snap- I hadn’t heard of it, but preliminary research is intriguing and I’ll be doing more of it.
masch- I will disagree that you death wish is horrible. Contrary to your perspective, mine on that particular matter is that it’s purely human- and that makes it incredible. I’m not oblivious to the awful things that go on or their necessity. Death would have been the simple (not easy) way out and probably less pain for everyone involved, but the pain and glory in overcoming your own demons makes the victory worth it, and that’s what I marvel (<-- in the literal sense of the word) at and admire (<–again) in humanity. Don’t say that I’m a far better person, because our situations are not the same and you took care of yourself above all else. I can’t say that I would, or will. Come over. I’ll buy the smokes.
Puff- those patients, whether they say it or not (i’ve gotten calls 2 days later to thank me for something I was angry about doing but was the right thing) are the ones that make the rest of the month worth it. that can lead into my rant about communication, but i’ll spare myself right now. I owe too many projects to too many people, and i want to do them correctly.
nads- a) just one more reason im not built to have my own children. that sounds like one of the most awful places to be- in your head more than the closet, but i havent been in either of yours…
b) I announce that I quit approximately 4 times per 8 hour shift and it’s a joke to me, but i can tell that the others wouldn’t be surprised if it ever turned out to be for realz. i know that it’s all worth fighting for, and it’s why i care so much- right now i need the energy to continue the fight.
mainy- i grew up in suburbia with a stay at home mom and an 8-5 dad. both well educated, he of a military mindset and mom from The City. Neither drank, nursed addictions, or abused us in any way. I had everything I needed, every opportunity open to me, and for all purposes, everything i wanted. I’m not saying that to brag, but to give my parents the light they deserve for raising me in the best situation they could- better than they ever had. I got mindfucked instead, and I’m still not complaining about that, but explaining how I got from Cleaver to Bear.
Had I taken the opportunity to go away to college any of the times it was offered or forced, I would not have gotten the experience with people I did outside of the collegiate bubble. I fought against their plans, won, and because of that I’ve gotten to combine my adolescent partying, rehab, higher learning, midlife crisis, and coming of age all into my 20’s. I feel ancient for 26, and I know there’s so much more to come.
I say all that to say this- I did things the hard way because I didn’t want help. The help I got came at a price, and one I’d pay again now that I can look back more clearly and see where I was headed those first few years of my 20’s. That help is why I won’t stop trying. there’s so much to say and only 46 pages… maybe the responsibility will wane without the love, and it will get easier for me.
as long as we’re sharing fucked up mom moments- I was 17. My mother tells me that a woman who has been raped deserves it if she’s not married and has had sex. She didn’t know I wasn’t a virgin. She was serious. She has 3 daughters.
greeney- you read maschy’s section 
lifted @ EFS this weekend both days. nothing I feel like rewriting.
