Let's Process Our Feelings II

[EmilyQ]

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:
Regarding the 2nd part though… yes, it would be nice to not have to deal with that.

And, after a day or so of silence, she finally did send me a text saying “I was not up to talking last night since I did not appreciate being hung up on.” Just interesting how that got twisted, and will likely be used as fodder in the future. Followed with her telling me that I was being too “sensitive”.

The whole “argument”, told from my side of course:

She was speculating about what life could be like when we’re living together. After talking about how she needs to maintain her morning routine, she said something like “it’s that coming part I’m not sure about”. I’m 99.99% sure she meant "that coming home part’.

“What coming part?”

“Huh?”

“You said something like ‘it’s that coming part I’m not sure about’”

And then she snapped at me, tone, attitude, everything: something about how I always say she says something she didn’t say. (Have fun parsing that.)

… after I thought things calmed down… I asked her why she snapped at me. And that just set her off. She insisted I was the one who snapped at her. That I just couldn’t let it go. That I raised my voice at her. That I always had to be right. That I was the one who needed to calm down.

Once I realized that everything I said just ended up amplified and turned around back at me, I just hung up.

There’s only two ways to “win” when that happens 1) wear her down – where it’s, of course, my fault; or 2) walk away – where it’s, of course, my fault.

All because I was trying to make her laugh a bit about something she said.[/quote]

I hate to sound trite, but that sounds like either PMS or somewhat borderline-ish, especially your later comment that such things happen just as you begun to trust the relationship.[/quote]

PMS keys women up and makes them more inclined to snap or cry or whatever than they might otherwise be, but it doesn’t make them twist others’ words or externalize blame. This is a pattern with LoRez’s girlfriend that I think isn’t helped by diagnoses, because at the end of the day, for whatever reason, she treats him poorly too much of the time. Who cares why? It’s co-dependent of him to try to understand her issue while being on the receiving end of treatment that if (when?) it ratchets up will be considered abusive (i.e. I treat you badly, but it’s your fault).

I say that as a classic co-dependent who has spent more time trying to figure out what was wrong with my men and fix it than I spent on myself. It did zero good.

Meanwhile, life was endlessly stressful and confusing. Csulli’s “exhausting and baffling” describes it perfectly.

[EmilyQ]

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
I just sent a woman a picture of a girl that looks just like her, just 20 years younger, in my appartement, scantily clad and all.

She deserves it, but I just might be a dick.

Given that I invited girl A so that I could send pics to girl B.

Guess I have to be really nice to girl A then…[/quote]

Why did she deserve it and why did you do it?

[/quote]

Because she dragged me along for a while, trying to turn me into a Beta Orbiter…

She was somewhat succesful too…

Somewhat…

Be that as it may, I just wanted to show her what I could do if I wanted to.

Its cheap.

Its vulgar.

I hope it hurts. [/quote]

I’ve spent a lot of time pondering various ways to express my anger at Tim. When I returned his coats I sent an email saying they were on the way and attached a song we’d fought over early last summer. We were talking about making sleep and sex playlists while waiting for an artsy concert to start. I was going over my songs, most of which are geared to running. One of them is Break My Stride (or as I like to call it, Break-a My Stride), which I suggested for the sex list. He was mocking it (it IS a bad song, no denying that) and I announced “I’d totally do you to Break-a My Stride.” He told me to lower my voice, but I wasn’t shouting, we were in a huge crowd of people talking loudly to be heard by their people. I also noted that I didn’t care who knew that I would do him to Break-a My Stride, and that if I overheard someone else say it, would think it funny and indicative of affection. But what really got me was that he had no problem saying things that were MEANT to shock and embarrass me. Anyway, it turned into a huge thing with tears (mine) and silent treatment (his) and went on for a couple of days. Sucked!

So that was my big revenge, to send Break-a My Stride in an email entitled “Closure.” I’m glad I stopped there. He’s living the life he’s earned, that’s good enough for me.

Matthew Wilder - Break My Stride

[Severiano]

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
I just sent a woman a picture of a girl that looks just like her, just 20 years younger, in my appartement, scantily clad and all.

She deserves it, but I just might be a dick.

Given that I invited girl A so that I could send pics to girl B.

Guess I have to be really nice to girl A then…[/quote]

Why did she deserve it and why did you do it?

