Social Anxiety

Off Topic
41

[quote]kakno wrote:

[quote]Ronceeboy wrote:
Usually I’m okay but sometimes I am overcome with social anxiety and I have ridiculous negative thoughts I can’t help. Normally the gym is where I get a lot of peace of mind but sometimes I feel like everyone is staring at me. I see myself at the gym and I feel like my body is out of proportion and looks funny. I am only 150 lbs but I deadlift 415 which is something I am pretty proud of but then I feel like people are gawking at me like a freak. Usually I just brush it off but sometimes I can’t overcome my own thoughts. I start thinking, what if I am not 100% and don’t hit this 1rm today? People are going to look at me, this small guy, and think I’m a jackass for trying.

Or sometimes I see people who I work out regularly and I worry that they might notice I am lifting the same weight I lifted previously. Like they are laughing on the inside that my lift did not go up 5 lbs. Then I’ll cut my work out short and go home and be pissed off at myself for being a bitch. Then I’ll go back at 3am when the gym is empty. wtffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu[/quote]

Get so strong that your deload weeks scare people. Problem solved.[/quote]

Ha I like that.

42

[quote]hungry4more wrote:
People are, for the most part, social creatures. We’re SUPPOSED to care what other people think. [/quote]

Great point. We are wired to want to be accepted/approved of by the group. At one time it was essential to our personal survival. However, like many of our survival mechanisms it can turn against us. All the same, it’s still necessary today for optimal success and well-being in every sense. We are basically acceptance seeking conformists. This is the basis of civilization. The question is, which group we seek to be accepted by? What community or “tribe” do we wish to belong to? Those who reject this notion severely enough are generally socially maladjusted and potentially even mentally ill.

I get a kick out of these guys who go on and on about how they don’t give a damn what ANYONE thinks of them. In the rare event that they are being genuine, this strikes me as such an impractical way to approach life. Nevertheless, the lone wolf maverick type is revered in our culture as the ideal of confidence and independence. Too many western movies, I think. Lone wolves are generally pathetic creatures that usually lead short miserable lives until they starve. Very few significant undertakings can be accomplished alone.

What you’re feeling springs from a basic human impulse. Don’t compound your anxiety by being anxious about being anxious. You are not a freak. You’re just another human being looking for your sense of place and identity.

Of course, I’m a dumb tree guy so I wouldn’t take what I’ve said too seriously.

Edited

43

What you said about the disproportionate body struck a chord with me. I can be very self conscious of my body sometimes, even though others say i have a great body. I feel especially uncomfortable when I have clothes on bc i dont think most clothes fit me very well. I also perceive myself to have narrow shoulders, and one clavicle is shorter then the other due to a break years back. I always think this is the first things ppl notice about me even though when i question them about it they say they never even notice.

Does anyone else with a “great body” feel self conscious about it at times?

44

[quote]Consul wrote:

[quote]kakno wrote:

[quote]Ronceeboy wrote:
Usually I’m okay but sometimes I am overcome with social anxiety and I have ridiculous negative thoughts I can’t help. Normally the gym is where I get a lot of peace of mind but sometimes I feel like everyone is staring at me. I see myself at the gym and I feel like my body is out of proportion and looks funny. I am only 150 lbs but I deadlift 415 which is something I am pretty proud of but then I feel like people are gawking at me like a freak. Usually I just brush it off but sometimes I can’t overcome my own thoughts. I start thinking, what if I am not 100% and don’t hit this 1rm today? People are going to look at me, this small guy, and think I’m a jackass for trying.

Or sometimes I see people who I work out regularly and I worry that they might notice I am lifting the same weight I lifted previously. Like they are laughing on the inside that my lift did not go up 5 lbs. Then I’ll cut my work out short and go home and be pissed off at myself for being a bitch. Then I’ll go back at 3am when the gym is empty. wtffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu[/quote]

Get so strong that your deload weeks scare people. Problem solved.[/quote]

Ha I like that.
[/quote]
Yes, this is good.

45

I never feel self-conscious in the gym.

I don’t know what other gyms are like, but in my gym its full of bro-tards walking around flexing and looking at themselves in the mirror, and then you have the professional curlers. Its like Im the only one that has a program/goal in mind.

tweet

46

[quote]Edgy wrote:
< - - - opposite - - -

feel at home in a crowd, in fact, I feel that I am at my best in a crowd or in front of an audience.

I like to belly up to the big braggart and make them feel uncomfortable, intimidated.

I like to take the smaller, or uncomfortable people under my protective arm, and defend them if needed.

people generally like me, and are attracted to me.

my kids are the total opposite (boys, 25 &27). they are socially awkward, uncomfortable and nervous as a cat.

wierd~

[/quote]

Uh… VIKING?!

