How many Ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth?
All of them.
A pirate walks into a bar. The bartender can’t help but notice that he’s got a steering wheel sticking out of his pants.
“Hey,” the bartender says, “you have a steering wheel sticking out of your pants!”
“Aye,” the pirate growls, “an’ it’s drivin’ me nuts.”
[quote]Varqanir wrote:
How many Ethiopians can you fit in a phone booth?
All of them.[/quote]
I know it is wrong but I love starvin marvin jokes… I may as well buy spf666 sunscreen now.
Indian Message To The Moon
When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question which his son translated. “What are these guys in the big suits doing?”
A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin-doctors, the NASA folks found a tape recorder.
After the old man recorded his message, they asked the son to translate it. He refused. So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed but refused to translate the elder’s message to the moon.
Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. He reported that the moon message said, “Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land.”
The Native American word for vegetarian is “poor hunter.”
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, “You see that Indian?”
“Yeah,” says the other cowboy.
“Look,” says the first one, “he’s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction.”
Just then the Indian looks up. “Covered wagon,” he says, “about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon.”
“Incredible!” says the cowboy to his friend. “This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!”
The Indian looks up and says, “Ran over me about a half hour ago.”
Is it too soon for Heath Ledger jokes?
Have you ever had ethiopian food?
Neither have they.
Have you heard of Evil Kenevil’s new stunt?
He’s riding thru ethiopia with a sandwich tied to his back.
A guys was speeding down the highway when he sees a cops flashing lights in his rear view mirror. So he put his foot on the gas and gives’er. Soon he hears the siren as the cop car catches up with him. He finally pulls over and stops.
The cop walks up to his window and says “You realize you were speeding”
The guy replies “yes officer”
Cop asks “did you hear my sirens”
The guy replies “yes officer”
The cop asks “then why the hell didn’t you stop”
The guy replies “my wife ran off with a cop, and I thought it was you trying to give her back”
Why is shit tapered, so your asshole doesn’t slam shut.
Why do women wear make-up and perfume, because they’re ugly and they stink
Apparently Heath Ledger died of alcohol poisoning.
Too many Cock Sucking Cowboys!
[quote]rrjc5488 wrote:
Is it too soon for Heath Ledger jokes?[/quote]
Nope.
(I really hope that Cock Sucking Cowboys is a drink outside of Australia otherwise that joke is not funny at all.)
In the upcoming sequel to The Patriot, Heath Ledger will be reprising his role as Gabriel.
Two fags decide they want a baby, so they jack off in a cup and use the sperm to get a lady friend of theirs pregnant. Nine months later they go to the hospital and see all the babies in the nursery.
“Look,” they say, “our baby is the sweetest one. He’s not even crying at all”.
“Now, he’s not crying” the nurse says, “wait till we get the pacifier out of his ass.”
Why do you wrap a hamster in duct tape?
So it doesn’t blow up when you fuck it.
How do you keep a small dog from humping your leg?
Pick it up and suck its dick.
Your mama’s so fat, the back of her head looks like a package of hotdogs.
Your mama’s so fat, after sex I rolled over twice and I’m still on the bitch!
Your mama’s got three teeth: one in her mouth, two in her pocket.
[quote]OctoberGirl wrote:
Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground. One of the cowboys stops and says to the other, “You see that Indian?”
“Yeah,” says the other cowboy.
“Look,” says the first one, “he’s listening to the ground. He can hear things for miles in any direction.”
Just then the Indian looks up. “Covered wagon,” he says, “about two miles away. Have two horses, one brown, one white. Man, woman, child, household effects in wagon.”
“Incredible!” says the cowboy to his friend. “This Indian knows how far away they are, how many horses, what color they are, who is in the wagon, and what is in the wagon. Amazing!”
The Indian looks up and says, “Ran over me about a half hour ago.”
[/quote]
A cowboy and an indian are riding through the prarie quite lost. They stop and the indian drops to the ground, puts his ear too it, listens and stands back up announcing: “mmm buffalo come”
The cowboy replies in amazement: “how can you tell”?
Indian palms the side of his head that was on the ground: “mmm sticky face”
[quote]JRT6 wrote:
A cowboy and an indian are riding through the prarie quite lost. They stop and the indian drops to the ground, puts his ear too it, listens and stands back up announcing: “mmm buffalo come”
The cowboy replies in amazement: “how can you tell”?
Indian palms the side of his head that was on the ground: “mmm sticky face”
[/quote]
haha! that is something I know I never want to see
Question and answer jokes
Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can’t get a finger between the rope and his neck!
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
Q: Why are there so many lawyers in the U.S.?
A: Because St. Patrick chased the snakes out of Ireland.
Q: What’s the difference between the Buffalo Bills and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar.
(Q) why are black people good at basketball?
(A) because they can run, shoot, jump, and steal.