[/quote]

Because she dragged me along for a while, trying to turn me into a Beta Orbiter…

She was somewhat succesful too…

Somewhat…

Be that as it may, I just wanted to show her what I could do if I wanted to.

Its cheap.

Its vulgar.

I hope it hurts. [/quote]

That’s more spiteful than what the girl did to you isn’t it? And, your fault for following her around, if she didn’t reciprocate interest…

I wish I had that spite though tbh, I’ve been treated way worse by a lady who came onto me and tried to flip it around as if I were trying to pursue her, and had the nerve to cancel and flake on me She regrets it, and I get to remind her every time she sees me lol.

[Severiano]

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
I just sent a woman a picture of a girl that looks just like her, just 20 years younger, in my appartement, scantily clad and all.

She deserves it, but I just might be a dick.

Given that I invited girl A so that I could send pics to girl B.

Guess I have to be really nice to girl A then…[/quote]

Why did she deserve it and why did you do it?

[/quote]

Because she dragged me along for a while, trying to turn me into a Beta Orbiter…

She was somewhat succesful too…

Somewhat…

Be that as it may, I just wanted to show her what I could do if I wanted to.

Its cheap.

Its vulgar.

I hope it hurts. [/quote]

I’ve spent a lot of time pondering various ways to express my anger at Tim. When I returned his coats I sent an email saying they were on the way and attached a song we’d fought over early last summer. We were talking about making sleep and sex playlists while waiting for an artsy concert to start. I was going over my songs, most of which are geared to running. One of them is Break My Stride (or as I like to call it, Break-a My Stride), which I suggested for the sex list. He was mocking it (it IS a bad song, no denying that) and I announced “I’d totally do you to Break-a My Stride.” He told me to lower my voice, but I wasn’t shouting, we were in a huge crowd of people talking loudly to be heard by their people. I also noted that I didn’t care who knew that I would do him to Break-a My Stride, and that if I overheard someone else say it, would think it funny and indicative of affection. But what really got me was that he had no problem saying things that were MEANT to shock and embarrass me. Anyway, it turned into a huge thing with tears (mine) and silent treatment (his) and went on for a couple of days. Sucked!

So that was my big revenge, to send Break-a My Stride in an email entitled “Closure.” I’m glad I stopped there. He’s living the life he’s earned, that’s good enough for me.

Matthew Wilder - Break My Stride

Is that closure or is that rubbing it in Emily? That’s spite lol, you want him to think about that particular event and you want him to feel regret? That’s what it seems like reading it. You don’t have a shred of respect for him, or he still matters, well that’s how I read it, seems a little out of character, but then again we are all strangers here, so perhaps not.

On his end, I don’t get why he would fuck around with someones affection like that, rather than just go along and enjoy it. But, women seem to like that dudes that are weird like that… I see women who stick with guys who wont stand up for them and take them for granted. Always amazes me.

[EmilyQ]

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
I just sent a woman a picture of a girl that looks just like her, just 20 years younger, in my appartement, scantily clad and all.

She deserves it, but I just might be a dick.

Given that I invited girl A so that I could send pics to girl B.

Guess I have to be really nice to girl A then…[/quote]

Why did she deserve it and why did you do it?

[/quote]

Because she dragged me along for a while, trying to turn me into a Beta Orbiter…

She was somewhat succesful too…

Somewhat…

Be that as it may, I just wanted to show her what I could do if I wanted to.

Its cheap.

Its vulgar.

I hope it hurts. [/quote]

I’ve spent a lot of time pondering various ways to express my anger at Tim. When I returned his coats I sent an email saying they were on the way and attached a song we’d fought over early last summer. We were talking about making sleep and sex playlists while waiting for an artsy concert to start. I was going over my songs, most of which are geared to running. One of them is Break My Stride (or as I like to call it, Break-a My Stride), which I suggested for the sex list. He was mocking it (it IS a bad song, no denying that) and I announced “I’d totally do you to Break-a My Stride.” He told me to lower my voice, but I wasn’t shouting, we were in a huge crowd of people talking loudly to be heard by their people. I also noted that I didn’t care who knew that I would do him to Break-a My Stride, and that if I overheard someone else say it, would think it funny and indicative of affection. But what really got me was that he had no problem saying things that were MEANT to shock and embarrass me. Anyway, it turned into a huge thing with tears (mine) and silent treatment (his) and went on for a couple of days. Sucked!

