I agree with those who said that you have to think about what is best for your child and work from there. Honestly, if you are giving a full accounting (are you sure you’re not sleeping around on these trips? does she think you are?), then what is best may well be separation. Sad but true.
It seems it has been restated many times in this thread that the op is choosing softball over his girl. That he needs to think whats best for his child. Sacrificing softball is what is best for his child because then his controlling bitch fiancé will come back. Perhaps his fiancé is the one to blame here. Making demands like that. Breaking up the family unit that her daughter and other kids have just because she does not want the op playing softball twice a month. There are 28 to 29 other days in the month which he appears to be completely dedicated to her and the family. This seems to be a power play here.
Yeah this women is no good. I am sure this demand is not the first one. It probably started with smaller things and has gradually grown into this and likely would not stop at this. OP reach down grab your balls to remind yourself your a man and don’t allow yourself to be walked on like that. Its a tough decision but remember a daughter needs a strong father figure just as much as a son. It would be better to be that strong father and see your kid half the time then to be the daddy who wears a skirt and gets walked all over by mommy.
ask her to give up being a controlling cunt on the weekends in return.
[quote]AliveAgain36 wrote:
Orion…
If you want to talk about leaving your wife home while you go on a business trip to Europe and leaving her to deal with doing homework , making lunches, getting kids up and ready…
If you want to talk about leaving her home while you go to a business dinner and relying on her to feed your kids and get shit done around the house while they nag on her…
If you want to ask your wife if you can go play golf with your buddies while she entertains you kids and prevents them from destroying your house.
My wife is someone I’d give up weekend softball for to be a hero and role model to my kids.
Do yourself better or just resolve that you’re never gonna married. But don’t give out marriage advice til you’ve been there.
You’re not married. Shhhhh[/quote]
He ie describing basic human behavior and dynamics. If anything, being unmarried, he retains an objective view of such situations which married people are unable to see. I do find his outlook overly bleak sometimes though.
[quote]jwrhoades1 wrote:
Damn, didn’t think there would be so many responses! First off let me say that this is a very real post! I wish it wasn’t. 2nd, I understand that for most people a woman with 2 kids by different men is a red flag but, I am adopted by my step dad who happens to be my moms 3rd husband. They have been happily married for 30 years so I didn’t hold that against her.
Someone suggested playing league ball on Thursday nights. I actually have been and she is fine with that. For me it is just not the same. Te competition level is much better on weekends and I love the tournament format and sometimes playing many games in a day. The middle daughter actually does play softball and I am the assistant coach on her team. I do not miss any of her games or practices. If we play on the same day, I am late to my tournament or leave early to be at her game.
A lot of what you guys have said is spot on with what I think and how I feel. The hardest part about the whole thing is not seeing my daughter everyday. And honestly, before she was born the every other weekend compromise was no problem.
This is a really tough situation, Yeah I know I shouldn’t have knocked her up when I did but it happened and I wouldn’t change it because I have my little girl now. That said, I feel like I have two options.
Stop playing ball, see my daughter everyday but hold a lot of resentment in my relationship or
Keep playing ball, do not get back into the relationship and see my daughter a couple days a week and every other weekend…
Either way it sucks and to some of you I know it seems easy to walk away from ball but it is something I have played some form of since I was 5 years old and I’d like to play a couple more years while I can still move half way decent.[/quote]
Your story is really hard to believe. Surely there must be things you have ommitted to tell us that have accumulated into this “2 weekends a month softball ban”? I cannot imagine one adult leaving another because of something so mundane unless there are are other contributing factors at play.
[quote]on edge wrote:
[quote]jwrhoades1 wrote:
That said, I feel like I have two options.
Stop playing ball, see my daughter everyday but hold a lot of resentment in my relationship or
Keep playing ball, do not get back into the relationship and see my daughter a couple days a week and every other weekend…
[/quote]
There’s a third option. Stop playing ball, see your daughter everyday and not hold a grudge against your wife. Just accept it and move on.
