Sometimes it’s almost physically painful how much I like and respect and enjoy him.
We’re talking about some pretty hard core financial things at this point. What we see in terms of work and location changes and such, how we would work things if we bought a house together, very general financial profiles. Not planning as much as establishing that we’re on the same page. In this arena, too, I pick up clarity and honesty and non-defensiveness, as well as a very similar mindset to my own.
Sometimes it’s almost physically painful how much I like and respect and enjoy him.
We’re talking about some pretty hard core financial things at this point. What we see in terms of work and location changes and such, how we would work things if we bought a house together, very general financial profiles. Not planning as much as establishing that we’re on the same page. In this arena, too, I pick up clarity and honesty and non-defensiveness, as well as a very similar mindset to my own.
Sometimes it’s almost physically painful how much I like and respect and enjoy him.
We’re talking about some pretty hard core financial things at this point. What we see in terms of work and location changes and such, how we would work things if we bought a house together, very general financial profiles. Not planning as much as establishing that we’re on the same page. In this arena, too, I pick up clarity and honesty and non-defensiveness, as well as a very similar mindset to my own.
I’m in love.
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[/quote]
Keep that up and I’ll talk about him even more! lol
I think this is another example of the manosphere/PUA’s tendency to view the world in black and white. [/quote]
No, that is you hamstering away what does not sit right.
It ought not be true, therefore it cannot be true.
Yes, someone fragile sense of self will be threathened - hers.
Because all you have to do is to take that leadership away from her to show her how much she wants it.
You are too conflating dominant and domineering.
Someone who is domineering needs to control his surroundings because he is deeply insecure, someone who is dominant provides strenght and order because he can, not because he must.
Yeah, thats dancing around the issue.
Also, if a woman tells you how to do it properly she is dominating from the bottom, which is no bueno…
“I listen to you, but I do not obey you” may be aggravating in the short run but it is sexy as hell and you know it.
It is the same as you trying to tackle him and fail, its “run up against big strong man and see if he can take it” just on an emotional level.
Which would be a nice way of explaining what a shittest is.[/quote]
“I listen to you, but I do not obey you” wasn’t aggravating, it was amusing! That’s why I posted about it.
In fact, I think he does listen to me and would do, or does, as I ask if I want something. “Obey” doesn’t come into play because both of us are courteous and respectful. “Here’s what I’ve been thinking” is a regular opening line for him when it comes to what we should do. I might say something more like “you know what I’d really like to do?” but I think that’s typical of male/female conversational patterns rather than indicative of dominance or submissiveness. Women have a more passive conversational style. Either way, the response is generally “okay, sounds good!”
We were in San Francisco last weekend and wandering around the Wharf. He wanted to check out an area in back, which okay. . . until I saw a rat and immediately spun around to get out of there. We were holding hands, and I pulled him out. He didn’t say a word, just kept up until I decided we were far enough away for my needs. Was I dominant in that moment?
We have not worked out how best to make a bed, about which we disagree. Our compromise is to have beds that have been made differently on each side when we’re both there for the making, and live with it cheerfully. Otherwise the last one up makes it however he/she prefers. Last night I announced that we’d seen the last of the extra winter blanket, which he likes; this morning it was returned to the bed while I showered (this was MY bed). If ever we live together it will be this way unless there’s company, then if necessary I’ll remake it to my liking because it will matter to me more.
There’s a lot of gray area. I don’t need or want to threaten his masculinity and I don’t sense that he has a need to view initiative on my part as an assault on his status as alpha. How we make the bed (me correctly, him with too much tugging on everything) is goofy and unimportant.
Today a patient was expressing suicidality to a nurse. I provided strength and order to the male MD-led medical team because I’m trained to assess and manage that particular issue. Was I dominant? I don’t think so. I defer in other circumstances. Most other, in fact, because that’s my nature generally. I’m happy controlling my own sphere. Seems like it’s about the same with Hockey. More things seem to be of importance to him, generally speaking. He seems to feel safer when he knows where I am and has a plan and can follow it, so if he wants me to “stay here” or “carry this and let me get the rest” that’s fine. Unless I feel some need to not stay there or carry this, in which case I won’t, and then he’ll have to make a frown or whatever. Presumably I’d have a reason, though, right? Just as he does when he requests that I do thus and such.
Is it really dominance you seek, or respect and courtesy?
I was in foster care since 2-3 years old and got adopted at 5. I was left with a photo album of all my family and I reroute my roots just last Saturday and it turns out I have a sister who is 17… She’s been playing hockey for 7 years and is built more than the guys her age. I’m so proud.
[quote]andypotent wrote:
I was in foster care since 2-3 years old and got adopted at 5. I was left with a photo album of all my family and I reroute my roots just last Saturday and it turns out I have a sister who is 17… She’s been playing hockey for 7 years and is built more than the guys her age. I’m so proud.[/quote]
Well, my girlfriend is moving into “our” first apartment tonight and over the weekend. It’s literally the apartment next door to hers, just somewhat bigger with much better natural light.
I’ll join her in 3 months or so, when I get everything in order to move out and join her.
Big changes, but they’re happening very slowly.
If all goes well, I’ll be keeping my job and just working remotely. Even though I’ve been working at our headquarters office, my boss has always been remote. So… nothing really changes in that regard.
I’m looking forward to being around her again. We needed the distance to figure some things out.
[quote]LoRez wrote:
Well, my girlfriend is moving into “our” first apartment tonight and over the weekend. It’s literally the apartment next door to hers, just somewhat bigger with much better natural light.