So that was my big revenge, to send Break-a My Stride in an email entitled “Closure.” I’m glad I stopped there. He’s living the life he’s earned, that’s good enough for me.

Matthew Wilder - Break My Stride

Is that closure or is that rubbing it in Emily? That’s spite lol, you want him to think about that particular event and you want him to feel regret? That’s what it seems like reading it. You don’t have a shred of respect for him, or he still matters, well that’s how I read it, seems a little out of character, but then again we are all strangers here, so perhaps not.

On his end, I don’t get why he would fuck around with someones affection like that, rather than just go along and enjoy it. But, women seem to like that dudes that are weird like that… I see women who stick with guys who wont stand up for them and take them for granted. Always amazes me.

[/quote]

Oh, it was very spiteful. But I considered worse. I let angry emails and texts go (e.g. “It’s Friday night. . . sucking someone’s dick?”) rather than respond, sent the coats, wished him well, etc.

He was mean to me AND was cheating on me. I’m mad! Spiteful or not, I think it’s fair to point out that he got what he seemed to indicate that he wanted. Chase all the women you want, buddy, and no worries about me being stupidly affectionate or gushing my adoration out in public! Enjoy.

[Severiano]

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
I just sent a woman a picture of a girl that looks just like her, just 20 years younger, in my appartement, scantily clad and all.

She deserves it, but I just might be a dick.

Given that I invited girl A so that I could send pics to girl B.

Guess I have to be really nice to girl A then…[/quote]

Why did she deserve it and why did you do it?

[/quote]

Because she dragged me along for a while, trying to turn me into a Beta Orbiter…

She was somewhat succesful too…

Somewhat…

Be that as it may, I just wanted to show her what I could do if I wanted to.

Its cheap.

Its vulgar.

I hope it hurts. [/quote]

I’ve spent a lot of time pondering various ways to express my anger at Tim. When I returned his coats I sent an email saying they were on the way and attached a song we’d fought over early last summer. We were talking about making sleep and sex playlists while waiting for an artsy concert to start. I was going over my songs, most of which are geared to running. One of them is Break My Stride (or as I like to call it, Break-a My Stride), which I suggested for the sex list. He was mocking it (it IS a bad song, no denying that) and I announced “I’d totally do you to Break-a My Stride.” He told me to lower my voice, but I wasn’t shouting, we were in a huge crowd of people talking loudly to be heard by their people. I also noted that I didn’t care who knew that I would do him to Break-a My Stride, and that if I overheard someone else say it, would think it funny and indicative of affection. But what really got me was that he had no problem saying things that were MEANT to shock and embarrass me. Anyway, it turned into a huge thing with tears (mine) and silent treatment (his) and went on for a couple of days. Sucked!

So that was my big revenge, to send Break-a My Stride in an email entitled “Closure.” I’m glad I stopped there. He’s living the life he’s earned, that’s good enough for me.

Matthew Wilder - Break My Stride

Is that closure or is that rubbing it in Emily? That’s spite lol, you want him to think about that particular event and you want him to feel regret? That’s what it seems like reading it. You don’t have a shred of respect for him, or he still matters, well that’s how I read it, seems a little out of character, but then again we are all strangers here, so perhaps not.

On his end, I don’t get why he would fuck around with someones affection like that, rather than just go along and enjoy it. But, women seem to like that dudes that are weird like that… I see women who stick with guys who wont stand up for them and take them for granted. Always amazes me.

[/quote]

Oh, it was very spiteful. But I considered worse. I let angry emails and texts go (e.g. “It’s Friday night. . . sucking someone’s dick?”) rather than respond, sent the coats, wished him well, etc.

He was mean to me AND was cheating on me. I’m mad! Spiteful or not, I think it’s fair to point out that he got what he seemed to indicate that he wanted. Chase all the women you want, buddy, and no worries about me being stupidly affectionate or gushing my adoration out in public! Enjoy.

[/quote]

Yeah, your fault for falling for a guy like that. He still matters when he shouldn’t, you have to ask yourself if you were messing with other guys in order to somehow get back at him. It’s all stuff right down your alley, you mention not sending him a text about things you were doing with other guys, meaning you were having revenge sex. Among the many weird reasons women have sex that I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing lol.

It just amazes me that you probably knew exactly what you were doing when you were doing it, and still went ahead. As smart as you are, you still have sex out of spite?