Btw, I played baseball from 9 to 22 then again from 32 to 36. When my first son was born I quit playing and didn’t feel I was missing out at all. Granted, that was my own choice and not forced upon me but my point is it’s just a game, it shouldn’t be that important. Your daughter and even the other two children are what’s important.
Also, I’m 49 years old and just started playing again in an over 35 baseball league. I don’t like to brag or anything (of course I do) but I am so much more athletic than those guys, some in the 35 to 37 age range. I’m the best hitter and on defense I’m like a man playing with children.
We scrimmaged last weekend with an 18 and over team. Afterward I heard one of the young guys say to my manager “hey you guys have some good team speed!” Since I’m the only one who can run at all, I interpret this remark to mean I was so fast he thought I was multiple people!
My point is (besides the humble brag) if you take care of yourself you can still be athletic later when your kids are doing their own things. My teammates prove that most people fail at this but it is possible. This weekend the season starts so I will find out if my team is just really bad or if I’m really that good.[/quote]
I think this is an excellent post in every way. Both thoughtful with regard to the topic and funny. (A+ post, would read again.) There’s time for stuff. Three kids is tough, and while it’s great that you’re coaching her daughter’s team, OP, we now have whatever time commitment that requires plus Thursdays, plus the weekends. What are your work schedules? Is there plenty of time for family stuff? Does she get similar time to herself without the baby?
All of that said, it’s important to support your partner in his or her passions.
So I dunno. But whatever you do, do it without resentment, which is poison. Also, you should seek 50/50 custody. It’s better for kids and adults. Then you can do whatever you want half the time, and so can she.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
[quote]jwrhoades1 wrote:
That said, I feel like I have two options.
Stop playing ball, see my daughter everyday but hold a lot of resentment in my relationship or
Keep playing ball, do not get back into the relationship and see my daughter a couple days a week and every other weekend…
[/quote]
There’s a third option. Stop playing ball, see your daughter everyday and not hold a grudge against your wife. Just accept it and move on.
Btw, I played baseball from 9 to 22 then again from 32 to 36. When my first son was born I quit playing and didn’t feel I was missing out at all. Granted, that was my own choice and not forced upon me but my point is it’s just a game, it shouldn’t be that important. Your daughter and even the other two children are what’s important.
Also, I’m 49 years old and just started playing again in an over 35 baseball league. I don’t like to brag or anything (of course I do) but I am so much more athletic than those guys, some in the 35 to 37 age range. I’m the best hitter and on defense I’m like a man playing with children.
We scrimmaged last weekend with an 18 and over team. Afterward I heard one of the young guys say to my manager “hey you guys have some good team speed!” Since I’m the only one who can run at all, I interpret this remark to mean I was so fast he thought I was multiple people!
My point is (besides the humble brag) if you take care of yourself you can still be athletic later when your kids are doing their own things. My teammates prove that most people fail at this but it is possible. This weekend the season starts so I will find out if my team is just really bad or if I’m really that good.[/quote]
I think this is an excellent post in every way. Both thoughtful with regard to the topic and funny. (A+ post, would read again.) There’s time for stuff. Three kids is tough, and while it’s great that you’re coaching her daughter’s team, OP, we now have whatever time commitment that requires plus Thursdays, plus the weekends. What are your work schedules? Is there plenty of time for family stuff? Does she get similar time to herself without the baby?
All of that said, it’s important to support your partner in his or her passions.
So I dunno. But whatever you do, do it without resentment, which is poison. Also, you should seek 50/50 custody. It’s better for kids and adults. Then you can do whatever you want half the time, and so can she.[/quote]
The Thursdays are only in play since I am not playing weekends anymore. When I was playing every other weekend I was not playing any during the week. Her daughters softball is something she wants me to do. I enjoy doing it as well, so its not anything that causes an argument.