47

[quote]Brian14 wrote:
What you said about the disproportionate body struck a chord with me. I can be very self conscious of my body sometimes, even though others say i have a great body. I feel especially uncomfortable when I have clothes on bc i dont think most clothes fit me very well. I also perceive myself to have narrow shoulders, and one clavicle is shorter then the other due to a break years back. I always think this is the first things ppl notice about me even though when i question them about it they say they never even notice.[/quote]

Brian, you look amazing… especially for your age! I don’t know if your insecurity actually fuels your training motivation, but if not, you should drop it. :slight_smile:

I do. But it’s in reverse. Though my body isn’t great, it’s obvious to everyone that I lift.

For example, this past weekend my wife and I spent the day at her family’s pool party, where everyone is overweight to obese (except for her sister). My wife has a great body and wore a bikini top but wore athletic shorts for the bottom. I wore board shorts and a tanktop to cover my upper body… reason being I didn’t want it to appear that I was showing off my body. I didn’t want to make the fatties feel bad.

:slight_smile:

48

[quote]hungry4more wrote:
People are, for the most part, social creatures. We’re SUPPOSED to care what other people think. It’s pretty normal to feel a little uncomfortable when “performing” at something you’re not very good at yet, gym included. Let me put it this way…how many powerlifters do you think are super concerned about what the crowd thinks as they go for a world record? As you get better at things, you generally care less about other people’s opinions of that thing while doing it.

Of course that’s not the same as general social anxiety, but I personally think that someone that excels in any one pursuit will be less likely to experience crippling social anxiety, because they feel more validated in their existence. [/quote]

Absolutely. The key is to step outside your comfort zone and practice something until you’re more comfortable with it/better at it. I don’t believe it’s any particular setting that induces these types of fears in people but more, their lack of experience with that setting. Personally, I would be more comfortable leading a meeting discussing annual budgets and financial forecasts than I would say making a new friend.

Probably because I would spend more time public speaking or presenting than I would spend socially. You have to invest time in something to increase your confidence, it’s not something that just happens for some people and not for others.

49

[quote]theBird wrote:
I never feel self-conscious in the gym.

I don’t know what other gyms are like, but in my gym its full of bro-tards walking around flexing and looking at themselves in the mirror, and then you have the professional curlers. Its like Im the only one that has a program/goal in mind.

tweet[/quote]

when the weights get heavy do you tweet tweet instead of grunt.

50

[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:

[quote]Brian14 wrote:
What you said about the disproportionate body struck a chord with me. I can be very self conscious of my body sometimes, even though others say i have a great body. I feel especially uncomfortable when I have clothes on bc i dont think most clothes fit me very well. I also perceive myself to have narrow shoulders, and one clavicle is shorter then the other due to a break years back. I always think this is the first things ppl notice about me even though when i question them about it they say they never even notice.[/quote]

Brian, you look amazing… especially for your age! I don’t know if your insecurity actually fuels your training motivation, but if not, you should drop it. :slight_smile:

I do. But it’s in reverse. Though my body isn’t great, it’s obvious to everyone that I lift.

For example, this past weekend my wife and I spent the day at her family’s pool party, where everyone is overweight to obese (except for her sister). My wife has a great body and wore a bikini top but wore athletic shorts for the bottom. I wore board shorts and a tanktop to cover my upper body… reason being I didn’t want it to appear that I was showing off my body. I didn’t want to make the fatties feel bad.

:slight_smile:
[/quote]

Thanks for the kind words. Im the same way in that i try to be humble by keeping my shirt on most of the time and by refusing to flex my bicep if someone asks me to. However, i do feel very secure when im at the beach etc. I also feel at home in the gym

51

[quote]wannabebig250 wrote:
when the weights get heavy do you tweet tweet instead of grunt.[/quote]

Funny you say that. After a good session, as I exit the gym, I like to look back, wink and let out a bit of a tweet.

tweet

52

[quote]Ronceeboy wrote:
Usually I’m okay but sometimes I am overcome with social anxiety and I have ridiculous negative thoughts I can’t help. Normally the gym is where I get a lot of peace of mind but sometimes I feel like everyone is staring at me. I see myself at the gym and I feel like my body is out of proportion and looks funny. I am only 150 lbs but I deadlift 415 which is something I am pretty proud of but then I feel like people are gawking at me like a freak. Usually I just brush it off but sometimes I can’t overcome my own thoughts. I start thinking, what if I am not 100% and don’t hit this 1rm today? People are going to look at me, this small guy, and think I’m a jackass for trying.

