How do we “process” our feelings?
Breaking things or yelling?
or murdering those who upset our feelings?
[quote]Chushin wrote:
[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
No, kidding. I was going to post this morning, after thinking about it a great deal yesterday, that I’m going to say essentially what you’ve suggested. My sense is that he is right there with me, at least in terms of feeling very good about things. But maybe he acts that way all the time and I’m misinterpreting. But I don’t think so. But maybe.
I am increasingly anxious to have the talk.
Edit: Hey, maybe I should have it on Valentine’s Day! I’ve heard men love relationship talks, it would be like a gift! lol[/quote]
Do you have any family members who are giving performances nearby? You could always take him to a play…
[/quote]
Shouldn’t it be out of town?[/quote]
That’s right. She could take him to an out of town play and have THE relationship talk on Valentine’s Day.
That sounds wonderful.
[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
[quote]Chushin wrote:
[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
No, kidding. I was going to post this morning, after thinking about it a great deal yesterday, that I’m going to say essentially what you’ve suggested. My sense is that he is right there with me, at least in terms of feeling very good about things. But maybe he acts that way all the time and I’m misinterpreting. But I don’t think so. But maybe.
I am increasingly anxious to have the talk.
Edit: Hey, maybe I should have it on Valentine’s Day! I’ve heard men love relationship talks, it would be like a gift! lol[/quote]
Do you have any family members who are giving performances nearby? You could always take him to a play…
[/quote]
Shouldn’t it be out of town?[/quote]
That’s right. She could take him to an out of town play and have THE relationship talk on Valentine’s Day.
That sounds wonderful.
[/quote]
Oh yeah! Then off to pick out seasonal scented candles!
(am I the only one who hates those?)
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
[quote]Chushin wrote:
[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
No, kidding. I was going to post this morning, after thinking about it a great deal yesterday, that I’m going to say essentially what you’ve suggested. My sense is that he is right there with me, at least in terms of feeling very good about things. But maybe he acts that way all the time and I’m misinterpreting. But I don’t think so. But maybe.
I am increasingly anxious to have the talk.
Edit: Hey, maybe I should have it on Valentine’s Day! I’ve heard men love relationship talks, it would be like a gift! lol[/quote]
Do you have any family members who are giving performances nearby? You could always take him to a play…
[/quote]
Shouldn’t it be out of town?[/quote]
That’s right. She could take him to an out of town play and have THE relationship talk on Valentine’s Day.
That sounds wonderful.
[/quote]
Oh yeah! Then off to pick out seasonal scented candles!
(am I the only one who hates those?)
[/quote]
No, I am very sensitive to candles and strong perfumes. I swear I gag sometimes when my daughters put on perfume.
[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
[quote]Chushin wrote:
[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
No, kidding. I was going to post this morning, after thinking about it a great deal yesterday, that I’m going to say essentially what you’ve suggested. My sense is that he is right there with me, at least in terms of feeling very good about things. But maybe he acts that way all the time and I’m misinterpreting. But I don’t think so. But maybe.
I am increasingly anxious to have the talk.
Edit: Hey, maybe I should have it on Valentine’s Day! I’ve heard men love relationship talks, it would be like a gift! lol[/quote]
Do you have any family members who are giving performances nearby? You could always take him to a play…
[/quote]
Shouldn’t it be out of town?[/quote]
That’s right. She could take him to an out of town play and have THE relationship talk on Valentine’s Day.
That sounds wonderful.
[/quote]
Smartasses. For your information, I spent this past Saturday helping him move his mom and Sunday working on his pregnant daughter’s fixer-upper. Two weekends ago I attended the daughter’s baby shower on Saturday and skim-coated her walls on Sunday. By now he’s probably wondering why I’m keeping my family hidden!
Furthermore, I bruised my knuckles carrying a giant 20-year-old microwave through a standard sized doorway.
I’m going to have The Talk tomorrow night.
I guess I’ll return the scented candle I got him for Valentine’s Day and look for something else. 
[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
http://man-cans.com/index.php?route=product/category&path=60/[/quote]
OMG, I love those! I know Hockey would like Sawdust, probably also Dirt and maybe Baseball Mitt. lol
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
I wouldn’t tell about T-Nation. It’s a little weird to include him on the long conversations you’ve had about your dating life, at least at this stage. It’s almost like you said “Hey I had this long talk with my friends and family and recorded the whole thing and I think you should listen to it!” That’s not deal breaking weird, but it’s pretty wierd. This is kind of like the guy who talks about marrying a girl he’s only been seeing a month, talking about what their kids would look like. I assume that every girl I date is going to talk about me with her friends and family, but I wouldn’t be comfortable sitting in on the conversation.
