I am a 25 year old guy, working a job and trying to find my place on this planet.
I’m currently in a relationship for the last year and 3 months. The girl is the sweetest you’ll ever meet, she’s pretty and I’m pretty sure she’ll never cheat on me/treat me bad on purpose or be hurtful to me.
All in all, you’d say she’s a keeper.
Here’s the pitch. I cannot help but fantasize over other woman, other places in the world I’d like to visit, things in my life she isn’t a part of…
I feel like I am bad doing this and that I should appreciate what I have, but I am not completely happy in life. She is somewhat a part of me being unhappy in the sense that I feel that I am now accountable to someone and that I need to take her into account in every aspect of my life.
I’ve had this with my last girlfriend too. It’s not a matter of them not being nice or attractive, it seems like I am just an unappreciative idiot who can’t for the life of him figure out what and here his place is.
Any advice/wisdom or opinions you girls/guys have on this ?
Walk you path. If they choose to follow you, so be it. If not, I’m sure another one will come your way. If you are not married to them, you are under NO obligation to structure your life around anyone else but you.
[quote]strungoutboy21 wrote:
Sounds like you aren’t in love with them.
[/quote]
Not sure I agree with this. Does a guy have to lose interest in travel and women and everything besides his significant other to be in love?
He may very well not be in love, but I’m not sure we can surmise that from his post. Being in love in and of itself will not guarantee happiness in all areas of life and in the end it will generally demand some sacrifices, some easy, some harder, and a few excruciating.
Not encouraging him to settle down at all, just saying that it is possible that he will need to sacrifice this love (if it is that) in favour of some of the other experiences he’s looking for.
Ain’t nothin in this life for free, there’s always a price to pay.
On the other hand, if he’s expecting a woman to make him feel completely fulfilled in all areas of life for it to be “real”, he’ll never find her, and if he does he should probably run the other way.
[quote]strungoutboy21 wrote:
Sounds like you aren’t in love with them.
[/quote]
Not sure I agree with this. Does a guy have to lose interest in travel and women and everything besides his significant other to be in love?
He may very well not be in love, but I’m not sure we can surmise that from his post. Being in love in and of itself will not guarantee happiness in all areas of life and in the end it will generally demand some sacrifices, some easy, some harder, and a few excruciating.
Not encouraging him to settle down at all, just saying that it is possible that he will need to sacrifice this love (if it is that) in favour of some of the other experiences he’s looking for.
Ain’t nothin in this life for free, there’s always a price to pay.
On the other hand, if he’s expecting a woman to make him feel completely fulfilled in all areas of life for it to be “real”, he’ll never find her, and if he does he should probably run the other way.[/quote]
I was just basing that by how he described her. He said she was sweet, pretty, and would never cheat on him. I don’t know it just doesn’t sound convincing if that makes sense. I do agree with Chushin though.
In every relationship there is compromise and you don’t want to make the compromises to keep this girl. You can easily travel/do whatever with her by your side but you don’t want to do that. That should tell you all you need to know.
[quote]strungoutboy21 wrote:
Sounds like you aren’t in love with them.
[/quote]
Not sure I agree with this. Does a guy have to lose interest in travel and women and everything besides his significant other to be in love?
He may very well not be in love, but I’m not sure we can surmise that from his post. Being in love in and of itself will not guarantee happiness in all areas of life and in the end it will generally demand some sacrifices, some easy, some harder, and a few excruciating.
Not encouraging him to settle down at all, just saying that it is possible that he will need to sacrifice this love (if it is that) in favour of some of the other experiences he’s looking for.
Ain’t nothin in this life for free, there’s always a price to pay.
On the other hand, if he’s expecting a woman to make him feel completely fulfilled in all areas of life for it to be “real”, he’ll never find her, and if he does he should probably run the other way.[/quote]
I was just basing that by how he described her. He said she was sweet, pretty, and would never cheat on him. I don’t know it just doesn’t sound convincing if that makes sense. I do agree with Chushin though.[/quote]
Some good advice so far and honestly a lot of stuff I already could feel myself.
