Lol. No. I’m a little scared if we are being honest.
I am planning to switch from single leg deadlifts to RDLs. Maybe I’ll try the carries on my next conditioning day.
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Well, I am currently stuck under the wagon. Fell off of my good diet and now I’m struggling to get back on. The only thing still going well are my workouts. Hopefully getting back to work after 5 days off will push me back in the right direction. I have a much easier time sticking to my meal plans when I’m not at home all day. Also it’s been a fairly social week for us. Gone all weekend for the wedding, tonight was the senior night for cross country which is a potluck and tomorrow night is out to eat for my boy’s birthday. It’s the big 18. I have raised a human all the way to adulthood. Go me. Tomorrow I will tell my son about the day 18 years ago that they sliced me open like Freddy Krueger and pulled a 9 pound human out of me. It’s fun to bond over the story of his birth. Lol. Tomorrow I will be better. Tomorrow I will be stronger. Tonight I will sleep well.
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I’m trying to learn to view these drops into poor behavior as a nice part of the whole. It feels good to be on track, but it feels a different kind of good to jump down off the wagon for life things. Fun! If weight comes up as a result, well, there’s the wagon and it’s waiting right where I left it. Back on I go! And that part feels good, too. In control, seeing progress - very satisfying. A whole different kind of fun, letting my neuroses run free as I add just a sliver of butter to my potato or add one more bite of chicken when I weigh my lunch.
Accepting that life is variable and so can you be (it’s not failure) is the real challenge for some of us. It’s not all or nothing, it’s where we spend “most” that matters.
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Just had a similar conversation with my husband. While I do see what you mean, for myself I don’t necessarily agree. It would be one thing if my indiscretions were things like adding a bit of butter or a little extra chicken, but that’s not what I do. I don’t even consider that a slip from the wagon actually. My problem is that once I tell myself it’s ok to have a cookie it’s not long until I have a whole plate of them. And I don’t actually find joy from it. I tell myself that I’m going to enjoy a treat then I eat 12 and end up sick to my stomach and feeling like shit. I’ve spiraled pretty badly this past week and I don’t think I enjoyed a single moment of it and have been suffering in my digestive tract for the past 4 days. For me it’s kind of like thinking, wow I haven’t smoked in like 22 years. I deserve a cigarette. No good will come from it. Lol.
Edit: For purposes of clarity, I’m talking about clean eating, not necessarily caloric increase. It’s the sugar and processed foods that get me.
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No, those aren’t my indiscretions - those are me on track! Weighing and taking only a tiny bit of less-optimal things.
No, off the wagon is trying to behave at the fair by having French fries and a gyro and a turkey leg and a giant pretzel, but not fried dough. NOT by enjoying a sliver of anything, lol.
I’ve also come to view the hangover from poor eating as a positive - I’m very motivated to switch back to clean. The cookies were good, the martinis were good, but the after effects were not good. I climb enthusiastically back onto the wagon.
I’m trying to learn moderation, but it’s hard. But I don’t want to feel like an asshole for doing briefly what most people do every day for their entire lives. That makes me resentful after a while, and then I fall apart completely.
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For me the stress of worrying about it is more detrimental than the actual food.
I agree with @EmilyQ shits happens and it’s OK.
Sorry you feel bad but this too shall pass. Just dust yourself off and get back on the horse.
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I suck at moderation. Lol.
I disagree wholeheartedly. Lol. I hate the hangover. Same as with alcohol. Not worth it at all for me. Just need to get myself with shitty food to where I am with booze.
This can be a problem for me. But once I get my brain wrapped around the health aspect and back to remembering that feeling good is the goal I will be better. I just need to find good things to have as treats. Like baked apples and such.
I’m feeling down on myself, but it’s been a bad weekend and that hasn’t helped. But I’m feeling more hopeful today. Today will be better.
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10/8 Calories: 1396 Protein: 133 Carbs: 85 Fat: 47
146.4
Squats: (85, 95) 125, 130, 125
Bench: (65, 70) 85, 90, 95 x 4
RDL 75, 85, 95 wasn’t sure where to start on these. This felt pretty good.
Single arm row: (15) 30, 30, 30
Super set
Tricep extensions 3 x 10: 15, 15, 20 x 8
Hammer curls 3 x 10: 15, 20, 20
Situps 2.5# plate behind head 20 x 2 15 x 1
Oh good lord. These suck.