Now, if you two were still together in 5 or 10 years, then it would be kind of cute. Like if you told him, “Hey, I’m glad you and my sister get along now, she thought you were a total asshole when we first met!”
[/quote]
Yes, but I also feel that it’s odd enough that I hang out here that it bears mentioning due to the nature of the site.
I guess the point is that I AM weird, in a number of ways, but I don’t come off that way. If it’s too weird that I post here, then it is. If my childhood is too shocking, my job too odd, my hair too messy - let’s get it out on the table.
I don’t want TNation to be a dirty little secret that makes him go WTF at some point.
[/quote]
do you tell him everything you and your girlfriends discuss?
you never give out all your secrets! keeps the mystery alive.
[quote]silverblood wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
I wouldn’t tell about T-Nation. It’s a little weird to include him on the long conversations you’ve had about your dating life, at least at this stage. It’s almost like you said “Hey I had this long talk with my friends and family and recorded the whole thing and I think you should listen to it!” That’s not deal breaking weird, but it’s pretty wierd. This is kind of like the guy who talks about marrying a girl he’s only been seeing a month, talking about what their kids would look like. I assume that every girl I date is going to talk about me with her friends and family, but I wouldn’t be comfortable sitting in on the conversation.
Now, if you two were still together in 5 or 10 years, then it would be kind of cute. Like if you told him, “Hey, I’m glad you and my sister get along now, she thought you were a total asshole when we first met!”
[/quote]
Yes, but I also feel that it’s odd enough that I hang out here that it bears mentioning due to the nature of the site.
I guess the point is that I AM weird, in a number of ways, but I don’t come off that way. If it’s too weird that I post here, then it is. If my childhood is too shocking, my job too odd, my hair too messy - let’s get it out on the table.
I don’t want TNation to be a dirty little secret that makes him go WTF at some point.
[/quote]
do you tell him everything you and your girlfriends discuss?
you never give out all your secrets! keeps the mystery alive.[/quote]
No, and nor do I tell him what I discuss in here, aside from admitting that I’d sought dating advice here and “my people like you.” I won’t talk much about it partly because it defies description, but also because it would be both tedious for him and an intrusion into my privacy. My assumption is that he will not pry into my life here; if he does he gets what he gets and I’ll accept the ramifications. I don’t see that happening, however. I would never creep around in his stuff uninvited, and don’t think he would mine, either.
Another thing is that stuff I read here does sometimes come up in conversation. I was talking about the Manosphere the other day with someone. PUA stuff comes up at times. I read a great deal more than I post here, so I’m knowledgeable about a variety of things that don’t come from my immediate life. Why try to hide where I’ve read it from my closest people?
[quote]silverblood wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
I wouldn’t tell about T-Nation. It’s a little weird to include him on the long conversations you’ve had about your dating life, at least at this stage. It’s almost like you said “Hey I had this long talk with my friends and family and recorded the whole thing and I think you should listen to it!” That’s not deal breaking weird, but it’s pretty wierd. This is kind of like the guy who talks about marrying a girl he’s only been seeing a month, talking about what their kids would look like. I assume that every girl I date is going to talk about me with her friends and family, but I wouldn’t be comfortable sitting in on the conversation.
Now, if you two were still together in 5 or 10 years, then it would be kind of cute. Like if you told him, “Hey, I’m glad you and my sister get along now, she thought you were a total asshole when we first met!”
[/quote]
Yes, but I also feel that it’s odd enough that I hang out here that it bears mentioning due to the nature of the site.
I guess the point is that I AM weird, in a number of ways, but I don’t come off that way. If it’s too weird that I post here, then it is. If my childhood is too shocking, my job too odd, my hair too messy - let’s get it out on the table.
I don’t want TNation to be a dirty little secret that makes him go WTF at some point.
[/quote]
do you tell him everything you and your girlfriends discuss?
you never give out all your secrets! keeps the mystery alive.[/quote]
x2. You would do yourself a disservice to mention it to a potential ‘love interest’.
you do NOT want to divulge that you are talking relationships on T-Nation forum.
Let me him find our in year2 or 3.
[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
http://man-cans.com/index.php?route=product/category&path=60/[/quote]
Those are cool!