I’ll join her in 3 months or so, when I get everything in order to move out and join her.
Big changes, but they’re happening very slowly.
If all goes well, I’ll be keeping my job and just working remotely. Even though I’ve been working at our headquarters office, my boss has always been remote. So… nothing really changes in that regard.
I’m looking forward to being around her again. We needed the distance to figure some things out.[/quote]
LoRez, exciting and hopeful news! I’m thrilled for you that you’re feeling good about things and ready to move forward. I’ll be keeping my fingers crossed for smooth transitions at both work and home. : )
[quote]Chushin wrote:
Wow!
How fantastic for you! Congrats. [/quote]
Thanks a lot. Life is even more wonderful now.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Aw, nice! Have you met yet?
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I have. My aunt drove 5 hours with her to visit me. She would have went the same route as me through foster care from when she was two if my aunt didn’t adopt her - She was more clued up in the system after the social workers took me. She is a very pretty young lady and is very much into fitness. I couldn’t ask for anything more precious in my life. A lot of responsibility knowing I have a younger sister now, but I couldn’t be happier.
[quote]Chushin wrote:
Wow!
How fantastic for you! Congrats. [/quote]
Thanks a lot. Life is even more wonderful now.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Aw, nice! Have you met yet?
[/quote]
I have. My aunt drove 5 hours with her to visit me. She would have went the same route as me through foster care from when she was two if my aunt didn’t adopt her - She was more clued up in the system after the social workers took me. She is a very pretty young lady and is very much into fitness. I couldn’t ask for anything more precious in my life. A lot of responsibility knowing I have a younger sister now, but I couldn’t be happier.
Peace and love. [/quote]
What a joyous thing to have happen at your ages. She must be so thrilled, too. It’s nice to imagine having found an adoring big brother.
Where is orion? Did I best him with my cool logic re dominance and male/female gray area and now he is silenced?
So, update on the Tim’s disrespect situation: I blocked him, but of course being me felt the need to say so. So I sent
The next day at work I got a text from a friend saying “I just got a friend request from Tim. What’s going on? He’s never wanted to be my friend before.”
That night I flew to San Francisco with Hockey. I woke up to a weird, disorienting dream about the two of them (Tim and Hockey). In it Tim showed up at Hockey’s house (though not his real one). I was showing him all the things we’d planted outside, which were still baby plants, and then for some reason took him inside to show him the plants in the house. At one point we were in front of a bedroom door and the brightly colored quilt from my bed was visible (the real one). I was slightly embarrassed because I knew he’d seen it and recognized it, but not too bad, and we moved on. Then Hockey came home. It was awkward and I was distressed that Tim was there and worried that Hockey would be very upset (I knew he’d be upset, just not how much). I introduced them and then took Tim outside to say goodbye. He asked me to go with him and I said no, I was staying here and didn’t want to go. Went back in and told Hockey that he was gone and wouldn’t be back. I moved in for a hug, or whatever, and he allowed it but I wasn’t sure whether/how upset he was, which anxiety woke me up.
Happily he was right there in bed with me, so I scooted over and got my hug and all was and is well.
My point? It’s all of YOUR faults that I had a distressing, guilty dream when I haven’t done anything wrong.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Where is orion? Did I best him with my cool logic re dominance and male/female gray area and now he is silenced?
So, update on the Tim’s disrespect situation: I blocked him, but of course being me felt the need to say so. So I sent
The next day at work I got a text from a friend saying “I just got a friend request from Tim. What’s going on? He’s never wanted to be my friend before.”
That night I flew to San Francisco with Hockey. I woke up to a weird, disorienting dream about the two of them (Tim and Hockey). In it Tim showed up at Hockey’s house (though not his real one). I was showing him all the things we’d planted outside, which were still baby plants, and then for some reason took him inside to show him the plants in the house. At one point we were in front of a bedroom door and the brightly colored quilt from my bed was visible (the real one). I was slightly embarrassed because I knew he’d seen it and recognized it, but not too bad, and we moved on. Then Hockey came home. It was awkward and I was distressed that Tim was there and worried that Hockey would be very upset (I knew he’d be upset, just not how much). I introduced them and then took Tim outside to say goodbye. He asked me to go with him and I said no, I was staying here and didn’t want to go. Went back in and told Hockey that he was gone and wouldn’t be back. I moved in for a hug, or whatever, and he allowed it but I wasn’t sure whether/how upset he was, which anxiety woke me up.
Happily he was right there in bed with me, so I scooted over and got my hug and all was and is well.
My point? It’s all of YOUR faults that I had a distressing, guilty dream when I haven’t done anything wrong.
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No, you had the dream because doing what was right brought the possibility of what could have happened had you not to your consciousness. :-p[/quote]
How could it have happened? I wasn’t being friendly or welcoming. The last thing I said was “I don’t even want to be your friend.”
I can’t imagine that if he’d shown up at Hockey’s place I’d have shown him our seedlings or let him see my bedding on Hockey’s bed.*
*I’ve never had such blatantly obvious symbolism show up in a dream. Very funny in retrospect, but the dream itself was stressful.
How could it have happened? I wasn’t being friendly or welcoming. The last thing I said was “I don’t even want to be your friend.”
I can’t imagine that if he’d shown up at Hockey’s place I’d have shown him our seedlings or let him see my bedding on Hockey’s bed.*
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I wasn’t being so literal.
My point was that until you completely shut the door to him – annihilated him, so to speak-- there was always the chance that he could reappear in your life in some way.[/quote]
Hit him with a RKO.
