This is way off topic, but I know their’s alot of knowledge on here. Im 17 and had my girlfriend over last weekend. My mom came into my room while I was putting on my pants and she was putting on her shirt. And, well she FREAKED! She screamed at the top of her lungs, now Im sure you all have your own bitch-cake mother story, so Im not goin into detail. All I can say is my gf had nightmares about her. But now, she refuses to come back to my house even if my mom isnt home. Whats a guy to do? She hates going to the movies, so what else can I do? How can I ever get her back to my place? I cant go to her house. Help a fellow T-Man out eh boys. Thanks.
While you live with your parents and are under their support, you’re also under their rules. You did a stupid thing, and are paying the price for it. Don’t like it? Move out. Don’t like that option? Well, that’s your two choices. So why can’t you go to her place? Sounds like there’s a lot of issues you haven’t addressed that the rest of us would need to know about to lend any other useful aid.
I agree with brider. Years ago (longer than I like to admit), I had an agreement with my parents that they knock before entering my room. I reciprocated that courtesy, and things were fine. But while you’re there, play by their rules.
I agree with brider: parent’s house = parent’s rules. Sorry, but that is the way it is.
Much as I think a stern lecture is exactly what our friend needs to hear right now (ah, that patented sarcasm…) I don’t think it’s really neccessary in this situation. Now we’ve been throuhg similar threads in the past (i.e. the “Mom did something dangerous and thoughtless while I was working out but because she’s a mom you should immediately bow down” episode) I say talk to your Mom about what occured, painful as it may be, and ask her why exactly she freaked. Obviously you live with your parents and certian boundaries exist. However I always fail to agree with the authoritarian principles of child rearing. Children are not property, they are human beings. The less you talk about this, the worse it becomes. NEVER apologize for being a seperate person than your parents. Lata.
"MB Eric: Pro antagonist since 1766."
-Eric
Eric - I think you made a good point: He should talk to his Mother. They need to work something out. But whether you realize it now or later, parents are an authority figure for children. I am not saying a child is a piece of property to be bossed around, but don’t you realize that rules exist for a reason. A toddler is reprimanded for playing in the street for a reason - it is dangerous. These rules change as the child grows and changes. Maybe this guy’s Mom had a rule and he broke it. Or maybe she needs to realize that he is growing up. Maybe both. I think a good talk might work things out, but maybe only growing up and moving out will help the situation. He will be gone in a few years.
My point about parent’s house = parent’s rules was meant to say that the owner of the house sets the rules. When I have people over to my house or staying at my house, I expect them to respect me and follow my rules. I am the one paying the mortgage!! And I do the same when I am visiting someone else.
Anyways - peace.
Oak, I respect and appreciate your input here as you’ve seen fit not to spill the “I rule this houshold and your life” manifesto upon this subject. I concur that rules and boundaries are subject to continuious reinforcement by parental figures in order to maintain order in the houshold. Lazzie Faire parenting is as detrimental as authoritarian rule. As per your point of “mortgage payment” That was probably not on his mind whilst his girlfriend was minus shirt. By discussing these matters, perhaps not in the form of T-mag, but in the spirit of facing your dillemas straight on, He may be able to find some balance by which everyone can be satisfied. Afterall, balance is what we seek. And anihilation is not always vindication.
"MB Eric: OR you can go blow up some small animals, what the hell do I care? since 1116."
-Eric
I would have agreed with MB Eric when I was living with my mom, but now that I am the mom (albeit a young 24yr old one)and I own the house, I see things more like oak does. I have rules for my children, rules that will change as they grow, and while they are in my house I feel it is my responsibility to teach them what I feel is right and discipline them if they don’t obey. When they move out, they will decide for themselves if they still want to follow what I have taught them. Perspectives change when you become the parent.
Point taken - rarely do mortgage payments and topless girls share the same space in my mind.
Mmmmmm…Topless mortgage girls…Wait, wasn’t that the premise of “Three’s COmpany”? Lata.
"MB Eric: Literate and on the loose since 0034."
-Eric
Children are not property… Right on. They are, however, the parents RESPONSIBILITY, and rules are usually in the best interest of the child, born from a greater experience. Imagine your 3rd grader coming to you and saying “I just don’t get this math stuff, it’s just not for me.” What response would you give? “That’s okay honey, you don’t ever have to do math again.”??? No, you’d say something to the effect of “Honey, just apply yourself, and I’ll help you if you need it.” You have the greater experience in knowing math skills beyond 3rd grade level are important in life. Is it authoritarian to make sure your child sticks with math? No, it’s in the best interest of the child.
Take her to a friends house, that usually works. Granted though you have to put up with your buddies or your buddy and his girl.
Brider, I stressed that both extremes of parenting styles lead to detrimental results. What I AM stressing is a balance in between, also reffered to as “Athoritative” parenting style. Yes, you set limits and rules for your children, and you leave room for compramise through communication.
"MB Eric: MR. Rogers with tattoos since 1987."
-Eric
meet at the library to study.
So this is a “bitch-cake mother story” eh? Sounds more like a “disrespectful not-too-smart son story” to me.
Parents become giddy with their power and exert control over their children solely for the personal pleasure they derive from it. It makes me sick. About 90% of all rules that parents make are arbitrary, and the remaining 10% of rules are better left unmade. If you think your children would be better off living a certain way, then reason with them – but let them make the final decision. To go beyond that is to assume ownership of the child.
As for your situation, I would recommend doing something your mother would find terribly unpleasant. Scream at her at the top of your lungs, insult her, walk in on her when she’s using the bathroom, etc. Then explain to her that the foundation of any social group must be equal rights – she must treat you in the same manner she expects to be treated. After this, you should be safe alone in your room. Then just explain to your mom what effect she has had on your girlfriend, get her to say some kind words to her, and work from there.
look. parents have a responsibility to raise their children. was it respectful for you to be screwing around with your girlfriend in your house? would you have been doing whatever you were doing on the couch when your mom was home? it’s respect. i don’t give a shit what you were doing. i am 26 and i don’t live at home and haven’t since college. i STILL would not screw around with my signifigant other in their house. sire, i’ll kiss him or whatever. but guess what untill you move out and pay your own bills she owns you. i’m not saying she should have screamed at you infromt of your g/f but you also shuldn’t have been doing shit at your house if your mom doesn’t want you to. she should have sat you down and talked to you about it, she handled it wrong, but you sure were way out of line. and, mike? guess what? as a parent it’s her responsibility to raise her son correctly, and it looks like she’s trying to do just that. parents are not on equal terms with children…they are above them until the kicds are self sufficient. your ‘socal equality’ bullshit is just that…bullshit. do you ‘reason’ with your errant children? no, you repremand them. that’s how responsible parents operate.
I sincerely hope, for the sake of the world, that you were born sterile. If not, I highly recommend a vasectomy.
i am gonna side step the philosophy thing… why dont people get locks, really think about it, why not?
Thirtynine… here’s some concrete advice for you. A. You’re 17, right? I’m assuming your girlfriend is around the same age. You’re young and limber, yes? You have a car, yes? Use it. B. Car too small for yo baaaad T-self? Try a friend’s place. C. No friends? Get a hotel room somewhere. D. No hotels around? Hey, there’s always the great outdoors! Where there’s a will, there’s a way, bud. Also, MBE gave you some pretty good advice there - try talking with your mom in an adult way. (Or, of course, if you want to drive her completely batshit crazy and ruin whatever relationship you DO have at the moment, you can do what MtL suggested.)