I hardly fall in love and it has only happened once when I was 19. No idea why but after that relationship I looked at the concept of relationships and love a lot more differently.
She really is THE sweetest, most caring girl I’ve ever met and I am afraid that I am throwing away a gem for just a couple of years of fun.
I feel like I’m afraid on one side to lose her and feel stupid about it and hurting her so much. On the other side I’m insecure if I should do it because “what if I never find another one”, I know is irrational but it is an emotion I need to deal with either way.
On the traveling thing: We do travel a lot of places together. We went to France, Germany and Italy last year. It’s just the feeling of freedom that I’m missing, combined with the idea of “this is what is should be, get girlfriend/job/house and settle down”.
My friends (except 1), parents and girlfriend would judge me for dumping this girl while she clearly is a great person.
Has there been any adversity to face as a couple, like major life stuff- loss of job, death in the family, anything like that where true character shows up?
It’s easy to be in love when everything is wine and roses. It’s a little tougher when the shit hits the fan. Virtually impossible when one of you is throwing it.
I fantasize over other woman, other places in the world I’d like to visit, my life she isn’t a part of…
I am not completely happy in life. She is part of me being unhappy
[/quote]
This stuff jumped out at me, find someone who you are happy with.
Just because she is a “catch” by definition doesn’t mean she is what you want.
If you believe that eventually you’ll find a girl that will fulfill your every wish, require you to make no effort or changes, allow you to do whatever you want, and satisfy you to the point that other women don’t look attractive, I predict that you will be disappointed and lonely.
Take that at face value though, since I don’t know you or this girl. I’m not trying to advise you towards any course of action.
[quote]ude garame wrote:
I apologize for the long post in advance.
I am a 25 year old guy, working a job and trying to find my place on this planet.
I’m currently in a relationship for the last year and 3 months. The girl is the sweetest you’ll ever meet, she’s pretty and I’m pretty sure she’ll never cheat on me/treat me bad on purpose or be hurtful to me.
All in all, you’d say she’s a keeper.
Here’s the pitch. I cannot help but fantasize over other woman, other places in the world I’d like to visit, things in my life she isn’t a part of…
I feel like I am bad doing this and that I should appreciate what I have, but I am not completely happy in life. She is somewhat a part of me being unhappy in the sense that I feel that I am now accountable to someone and that I need to take her into account in every aspect of my life.
I’ve had this with my last girlfriend too. It’s not a matter of them not being nice or attractive, it seems like I am just an unappreciative idiot who can’t for the life of him figure out what and here his place is.
Any advice/wisdom or opinions you girls/guys have on this ?
[/quote]
As the proverbial “keeper” type myself, I would say that you are not doing her any favors when you suppress your restlessness because you don’t want to lose her or feel a sense of duty. It will ultimately cause both of you pain, not just you. Restless men, I’ve found, are not good for sweet, settled girls. Wait on that until you are ready to be settled, too.
How are you accountable for her? I didn’t see where you said you were married. You can have your life all to yourself if you’re not married to her. You say she’s the sweetest most caring girl in the world, but does she make you happy? It sounds like you’re bored with her and want to move on or you don’t feel strongly about a future with her. Hell, you visualize about a future without her. It happens and will continue to happen until you find the one.
The bit about people judging you… You can’t let that shit hold you back. Parents, friends, strangers and everyone in between will think they know what’s best for you. You’re a 25 year old man and only you can decide for yourself, so fuck everyone else.
Just whatever happens… be a man, be respectful, and be honest. If you don’t want to be with her, quit leading her on; sit her down and be straight with her and go out gracefully so you can do what you really want.
Pushharder and Jewbacca: I agreed with you on the idea that it is normal to fantasize. I just seem to have it a lot more than my friends in relationships. Agree totally on not acting rashly on it!