I don’t think the fear of re injury ever really completely goes after but like you should believe in all the good work you’ve done so far and the human body’s incredible ability to adapt: every pain free rep is building increasing tolerance in your body tissues and decreasing susceptibility to flare ups.
When u believe everything is possible
I kinda got to object to this man. From what I see of you on here, you’re always positive and supportive and dealing with your issues admirably.
Wait till you miss one and catch your shin!! Then you’ll hate them.
Yeah, what he said. Not at all trying to minimize or disregard what you feel inside, but nobody here perceives you as a miserable cunt, quite the opposite. For whatever it’s worth.
Appreciate the @ buddy, I can’t weight in on the medical stuff as I know absolutely fuck all. Let’s just hope that it’s the right call that they’re making and if not that they’re not too blinded by their ego to revert. I know it’s hard, and that life has been giving you haymakers for a long time. It’s not unreasonable that you feel as you do. I know that doesn’t make it any easier to continue wading through the quagmire, but hey at least you continue putting one foot in front of the other.
I don’t know what psychotherapy you are receiving but maybe there are avenues there left to explore. Is it cognitive behaviour therapy or eye movement desensitization and reprocessing? I have a book called Happy by Derren Brown in my bookshelf which allegedly helps some people but I haven’t had the energy to open it up yet nor the need. I have enough “escapes”.
Well I guess it’s one of those what you see isn’t always what you get scenarios.
I can feel empathy towards others, just rarely for myself. I am a supportive person because I like to be nice towards others but it’s not a reflection of what’s going on inside me. I have long ago consciously made it a point for myself to never let my misery, bitterness and frustration out on others. I am nearly always able to stick to that.
I can hide and cover up my issues easily, to the point that no one would ever know how I’m doing. For a few years I did that and even close friends had no idea that I in fact had lost it completely for a while.
Besides tnation, a few rare talks with my best friends and doctors visits, I actually never talk about this kind of stuff. It’s too difficult a concept to grasp for many, my parents included for example. They are as supportive as I could wish for but to no fault of their own, they don’t really understand how depression as an illness works. I don’t think that a lot of people do that, unless they’ve dealt with it themselves. When my mother says that I need to start focusing on the positive thoughts and oppotunities for the future, it’s essentially as if she was asking me to jump 5 metres high. I can try as much as I want, it’s not gonna happen.
I appreciate the kind words guys and it’s nice to know that I don’t come off they way I feel. Now to only figure out how to actually feel as I seem on the outside.
This is absolutely one point that is bothering me. I took the time to read the letter again and send it to a friend as well to “translate” doctor’s language into German. Next step will be an appointment with my physician so that we can discuss the letter.
Two things in particular bother me:
They said I don’t have typical characterics (reffering to behavior) of someone with low test. I mean how is that even judged? Because I didn’t try to get the doc in bed during our 20 minute consultation?
They are essentially doubting everything the previous attending doctor has done and want to kind of reset everything and do it from scratch.
I mean now laying off the testosterone gel has to result in my t-levels decreasing again, right? That’s not hard to figure out. But fuck it, we need to see what happens anyway.
That one. I know there are avenues left.
This pretty much sums up why I haven’t explored any. I am fucking tired and exhausted… Not the kind of tired you get from not sleeping. I just don’t know where I can get the energy if so far nothing ever worked? It’s hard to not lose hope if you have disappointment and failures piling up like that behind you.
I’m not at my worst at all currently and not suicidal but I would really like to get past this point and to actually “healthy”. Fucking once at least.
With hormone stuff, “typical” is a slippery slope that never works well for the patient- especially if they “appear fit” , are female or a nonwhite person
It’s usually not the dr’s fault either
Sucks to hear man.
I would be challenging this, as in: what characteristics do you not have? And how are they assessing whether you have them or not?
I recommend not trying this. Because what happens if you succeed?
Behavior is a pretty bad indicator. I feel that behaviour is way too easy to fake and assimilate. And when there’s a mental aspect to a medical situation you have a chicken and egg problem with hormones. Maybe bring a friend, maybe the guy who knows PEDs or someone that speaks doctor to an appointment.
Remind them. Like, hey we’ve been doing this but it’s not working what about these options?
I try to think of it as if I had a coach helping me to bring my squat up. This is just a metaphorically framework of course so the numbers are just made up. If, after ten weeks on their program, I don’t see that I’ve gotten stronger but I’ve delivers on execution, recovery and diet I’d go back and express that there’s a need to tweak something.
Ah sorry I haven’t been specific enough here. I’m not in therapy right now. I haven’t been since I left the clinic early March.
Also 15.06.
Swam 10 laps and enjoyed bubble massage in the indoor pool. I hope the whirlpool and saunas open up soon, so that I can have the real benefits of this job!
16.06.
Trained at work before my shift today. I think the air conditioning broke. Humidity was awful.
Delts and glutes sore. Lower back felt like yesterday was a rest day, lol. Quality stuff.
1 push jerk
4 x 5 @ 102,5 kg
2 paused front squat (2 sec. in the hole; instructions were to use straps instead of cross grip)
4 x 5 @ 90 kg
3 reverse lunges (alternating legs)
4 x 6 @ 35 kg
4 pendlay rows (paused. Coach said these looked perfect last time)
3 x 12 @ 70 kg
5 db shoulder press
3 x 12 @ 30 kg
6 hollow holds (arms by my side)
4 x 20 sec
Notes:
17.06.
16 laps in the pool before work.
Medicine reduction isn’t too bad so far. Melatonin is doing me good as far as I can tell but nothing spectacular. I will ask about increasing the dosage tomorrow .
Glad the meds reduction is going OK. What is the situation regarding restrictions due to COVID like where you are ??
Gym looks sexi but is just not same lol
Is this the plan for the foreseeable? I would love this option available. I mean, I guess I could go swim in the sea, but it’s not the same somehow.
Have you tried magnesium before bed? I find it helps me relax
Side note: it also seems to help when my joints are sore, but that might be placebo
@simo74 it’s all opening up gradually. I’m in one of the slower federal states. We have 118 confirmed cases in our county (275.000 people). So people are understandably chill.
@guineapig exactly! Plus can’t let the belly out. Major minus.
@dagill2 yeah I’ll try to go once or twice and increase number of laps gradually. Remember though that my technique can be described by “well, at least he didn’t drown”.
Yep, I have. I still take it. Can’t say that I noticed much from it .