[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I’m worried because I don’t do anything that’s awe-inspiring. In the past I seem to have gone for men who needed me. I don’t think Hockey does. It’s unsettling. [/quote]
Really Em!
You’re in a good place. Stop analysing and just be. It sounds like he values you, not for what you can do for him, or because he misses something, but for you…
Scary, eh? :-)[/quote]
It’s terrifying, because what if I wind up needing him? :-/
[/quote]
…and? Why not? Needing someone is not the same as being weak. If he’s worth it (and we only have your word for it;-), he’ll be there when you need him and give you space when required. Think of yourselves as suns rotating around each other. Gravity pulls, but neither dominates. F**k, I sound like a bloody agony aunt. Cliff notes version: Sometimes you just have to jump.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Had my first professional experience of marriage counseling yesterday. OMFG. I wanted to throw myself out the window.
[/quote]
Do you need a marriage counselor counselor?
Regardless, right now is so nice, I don’t see any reason to rush anything at all.[/quote]
I see. No rush and you want time to stand still?
(can’t have one without the other)
[/quote]
I do NOT want time to stand still, and I stand by my “no Rush,” with the exception of Free Will, which I love for the very excellent line: “If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.”
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Had my first professional experience of marriage counseling yesterday. OMFG. I wanted to throw myself out the window.
[/quote]
Do you need a marriage counselor counselor?[/quote]
Luckily I have one! I meet bi-monthly with my supervisor and we also have bi-monthly team meetings, the purpose of both being support and problem-solving. Which basically = therapy. lol
I was hospitalised following a psychotic episode the other week, and I have some feelings I want to process.
I’m angry. I’m angry at everybody. A man gets tired of being appreciated just for what he can do.
I’m pissed off that my feelings seem to be the only ones that aren’t important. I’ve had enough of being told I’m crazy when I dare to disagree with people. I’m furious that my little sister was manipulated into getting me sent back to hospital the other week and that a certain psychiatric ‘professional’ pressured her into saying things against me.
I’ve been in a fight. One of the other patients wanted me to beat up another patient and started trying to fight me. I gave him what I thought was a gentle poke with my right fist to get him off. I wasn’t trying to hurt him, but before I realised what I’d done he was on the floor bleeding from his face. I spent 13 hours in a police station, accepted a caution and my mum picked me up. I don’t want to have to keep asking my family to bail me out. I hate asking them to sort out my fuckups.
Most of all, I’m angry at myself. If I’d stayed on my meds like a good boy, none of this would have happened.
I’m angry, yes, but I’m not really angry. Inside, I’m sad. I’ve cried myself to sleep 3 nights in a row, after being unable to cry for 11 years.
God I hate myself.
[quote]Der_Steppenwolfe wrote:
I was hospitalised following a psychotic episode the other week, and I have some feelings I want to process.
I’m angry. I’m angry at everybody. A man gets tired of being appreciated just for what he can do.
I’m pissed off that my feelings seem to be the only ones that aren’t important. I’ve had enough of being told I’m crazy when I dare to disagree with people. I’m furious that my little sister was manipulated into getting me sent back to hospital the other week and that a certain psychiatric ‘professional’ pressured her into saying things against me.
I’ve been in a fight. One of the other patients wanted me to beat up another patient and started trying to fight me. I gave him what I thought was a gentle poke with my right fist to get him off. I wasn’t trying to hurt him, but before I realised what I’d done he was on the floor bleeding from his face. I spent 13 hours in a police station, accepted a caution and my mum picked me up. I don’t want to have to keep asking my family to bail me out. I hate asking them to sort out my fuckups.
Most of all, I’m angry at myself. If I’d stayed on my meds like a good boy, none of this would have happened.
I’m angry, yes, but I’m not really angry. Inside, I’m sad. I’ve cried myself to sleep 3 nights in a row, after being unable to cry for 11 years.
God I hate myself.[/quote]
Sounds like the chemicals in your brain are playing you like a puppet on a string.
um… you ‘throw a cross’, I believe it’s called. He just kept getting in my face and I honestly believed he’d given me permission to hit him by starting the fight. I mean, I’m not proud of hitting him, and as far as the police are concerned they’ve cautioned me and that’s the end of the matter.
Well, yeah. I suppose that’s the only way you can put it. I’m taking 15mg of olanzapine every night and the occasional diazepam though, and things seem OK for now. I’ve also been referred to a psychologist. I’ve had one session and it went pretty well.
Well, yeah. I suppose that’s the only way you can put it. I’m taking 15mg of olanzapine every night and the occasional diazepam though, and things seem OK for now. I’ve also been referred to a psychologist. I’ve had one session and it went pretty well.[/quote]
Well that’s good. Emotions can be a very powerful and controlling force if they decide to start running wild. Asshole brain…
Moving on though, I’ve got to get myself a steady girlfriend, man. A boyfriend would do, but in the end I find the female form intrinsically more aesthetically pleasing.
with regards to what, precisely? I was in a psychotic state for most of the week, and I’m not entirely sure WTF happened back there. All I know is I was I perceived a genuine threat and over-reacted. I should probably have just walked away but fuckit, he could have done anything to me if I’d just turned away and walked away right there and then.
