Once, I Was So Wasted That I...

Off Topic
61

…drank 4 pitchers of shitty beer, then later while walking home i decided it was cold as fuck so i started running as fast i could but kept my hands in my hoodie pockets, tripped over a speed bump that did it’s job and woke up looking like 2-face from batman.

Climbed onto a garage (which had a hottub below it) and started pouring shots into the mouths of the people in a hottub below. then i put down the bottle of rum and moved a few feet over to take a leak off the roof. midleak i looked down and seen my budies gf taking a chugg off my golden stream…didn’t tell him until after i saw him making out with her later.

62

[quote]Yo Momma wrote:
I played in a rock and roll tour band back in the seventies. I was wasted for a decade.

I have a tattoo on my back, an 8 inch scar on my arm from a barfight, and a small bullet hole on my shin, where I shot myself with my own .22 pistol. All of which I don’t remember.

But never, EVER, was I so wasted, that I thought waffles were better than pancakes!!![/quote]

I guess that is a +1 for me, for better or worse

heres a good one

… blacked out with 10 shots of JD in 30 mins, woke up next morning in someone’s bathroom about half a mile away from where I was staying in just my boxers (this was summer 05 during my beach trip after HS graduation)

63

Got so trashed at the B in laws wedding I got back to the house with only my shirt on (not sure where it went) Tried to fight the best man cause he was the only one as drunk as me. apparently I was trying to rap to my buddy who was talking shit to me about my lawn. So I threw up on said lawn. Fell down. Wife tried to get me inside. She cant lift me ended up having to sleep some of it off on the front porch.

Got hammered at a house party and the owner of the house was a big dick about “Make sure you only drink what you brought” So I drank my fith then drank his beer then I pushed the empty bottles upside down into the grass so only about 1/4 inch was sticking out. pissed in the pond and broke a couple of his lawn chairs while I was falling down on them.
Then two weeks later saw him at a bar and confessed my sins. He said he hit some of the bottles with his lawn mower.

I am an asshole!

64

[quote]Hyperion wrote:
Got so trashed at the B in laws wedding I got back to the house with only my shirt on (not sure where it went) Tried to fight the best man cause he was the only one as drunk as me. apparently I was trying to rap to my buddy who was talking shit to me about my lawn. So I threw up on said lawn. Fell down. Wife tried to get me inside. She cant lift me ended up having to sleep some of it off on the front porch.

Got hammered at a house party and the owner of the house was a big dick about “Make sure you only drink what you brought” So I drank my fith then drank his beer then I pushed the empty bottles upside down into the grass so only about 1/4 inch was sticking out. pissed in the pond and broke a couple of his lawn chairs while I was falling down on them.
Then two weeks later saw him at a bar and confessed my sins. He said he hit some of the bottles with his lawn mower.

I am an asshole![/quote]

NICE

65

Got wasted and ended up married. So I got wasted until it was over!

66

Woke up one morning after a party, heard someone say ‘look, he threw up, and he’s laying in it’ thought to myself ‘who’, then looked over and discovered it was me.

Realized I needed to puke again, so I started crawling toward the glass sliding door leading onto the deck. When I thought I might not make it outside before I puked, I picked up the pace, only to get jerked back when the rope tied from my foot to the couch ran out of slack. Puked on the carpet. Untied my foot, tried to stand, but couldn’t so I crawled out onto the deck, I needed to puke some more.

While on my knees, I attempted to put my head between the rails to puke over the side, it wouldn’t fit, so I puked on the deck.

Turned out a guy had tied my foot to the couch because he was worried I would wander off into the cold and freeze to death. Thanks man you probably saved my life.

As my buddy drove me home, on a Sunday morning, with passing motorists were on their way to church, we pulled over twice more so I could puke.

Then at home, I puked on the neighbor’s car.

67

One more.

I was in a bar in Chicago on a night out during a company training seminar with about 12 others. None of us were from Chicago.

So I’m talking to some people I had just met. Heard what sounded like someone drop a beer bottle behind me, turned my head back and kept talking to the people. Suddenly the bartender and another guy came running toward me asking if I was OK, I’m thinking ‘WTF, I’m fine, I’m just talking to these people’.

Turns out someone had thrown a beer glass from across the bar and it hit me in the face. The sound I thought was a beer bottle dropping was the glass breaking when it hit my face, and my head turned because of the impact.

I was very lucky. Had a couple tiny cuts on my face and ear, and a bit of a black eye.

The person who threw the glass was another employee of the company, who was sitting in the seminar with me the next day. Man did he ever feel like shit.

68

[quote]Boomer91 wrote:
Climbed onto a garage (which had a hottub below it) and started pouring shots into the mouths of the people in a hottub below. then i put down the bottle of rum and moved a few feet over to take a leak off the roof. midleak i looked down and seen my budies gf taking a chugg off my golden stream…didn’t tell him until after i saw him making out with her later.[/quote]

Oh my god, I haven’t laughed that hard in months. I don’t have any cool stories about me, I don’t drink. If I remember any good ones from my teammates I’ll let you know.

