I want to know if anyone respects or stands up for women anymore. When I was growing up I was taught by my mom to respect women, take your hat off in the pressence of a woman, hold the door open for a woman, watch your language in front of a woman, ect… The reason I am asking is because earlier me and mine went to the local convience store, I opened the door to the car for her then I opend the door to the store for her, well a lady inside asked my girl (while I was reading the mags ofcourse) if we just started dateing, when she told the women that we had been together for over 8yrs. she was shocked that I still do those things for her, I hope I am not alone, anyone, anyone…
I unlock her door first even when they’re electric locks, hold doors & what not… been married 20 yrs… I always excuss myself when walking in front of someone… even offered my seat on the sky train the one time I rode it… a shame manners are not practiced that much anymore… The other day some lady was just outside the door of a grocery store… I couldn’t get past, so said “excuse me” in a nuetral voice… the bitch snarled “There’s another door!” … I was already out side, and walking back in to go out the other door would be a little odd. I wanted to say “just move your fat ass lady” but my manners would only alow me to tell her “have a nice day” sacasticly… Manners! they sure can be a burden at times.
I have to agree 100%. I know a person who threatened an 18 year old girl, basiclly b/c she wouldn’t date his nephew or listen to anything he had to say. I think he is one of the scummiest people in the world (many other reasons as well) but I am still amazed at my “friend” (i use that term loosely) because he never had the balls to stand up for her and he really liked her. He just let it go b/c his uncle is juicing him up. Is that F****ed up or what? I can’t believe that anyone would even want to associate with such a person!!
I extend the same level of courtesy to others, regardless of gender, that they extend to me. I never swear in front of strangers (except for on this forum), until they swear in front of me, and if a woman is rude to me I shoot it right back at her as if she were a man. Politeness goes a long way, but I’m not gonna go out of my way to be polite to someone who’s just plain rude. Actually, a lot of women respect me for doing this. I guess it lets them know that I’m not BS’ing them to get a peice of ass. But yes, if you threaten or insult my woman, I’m gonna call you out. Actually, with most of the ladies I’ve dated, I wouldn’t need to. She’d do it before I’d even get a chance. Aaah, firey Irish women…
You are not alone (even after 30 years together) 
I’m not sure if this is titled right as “respecting” a woman. I think it’s being a gentleman, having manners and practicing chilvary. And yes, there are others who still do these kinds of things. I don’t do it every single time like Dale, but I do it often. Also, you have to read your woman. Some women are independent and don’t want men to open doors for them. So you have to know what your partner likes. But most of the women I’ve dated, have appreciated and commented on the fact that I do hold doors open for them or open the car door for them.
Your not alone but quickly losing people. Fact is this most women respect manners unfortuneately there are a group who feel we are being sexist holding the door for them. I actually have had several women scream at me for holding the door for them “I am a liberated woman I can do it myself” and would wait till I let go of the door to open it and walk through themselves. Bottem line I treat ladies like ladies, bitches like bitches and assholes like assholes. Treat others as you would like to be treated …until. All circumstancial.
Once again, I agree with you, heytey. My mom and dad brought me up right. Actually, it’s been my experience that the men who DON’T do those things are the ones with self image issues, like the wife beaters. I remember one time about 2 years ago that my wife and I were leaving a local fast food place (okay, just leave that one alone for now), and there was another couple just getting in their car next to us. I walked my wife to the passenger side, unlocked the door (yeah, I’ve got electric locks too), let her in, then walked to the driver side, which was next to their car. I don’t remember how it came out, but he wasn’t going to do anything for his wife because “she’s just the old lady” (his words). I just said “she’s the best thing you’ve got, treat her with respect,” then drove away. She smiled at me, but I know he didn’t like that comment one bit. I hope she didn’t get slapped around for it. I’ve stepped into situations before that weren’t really my business because it offended my sense of respect toward women. Maybe it wasn’t the right thing to do, but I just wasn’t going to stand idly by and let it happen.
