[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]orion wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Sucks. I feel like a cad.[/quote]
Um, you dont seem to understand how this cad thing works.
[/quote]
I think I do! [/quote]
No, because if you did you would know that you have to bang Iraq guy to be even remotely caddish. [/quote]
But Iraq would have felt perfectly happy if I had banged him, and in fact I’m guessing he’d have preferred it. [/quote]
I guess what I am trying to say is, if all women played it the way you play it I would have no problem with women whatsover.
Most dont. [/quote]
Wow, that’s a strong compliment coming from you. Thank you!
I really don’t think I’m alone in it, though, or even close to alone.
On the other hand, I spoke to my cousin last night and I was so disgusted by the things she was saying that I came close to asking her never to contact me again. She’s still got two boyfriends who don’t know about each other, she laughingly states that she has no conscience and needs to stop, and then asked me to see if Hockey has any friends so I can fix her up because she needs to find a good guy. Um, NO. A good guy doesn’t deserve you, cuz. The entire thing was repulsive. Her talk of what men should represent and provide. . .ugh. I’m still shuddering. I seriously don’t know a man awful enough to deserve this train wreck. She wants to visit me - maybe move here! - and I couldn’t even respond to her about those things, I just sat silently paralyzed.
I have strong feelings of revulsion. I’m not enjoying processing them.
[/quote]
Well, I am very interested in hearing what men should represent and provide with a healthy emphasis on what she thinks she would bring to the table to deserve it?
[/quote]
She’s in her early 40s, rrjc.
Orion, this is hard to answer. I’m trying to remember examples, but I know that something she repeats (which her behavior suggests she doesn’t believe) is that “we’re the prize,” or “we’re the treasure,” indicating that we women should sit back and wait for men to shower us with. . .something. Attention, money? I’m not sure. They have to “show us” that they’re worth our time.
I think it’s fair to view oneself as a prize and expect that others prove worthwhile, but I believe it should be a two way street. A good man is absolutely a prize or treasure in my view, and I think a good man deserves a good woman. That’s where one’s own responsibility to be worthy comes into play.
Her attitude is one-sided to a degree that is bizarre to me, though I suppose there are many men out there with similarly one-sided views (I have accused you of this in the past). She’s disgusted on my behalf over Tim’s lack of character, but laughs off her own similar behavior. She wants a man “with his shit together” but doesn’t have her own house in order.
Aside from that she’s an out of shape smoker with no financial assets. Her choice of men boggles my mind, though it is possible that her options are limited.
So. It’s stressful to talk to her. [/quote]
Well, as long as a lot of idiots are tripping over themselves to get access to her well worn vajayjay she can actually get away with it.
When she is drifting into sexual irrelevancy territory without having anything else to offer I would brace myself for monologues desribing how all men are shallow assholes. [/quote]
Oh, we’re there already. The two guys she’s got are losers. One is good to her to the degree he’s able (just got his license back after something like five DUIs) the other she met when he’d just gotten in trouble for hitting pedestrians while driving drunk. That one has seemed less into her, so of course she adores him. When he went to jail briefly she swore she was done, but so far no changes. He’s back out again.
I stumbled into the middle of this when she found me on Facebook a couple of years ago. Normally it would be the kind of mess I’d wade right into and try to organize, but though she’s very gushy and “I love you!” there are undertones of something nasty toward me. I trigger stuff. We keep having to talk about our grandmother, who liked me and not the cousin. And now we’re both dating and that’s entirely uneven, too.
Did I say that she was talking about moving here? She’s got nothing holding her there and she’s ready for a change. I feel panicked every time I think about it. I wonder if her motivation is that there seem to be so many good guys here or that I somehow have magical access to them.
But back to the shallow losers: that’s how she justifies her behavior. But (as I’ve suggested of you in the past) that attitude and behavior limit her pool of choices to the very thing she despises.
I’m working with a similar-aged woman who is not particularly attractive, but she is smart and good and has a sweet sense of humor. She’s avoided dating due to crippling self-esteem issues, but we’ve been working on that and she’s changing in ways that are impacting her looks. She radiates decency, and now she’s starting to glow just a tiny bit with good-natured confidence. When she’s ready, I suspect she won’t have any trouble finding a sweet, shy man who is also not a super model. And happily ever after will follow, to my boundless delight.
I have really good feelings about that. 