I like dirt. I used to really like the smell grinding spruce tree stumps. Dirt + fresh ground spruce.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]silverblood wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
I wouldn’t tell about T-Nation. It’s a little weird to include him on the long conversations you’ve had about your dating life, at least at this stage. It’s almost like you said “Hey I had this long talk with my friends and family and recorded the whole thing and I think you should listen to it!” That’s not deal breaking weird, but it’s pretty wierd. This is kind of like the guy who talks about marrying a girl he’s only been seeing a month, talking about what their kids would look like. I assume that every girl I date is going to talk about me with her friends and family, but I wouldn’t be comfortable sitting in on the conversation.
Now, if you two were still together in 5 or 10 years, then it would be kind of cute. Like if you told him, “Hey, I’m glad you and my sister get along now, she thought you were a total asshole when we first met!”
[/quote]
Yes, but I also feel that it’s odd enough that I hang out here that it bears mentioning due to the nature of the site.
I guess the point is that I AM weird, in a number of ways, but I don’t come off that way. If it’s too weird that I post here, then it is. If my childhood is too shocking, my job too odd, my hair too messy - let’s get it out on the table.
I don’t want TNation to be a dirty little secret that makes him go WTF at some point.
[/quote]
do you tell him everything you and your girlfriends discuss?
you never give out all your secrets! keeps the mystery alive.[/quote]
No, and nor do I tell him what I discuss in here, aside from admitting that I’d sought dating advice here and “my people like you.” I won’t talk much about it partly because it defies description, but also because it would be both tedious for him and an intrusion into my privacy. My assumption is that he will not pry into my life here; if he does he gets what he gets and I’ll accept the ramifications. I don’t see that happening, however. I would never creep around in his stuff uninvited, and don’t think he would mine, either.
Another thing is that stuff I read here does sometimes come up in conversation. I was talking about the Manosphere the other day with someone. PUA stuff comes up at times. I read a great deal more than I post here, so I’m knowledgeable about a variety of things that don’t come from my immediate life. Why try to hide where I’ve read it from my closest people?
[/quote]
Em…if you don’t mind me asking, what is your profession?
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]silverblood wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
I wouldn’t tell about T-Nation. It’s a little weird to include him on the long conversations you’ve had about your dating life, at least at this stage. It’s almost like you said “Hey I had this long talk with my friends and family and recorded the whole thing and I think you should listen to it!” That’s not deal breaking weird, but it’s pretty wierd. This is kind of like the guy who talks about marrying a girl he’s only been seeing a month, talking about what their kids would look like. I assume that every girl I date is going to talk about me with her friends and family, but I wouldn’t be comfortable sitting in on the conversation.
Now, if you two were still together in 5 or 10 years, then it would be kind of cute. Like if you told him, “Hey, I’m glad you and my sister get along now, she thought you were a total asshole when we first met!”
[/quote]
Yes, but I also feel that it’s odd enough that I hang out here that it bears mentioning due to the nature of the site.
I guess the point is that I AM weird, in a number of ways, but I don’t come off that way. If it’s too weird that I post here, then it is. If my childhood is too shocking, my job too odd, my hair too messy - let’s get it out on the table.
I don’t want TNation to be a dirty little secret that makes him go WTF at some point.
[/quote]
do you tell him everything you and your girlfriends discuss?
you never give out all your secrets! keeps the mystery alive.[/quote]
No, and nor do I tell him what I discuss in here, aside from admitting that I’d sought dating advice here and “my people like you.” I won’t talk much about it partly because it defies description, but also because it would be both tedious for him and an intrusion into my privacy. My assumption is that he will not pry into my life here; if he does he gets what he gets and I’ll accept the ramifications. I don’t see that happening, however. I would never creep around in his stuff uninvited, and don’t think he would mine, either.
Another thing is that stuff I read here does sometimes come up in conversation. I was talking about the Manosphere the other day with someone. PUA stuff comes up at times. I read a great deal more than I post here, so I’m knowledgeable about a variety of things that don’t come from my immediate life. Why try to hide where I’ve read it from my closest people?
[/quote]
you don’t need to hide anything but you really seem to enjoy the ability to just say what you want how you want on here. he wouldn’t be creeping around in your stuff as this is a public forum, but, if he starts to read everything you post that will kinda stiffel the EmilyQ we know and love.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Severiano wrote:
If we all agree people get what they demand or deserve, it seems to imply that life is fair. Kind of a smack in the face of Outliers. [/quote]
I agree. It’s less clear-cut than our conversation would indicate. What if you’re the soul of kindness and possessed of sterling character, but are ugly with a poorly proportioned physique? [/quote]
Pretty much. If you have read the book it will make a bit more sense… People who are born with money have more opportunity and tend to be raised in a more challenging and engaged way by their parents which gives them social advantages throughout life, it’s just one example.
