[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
I think if I brought it up her first question would be why I want to know or even more likely she would read my mind instantly figure everything out.[/quote]
Damn those women and their penetrating intuition.
Get some rest. And best of luck - I have no doubt it will turn out well.
Not married, and young enough to be your daughter ( almost).
I dont think its necessary to tell your wife.
or rather,
Know that if you do, even if she is the secure type, she too will probably have a slightly irrational reaction, and be hurt.
However, if you think you need her help to get through this, I am sure that as your wife, she’d rather be told something that might temporarily hurt her than not be told at all.
That being said,
If you can get through this on your own, it would be best.
It made me laugh, but the njworkout… poster who suggested banging your wife 4-5 times on a date had a good point.
Truly though,
Dont underestimate what your lack of sleep is doing to you physically and emotionally.
If you want to tell your wife, dont have only one good night’s sleep under your belt, have an entire weeks!
And finally,
you said other stuff has been going on in your life. It is possible you are transferring the anxiety from those aspects of your life into this problem.
Maybe, grapple with all the other shit going, and take the baby steps necessary to fix them: I bet that once all that is under control, you will magically feel less unstable about your ex.
best of luck!
SL
Zap,
The parallels between this situation and a personal tale I could tell amaze me. I’m going to keep this short, since this thread already contains more concentrated thoughtful writing than just about any I’ve seen here in all my years.
This is part of a larger issue triggered by turning 40 and subconsciously re-evaluating an entire life. These feelings are significant and cannot be dealt with by alcohol or lifting or just “manning up.”
Talk about it with your best friend, who understands you like no other and can keep a secret. If that best friend is your wife (which is my case), you have to realize there’s a possibility that an emotional element will creep into her perception of the story. I would advise that you downplay the exGF part of it. Put it all in the context of hitting 40, thinking about the past 4 decades, looking for closure, dealing with lots of issues. Don’t make it the main plot of the story.
I’m assuming from comments in this thread that you have a great life and don’t want to change it; make sure your wife knows that. We tend to dwell on certain events in our lives (see TrainerinDC’s brilliant post).
Good luck.
[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
TACHICK wrote:
doogie wrote:
Telling the bridesmaid was stupid. You need to get your head out of your ass before you fuck up your marriage. This is the same “grass is greener” bullshit that leads guys to fuck around. In a year she’ll have put on 20 lbs of flam, let her looks go to shit, will be a nagging hag, and you’ll be lucky enough not to be stuck with her.
AMEN. I wish someone would’ve told my ex-fiance this, then we might still be together and he wouldn’t be hooking up with bar sluts and internet whores. Things DO happen for a reason though, if someone could enlighten me on why I’m going thru this horse shit, I would be most appreciative!
Based on your occupation ANTMAN517’S EX I would say you have some serious issues you have to work through.
Not all guys are pigs. I hope you meet a better man and I hope you can get ANTMAN off your mind.[/quote]
FYI, I put my occupation as ANTMAN517’S ex down as a joke, not b/c I have “serious issues” other than the fact that his mommy and daddy still dictate his every move when he’s almost 33 years old, w/our kid on the way, and him still living in “their” house.
My main concern at this point in time is retrieving all of my personal belongings from his parents house and moving them into my apartment, which no one helped me get…that’s all.
[quote]TACHICK wrote:
FYI, I put my occupation as ANTMAN517’S ex down as a joke, not b/c I have “serious issues” other than the fact that his mommy and daddy still dictate his every move when he’s almost 33 years old, w/our kid on the way, and him still living in “their” house.
[/quote]
Wow.
[quote]TACHICK wrote:
FYI, I put my occupation as ANTMAN517’S ex down as a joke, not b/c I have “serious issues”
[/quote]
Realize what you just said in the rest of your post made you sound like a total tool. There are times when you have to suck it up and shut up, that was one of them.
Anyhow, let us know how you sleep tonight zap, hopefully things are improving.
[quote]TACHICK wrote:
FYI, I put my occupation as ANTMAN517’S ex down as a joke, not b/c I have “serious issues” other than the fact that his mommy and daddy still dictate his every move when he’s almost 33 years old, w/our kid on the way, and him still living in “their” house.
My main concern at this point in time is retrieving all of my personal belongings from his parents house and moving them into my apartment, which no one helped me get…that’s all.
[/quote]
What’s that they say about “A woman scorned”?
Oh, yea, she’s an angry vindictive bitch.
Nevermind then.
[quote]DPH wrote:
you sir are suffering from a self induced mind-fuck…low levels of testosterone are compounding your suffering (let’s face it, you’re acting like a highschool girl that’s just been dumped)…
step one: drink/smoke until you pass out.
step two: (the next day) inject 3cc of enanthate. Drink a big mug of coffee.
step three: realize that if you had stayed with her she would have driven you bat-shit crazy with all the horridly annoying irrational crap she used to pull (I know this is true because all women are like this).
step four: be a man for christ’s sake…enough of this sniveling highschool drama shit.
step five: if you’re not better by this time you need to have one of your friends punch you in the head and knock some sense into you.[/quote]
DPH KNOWSS HIS SHIT! lol
[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
He still does not compare to my greatness.[/quote]
You really are Zap Branigan, are you?
does the girl you talk about by any chance have just one eye?