69

I walked into Lloyd Banks. Hard. On New Years Eve. Hard.

I barely remember it but still…

70

[quote]Beowolf wrote:
I walked into Lloyd Banks. Hard. On New Years Eve. Hard.

I barely remember it but still…[/quote]

Why were you hard?

DB

71

Lost all my clothes coming home from a Benjy Davis Project concert, woke up outside the Kappa Sig house beside some bushes and had to walk back to the dorm.

72

[quote]Irish Iron wrote:
Lost all my clothes coming home from a Benjy Davis Project concert, woke up outside the Kappa Sig house beside some bushes and had to walk back to the dorm.[/quote]

What’s with you and double/triple posts?

73

Passed out at a urinal.

My brother followed me into the bathroom because I was void of color. After I finished pissing I just went straight back to the floor with my pants down.

He finished pissing and proceeded to pull my pants up for me. Apparently a couple of people came into the bathroom while he was in the process.

A guy walks in looks down and sees one guy passed out on the floor, another guy crouched over him messing with his pants. My brother looks up and “It’s okay he’s my brother”

The guy ran out. The comment my brother made didn’t really explain things as much as he thought it would.

74

[quote]dollarbill44 wrote:
Beowolf wrote:
I walked into Lloyd Banks. Hard. On New Years Eve. Hard.

I barely remember it but still…

Why were you hard?

DB[/quote]

You gotta come hard when you deal with gangsters, I think…

75

I got wasted with my mates. Got split up, pulled a chick, went home with her to a family party thing. Ended up getting even more wasted with like, all her family, sharing all kinds of sobs stories and stuff.

I think I was actually crying at one point. Anyway, went to bed with her, had some nasty sex with her. Woke up in the morning, and everything was wet.

Basically, I did a huge piss in the bed with her, so I had to sneak out of her house. Stinking of piss, I went to a store, bought some new clothes, and then went to a train station and got a wash in the toilets. Went out in my new clothes after I rendezvoused with my boys the same night.

Another time, me and a few of my mates were out for the night off camp, and these girls shouted us from an apartment window. Said we could come to an “Anne Summers” party, (girls only), if we thonged up.

So me and the guys were wearing chicks thongs (they don’t work for guys), and we were playing sex games and shit with all these chicks, watching them try on sexy outfits, then trying them on ourselves, and getting them to play with all these sex toys and shit.

Was a good night. About 6 months later, I was talking to a guy who wasn’t there, on the train, but he was in my troop, and he had a picture of me and one of the guys from that party on his laptop!

I have endless amounts of crazy stories.

76

got my foot broken by a fat chick that spilt my beer

threw up off a balcony onto a cop car (new years eve)

Threw up all over a dorm washroom, then ripped out a sink (i was also on antibiotics at the time, they needed a pressure washer to clean it all up)

Got a gun pulled on me and my buddies by a cab driver that almost ran us over

Got branded with our Res Building’s name

Good Times…

77

[quote]Rhino Jockey wrote:
Molotov_Coktease wrote:

A 2 by 4 from the fence came through the window and impaled my friend Greg sitting right next to me.

[/quote]

Yeah, the worst thing about that, is that he lived… and then got in a motorcycle crash a year later and died. One chance, two chance… dead. Death is after us all. If you cheat it once, you better recognize. Fool.

79

got an mip when sober, came back and bought into a half gallon of “uncle” kessler a buddy had, got into the passenger side of a car, then woke up in my bed the next morning to my roommate shaking me telling me I had to go into work.

I wouldn’t drink water out of a glass, only out of a bowl, and don’t remember the drive into work… oopsies.

on another note, drank a keg with 7 other friends in one night and woke up on a kitchen counter in my dorm…

80

Tried to pick up Amanda Bynes, and failed.

Spilled a beer on Dee Brown, of the National Championship losing University of Illinois basketball team.

Almost had a 4-way with members of the University of Illinois marching band(all female btw)

Was having a house party when the parents were out of town my senior year of high school, was completely wasted, got a phone call, though it said ron on the caller id, actually it said Mom, so I answered the phone like this

“Whats Up!?? I’m Fucked up!!!”

We have somehow never discussed it 4 years later.

Played 10 cup with Captain Morgan, it ended exactly how you would expect. Table got broke in half, captain morgan covered the curtains, an asian kid somehow got knocked out, I finally crashed but got woke up by my doorbell at 2 in the morning cuz one of my buddies drunk dialed his mom and asked her to come get him.

Drunk dialed my ex girlfriend, who was 19 at the time and dating a 32 year old, called her a whore, and told her I hoped she enjoyed his old wrinkled balls on her face.

These were pretty much all from the summer after my senior year of high school and my freshmen year of college, ive mellowed quite a bit in my old age of 22.