Or sometimes I see people who I work out regularly and I worry that they might notice I am lifting the same weight I lifted previously. Like they are laughing on the inside that my lift did not go up 5 lbs. Then I’ll cut my work out short and go home and be pissed off at myself for being a bitch. Then I’ll go back at 3am when the gym is empty. wtffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu[/quote]

You are describing an anxiety disorder. Spock mentioned that these things are often based on really irrational thinking. Jemma Pixie Hixon is a classic example. She developed some irrational thinking and anxiety, which led to panic attacks, which led to an avoidance of being in public, which led to agoraphobia. Despite being a beautiful woman with a successful singing career (Over 2 million hits on Youtube), she hasn’t left the house in over 2 years. You’d think that as she become more adept and skilled at something, she’d become more confident, right? Well, this stuff can be really irrational. Here she is if you aren’t familiar … "Love The Way You Lie"- SINGING VERSION-Jemma Pixie Hixon- Eminem Ft Rihanna - YouTube

Consul mentioned Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). That’s exactly where I’d go with this if it gets worse, or starts to really effect your ability to live your life. It has been very effective in treating anxiety disorders, OCD, and phobias. I’m not saying that your symptoms will get worse, but the kind of social anxiety you are describing CAN get out of control.

Here’s a link to a series A&E did on OCD, a related anxiety disorder. Granted, these are some pretty extreme examples, but it will give you an idea of how CBT works. Long story short, you don’t want to do things that give your anxiety more power in your life. When you avoid situations where you feel anxious, like leaving the gym early because you feel self-conscious, you probably just strengthened the anxiety response so it will happen again.

I just worked with a teenager who developed a crippling anxiety when in public places like the mall. She’s afraid of being embarrassed and not being able to quickly escape so she avoids those places. She’s a beautiful and gifted kid. There’s no reason for it, but that doesn’t make it VERY real for her.

So, here’s a link just for educational purposes, you can see how this kind of thing can get very dysfunctional and cause people a lot of misery. Ideally, you want to interrupt the irrational thought patterns (obsessions) before they get out of hand. I hope this helps. A&E TV Shows | A&E

53

Damn good post, Powerpuff. Are you a therapist?

54

I used to have panic attacks and general anxiety I got cured from literally everything from a system called Panicaway.com; Anixety is a behavioral habit and is highly curable and easy to change, It does not require any medication either it is just changing habits, over reactions, and if you have panic attacks the fear of fear.

So worth checking out to anyone that has any form of anxiety or panic

also other extremely great people and authors are Dr. David D. Burns author of When panic attacks, Dr. Reid Wilson, his website is www.anxieties.com, Dr. Harry Burns as well.

They also specialize curing depression for anyone with that

56

[quote]Consul wrote:
Damn good post, Powerpuff. Are you a therapist?[/quote]

Thank you, Consul. These days I’m about 90% soccer mom and 10% Educational Psychologist. I had a lot of fun teaching a psych course this summer. I specialize in children and adolescents, but have mostly been home raising kids for the past few years. You?

Chushin - Thank you. :slight_smile:

Unfortunately, anxiety disorders and depression are fairly ubiquitous. If you haven’t been effected by one of the two, you certainly know someone who has. It’s good to see so many people share their experiences here.

57

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:

[quote]Consul wrote:
Damn good post, Powerpuff. Are you a therapist?[/quote]

Thank you, Consul. These days I’m about 90% soccer mom and 10% Educational Psychologist. I had a lot of fun teaching a psych course this summer. I specialize in children and adolescents, but have mostly been home raising kids for the past few years. You?

Chushin - Thank you. :slight_smile:

Unfortunately, anxiety disorders and depression are fairly ubiquitous. If you haven’t been effected by one of the two, you certainly know someone who has. It’s good to see so many people share their experiences here.
[/quote]

Lol sounds like you’re pretty busy! Do you think your training has helped you as a mother?

I’m studying medicine. Our course touches on CBT a bit, and I’ve had some personal experience with it.

Yeah, I don’t think many people realise how common these mental health disorders are. Also, fear of stigma can prevent people talking about it, I guess.

58

[quote]Consul wrote:

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:

[quote]Consul wrote:
Damn good post, Powerpuff. Are you a therapist?[/quote]

Thank you, Consul. These days I’m about 90% soccer mom and 10% Educational Psychologist. I had a lot of fun teaching a psych course this summer. I specialize in children and adolescents, but have mostly been home raising kids for the past few years. You?