So today was not my best day. Not my worst either. Not much in the area of improvement but it was a session and I made it through to the end. Back on track today.
Gonna replace farmer carries with overhead carries tomorrow. Something tells me I will regret this decision. Might change up the circuit as well. We will see. Today was good. Tomorrow will be better.
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Do you mind me asking what drives this behavior ? What makes you think it is OK to have a cookie ? How does the cookie bring you closer to your training or general happiness goals ?
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It doesn’t. In any way. Which is kind of my point. I am trying to kill the part of my brain that sees food as a treat or reward. I’m not entirely sure where the weakness lives in me that makes me do that kind of thing to myself. I assume it’s years of conditioning. I really am trying to get past it. I try to remember that being able to do all the things I want to do (hike with my family, help my husband lift things, go up and down stairs without losing my breath, being a general badass) is really more of a reward than anything. Plus the ability to just put on clothes and leave the house! Such a wonderful feeling!! But it’s kind of like I was with alcohol, I finally got to the point where I got tired of making myself feel like shit. I think I’m pretty close to that with food. Feeling good is it’s own reward. And I really do like when my digestive tract works properly, and I can sleep properly. So to your point, it doesn’t help me in any way. So all of that ramble has put my brain back where it needs to be. I assume that was the purpose of the question. So thank you for that. I think I might be out of my funk and back to a good mindset. 
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you are welcome
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You’re a good man Charlie Brown.
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Simo out here fixing the world, one sentence at a time
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Perspective is important. I’m always glad to be given some.
This is the positive of it for me. It’s a reminder that it’s not just calories, which if I’m in the right mood are not compelling to me. My inner voice will scream “I’m not even fat! Why does everyone else get to eat cookies and have fun and I have to be special and strong and better than the happy people??” The hangover reminds me that it’s not merely about vanity. Which is good, because I’m not always vain enough to keep myself on track. As the consequences of poor eating (inflammatory response) have become increasingly apparent systemically, I’ve been more motivated to make better choices, or, at times, make poor choices, pay the piper, and happily put myself back in position to feel good. Inflammation has become a thing for me over maybe the past 5 years, and it wasn’t until I made profound changes two years ago that I realized that I could eliminate it via good diet. My diet was always very good - just not excellent, which is where I feel best.
So I view the inflammation as a guard rail that keeps me in check. I have also come to feel, during this journey, that there are times when inflammation and/or a small weight gain are the cost of doing business. Vacations and holidays are a time to loosen up a bit for many reasons, mostly social for me, but also unavailability of better options, and the hangover after too much of it is my reminder/motivation to quickly return to what I’ve come to think of as normal.
I love the idea of you setting alcohol down because it doesn’t serve you - there’s not enough enjoyment to make it worth the consequences. If that’s where you’re getting with food, I’m thrilled for you. I just don’t like the self-punishing sound of your earlier posts about it. All or nothing attitudes carry a strong risk of “nothing” being the end result. You’re doing a great job! Screw up, note it, think about why and was the “why” valid, and then move on with yourself as a supporter, not a critic.
Sorry for the giant lecture! I just don’t want you to ever feel like you suck, because you don’t.
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I get what you are saying for sure. And yes, I do get down on myself sometimes. I think that’s probably normal for most people. I appreciate the concern. I just don’t enjoy when I forget the why of what I’m trying to do. It’s to feel good mentally and physically. Neither of those things happen when I fall into bad habits of the past. I used to actually say to people “I’d rather be fat and happy than thin and hungry” I laugh at myself for such an absurd thought. I was 230# at the age of 28 and I promise you I wasn’t happy. I suppose the reason I get so frustrated with myself when I fall into poor eating is because I AM happy when I’m rigid with my diet. I feel good and I sleep well. Then I do stupid shit, feel like shit and have to go through the whole getting off of sugar bullshit again. Please don’t think that I in any way feel like someone else should look at things the way I do or live the way I do.
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10/8 Calories: 1406 Protein: 133 Carbs: 88 Fat: 46
144.8
Well, I had some left lateral hip pain yesterday and woke up with it again today so I decided to bail on my jump squats and go for a nice walk with my favorite garden gnome. It was a nice way to start the morning. Feeling pretty good today and have a positive outlook for the day. Today will be good.
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Busted!
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Blahahahaha! 
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