Hi Zap -
Been through something very similar. Although they mean well, the guys telling you to just get fucked up and forget it are way off of base.
It helps to step back sometimes and take a look at what is really happenning.
First, what is the problem? Not that an old flame is getting married. You got married. You don’t expect her to stay single forever, in case your wife dies, right?
The problem is the way you are thinking about the situation. You can’t control your emotions. You can fucking try all you want, but all you will do is make yourself sick. Better to figure out what’s up:
Emotion = physical / mental response to an event or state of affairs that affects something you value.
If I tell you that my dog died, there is no strong emotion on your part, because you don’t value my dog. If I tell you my sister got married, same. This chick gets married, and we’re off to the races.
Why? Because you value her. But is this rational? I don’t think so. What you value is her as you knew her at the time you were together. You value the relationship you had.
Dude - you’re not losing that, anymore than she lost it when you got married.
The only place that chick still exists is in your head. So keep her there, cherish the memories.
As for the current situation, I would actually go to the thing and talk to her. It could be a lot of fun.
Just remember, that although none of us can control our emotions, we can control our actions. If you play this right, you can come out of it with something a hell of a lot more valuable than sex. You can get some closure emotionally, and you may end up with a new / old friend.
A quick note here - don’t put yourself in a situation where you are more likely to make a mistake. Don’t get drunk or baked. Don’t be alone with her, except where you can be easily seen / intruded on by others.
It may help to picture your wife and kids faces as you confess screwing around to them…