[EmilyQ]

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Oh, it was very spiteful. But I considered worse. I let angry emails and texts go (e.g. “It’s Friday night. . . sucking someone’s dick?”) rather than respond, sent the coats, wished him well, etc.

He was mean to me AND was cheating on me. I’m mad! Spiteful or not, I think it’s fair to point out that he got what he seemed to indicate that he wanted. Chase all the women you want, buddy, and no worries about me being stupidly affectionate or gushing my adoration out in public! Enjoy. [/quote]

Yeah, your fault for falling for a guy like that. He still matters when he shouldn’t, you have to ask yourself if you were messing with other guys in order to somehow get back at him. It’s all stuff right down your alley, you mention not sending him a text about things you were doing with other guys, meaning you were having revenge sex. Among the many weird reasons women have sex that I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing lol.

It just amazes me that you probably knew exactly what you were doing when you were doing it, and still went ahead. As smart as you are, you still have sex out of spite?
[/quote]

Wait, no, I wasn’t messing with other guys! I was home in bed, alone. It was a graphic, nasty text from him asking if I was out sucking dick, I assume he was drunk when he sent it. But it wasn’t anything I was doing. I read the text, got a stomachache, felt sad, and went to sleep. No spite sex for me.

My point was that he’s been alternating some pretty offensive behavior with wistful “I miss yous” and I haven’t engaged in spiteful behavior beyond sending the one song. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I’m not sorry I did. Maybe he’ll think twice next time he finds someone decent. I’ve also offered that as an earnest hope, along with that he stop self-destructive behaviors and become the man he wants to be.

As for my fault falling for a guy like that, yes. There were red flags and I ignored them or, as I fear LoRez is doing, rationalized them away because the parts that were good were so compelling.

[Severiano]

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Oh, it was very spiteful. But I considered worse. I let angry emails and texts go (e.g. “It’s Friday night. . . sucking someone’s dick?”) rather than respond, sent the coats, wished him well, etc.

He was mean to me AND was cheating on me. I’m mad! Spiteful or not, I think it’s fair to point out that he got what he seemed to indicate that he wanted. Chase all the women you want, buddy, and no worries about me being stupidly affectionate or gushing my adoration out in public! Enjoy. [/quote]

Yeah, your fault for falling for a guy like that. He still matters when he shouldn’t, you have to ask yourself if you were messing with other guys in order to somehow get back at him. It’s all stuff right down your alley, you mention not sending him a text about things you were doing with other guys, meaning you were having revenge sex. Among the many weird reasons women have sex that I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing lol.

It just amazes me that you probably knew exactly what you were doing when you were doing it, and still went ahead. As smart as you are, you still have sex out of spite?
[/quote]

Wait, no, I wasn’t messing with other guys! I was home in bed, alone. It was a graphic, nasty text from him asking if I was out sucking dick, I assume he was drunk when he sent it. But it wasn’t anything I was doing. I read the text, got a stomachache, felt sad, and went to sleep. No spite sex for me.

My point was that he’s been alternating some pretty offensive behavior with wistful “I miss yous” and I haven’t engaged in spiteful behavior beyond sending the one song. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I’m not sorry I did. Maybe he’ll think twice next time he finds someone decent. I’ve also offered that as an earnest hope, along with that he stop self-destructive behaviors and become the man he wants to be.

As for my fault falling for a guy like that, yes. There were red flags and I ignored them or, as I fear LoRez is doing, rationalized them away because the parts that were good were so compelling.[/quote]

Gotcha, my bad. You know if I was right in my initial assessment, that even someone as aware as you is still slave to instinct (revenge sex), probably would have lowered my expectations of good women in general, I can only imagine how it would impact some of your other fans lol. Thanks for clearing that one up. If it matters, I think your conduct is pretty amazing, you definitely have more class than most of them.

[csulli]

[quote]Severiano wrote:
Yeah, your fault for falling for a guy like that. He still matters when he shouldn’t, you have to ask yourself if you were messing with other guys in order to somehow get back at him. It’s all stuff right down your alley, you mention not sending him a text about things you were doing with other guys, meaning you were having revenge sex. Among the many weird reasons women have sex that I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing lol.