[quote]Gambit_Lost wrote:
I agree with those who said that you have to think about what is best for your child and work from there. Honestly, if you are giving a full accounting (are you sure you’re not sleeping around on these trips? does she think you are?), then what is best may well be separation. Sad but true.
[/quote]
Absolutely not sleeping around and no she doesn’t think I am.
[quote]dt79 wrote:
[quote]jwrhoades1 wrote:
Damn, didn’t think there would be so many responses! First off let me say that this is a very real post! I wish it wasn’t. 2nd, I understand that for most people a woman with 2 kids by different men is a red flag but, I am adopted by my step dad who happens to be my moms 3rd husband. They have been happily married for 30 years so I didn’t hold that against her.
Someone suggested playing league ball on Thursday nights. I actually have been and she is fine with that. For me it is just not the same. Te competition level is much better on weekends and I love the tournament format and sometimes playing many games in a day. The middle daughter actually does play softball and I am the assistant coach on her team. I do not miss any of her games or practices. If we play on the same day, I am late to my tournament or leave early to be at her game.
A lot of what you guys have said is spot on with what I think and how I feel. The hardest part about the whole thing is not seeing my daughter everyday. And honestly, before she was born the every other weekend compromise was no problem.
This is a really tough situation, Yeah I know I shouldn’t have knocked her up when I did but it happened and I wouldn’t change it because I have my little girl now. That said, I feel like I have two options.
Stop playing ball, see my daughter everyday but hold a lot of resentment in my relationship or
Keep playing ball, do not get back into the relationship and see my daughter a couple days a week and every other weekend…
Either way it sucks and to some of you I know it seems easy to walk away from ball but it is something I have played some form of since I was 5 years old and I’d like to play a couple more years while I can still move half way decent.[/quote]
Your story is really hard to believe. Surely there must be things you have ommitted to tell us that have accumulated into this “2 weekends a month softball ban”? I cannot imagine one adult leaving another because of something so mundane unless there are are other contributing factors at play.[/quote]
What else do you want to know? Its the time away from the family that she doesn’t like. There are times I leave the house at 6 am and don’t get back until 2 am. She has things that she does outside of the house as well. She plays tennis and goes out with gfs for dinner etc… She is not gone for the amount of time I am all at once but really with the way her tennis schedule is the combined amount of time gone per month is very similar…
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
There’s time for stuff. Three kids is tough, and while it’s great that you’re coaching her daughter’s team, OP, we now have whatever time commitment that requires plus Thursdays, plus the weekends. What are your work schedules? Is there plenty of time for family stuff? Does she get similar time to herself without the baby?
All of that said, it’s important to support your partner in his or her passions.
So I dunno. But whatever you do, do it without resentment, which is poison. Also, you should seek 50/50 custody. It’s better for kids and adults. Then you can do whatever you want half the time, and so can she.[/quote]
It’s not “Thursdays, plus the weekends” it was only every other Saturday… He tried Thursdays to replace the Saturdays at one point. I’ve never had 3 kids, and I know that most free time goes out the window in that situation, but I refuse to believe any couple’s time management could be so poor that it would be unreasonable for him to find one out of every fourteen days to devote to his hobby.
[quote]Gambit_Lost wrote:
I agree with those who said that you have to think about what is best for your child and work from there. Honestly, if you are giving a full accounting (are you sure you’re not sleeping around on these trips? does she think you are?), then what is best may well be separation. Sad but true.
[/quote]
Lol, I’m sorry, your post is a good one, but I just have to laugh at the “are you sure you’re not sleeping around,” comment. Like dude’s gonna just forget being balls deep in some hooker…
[quote]on edge wrote:
[quote]jwrhoades1 wrote:
That said, I feel like I have two options.
Stop playing ball, see my daughter everyday but hold a lot of resentment in my relationship or
Keep playing ball, do not get back into the relationship and see my daughter a couple days a week and every other weekend…
[/quote]
There’s a third option. Stop playing ball, see your daughter everyday and not hold a grudge against your wife. Just accept it and move on.