Chushin - Thank you. :slight_smile:

Unfortunately, anxiety disorders and depression are fairly ubiquitous. If you haven’t been effected by one of the two, you certainly know someone who has. It’s good to see so many people share their experiences here.
[/quote]

Lol sounds like you’re pretty busy! Do you think your training has helped you as a mother?

I’m studying medicine. Our course touches on CBT a bit, and I’ve had some personal experience with it.

Yeah, I don’t think many people realise how common these mental health disorders are. Also, fear of stigma can prevent people talking about it, I guess.
[/quote]

Good luck with your studies. I suspect you’ll never be bored! I’ve often thought maybe I should have gone into Obstetrics or Pediatrics, but I love my field too.

You asked if my training has helped me as a parent. I’d say it has sometimes been helpful. I have a severely handicapped child and I think it’s helped me to understand her better. Sometimes I’m too close to something with my own kids to see it clearly.

Talking about anxiety, I’ve had some panic attacks myself. My training helped me to understand what was going on, but it didn’t help me to avoid them. Oh, well. I guess it’s at least made me more empathetic. :slight_smile:

About psychology, a lot of what is important in relating to people is kind of intuitive. People either have it or they don’t. Some of those skills or personality traits are very hard to learn. I think most of what I learned about being happy came from my own parents. And I married a very stable, common-sense type of guy who really grounds me. I’ve been very, very blessed.

59

[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
Good luck with your studies. I suspect you’ll never be bored! I’ve often thought maybe I should have gone into Obstetrics or Pediatrics, but I love my field too.

You asked if my training has helped me as a parent. I’d say it has sometimes been helpful. I have a severely handicapped child and I think it’s helped me to understand her better. Sometimes I’m too close to something with my own kids to see it clearly.

Talking about anxiety, I’ve had some panic attacks myself. My training helped me to understand what was going on, but it didn’t help me to avoid them. Oh, well. I guess it’s at least made me more empathetic. :slight_smile:

About psychology, a lot of what is important in relating to people is kind of intuitive. People either have it or they don’t. Some of those skills or personality traits are very hard to learn. I think most of what I learned about being happy came from my own parents. And I married a very stable, common-sense type of guy who really grounds me. I’ve been very, very blessed.
[/quote]

Thank you! It really offers so many opportunities; I’m sure I’ll never be bored.

I understand what you mean.

My own problems have helped me understand and empathise with patients better I think, which is a positive way of seeing it :slight_smile:

Sounds like you’ve been fortunate :). I do think you’re right about communication; we have a lot of communication teaching on my course, but most of it just seems to be attaching labels to things that good communicators do intuitively. Upbringing certainly plays a large role in how we view the world and interact with people.

60

Ronceeboy -

A couple of other people have asked me about treating anxiety, so your post is something a lot of people can relate to. :slight_smile: Here’s another way to look at this.

The acute stress response is a good thing. It’s important in your ability to respond to a dangerous situation. When we experience a threat, the sympathetic nervous system goes into gear with the release of hormones like adrenaline and noradrenaline. This brings on symptoms like heightened arousal, increased heart rate, increased blood pressure, and increased breathing rate. Even your hearing becomes more acute, and your response times are quicker. All good things to have when you need them. Fight or flight, protect yourself and your family, man up, you get the idea.

It becomes troublesome when it is triggered by events that don’t require this kind of response. Normal activities like going into public places can bring it on. It’ very easy for humans to get conditioned to respond like this. For example, we have a stressful experience at the Dr. office so now we go into a heightened state of alert every time we go in there. We come to associate the Dr. office with something painful or unpleasant, so now it’s a trigger. In this way, we learn to be anxious. People are smart. We can get conditioned to respond like this very quickly.

In the average person, it can take 20-60 minutes for your body to relax and come down after this response has been triggered. That can seem like an ETERNITY! In people with anxiety disorders, not only does it get triggered more easily, but it may take a lot longer to come back down to your baseline/normal state. Some people walk around at a higher state of arousal and anxiety all the time. It’s a very uncomfortable state to stay in, so people will do almost anything to bring it down. You see a lot of people try to self-medicate for this with drugs and alcohol.

Even more common, people develop patterns of avoidance like in the Jemma Pixie Hixon example I mentioned before. These tactics actually strengthen the anxiety response and can make it much harder to treat. This is the kind of thing that you absolutely don’t want to do. The bad news is you’ve been conditioned or learned to associate some social situations with anxiety. Happens to lots of people. The good news is, you can unlearn it. That involves recognizing that the thoughts are irrational so replace them with some sanity, and then NOT acting to avoid the situations that produces them. In fact, go put yourself in those situations as much as you can until you have it licked.