Just pulling your leg.
Keep it up. I think many of us have been in your situation.
You just have to realise that your girlfriend wouldn’t by any means live up to the projections in your mind.
You weren’t close with her for a long time - she isn’t the person your mind mades up for you.
…
[quote]rainjack wrote:
Dan John gave you some great advice.
But I have to wonder if your wife hasn’t noticed a change in your behavior lately.
My wife can pick up on the slightest change in my mood. I am glad she does because, she allows me to talk to her, and get it out.
I am not saying chase your wife down and say, “Honey, I am depressed and deeply saddened by my ex getting married”.
But if she’s asking if something is wrong, I think you owe it to her to be honest. [/quote]
No way! I would not do that. Tell her you have insomnia, West Nile Virus, chronic jock itch, anything! but do not tell her you are still hung up on your old girlfriend.
Now go drinking with your friends and watch sports.
[quote]on edge wrote:
Zap Branigan wrote:
I think I will talk to my wife tommorow night. My older daughter has a sleep over. If we can get the little one to sleep we will actually have some time to talk.
NO!
Zap, you don’t have the right to lay this on your wife. Deal with it yourself and get over it. Don’t bring her into it and stress her life out. If you love her protect her feelings and protect your marriage.
Even if she’s totally understanding and supportive, at some level it will hurt her. Don’t do it. Marriages don’t need to take any extra dings.[/quote]
Listen to him. He is wise.
You guys cannot know how great it is to reread all your responses in the wee small hours of the night.
At some time in the future I will look back at this and wonder what the hell was I thinking.
[quote]hockechamp14 wrote:
TACHICK wrote:
FYI, I put my occupation as ANTMAN517’S ex down as a joke, not b/c I have “serious issues”
Realize what you just said in the rest of your post made you sound like a total tool. There are times when you have to suck it up and shut up, that was one of them.
Anyhow, let us know how you sleep tonight zap, hopefully things are improving.[/quote]
Why do I sound like a tool. I’m simply stating the facts of what’s going on in my relationship w/him. And no, I don’t have to shut up regardless of what your opinion on the matter is. Until you walk a day in my shoes, maybe you should mind your own business and tell someone else your opinions.
[quote]FightinIrish26 wrote:
TACHICK wrote:
FYI, I put my occupation as ANTMAN517’S ex down as a joke, not b/c I have “serious issues” other than the fact that his mommy and daddy still dictate his every move when he’s almost 33 years old, w/our kid on the way, and him still living in “their” house.
My main concern at this point in time is retrieving all of my personal belongings from his parents house and moving them into my apartment, which no one helped me get…that’s all.
What’s that they say about “A woman scorned”?
Oh, yea, she’s an angry vindictive bitch.
Nevermind then.[/quote]
Yeah you’re damn right I’m an angry bitch and with good reason. It’s men like him that wind up with their dicks superglued to their stomachs when they wake up in the morning.
[quote]TACHICK wrote:
Yeah you’re damn right I’m an angry bitch and with good reason. It’s men like him that wind up with their dicks superglued to their stomachs when they wake up in the morning.
[/quote]
That’s fucked up, I thought it was just extra sticky cum stain.
Holy crap! Don’t put ANYTHING in writing you don’t want your wife to read. That includes blogs. That includes here.
[quote]oriensus wrote:
TACHICK wrote:
Yeah you’re damn right I’m an angry bitch and with good reason. It’s men like him that wind up with their dicks superglued to their stomachs when they wake up in the morning.
That’s fucked up, I thought it was just extra sticky cum stain.
[/quote]
Seriously… plus, it seems to me that a woman has more potential for damage when it comes to genitalia and super glue.
I like this TACHICK. Too bad she got hooked up with such a loser. I will never be able to use Super Glue again without thinking of her.
[quote]TACHICK wrote:
FYI, I put my occupation as ANTMAN517’S ex down as a joke, not b/c I have “serious issues” other than the fact that his mommy and daddy still dictate his every move when he’s almost 33 years old, w/our kid on the way, and him still living in “their” house.
My main concern at this point in time is retrieving all of my personal belongings from his parents house and moving them into my apartment, which no one helped me get…that’s all.
[/quote]
how does allowing yourself to get knocked up by such a loser reflect on you?
maybe you should have taken the time to assess the situation BEFORE you allowed yourself to get pregnant…
it seems as though YOU have made some very poor choices and want to blame them all on someone else…
great (sarcasm), another child brought into the world by irresponsible stupid-fucks…
[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
You guys cannot know how great it is to reread all your responses in the wee small hours of the night.
At some time in the future I will look back at this and wonder what the hell was I thinking.[/quote]
It will seem so petty to you. To bad you live in the now, eh?