Hetyey, what century are you living in? You’re the guy who got in a fight because you got offended at the guys having a ribald conversation next to you and your fiancee, right? I don’t think holding doors open, taking your hat off, “watching your language” etc are respectful to women. I think those actions are condescending, if those actions are taken only with respect toward women. I hold doors open for anyone, out of courtesy, regardless of gender. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t subscribe to the notion that men and women are exactly alike. I think it is natural that men take the lead in many aspects of relationships, and I’m only happy to do so, but if the woman wants to take the lead in some, I’m okay with that too. I don’t think a woman is so delicate and weak that I have to shield her ears from profanity like a child. Emotionally, generally speaking, I think women are weaker in some areas, while being stronger in other areas. But none of these differences justify treating them differently like you do.
yeah i give respect to all people, not just woman. they are nothing special. i just don’t like when people disrespect me or take advantage of my respect for them. then they are garbage and don’t deserve respect. laters pk
hyok brings up a good point. Other than occassionally openning a door of a car for a girl, for normal doors i hold them for everyone. Unfortunately the nature of what modern feminist zealots say has some merit. The idea of witholding “bad words” and opening doors and the such, comes from the idea that women are our inferriors so we must shield them and do things for them. If you believe they are our equals, or nearly-equals, one should treat them as such.
While I believe it’s important to be considerate and polite to all people, It’s also just as important to treat your lady with that much more. I put my woman on a pedistle. She desrves to be there. I’ve been with girls who didn’t. Bottom line, we’re men and we should respect that group of beings known as the opposite sex. Who gives a shit what century it is. If a woman won’t go through a door i open for her, because she’s “liberated” she’s got some sort of inferiority complex and I don’t deal with women like that. Strong, confident, beautiful women are willing and relish being cared for and taken care of. I hold doors open for my girlfriend and most girls I’ve dated (there’s always exceptions). I hold doors open for my girl now and can’t think of a good reason to ever stop! Hetyey225, your right on here.
Just kidding! Nice to hear chivalry is not dead. You’re making me reexamine how I treat my wife!
A few years ago at a toy store, my two year old daughter was holding her arms out in front of her while she stood in the narrow “aisle” between two closely placed displays. This teenage girl was wanting to get past her and rather than saying, “Excuse me,” she simply pushed my daughter’s arms down without a word! My daughter was in no way hurt and hardly noticed, but I was appalled. (Two year olds don’t recognize rudeness, thankfully!) If I had been a little closer or had had a little worse day, I would probably have jumped down that slob’s throat!
I think it is fair to say people are less considerate than they used to be, and treating women less chivalrously is partly the result of women acting less ladylike.
(Andy Rooney voice) Ya ever notice running red lights is waaaaaay more common now than twenty or thirty years ago? And why should one watch one's language only in front of women? Shouldn't being in the presence of strangers or the public entail refraining from obscenities and expletives? I get tired of cringing in public places, especially when I have my children with me. ("Daddy, what's a m______r?" after passing an irate fellow on a pay phone.) Even the "Young Men's Christian Association" gym I work out in can be appalling, between vulgar language and people who don't put weights back where they belong. It's disheartening how quickly common decency has been eroded.
Okay. I feel better now.
Why can’t holding doors for women and refraining from certain language in their presence be construed as a sign of deference and honor? Does a courtroom rise in the presence of a judge because he is inferior? Is it condescension when I refrain from certain speech in my boss’ presence or hold the door for him?
Feminists need to reexamine some of their assumptions. Frankly, they have demonstrated themselves to have a chip on their shoulders and their bristling at courtesies just goes to show that they are the insecure, thinskinned people they so shrilly claim not to be. As C.S. Lewis once observed (and I’m paraphrasing), “When one hears, ‘I’m as good as you!’ you can be sure its a lie.”