It just amazes me that you probably knew exactly what you were doing when you were doing it, and still went ahead. As smart as you are, you still have sex out of spite?
[/quote]
How did you get this far in life with reading comprehension so dismal…

[Severiano]

[quote]csulli wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:
Yeah, your fault for falling for a guy like that. He still matters when he shouldn’t, you have to ask yourself if you were messing with other guys in order to somehow get back at him. It’s all stuff right down your alley, you mention not sending him a text about things you were doing with other guys, meaning you were having revenge sex. Among the many weird reasons women have sex that I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing lol.

It just amazes me that you probably knew exactly what you were doing when you were doing it, and still went ahead. As smart as you are, you still have sex out of spite?
[/quote]
How did you get this far in life with reading comprehension so dismal…[/quote]

I think my reading comprehension went down after reading all kinds of Kant. Damned Germans and their superior ethical theories.

[EmilyQ]

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:
Regarding the 2nd part though… yes, it would be nice to not have to deal with that.

And, after a day or so of silence, she finally did send me a text saying “I was not up to talking last night since I did not appreciate being hung up on.” Just interesting how that got twisted, and will likely be used as fodder in the future. Followed with her telling me that I was being too “sensitive”.

The whole “argument”, told from my side of course:

She was speculating about what life could be like when we’re living together. After talking about how she needs to maintain her morning routine, she said something like “it’s that coming part I’m not sure about”. I’m 99.99% sure she meant "that coming home part’.

“What coming part?”

“Huh?”

“You said something like ‘it’s that coming part I’m not sure about’”

And then she snapped at me, tone, attitude, everything: something about how I always say she says something she didn’t say. (Have fun parsing that.)

… after I thought things calmed down… I asked her why she snapped at me. And that just set her off. She insisted I was the one who snapped at her. That I just couldn’t let it go. That I raised my voice at her. That I always had to be right. That I was the one who needed to calm down.

Once I realized that everything I said just ended up amplified and turned around back at me, I just hung up.

There’s only two ways to “win” when that happens 1) wear her down – where it’s, of course, my fault; or 2) walk away – where it’s, of course, my fault.

All because I was trying to make her laugh a bit about something she said.[/quote]

I hate to sound trite, but that sounds like either PMS or somewhat borderline-ish, especially your later comment that such things happen just as you begun to trust the relationship.[/quote]

PMS keys women up and makes them more inclined to snap or cry or whatever than they might otherwise be, but it doesn’t make them twist others’ words or externalize blame. This is a pattern with LoRez’s girlfriend that I think isn’t helped by diagnoses, because at the end of the day, for whatever reason, she treats him poorly too much of the time. Who cares why? It’s co-dependent of him to try to understand her issue while being on the receiving end of treatment that if (when?) it ratchets up will be considered abusive (i.e. I treat you badly, but it’s your fault).

I say that as a classic co-dependent who has spent more time trying to figure out what was wrong with my men and fix it than I spent on myself. It did zero good.

Meanwhile, life was endlessly stressful and confusing. Csulli’s “exhausting and baffling” describes it perfectly.

[/quote]
Ha! I don’t disagree; just reluctant to state any case too strongly when all I know are some words on an internet site. Especially when it’s a love relationship with a potential life partner.

I just don’t like being that intrusive (for lack of a better word).[/quote]

EMILYQ: OVERSTEPPING BOUNDARIES SINCE 2007.

You’re right, and I worry the same thing. But I also fear erring on the side of saying too little.

[EmilyQ]

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Oh, it was very spiteful. But I considered worse. I let angry emails and texts go (e.g. “It’s Friday night. . . sucking someone’s dick?”) rather than respond, sent the coats, wished him well, etc.

He was mean to me AND was cheating on me. I’m mad! Spiteful or not, I think it’s fair to point out that he got what he seemed to indicate that he wanted. Chase all the women you want, buddy, and no worries about me being stupidly affectionate or gushing my adoration out in public! Enjoy. [/quote]

Yeah, your fault for falling for a guy like that. He still matters when he shouldn’t, you have to ask yourself if you were messing with other guys in order to somehow get back at him. It’s all stuff right down your alley, you mention not sending him a text about things you were doing with other guys, meaning you were having revenge sex. Among the many weird reasons women have sex that I’ve had the pleasure of experiencing lol.

