I have very similar “social anxiety” mostly around large groups of strangers (never felt like that in the gym though). What has helped me is just spending more of my time around friends, which allowed me to build confidence, be interested in others, and not think of myself as much. I realized that the more time I spent alone, the more I would think about myself too much and reinforce negative anxious thinking patterns along the lines of “I wonder what so and so thinks of me.” Of course there is a balance.
Oh, and also I’ve found Brain Candy to help with this a bit (though it totally wasn’t the reason I started taking it). I take it on days I know I’m going out on a date and I feel like I’m a brilliant comedian sometimes, lol.
I think the social anxiety is human nature. A lot of people think that they’re being watched by everyone, being laughed at, judged. It used to happen to me all the time and sometimes still does.
You’ve gotten some good advice so far, everyone copes with issues differently.
Sometimes, when you feel like you’re being judged, it’s because you’re subconsciously judging yourself for whatever reason. Reflecting the inner feelings you have about yourself into the thoughts of the random people around you. Not saying this is you, but it’s possible, so food for thought.
[quote]Ronceeboy wrote:
I guess it grounds me a little bit when I hear about others having the same sort of issues.
Also, even though I have anxiety, I’m not really insecure. I actually have a really high opinion of myself and am narcissistic. But when I get that hypersensitivity as Spock calls it, I just feel like people have these expectations of me and I just don’t feel like rising up to meet them. It’s like I am emotionally/physically spent.
This one memory really strikes me to this day. In college, I was in a fraternity and there was this huge party going in my frat house. I locked myself in my room and just watched Garden State followed by going on Wikipedia to learn about the Marvel Universe, lol. And I had a great fucking time. People were knocking on my door and I just ignored them. I did have some anxiety about going out, and had this feeling like it would take the same amount of energy as climbing a mountain to force myself to go outside. So I just sat and chilled, I just did not want to go out there and “perform” and have fun. The next morning I just told people I got too wasted early and passed out.
[/quote]
Maybe you’re just not a people person? Some people just aren’t social creatures…
I haven’t gone out in 14 months, LOL!!!
It’s not because I’m scared of people, it’s because they are dumb and I find it irritating.
Have you ever worked in customer service? I blame my unwillingness to go out on all the jobs I’ve had from age 16-25.
Also elementry/JR high/high school kids. I was picked on from age 7-16.
Then I started home schooling.
And working in customer service…
Oh, and also I’ve found Brain Candy to help with this a bit (though it totally wasn’t the reason I started taking it). I take it on days I know I’m going out on a date and I feel like I’m a brilliant comedian sometimes, lol. [/quote]
What’s Brain Candy? I googled it, but nothing you “take” showed up in the search results.
There was a phase in my life which also could be described as anxiety. Still have it from time to time, but it really depends on my mood. I’ve been bullied, I haven’t had the greatest childhood, haven’t had the greatest mom, still finishing my degree… I will hit 30 in April next year. Let’s say about 5 years back I was bubble boy… an einzelganger, could lock myself up in my room and just do anything on my own. Even training and such, as this behavior progressed, that little voice of insecurity came up… And felt if I was ostracized, being looked down on, etc. Until my 21th year you could also describe me as an introvert.
I will hit 30 next year, but I will also have finished my degree. I’ve got a great relationship with someone 5 years older than me, someone who understands and supports me and also vice versa. Someone I’m already married to for more than 2 years now. I’ve had to deal with a lot of personal problems, especially with family… and still with my own problems. But one thing I learned along the way… was getting out of my comfort zone. Opening the front door to do groceries, even if having that feeling everyone is looking at you. Going to the gym in just trying to get your workout done. Almost going crazy… Trying to hold a family together… Going out, meeting people… people who you like. Meeting the girlfriend, who you know will be your future wife. Moving 200km’s from your hometown, just to build up a whole new life. Going to live together, beginning a new study and then finally doing something you like, being loved, giving love. Building up a new social network with friend, also keeping contact with old friend. Giving a freakin’ elevator pitch to a CEO of an oil company and also getting compliments!
Getting to that point where you’re thinking that you’re going insane and realizing you’re own your own, trying some sort of way to deal with the shit you’re in. It’s really adapt or die… but the biggest and most frghtful thing is the first step. =)
I think this is extremely common and is the primary cause of the rise of Planet Fitness
That idea may be all you need in order to take the opposite approach. When your skinny ass is doing those heavy assed deadlifts, do it with a big grunt - it boosts confidence.
And always remember - haters gon hate. That’s why God put them here - so you know you’re doin it right
They very well may be looking at you funny for your deadlifting ability. Good.
Though I was only partially kidding, I’ll be a little more serious. I’ve noticed in retrospect that weight lifting and public speaking have had a big effect on me. As horrible as it sounds - my growth in physical size adds to the “don’t give a crap what you think” side of me. Probably not a healthy reason to take up weights, but your already here - so maybe worth mentioning.
