I’m 30, my stepdaughter from my ex-marriage is 12, and I’ve been in her life for eight years. She doesn’t know her real father and considers me her dad. I divorced the mother a year ago and don’t want to deal with her anymore, but I have remained close with my stepdaughter, Skyping with her most days and seeing her as much as possible. The divorce has devastated her and I feel like shit about it, so I’ve continued to be a dad to her for HER sake to help get her through this, but for my own sake, I think I would benefit from breaking ties with my former family at this point. I don’t want to see my ex at all, both her and I will move on to new prospects, and my stepdaughter will soon hit adolescence and put me through everything that that implies.
Realistically there is no way a mother who hates you will let you anwhere near her daughter to which you have no legal or otherwise connection. Leave the door open to contact on her end and leave it at that.
[quote]Krinks wrote:
Realistically there is no way a mother who hates you will let you anwhere near her daughter to which you have no legal or otherwise connection. Leave the door open to contact on her end and leave it at that. [/quote]
True and sad that a mother would punish her daughter because of her life
You have already taken on the responsibility of being her father. You cannot undo that. I mean, you can try, but that would be unmanly. She is at an age that her mother can’t stop her even if she wanted to and you probably have some rights (but to get the court to acknowledge them might end up including an order for child support).
Maybe I’m old-fashioned. Maybe I watch too many westerns. But part of being a man is putting your children first. Sure, your life might be easier or more simple if you are completely on your own but just as she sees you as her only father she just might be the only person you ever consider your child. Throwing that away to make things easier is just plain weak. I consider you a lucky man to have someone who loves you.
[quote]Krinks wrote:
Realistically there is no way a mother who hates you will let you anwhere near her daughter to which you have no legal or otherwise connection. Leave the door open to contact on her end and leave it at that. [/quote]
True and sad that a mother would punish her daughter because of her life
[/quote]
And yet thousands do it all the time throughout the world.
[quote]himynameis wrote:
I’m 30, my stepdaughter from my ex-marriage is 12, and I’ve been in her life for eight years. She doesn’t know her real father and considers me her dad. I divorced the mother a year ago and don’t want to deal with her anymore, but I have remained close with my stepdaughter, Skyping with her most days and seeing her as much as possible.[/quote]
You wouldn’t have been skyping with her since the divorce if you did not care/love her. Do the right thing and continue to be her dad.
Why ruin a great relationship with a young girl who’s life you can have a huge impact on just cause her mom is a cunt? Is you not having to deal with the mom really worth ruining the relationship with a girl who probably looks up to you?
You’re right about you and your ex moving on to new people. But your step-daughter is never going to have another daddy. There may be Bob, mom’s new boyfriend or even Bill, mom’s new husband. But she will never think of them Daddy as long as you’re in her life.
The fact that you’ve been able to maintain contact thus far makes me believe that you and your ex are on speaking terms at least? If not, it may be worth breaking the ice and discussing how you can remain a presence in your step-daughter’s life. I don’t know if you have to go through your ex right now to talk to her, if so it sucks. I know. But it’s worth it.
Five or ten years from now, you won’t even believe that you thought about abandoning this relationship. And your step-daughter will benefit immensely by having a dependable male presence in her life as well as seeing that exes can be civil towards one another when the welfare of a child is at stake.
assuming this isn’t a troll job, which I strongly suspect it is…
the fact that you would even ask the question means you don’t deserve to have anyone in your life that cares about you.
you are lucky to have this girl in your life. She deserves better than a father figure who would actually seek help on such an issue from an internet weightlifting website.
Don’t want to deal with the problems of a teenager who’s been through two divorces? Can’t blame you there. But guess what? There’s things in life that we do because it’s the RIGHT thing to do. Having a positive male role model in a teenage girl’s world will make a HUGE difference in the way she develops, learns to trust men, etc… You obviously won’t be there full time, but you should definitely make SOME time for a child who you’ve been a father figure for. Especially since you were in that role for eight years. That’s a significant amount of time. You can’t just “un-do” that…
Man up and act like an adult, not some selfish asshole ducking his moral obligations.
I’m going through a divorce and I have a step daughter. I want to kick you in the balls so hard for even asking this question, but I’m going to believe this was just a troll job.