It just amazes me that you probably knew exactly what you were doing when you were doing it, and still went ahead. As smart as you are, you still have sex out of spite?
[/quote]

Wait, no, I wasn’t messing with other guys! I was home in bed, alone. It was a graphic, nasty text from him asking if I was out sucking dick, I assume he was drunk when he sent it. But it wasn’t anything I was doing. I read the text, got a stomachache, felt sad, and went to sleep. No spite sex for me.

My point was that he’s been alternating some pretty offensive behavior with wistful “I miss yous” and I haven’t engaged in spiteful behavior beyond sending the one song. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but I’m not sorry I did. Maybe he’ll think twice next time he finds someone decent. I’ve also offered that as an earnest hope, along with that he stop self-destructive behaviors and become the man he wants to be.

As for my fault falling for a guy like that, yes. There were red flags and I ignored them or, as I fear LoRez is doing, rationalized them away because the parts that were good were so compelling.[/quote]

Gotcha, my bad. You know if I was right in my initial assessment, that even someone as aware as you is still slave to instinct (revenge sex), probably would have lowered my expectations of good women in general, I can only imagine how it would impact some of your other fans lol. Thanks for clearing that one up. If it matters, I think your conduct is pretty amazing, you definitely have more class than most of them. [/quote]

My conduct is definitely not always stellar, but thank you!

[orion]

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
I just sent a woman a picture of a girl that looks just like her, just 20 years younger, in my appartement, scantily clad and all.

She deserves it, but I just might be a dick.

Given that I invited girl A so that I could send pics to girl B.

Guess I have to be really nice to girl A then…[/quote]

You are getting exactly the kind of experiences with women that you deserve.

And yes, you are a dick.[/quote]

I only did that once and I am 40 years old-

[orion]

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
I just sent a woman a picture of a girl that looks just like her, just 20 years younger, in my appartement, scantily clad and all.

She deserves it, but I just might be a dick.

Given that I invited girl A so that I could send pics to girl B.

Guess I have to be really nice to girl A then…[/quote]

Why did she deserve it and why did you do it?

[/quote]

Because she dragged me along for a while, trying to turn me into a Beta Orbiter…

She was somewhat succesful too…

Somewhat…

Be that as it may, I just wanted to show her what I could do if I wanted to.

Its cheap.

Its vulgar.

I hope it hurts. [/quote]

That’s more spiteful than what the girl did to you isn’t it? And, your fault for following her around, if she didn’t reciprocate interest…

I wish I had that spite though tbh, I’ve been treated way worse by a lady who came onto me and tried to flip it around as if I were trying to pursue her, and had the nerve to cancel and flake on me She regrets it, and I get to remind her every time she sees me lol. [/quote]

No, its not more spiteful, not even close.

And she actively tried to turn me into her cuddle bitch.

And I told her what I would do, she just did not believe it.

Just provided proof that I can.

[debraD]

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Severiano wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:
I just sent a woman a picture of a girl that looks just like her, just 20 years younger, in my appartement, scantily clad and all.

She deserves it, but I just might be a dick.

Given that I invited girl A so that I could send pics to girl B.

Guess I have to be really nice to girl A then…[/quote]

Why did she deserve it and why did you do it?

[/quote]

Because she dragged me along for a while, trying to turn me into a Beta Orbiter…

She was somewhat succesful too…

Somewhat…

Be that as it may, I just wanted to show her what I could do if I wanted to.

Its cheap.

Its vulgar.

I hope it hurts. [/quote]

That’s more spiteful than what the girl did to you isn’t it? And, your fault for following her around, if she didn’t reciprocate interest…

I wish I had that spite though tbh, I’ve been treated way worse by a lady who came onto me and tried to flip it around as if I were trying to pursue her, and had the nerve to cancel and flake on me She regrets it, and I get to remind her every time she sees me lol. [/quote]

No, its not more spiteful, not even close.

And she actively tried to turn me into her cuddle bitch.

And I told her what I would do, she just did not believe it.

Just provided proof that I can. [/quote]

He who cares least wins. You did not care the least.

[LoRez]

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:
Ha! I don’t disagree; just reluctant to state any case too strongly when all I know are some words on an internet site. Especially when it’s a love relationship with a potential life partner.

I just don’t like being that intrusive (for lack of a better word).[/quote]

EMILYQ: OVERSTEPPING BOUNDARIES SINCE 2007.

You’re right, and I worry the same thing. But I also fear erring on the side of saying too little.