There are also those kids who are born at a certain time of year and have advantages at a very early age over other children due into their development and it carries through to adulthood. Funny thing you are dating a hockey person, because Hockey player success especially in Canada has a close co-relation to birth date, those kids selected at a young age get their 10000 hours early as well as better coaching so by the time they are 10 years old they are head and shoulders above other kids because through those developmental years they would receive superior and more coaching than the kid who didn’t have as much, “potential.” Really at that age potential is measured by development, and development of just a few months at a young age is substantial enough for coaches to select older more developed players.
This is life… It happens. People get opportunities and chances they don’t necessarily deserve. It’s up to us to understand that, and those of us who are on the short end to be defiant and strive to be the best we can in the face of adversity. It doesn’t only apply to things like sports, but everything in life.
So, maybe consider people with thyroid issues or physical disfigurement or abuse that impacts people’s social anxieties and or sexual performance.
I tend to be pretty introspective and understand very well that perhaps I am vain for refusing to date overweight women who are otherwise amazing people. There is one in particular I have a level of admiration for and have this wish to see her with a good guy who treats her well. I think sometimes, if I weren’t so vain I would show her how she should be treated, but there is little that can be done if you simply aren’t attracted to a person, no matter how golden they are.
I’m simply saying life is what it is. We aren’t in control of as much as we think. Opportunity usually isn’t something that is deserved, but tied to chance.
[quote]ZJStrope wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]silverblood wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
I wouldn’t tell about T-Nation. It’s a little weird to include him on the long conversations you’ve had about your dating life, at least at this stage. It’s almost like you said “Hey I had this long talk with my friends and family and recorded the whole thing and I think you should listen to it!” That’s not deal breaking weird, but it’s pretty wierd. This is kind of like the guy who talks about marrying a girl he’s only been seeing a month, talking about what their kids would look like. I assume that every girl I date is going to talk about me with her friends and family, but I wouldn’t be comfortable sitting in on the conversation.
Now, if you two were still together in 5 or 10 years, then it would be kind of cute. Like if you told him, “Hey, I’m glad you and my sister get along now, she thought you were a total asshole when we first met!”
[/quote]
Yes, but I also feel that it’s odd enough that I hang out here that it bears mentioning due to the nature of the site.
I guess the point is that I AM weird, in a number of ways, but I don’t come off that way. If it’s too weird that I post here, then it is. If my childhood is too shocking, my job too odd, my hair too messy - let’s get it out on the table.
I don’t want TNation to be a dirty little secret that makes him go WTF at some point.
[/quote]
do you tell him everything you and your girlfriends discuss?
you never give out all your secrets! keeps the mystery alive.[/quote]
No, and nor do I tell him what I discuss in here, aside from admitting that I’d sought dating advice here and “my people like you.” I won’t talk much about it partly because it defies description, but also because it would be both tedious for him and an intrusion into my privacy. My assumption is that he will not pry into my life here; if he does he gets what he gets and I’ll accept the ramifications. I don’t see that happening, however. I would never creep around in his stuff uninvited, and don’t think he would mine, either.
Another thing is that stuff I read here does sometimes come up in conversation. I was talking about the Manosphere the other day with someone. PUA stuff comes up at times. I read a great deal more than I post here, so I’m knowledgeable about a variety of things that don’t come from my immediate life. Why try to hide where I’ve read it from my closest people?
[/quote]
Em…if you don’t mind me asking, what is your profession?[/quote]
I’m a licensed clinical social worker. A therapist. (lol)
[quote]silverblood wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]silverblood wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
I wouldn’t tell about T-Nation. It’s a little weird to include him on the long conversations you’ve had about your dating life, at least at this stage. It’s almost like you said “Hey I had this long talk with my friends and family and recorded the whole thing and I think you should listen to it!” That’s not deal breaking weird, but it’s pretty wierd. This is kind of like the guy who talks about marrying a girl he’s only been seeing a month, talking about what their kids would look like. I assume that every girl I date is going to talk about me with her friends and family, but I wouldn’t be comfortable sitting in on the conversation.
Now, if you two were still together in 5 or 10 years, then it would be kind of cute. Like if you told him, “Hey, I’m glad you and my sister get along now, she thought you were a total asshole when we first met!”
[/quote]
Yes, but I also feel that it’s odd enough that I hang out here that it bears mentioning due to the nature of the site.
I guess the point is that I AM weird, in a number of ways, but I don’t come off that way. If it’s too weird that I post here, then it is. If my childhood is too shocking, my job too odd, my hair too messy - let’s get it out on the table.
