@ChrisThibaudeau ,too
For one short night, I had the glimpse of what my everyday existence would become. And that was just one night. Can my anxiety fly under the radar because I’m sitting on the couch with my dog in my lap after I received a phone call at 5 to schedule a few more races. At 5:30 my college coach returned my call, and wanted me to come visit and play some pick up games for fun and was thrilled I was better. All this waking up my husband whose hours are bed after midnight and waking up at 9. He was excited for me at first, that adrenaline rush haha…like sugar…didn’t last long. He told me about an hour ago that he needs me home and doesn’t want to worry about me 24/7 if I’m taking care of myself even though he knows I put my health first. But am I, he said he’s “been with me in sickness” and wants the “health” to continue. I’ve got my iPhone with a with my stats and that I need to lose about 5 “precious lbs that I’ve poured sweat and tears to gain and a schedule on my iPad that is so intense…when will I have time to take my dogs to the dog park even once a week! That is my favorite thing to do! Fuck it I’m a fish and those ignorant (I can’t blame them for not understanding anorexia) yet wonderful people are asking me to climb trees! So gonna ponder some more, but I think you’re stuck with me.
Thanks for listening
No rush! I’m not manic or anything. I just felt overwhelmed and wondered how you juggle everything. Your response told me what my mind was already thinking, it’ll drain me to the point I won’t be there for my husband and friends I’m lucky to be alive, I don’t want to push myself unless I have to. Everything in life is a lesson. Get some rest. Ty