[/quote]

Yeah, me, too, though I usually default to “Saying too little leaves more up to the person himself” and is therefore the lesser of 2 potential missteps.[/quote]

Well, I do appreciate both of your discretion (not quite the right word).

I think where I’m having trouble is the frequency. It’s not high, but it happens. In the last 6 months, this is the second time something like this has happened, so we’re talking like 3 days out of 180 or so where things aren’t pretty smooth sailing. Before that, maybe once or twice in the prior 6 months.

Whereas a few years back, it was like 1-2 weeks out of every month for awhile.

I’ve personally come a long ways, since annoyance is about as far as it affects me now. (Obviously annoyed enough to post here, but besides that.) I’m far beyond taking things personal and thinking it’s at all my fault.

Ever since mention of the idea of borderline behavior, I noticed that she gets like that when 1) there’s some amount of external stress on her, e.g., work; and 2) she’s speculating about the future of the two of us. Those things combined seem to trigger things. Lots of potential bias though; I could be seeing a pattern where there isn’t one.

I think what gets me most is how out of the blue and irregular it is. I mean, I’ve known plenty of negative bitchy people, male and female, who behave like that pretty regularly. And I can understand wanting to get away from such a negative influence.

But this truly leaves me with a “where the hell did that come from?” since it’s not in character. That’s mostly why the “fuck that, you don’t have to put up with that, NEXT!” falls short. 360 good and/or great days in a year, 5 bad ones. It just doesn’t seem to be at critical mass.

[EmilyQ]

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:
Ha! I don’t disagree; just reluctant to state any case too strongly when all I know are some words on an internet site. Especially when it’s a love relationship with a potential life partner.

I just don’t like being that intrusive (for lack of a better word).[/quote]

EMILYQ: OVERSTEPPING BOUNDARIES SINCE 2007.

You’re right, and I worry the same thing. But I also fear erring on the side of saying too little.

[/quote]

Yeah, me, too, though I usually default to “Saying too little leaves more up to the person himself” and is therefore the lesser of 2 potential missteps.[/quote]

Well, I do appreciate both of your discretion (not quite the right word).

I think where I’m having trouble is the frequency. It’s not high, but it happens. In the last 6 months, this is the second time something like this has happened, so we’re talking like 3 days out of 180 or so where things aren’t pretty smooth sailing. Before that, maybe once or twice in the prior 6 months.

Whereas a few years back, it was like 1-2 weeks out of every month for awhile.

I’ve personally come a long ways, since annoyance is about as far as it affects me now. (Obviously annoyed enough to post here, but besides that.) I’m far beyond taking things personal and thinking it’s at all my fault.

Ever since mention of the idea of borderline behavior, I noticed that she gets like that when 1) there’s some amount of external stress on her, e.g., work; and 2) she’s speculating about the future of the two of us. Those things combined seem to trigger things. Lots of potential bias though; I could be seeing a pattern where there isn’t one.

I think what gets me most is how out of the blue and irregular it is. I mean, I’ve known plenty of negative bitchy people, male and female, who behave like that pretty regularly. And I can understand wanting to get away from such a negative influence.

But this truly leaves me with a “where the hell did that come from?” since it’s not in character. That’s mostly why the “fuck that, you don’t have to put up with that, NEXT!” falls short. 360 good and/or great days in a year, 5 bad ones. It just doesn’t seem to be at critical mass.[/quote]

Some random thoughts, as I type on my phone after midnight amidst my rather heavy jet lag.

• One could possibly argue that she has responded to your “therapy” and has improved. Any significant relationship has the potential to help people grow (though I agree with Em that thinking of yourself as, or taking responsibility for, changing her is a very bad idea.

• Are you comparing the frequency of problems when you live apart to that of living together?

• Living apart is NOT an accurate reflection of what living together would be. It WILL get worse, IMO

• That “out of the blue” nature of her behavior is, IMO, a huge red flag.

• Is that “down the rabbit hole” approach to disagreements / arguments typical, or does she more often discuss reasonably? IME, HOW you argue is a crucial determinant of success / failure.

• I’m tempted to say that that "It’s only X number of days; not bad enough to end it! (but not as I want it, either) is often heard from both borderline partners and codependents, but I’m not comfortable outright claiming that.

I’m really just kind brainstorming and trying to be helpful…

You seem like a good guy, Lorez. I hope this all works out for you.[/quote]

Yes, to all of this. (You jet lag well, Chushin.)