I don’t want TNation to be a dirty little secret that makes him go WTF at some point.
[/quote]
do you tell him everything you and your girlfriends discuss?
you never give out all your secrets! keeps the mystery alive.[/quote]
No, and nor do I tell him what I discuss in here, aside from admitting that I’d sought dating advice here and “my people like you.” I won’t talk much about it partly because it defies description, but also because it would be both tedious for him and an intrusion into my privacy. My assumption is that he will not pry into my life here; if he does he gets what he gets and I’ll accept the ramifications. I don’t see that happening, however. I would never creep around in his stuff uninvited, and don’t think he would mine, either.
Another thing is that stuff I read here does sometimes come up in conversation. I was talking about the Manosphere the other day with someone. PUA stuff comes up at times. I read a great deal more than I post here, so I’m knowledgeable about a variety of things that don’t come from my immediate life. Why try to hide where I’ve read it from my closest people?
[/quote]
you don’t need to hide anything but you really seem to enjoy the ability to just say what you want how you want on here. he wouldn’t be creeping around in your stuff as this is a public forum, but, if he starts to read everything you post that will kinda stiffel the EmilyQ we know and love.[/quote]
I saw this yesterday waiting for the doctor and have been thinking about it. You’re right, I do enjoy it, but in thinking about what I want I think I would like to have someone in my life who doesn’t require that I suppress or stifle myself. I haven’t had that in the past. I don’t think I flirt or do anything here that would upset a boyfriend.
Yes, it’s a public forum, but it would still be odd to start searching out my posts here. He posts on a tractor forum sometimes (lol) and I would never (and I mean NEVER) intrude. If he wants to check it out, see what this is, that’s fine, but to follow along would be weird. Like reading my emails. And then too, as a friend posted on Facebook recently, saying:
It would be weird to even want to. On the other hand, TNation spurred an interest in lifting in me. So if he does decide to join in, there may be benefits.
So I plan to continue being me and hope I can be the unstifled EmilyQ he knows and loves, too.
[quote]pushharder wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
“my people like you.”
[/quote]
Whoa, whoa, whoa, little Missy! Your people don’t know for sure whether they like him until we know how much he deadlifts.[/quote]
My girlfriends, who are also my people, don’t care about that! And they have fifty percent of the vote.
[quote]Severiano wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Severiano wrote:
If we all agree people get what they demand or deserve, it seems to imply that life is fair. Kind of a smack in the face of Outliers. [/quote]
I agree. It’s less clear-cut than our conversation would indicate. What if you’re the soul of kindness and possessed of sterling character, but are ugly with a poorly proportioned physique? [/quote]
Pretty much. If you have read the book it will make a bit more sense… People who are born with money have more opportunity and tend to be raised in a more challenging and engaged way by their parents which gives them social advantages throughout life, it’s just one example.
There are also those kids who are born at a certain time of year and have advantages at a very early age over other children due into their development and it carries through to adulthood. Funny thing you are dating a hockey person, because Hockey player success especially in Canada has a close co-relation to birth date, those kids selected at a young age get their 10000 hours early as well as better coaching so by the time they are 10 years old they are head and shoulders above other kids because through those developmental years they would receive superior and more coaching than the kid who didn’t have as much, “potential.” Really at that age potential is measured by development, and development of just a few months at a young age is substantial enough for coaches to select older more developed players.
This is life… It happens. People get opportunities and chances they don’t necessarily deserve. It’s up to us to understand that, and those of us who are on the short end to be defiant and strive to be the best we can in the face of adversity. It doesn’t only apply to things like sports, but everything in life.
So, maybe consider people with thyroid issues or physical disfigurement or abuse that impacts people’s social anxieties and or sexual performance.
I tend to be pretty introspective and understand very well that perhaps I am vain for refusing to date overweight women who are otherwise amazing people. There is one in particular I have a level of admiration for and have this wish to see her with a good guy who treats her well. I think sometimes, if I weren’t so vain I would show her how she should be treated, but there is little that can be done if you simply aren’t attracted to a person, no matter how golden they are.
I’m simply saying life is what it is. We aren’t in control of as much as we think. Opportunity usually isn’t something that is deserved, but tied to chance. [/quote]
I suppose it is safe to say that the key is to be worthy of your blessings while striving to overcome your trials.
P.S.
There are a great many books on the topics of inequality and unearned advantage, coming at the matter from all different directions. Personal attributes, familial and cultural advantages and disadvantages, etc. It’s interesting to study. Have I asked you before what your major is?