Good thread. i am female, and in my late teens, early 20s, i resented men opening doors for me. i’m in my mid-30s now and see such an action simply as an act of courtesy. i thank them politely and walk through the door. if it’s a double set of doors, when i get to the next set, i open the door and say to them: ‘‘allow me to reciprocate the courtesy.’’ many men accept (mostly mid-30s and younger), i don’t even try it with older men because i’ve seen the look of insult on their faces.
i think it is basically an act of courtesy, which can be differentiated from respect.
now, i am also a lesbian. when i take out my date, i open her car door for her (yep, electric locks and all), wait until she in before i shut the door and get in. i also hold the door open going into buildings. i pull out her chair at the table. let her go first into the aisle at the movies…
you fellas get the drift: what is called ‘‘gentlemanly’’ behavior, i exhibit with women i date. the women i date expect that treatment to and appreciate it when they go out with someone with some home training.
now, i also do these same things for my mother because a) she is my mother and b) she is disabled. basic courtesy.
i find it interesting that as i got older i was far more willing to simply accept the courtesy men offer to me as just that and not read any more into it (condescension, etc.), and even if they’re flirting with me, i smile at the compliment and move on.
sadly, kids today (of any sex/gender) don’t embrace the idea of a “polite” society.
dunno how kindness came to equal weakness.
sorry but I do not consider respect to be condecending. I would not be with a woman that has a problem with me doing these and similar things because they are almost always young kids that don’t realy understand what I am doing is out of RESPECT. I judge a man by 2 things, his honesty and how he treats the women in his life and you know what, thats proven to be pretty acurate so far. I do not understand how you can find falt in me takeing my hat off when a woman is around, and NO I don’t take it off when a guy comes around. don’t you understand that a woman can make you feel better (and worse also) than ANYTHING else in this world can. yes I have gotten in fights when a man is dissrespectfull of a woman (the only time I ever threw the first punch was when a guy was hitting a girl)and I probably will again, I tend to think the world (in this respect atleast) was a better place when men used to stand up for women, when men did not say certain things around a woman, when men opened doors for women, and please understand that these are just obvious examples there are too many to list. and you know what, when your girl sees someone open a door for their woman, take their hat off when she comes in a room, ect… SHE WILL WISH YOU DID THOSE THINGS FOR HER and you can explain to her that the other guy is being condecending but she will still wish you were as condecending as that guy. go ask women, not young girls, ask women what they prefer, then you can post back and say how messed up they are for wanting to be treated special, but that IS what they are, SPECIAL (in a wonderfull way). peace
Let’s not confuse common courtesy and decency with doing nice thing ONLY for women. Also, let’s not confuse common courtesy and decency with doing extra nice things for your significant other above and beyond what you do for other people, regardless of gender. Of course I treat my wife extra nice and special, but I do not do those things because she is female. I do it because she is my spouse. She treats me extra nice because I’m her husband, not because I’m male. The nice things couples do for each other has NOTHING to do with gender issues. I would guess that gay couples do the same nice things for each other as a part of maitaining a good relationship. Hell, nice things are what friends do for each other, regardless of sex. That is starkly different from archaic practices like offering a seat or tipping your hat to a “lady.” If I offer a seat, it will because the person being offered looks like he/she needs it more than me, or I just felt like being nice–NOT because she is a woman.
yea this needs to be clarified, if you guys are reffering to being courteous and extra nice to women who are your sig others (or someone you are trying to impress), i understand. But if it is women in general, why do they get prefferential treatment. The only real reason can be that you don’t see them as equals or near equals, and therefore they are handicapped by being women.
Thats funny cause I thought I was alone. No your not. All of a sudden it seems people these days take respect and toss it out the window. F that, I believe respect. I give and I expect to receive.
i give respect when i get respect.man or women. i won’t go outta my way to be nice to females just because they’re female.what i do respect is the fact they want to be equal.however, i’ve learned most don’t want to be truly equal.for instance, if my wife is screwing around on me, i can’t take my kids and leave. you could be a great father and husband, but if she wants out for what ever reason, you not only lose your wife but your kids as well. is that equal. i’ve never hit a women and don’t believe in it. however, i would never stop a man from hitting a girl that hit him first. i probably wouldn’t get involved at all unless he was really giving her the boots.like i said, if they want fair let it be fair.i open my own door, so can she.