i am not standing up for myself.

When she finally left, i could hear the relief from others as they quitely said something to the person bext to them.

My ears are my business and my comfort is my business. This womans kid was infringing upon it, so would i have realy been in the wrong to say something to her? [/quote]

If they’re that out of control, she has no control over them. So saying something wouldn’t have done anything more than add her whining to the noise they were making, assuming she even bothered trying to rein them in.

182

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]carbiduis wrote:
I was at the DMV the other day and a woman had three kids running around. The youngest was shrieking quite a bit. It was really loud and piercing, i could tell that plenty of other people at the DMV were irritated by it.

Would it be wrong to say something to the woman? In that situation, i feel like if i dont say some that i am geting walked on. Without saying something i am not standing up for myself.

When she finally left, i could hear the relief from others as they quitely said something to the person bext to them.

My ears are my business and my comfort is my business. This womans kid was infringing upon it, so would i have realy been in the wrong to say something to her? [/quote]

If they’re that out of control, she has no control over them. So saying something wouldn’t have done anything more than add her whining to the noise they were making, assuming she even bothered trying to rein them in.

[/quote]

Agreed.

If she was allowing her kids to do that in the first place, nothing you say to her will change that. If she isn’t embarrassed by it from Jump Street, you’re SOL and have to deal.

183

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:

[quote]countingbeans wrote:

[quote]kpsnap wrote:

[quote]countingbeans wrote:
I’d be much more angry with my daughter than my son though, I know that. Double standard? Sure. [/quote]
Here’s an area of parenting I couldn’t have predicted before I became a parent myself. The whole double standard that I found loathsome as a young adult yet now enforce with my own kids. [/quote]

It’s not even the fact of her having sex. It’s that my boy doesn’t bring forth the same unrelenting need to protect.

With him I feel okay that he’s going to be okay. That we did okay. That he will weather the rough and apathetic seas of life and be totally fine, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders with a smile.

But with her, it’s different. I don’t doubt that she will be equally prepared, and we will do as good of a job preparing her, but it’s that she’s my baby girl, and I don’t want her to have to face any of this. I know how hard life is… And I’ve given her the worst of me, along with the best, and it makes it harder. I just want to be a barrier for her, be a shield for her. I want to take her nightmares for her. I want her to be that sweet, happy and innocent little girl forever who is so happy and just enjoys everyday, all day.

[/quote]

Beans, it isn’t “fair” but I think it’s a reasonable reaction. Girls are more likely to get emotionally messed up by physical intimacy when the relationship doesn’t work out, more likely to get messed up by the effects of promiscuity, and also more likely to suffer the brunt of the consequences of a teen pregnancy.

It make sense that you’d feel more protective, even though it isn’t very egalitarian. Honestly. That doesn’t sound very PC, but I think there’s something fairly innate. A good man will feel protective of women and the cubs. Maybe that instinct to protect becomes less so as your son moves into becoming a fully formed man himself, but probably never goes away in the case of a daughter. At least those are my thoughts on how this double standard might have a basis in biology.

[/quote]

Pretty much. Thanks for making me feel less like a patriarchal asshole and more like a normal human for caring about my daughter because I recognize the differences between the sexes. Those healthy and wonderful differences.

Our current cultural push is one that erodes this as an “okay” thing to do. I’m not sure that is a good thing.

184

[quote]countingbeans wrote:

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:

[quote]countingbeans wrote:

[quote]kpsnap wrote:

[quote]countingbeans wrote:
I’d be much more angry with my daughter than my son though, I know that. Double standard? Sure. [/quote]
Here’s an area of parenting I couldn’t have predicted before I became a parent myself. The whole double standard that I found loathsome as a young adult yet now enforce with my own kids. [/quote]

It’s not even the fact of her having sex. It’s that my boy doesn’t bring forth the same unrelenting need to protect.

With him I feel okay that he’s going to be okay. That we did okay. That he will weather the rough and apathetic seas of life and be totally fine, carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders with a smile.

But with her, it’s different. I don’t doubt that she will be equally prepared, and we will do as good of a job preparing her, but it’s that she’s my baby girl, and I don’t want her to have to face any of this. I know how hard life is… And I’ve given her the worst of me, along with the best, and it makes it harder. I just want to be a barrier for her, be a shield for her. I want to take her nightmares for her. I want her to be that sweet, happy and innocent little girl forever who is so happy and just enjoys everyday, all day.

[/quote]

Beans, it isn’t “fair” but I think it’s a reasonable reaction. Girls are more likely to get emotionally messed up by physical intimacy when the relationship doesn’t work out, more likely to get messed up by the effects of promiscuity, and also more likely to suffer the brunt of the consequences of a teen pregnancy.

It make sense that you’d feel more protective, even though it isn’t very egalitarian. Honestly. That doesn’t sound very PC, but I think there’s something fairly innate. A good man will feel protective of women and the cubs. Maybe that instinct to protect becomes less so as your son moves into becoming a fully formed man himself, but probably never goes away in the case of a daughter. At least those are my thoughts on how this double standard might have a basis in biology.

[/quote]

Pretty much. Thanks for making me feel less like a patriarchal asshole and more like a normal human for caring about my daughter because I recognize the differences between the sexes. Those healthy and wonderful differences.

Our current cultural push is one that erodes this as an “okay” thing to do. I’m not sure that is a good thing. [/quote]

I suspect that father’s feel more protective of their daughters than mothers do. After all, we grew up as girls and know we aren’t breakable. While I can be protective of my daughters, I approach more experiences as “That sucks but it’s life, walk it off”. Of course there is a lot more to it but I have a low threshold for anything that looks like it approaches self-indulgence. Years ago one of them was picked up for shop-lifting. I left her at the store for the police to return home and asked that they give her a scare.

I wonder how my parenting would be different with a son.

185

[quote]ouroboro_s wrote:
I suspect that father’s feel more protective of their daughters than mothers do. After all, we grew up as girls and know we aren’t breakable.[/quote]

Growing up as a boy… I know what boys are thinking, focused on, and will do in certain situations.

It’s hard. College will be the worst 4 years of my life when she goes.

[quote] While I can be protective of my daughters, I approach more experiences as “That sucks but it’s life, walk it off”. Of course there is a lot more to it but I have a low threshold for anything that looks like it approaches self-indulgence. Years ago one of them was picked up for shop-lifting. I left her at the store for the police to return home and asked that they give her a scare.

I wonder how my parenting would be different with a son.
[/quote]

I’m very much a “brush your shoulders off and move forward” type too. While I’ll give much more in the moment emotional support and “pampering” than my wife, once that moment is over, you start getting better, working on improving, etc.

I don’t think you’d change too much with boys, but you’d likely be a bit more protective of them. My wife is much more protective towards her baby boy than her little girl. Similar to you, she sees it as “I did it, you’ll be taught how to do it, you’ll be a tough chick, go kick ass.” Sorta the same way I am towards our boy.