[quote]rainjack wrote:
Arc_1mpuls3 wrote:
The first rule of fight club: you do not talk about fight club
I think telling your wife is a poor decision.
This isn’t as fucking movie.
Good lord. Are you people so duplicitous that you will actually keep something as trivial as an old flame that is tearing you up quiet?
Zap just said there was a whole laundry list of things that were causing him some stress.
Knowing that - my bet is that the ex getting married is not the real problem - it is just the manifestation of many things.
I’m gald I don’t have to live like some of you. Honesty keeps the ulcers at bay and - believe it or not - strengthens relationships. I know - go figure. Telling the truth being good for you.
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I agree with RJ. The old gf getting married is kind of the straw that broke the camels back but there are many other things.
The problem with the old gf is that I have no control of the emotions at all. The stresses of work I can take care of by focusing on work. Aging I can deal with. Spending less time with my kids I can take care of by making sure I have more quality time with them rather than just being in the same room.
I will tell my wife I was surprised how it bothered me when my the old gf got married in the context of all the other stress. That is the truth and she will understand.
She knows this other girl messed me up long ago. She knows how I made my choice at the lakehouse years ago.
She doesn’t know that the old gf wanted to go to the lakehouse this year but she knows she can trust me.
[quote]rainjack wrote:
Arc_1mpuls3 wrote:
The first rule of fight club: you do not talk about fight club
I think telling your wife is a poor decision.
This isn’t as fucking movie.
Good lord. Are you people so duplicitous that you will actually keep something as trivial as an old flame that is tearing you up quiet?
Zap just said there was a whole laundry list of things that were causing him some stress.
Knowing that - my bet is that the ex getting married is not the real problem - it is just the manifestation of many things.
I’m gald I don’t have to live like some of you. Honesty keeps the ulcers at bay and - believe it or not - strengthens relationships. I know - go figure. Telling the truth being good for you.
Zap: What has always worked for me is simple and direct: I remember exactly why I left the ex in the first place(and/or why she left me)…Gets me so pissed it stomps out any fuzzy rose colored romantic feelin’s into the dust flattern’ an armadillo hit by a 16 wheeler!..(but then, I’m a cruel bastard, women’s antics have killed that happy go lucky boy of yesteryear)…anger can heal, despite myths to the contrary, controlling it is the trick…
Zap, you sound like a lucky man. You have several life long friends, a wife who loves you, two great kids, a good job, and a youth wild enough to appreciate what you’ve got now.
Congratulations, man… don’t let the small stuff get you down.
Any chance your wife experienced the same thing with an old ex-boyfriend?
I am not suggesting that you try and play that as an angle if telling her is difficult (i.e., to throw it in her face, etc.), I am only bringing it up to suggest that if she experienced it too, that is a good starting point for it being not so weird in the first place.
That might even be a way to bring it up: “When your ex Biff got married, how did you feel about that?”
Her response could determine how you handle the rest.
Go ahead and whine to your wife about your ex-girlfriend like some idiot on here suggested. Your not going to fuck up my marriage. I don’t give a shit what you do with yours. Have at it!
[quote]nephorm wrote:
Zap, you sound like a lucky man. You have several life long friends, a wife who loves you, two great kids, a good job, and a youth wild enough to appreciate what you’ve got now.
Congratulations, man… don’t let the small stuff get you down.[/quote]
You know it brother. I just sent an email to my friends and their loved ones a couple days ago telling them how much they mean to me and how I consider them my extended family and their reponse has been overwhelming.
I am a lucky guy. I have better than I expected in life. If I could get some sleep tonight I think tomorrow will be a great day.
[quote]Blacksnake wrote:
Zap: What has always worked for me is simple and direct: I remember exactly why I left the ex in the first place(and/or why she left me)…Gets me so pissed it stomps out any fuzzy rose colored romantic feelin’s into the dust flattern’ an armadillo hit by a 16 wheeler!..(but then, I’m a cruel bastard, women’s antics have killed that happy go lucky boy of yesteryear)…anger can heal, despite myths to the contrary, controlling it is the trick…[/quote]
This is good. When I think of some of the shit my old gf pulled at the end I get pissed off.
Yo Zappy, here’s a question for you: now that you opened up a thread about this issue and getting all these responses, are you feeling better and feel that closure is near or do you still feel you need to talk to your wife about this? I hope it’s the former.
Eventually you will get over this. I don’t know if it will take a few days or a few months, but you will get over it. So, why drag your wife into it? Just tough it out.
I have to agree with a lot of the other posters… I think telling your wife would be a bad idea. It’s not that I/we don’t understand, but I think it may come as a huge shock to your wife that you’re upset over your ex-girlfriend getting married from over a decade ago. With shock comes confusion, and with confusion comes desperate misinterpretation.
Maybe some weekend, surprise her with something fresh. If you can get away from your kids, take her hiking or to a show/concert or something; anything. Check out ticketmaster for shows near you. Chances are, you’ll both have a great time and forget about your ex… and you will put to rest any worries that she has about your erratic behavior lately.
Despite rainjacks comments, I still firmly believe you should not tell her. Since you are already over it, it’s a non-issue. Telling her about it might raise uneccesary concern. If it comes up, treat it as nothing because that’s what it is. I cannot speak for rainjack whose success with women, I don’t know, nor do I care. I am happy with my success with women and the advice I am giving you is the same thing I would do. I hope it works out for you.
[quote]doogie wrote:
Telling the bridesmaid was stupid. You need to get your head out of your ass before you fuck up your marriage. This is the same “grass is greener” bullshit that leads guys to fuck around. In a year she’ll have put on 20 lbs of flam, let her looks go to shit, will be a nagging hag, and you’ll be lucky enough not to be stuck with her.[/quote]
AMEN. I wish someone would’ve told my ex-fiance this, then we might still be together and he wouldn’t be hooking up with bar sluts and internet whores. Things DO happen for a reason though, if someone could enlighten me on why I’m going thru this horse shit, I would be most appreciative!
Any chance your wife experienced the same thing with an old ex-boyfriend?
I am not suggesting that you try and play that as an angle if telling her is difficult (i.e., to throw it in her face, etc.), I am only bringing it up to suggest that if she experienced it too, that is a good starting point for it being not so weird in the first place.
That might even be a way to bring it up: “When your ex Biff got married, how did you feel about that?”
Her response could determine how you handle the rest.[/quote]
She had a couple guys propose to her that she turned down. I have never dug too deeply in that area.
I think if I brought it up her first question would be why I want to know or even more likely she would read my mind instantly figure everything out.
[quote]TACHICK wrote:
doogie wrote:
Telling the bridesmaid was stupid. You need to get your head out of your ass before you fuck up your marriage. This is the same “grass is greener” bullshit that leads guys to fuck around. In a year she’ll have put on 20 lbs of flam, let her looks go to shit, will be a nagging hag, and you’ll be lucky enough not to be stuck with her.
AMEN. I wish someone would’ve told my ex-fiance this, then we might still be together and he wouldn’t be hooking up with bar sluts and internet whores. Things DO happen for a reason though, if someone could enlighten me on why I’m going thru this horse shit, I would be most appreciative!
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Based on your occupation ANTMAN517’S EX I would say you have some serious issues you have to work through.
Not all guys are pigs. I hope you meet a better man and I hope you can get ANTMAN off your mind.