The public speaking really teaches you something that’s already been said. Even when you are up there and everyone’s watching you - no one really cares. They are still thinking about there hair/biceps/next speach/kids/is the cutie in the corner thinking about me/whatever. Once you succeed in really captivating all of there attention - even if only for once - you’ll never feel like this again. imo. Well actually there’s two types of fear. One has you hiding/cowering in the corner. And the other gives you slow motion, triples your heart rate, doubles your strength, quadruples endurance, etc. As far as social situations go - you can kinda earn the second one, imo
People are, for the most part, social creatures. We’re SUPPOSED to care what other people think. It’s pretty normal to feel a little uncomfortable when “performing” at something you’re not very good at yet, gym included. Let me put it this way…how many powerlifters do you think are super concerned about what the crowd thinks as they go for a world record? As you get better at things, you generally care less about other people’s opinions of that thing while doing it.
Of course that’s not the same as general social anxiety, but I personally think that someone that excels in any one pursuit will be less likely to experience crippling social anxiety, because they feel more validated in their existence.
I’ve struggled with similar things. For me therapy didn’t go jack shit. But it can be absolutely great for others. If you think it’s a serious problem then seeing a professional is always a good idea. Then you can go from there. Good luck
[quote]hungry4more wrote:
People are, for the most part, social creatures. We’re SUPPOSED to care what other people think. It’s pretty normal to feel a little uncomfortable when “performing” at something you’re not very good at yet, gym included. Let me put it this way…how many powerlifters do you think are super concerned about what the crowd thinks as they go for a world record? As you get better at things, you generally care less about other people’s opinions of that thing while doing it.
Of course that’s not the same as general social anxiety, but I personally think that someone that excels in any one pursuit will be less likely to experience crippling social anxiety, because they feel more validated in their existence. [/quote]
x2
Humans are social creatures, everyone has some sort of anxiety. As you get better at something you care less about looking stupid because you’re more confident and comfortable with your current level.
If anyone here just randomly started doing yoga in a class full of yoga superstars, they’d feel pretty self conscious even if they bench 400 lbs. It’s something completely new and they’re painfully aware how much worse they are then the rest of the people there.
[quote]hungry4more wrote:
People are, for the most part, social creatures. We’re SUPPOSED to care what other people think. It’s pretty normal to feel a little uncomfortable when “performing” at something you’re not very good at yet, gym included. Let me put it this way…how many powerlifters do you think are super concerned about what the crowd thinks as they go for a world record? As you get better at things, you generally care less about other people’s opinions of that thing while doing it.
Of course that’s not the same as general social anxiety, but I personally think that someone that excels in any one pursuit will be less likely to experience crippling social anxiety, because they feel more validated in their existence. [/quote]
Good post. Much of this does occur to us naturally, and it stands out to us when we encounter that minority who actually do show no regard/awareness of others, in the extreme; we even label them ‘sociopaths’ and they often end up removed from our “society.”
On an individual level, I expect social anxiety is prob closely linked to where that person falls on the whole introversion-extroversion spectrum. Which isn’t to suggest that one’s genetics dictate everything, more like one’s default/starting point. (stop me when this sounds an awful lot like lifting weights)
‘People are going to look at me, this small guy, and think I’m a jackass for trying’.
^^If you can learn to reverse this particular thought proccess…you will be much happier me thinks^^
A lot of the looks you get are problably more looks of jealously as opposed to derision.
Learn to be AMUSED by your self-conscious twinges & life starts to become that little bit easier.
I know for me, sometimes when I find myself in a situation where I feel all uncomfortable/under the kosh etc, I imagine how badly OTHER people would likely fare/feel in the same situation. I imagine them bitching incessantly about it, floundering like the world’s most feeble godfish & then…I realize how much strength it takes, JUST to merely TRY & succeed at something, even just enough to register outsider interest.
Anyone that in anyway stands out in life will always take a certain amount of flak, learn to ride the ride the wave & ENJOY THE VIEW:)
[quote]Ronceeboy wrote:
Usually I’m okay but sometimes I am overcome with social anxiety and I have ridiculous negative thoughts I can’t help. Normally the gym is where I get a lot of peace of mind but sometimes I feel like everyone is staring at me. I see myself at the gym and I feel like my body is out of proportion and looks funny. I am only 150 lbs but I deadlift 415 which is something I am pretty proud of but then I feel like people are gawking at me like a freak. Usually I just brush it off but sometimes I can’t overcome my own thoughts. I start thinking, what if I am not 100% and don’t hit this 1rm today? People are going to look at me, this small guy, and think I’m a jackass for trying.
Or sometimes I see people who I work out regularly and I worry that they might notice I am lifting the same weight I lifted previously. Like they are laughing on the inside that my lift did not go up 5 lbs. Then I’ll cut my work out short and go home and be pissed off at myself for being a bitch. Then I’ll go back at 3am when the gym is empty. wtffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu[/quote]
Get so strong that your deload weeks scare people. Problem solved.