Btw, I played baseball from 9 to 22 then again from 32 to 36. When my first son was born I quit playing and didn’t feel I was missing out at all. Granted, that was my own choice and not forced upon me but my point is it’s just a game, it shouldn’t be that important. Your daughter and even the other two children are what’s important.
Also, I’m 49 years old and just started playing again in an over 35 baseball league. I don’t like to brag or anything (of course I do) but I am so much more athletic than those guys, some in the 35 to 37 age range. I’m the best hitter and on defense I’m like a man playing with children.
We scrimmaged last weekend with an 18 and over team. Afterward I heard one of the young guys say to my manager “hey you guys have some good team speed!” Since I’m the only one who can run at all, I interpret this remark to mean I was so fast he thought I was multiple people!
My point is (besides the humble brag) if you take care of yourself you can still be athletic later when your kids are doing their own things. My teammates prove that most people fail at this but it is possible. This weekend the season starts so I will find out if my team is just really bad or if I’m really that good.[/quote]
But who are you to tell OP how important softball should be to him? What if your wife told you to stop lifting? How about if she said you were spending too much time investing? Would the wife be equally considering giving up her tennis hobby and dinner with girlfriends if OP decided he didn’t like it?
People in this thread just keep implying that softball shouldn’t be important when that’s not his wife’s choice to make.
Obviously it’s impossible to know the complete dynamic of their relationship, and how much time OP has to spend with family outside of his softball hobby is unknown, but this ultimatum of softball or wife is the most completely ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen supported on a site supposedly filled with testosterone.
[quote]LankyMofo wrote:
but this ultimatum of softball or wife is the most completely ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen supported on a site supposedly filled with testosterone.
[/quote]
Yup
[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
[quote]Gambit_Lost wrote:
I agree with those who said that you have to think about what is best for your child and work from there. Honestly, if you are giving a full accounting (are you sure you’re not sleeping around on these trips? does she think you are?), then what is best may well be separation. Sad but true.
[/quote]
Lol, I’m sorry, your post is a good one, but I just have to laugh at the “are you sure you’re not sleeping around,” comment. Like dude’s gonna just forget being balls deep in some hooker…[/quote]
Maybe he was blacked out.
OP, have you ever made her cry by putting your foot down?
In my eyes, making a GF or wife cry shouldn’t be a goal, but it’s a sign of who has power and who has control.
Like “I don’t care what you think, I’M GOING TO PLAY SOFTBALL”
GF: “BOOHOOH waahh waah” (crying is my last attempt to gain control)
…er something like that, maybe I’m way off base here…
[quote]carbiduis wrote:
OP, have you ever made her cry by putting your foot down?
In my eyes, making a GF or wife cry shouldn’t be a goal, but it’s a sign of who has power and who has control.
Like “I don’t care what you think, I’M GOING TO PLAY SOFTBALL”
GF: “BOOHOOH waahh waah” (crying is my last attempt to gain control)
…er something like that, maybe I’m way off base here…[/quote]
[quote]AliveAgain36 wrote:
[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
[quote]Gambit_Lost wrote:
I agree with those who said that you have to think about what is best for your child and work from there. Honestly, if you are giving a full accounting (are you sure you’re not sleeping around on these trips? does she think you are?), then what is best may well be separation. Sad but true.
[/quote]
Lol, I’m sorry, your post is a good one, but I just have to laugh at the “are you sure you’re not sleeping around,” comment. Like dude’s gonna just forget being balls deep in some hooker…[/quote]
Maybe he was blacked out.[/quote]
I suppose that’s a possibility…
[quote]Claudan wrote:
Partners are supposed to encourage and empower you. Not take your interests and turn them against you or make them a negative influence in your life. [/quote]
wisdom in these words - heed them well young padwan~