Of course not every woman with male friends fits what I described. I listed a set of traits I’ve seen in such people I wrote about. It’s a certain type I’ve seen over 30 years.
The lingering feelings is where my head is going.
It’s one thing to have friends with the opposite sex. It’s another thing to have a former lover who you loved and still be friends. I have female friends and by friends I’m mean purely plutonic and NOTHING ever happened with them. After we got married we decided to join out cell phone bill because we got a great discount. I actually decided to change my number because I had women that I was intimate with still contacting me and I felt it was wrong.
1 Like
Regular contact is not necessary, unless they shared a child, until that child(ren) are no longer in need of parenting. If it’s your spouse, how can regular contact not appear as you are not sufficient.
I would never do anything that would cause her to be concerned about the stability of our relationship. If I must deal with the mother of the children my ex-wife, I do so over the phone and never where we are together apart from my wife or her husband. I don’t have contact with any woman where we are alone together.
I want my wife to always know that she alone is sufficient for me. “Abstain from all appearance of evil” 1 Thess 5:22
5 Likes
Right. And I, as a man, already know the likely answer to the question, “why would a man pursue another man’s woman, specifically as a former partner?”
As said, there is serious nerve to this.
Just the thought of such a man with lustful eyes and a mind filled with their sexual experiences pursuing an another man’s woman is laughable and infuriating.
1 Like
The curious part is the, “who’s interested in who?” He’s married too.
1 Like
He’s married.
I don’t like to use much internet slang but JFL is fitting. @Jay77
I don’t understand.
You’re asking the question because you’re not comfortable with it. You are right. I wish you well.
JFL stands for “just for laughs” or “just f— lulz”.
Keep in mind I don’t consider your situation funny. I think it’s quite serious. What I think is laughable, as said above, is some man pursuing another man’s woman.
No worries. That’s part of the problem in that I don’t know who’s pursuing who. The fact she’s hasn’t been straight with me makes me think it’s her.
1 Like
Going back to their time, and further back, pursuing another man’s woman or pursuing a daughter with the disapproval of her father carried serious risk. Even one’s community sympathized with the offended man.
Luckily there are still some men who think that’s justified, despite us being neutered by current laws and attitudes.
2 Likes
I don’t know what #4 means but the rest apply to women. Would you say the same about men? (I.e., a man who has an excessive number of former partners?)
I have a coworker who gets too friendly with women at bars. Just likes to give out way too many long, unasked-for hugs, puts his hands on their legs, etc.
Several months ago he ended up getting chased out of a place by 5 guys and beaten up pretty badly. I don’t think 5-on-1 is necessary, and he ended up stabbing one of them in the arm because of the severity of it, but yeah…that girl at the bar might have a boyfriend willing to take things pretty far if he feels inclined to. Best to make sure you’re hitting on a single lady, haha.
1 Like
I’d say that the batman rule applies. You don’t need to kill your relationships with former lovers, but you shouldn’t be saving them either. Making effort to maintain a relationship with a former lover absent some specific, concrete transactional goal (ie. a professional goal) is a red flag. Yes, I trust my wife not to cheat. Meeting up with former lovers for social reasons is cheating (professional or large social gatherings where former lovers are incidentally present not included).
1 Like
Can you clarify “regular contact”? Social media, phone calls, in-person meet-ups, etc.? Liking a post of his on Instagram or meeting for drinks without the other spouses around?
Though I think the term alpha is goofy, the phenomenon of alpha window is real. It refers to a woman who had a high-status or thrilling man and cannot drop her longing for him. The man makes such an impression on her that she cannot get over him, even after moving onto another man, including a husband. So while not actually widowed, her pair bonding is shot because no other man can level up to Mr. Big. “He’s a good guy/husband/dad, but he’s not like ___.” (Fill in the blank.)
I’ve known alpha widows. My friend once had one as a girlfriend. I think my brother, a friend, and a former friend alpha widowed some women.
Yes, similar traits in the men, but some different:
- Early sexual experiences. Had the balls to pursue sex early while other boys were playing ball or video games or were just more prudent or polite.
- Never without a wife, girlfriend or sex partner; a litany of “exes,” a sort of rotating polygamy.
- Cheating, usually on every woman they’ve been with.
- No prudence in who they pursue or screw, other men’s women or female relatives of their women included.
- Snake-like behavior.
1 Like
That is excessive, I believe.
1 Like
He lives out of state now but it’s texting and social media that I know of. It’s possible they talk on the phone when she’s out.
Ya, I would be like what the fuck if my wife was texting and calling an ex regularly.
If I ever end up back on the market I’m gonna become a hermit… Good luck.
3 Likes
From a lazy search.
From article.
“3. …and to him
I’ve personally never understood why people stay in close contact with their exes. It’s not that we should completely cut off people from our pasts, especially if we ended on good terms, but what’s the point of talking to them regularly?“
2 Likes