Here’s one to tell your boss’s boss:
What’s fourteen inches long and hangs in front of an asshole?
Your necktie.
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street when they see a young boy walking by. The priest says to the rabbi: “I’d love to fuck him”. The rabbi replied: “Fuck him out of what?”
Two gay guys are having sex on the beach when lightening strikes them both dead. Which gay went to heaven first?
The homo on the bottom because his shit was already packed.
guess who is the quarterback
Two Reasons Why It’s So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder.
- The DNA all matches.
- There are no dental records.
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, “Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City ?”
The agent replies, “Just a minute…”
“Thank you,” the blonde says, and hangs up.
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, “I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.”
“Me neither doc,” said the husband. “But she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.”
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, "I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, Did you?
Leroy replied, “I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?”
Why does the song by Biance go “to the left, to the left”?
Because blacks don’t have rights.
What’s black, long, and smells like crap?
The unemployment line.
A Chinese guy and a Jew are drinking at a bar, and are getting pretty drunk. Suddenly the Jew looks up with a scowl and says, “fuck you Chinese bastards. You oughta be ashamed of yourselves for bombing Pearl Harbor!”
The Chinese guy says, “What’re you talking about? The Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, not the Chinese.”
The Jew grumbles, “Japanese, Chinese, what’s the difference?”
They lapse into silence for a while then suddenly the Chinese guy shouts at the Jew, “damn you Jews, you oughta be ashamed of yourselves for sinking the Titanic!”
The Jew is taken aback. “Sinking the Titanic? You outta your mind? The Titanic sank because it hit an iceberg!”
The Chinese guy shrugs. “Iceberg, Goldberg, what’s the difference?”
You think the other cartoons pissed them off.
(I didn’t make this one.)
A Jew, a Christian and a Muslim are wondering through the desert.
After many hours in the heat they stop as the Christian says, “You know guys, we have been wondering around for a long time now with no sign of help. We are going to die here if we don’t make a plan.”
The other 2 agreed, so they all decided to pray to each of their gods and see which one would help them.
They all died.
What’s the difference between a jew and a pizza?
A pizza doesn’t scream in the oven.
The world record for cramming people in a Volkswagen is currently held by the Germans.
Two in the front, three in the back, and six million in the ashtray.
Q. Why do black people have nightmares?
A. Because the last one that had a dream got shot.
Kelly is so fat, he shows up on radar.
Bill was so fat when he stepped on the scale it said, “To be continued.”
Judy has so many double chins she looks like she is staring at you over a pile of pancakes.
You are so fat you were baptized in Sea World.
Kelly is so fat, people jog around him for exercise.
Jim is so fat when they step on the scale it says, “No live stock please.”
Your mama’s so fat that her belly button makes an echo
Yo momma’s so fat her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard
We went to the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade and 30 guys tried to tie tow ropes to her.
He’s not “fat,” he just has an extensive “fat cell collection.”
She’s fat. Her biggest fear isn’t muggers, it’s poachers.
They want her to pose for the centerfold of the next issue of Cattlemen’s Quarterly.
She’s always been fat. One of her bracelets started the Hula-Hoop craze.
He can legally use the carpool lane, even when he travels alone.
Fat? She’s been stuck to more chairs than used bubble gum.
Fat? During sex, she would call out the name of a condiment.
uhm
so wrong
Q. Why do black people have nightmares?
A. Because the last one that had a dream got shot.
so bad, but so morbidly funny, i feel sick just laughing at it, im still laughing
I. LOVE. THIS. FORUM.
Q. What do you call a Jewish Baker?
A. Adolf Hitler.