[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
I think that all animals have emotions, just like all animals eat, shit, fuck, and die. Therefore, I don’t rate feelings as very important. Actual reason, on the other hand, is an incredibly rare and precious thing. Rationalizing is probably more closely related to emotion than reason.[/quote]
Isn’t what we’re talking about when we say “processing” the application of thought or reason to feelings?
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If I feel like I need to take a shit, how much “processing”, or “the application of thought or reason” does that need, beyond locating a decent toilet?
If I’m angry because someone takes something that’s rightfully mine, I will take into consideration the legal consequences of whatever retaliation I’m considering and whether it’s worth it in the long run. If I’m sad because I’ve lost someone, no amount of “processing” will bring that person back. Beyond that, “the application of thought or reason” to something as trivial as a feeling seems like an incredible waste of mental energy. [/quote]
I wonder if you’ve had the blessing of an incredibly easy life, because that thinking seems very shallow to me and you’ve never struck me as a shallow man.
Let’s say when you need to take a shit, you need to locate the bathroom NOW, or will have an accident. Still no need of applying thought to the feelings of humiliation and isolation a health issue like that might cause?
Let’s say the thing that’s taken from you is your adored fiance, and the taker your best friend. No need to give that hot mess some thought in order to digest the feelings?
Losing people can happen in many ways. A couple of losses I’ve felt required a great deal of processing were the loss of my mother, who left, and the death of my father, which was due to negligence and which I felt in the aftermath that I could have and should have prevented. In the first case I was left with raging abandonment issues. If one does not apply some thought to “my mother did not want me” one is vulnerable to all sorts of self-inflicted drama. In the second case, enough processing needed to be done to stop the nightmares.
Generally speaking, people who have encountered major roadblocks will need to do some thinking if they don’t want a life built on reactivity, because feelings prompt action in many cases, or sometimes crippling inaction.
Children of alcoholics have a lot of thinking to do. Recovering substance abusers. People who’ve witnessed or experienced violence. And so on. [/quote]
I think about events, sure, but to think about feelings is solopsistic and results in nothing but a self feeding loop. When my grandparents died, I thought about them and my relationship with them, but I didn’t reflect on my own sadness, because, of course I was sad. The saddness itself was nothing to think about. If my fiance was taken from me by my best friend, I would probably commit an act of physical retaliation and move on. The obvious conclusion would be that whatever I thought I saw in her was an illusion, and my friendship with him was weaker than I thought.
But the anger and sadness themselves are just natural biological reactions to life events, and I would probably let them run their course, like a virus. Primarily, thoughts would be directed towards minimizing their damage, rather than endless self reflection. For example, I would convince myself to keep going to work, because I need a job. Limit thoughts of revenge, because for most wrongs it’s just not worth it, as they always say.
But I think our main difference is that men and women are just different. Women bond through “talking” and sharing their emotions, where, as a man, I have never felt any bond from talking at all, and when I have actually attempted to share emotions with others, the result is that it makes me feel dirty, and those emotions feel cheap and hollow.
