[quote]spar4tee wrote:
LOL Adventure Time is geared to a young adult audience.[/quote]
Adventure Time is the shit.
Thread reminds me of Ted
[quote]Typhoon wrote:
Like I said before if he just watches that cartoon as an adult but leads a normal life, I really wouldn’t see too much wrong with it. Obviously if he turns into the stereotypical antisocial, live in the basement, no job type then I’ll consider myself a failure. I am just not so sure that there is a direct correlation. Like I said before I am an adult that watches anime (even go to conventions with buddies) and plays those nerdy MMOs (use to at least) and plenty of other video games, I also have a career and a family. There are plenty of other/similar types (to bronies) that watch anime and play video games but it doesn’t mean that those things cause that.[/quote]
I don’t think that there is a correlation from my little ponies or anything else to being reclusive either. I’ve seen people do this with all kinds of stuff.
The part that is spooky is when they have all kinds of distortions and rationale for not joining the rest of the world, like they have it all figured out from the comfort of their little shell.
Just read about bronies and I’m now both scared and shocked.
How does this thread have 4 fucking pages, mostly dedicated to whether it’s ok to watch some cartoon? That doesn’t seem to be the central issue here that the OP needs to deal with.
Cartoon watching/ video game playing aside, OP has described this friend as an unmotivated loser. I’m 29, and I have exactly 1 close friend who has remained a close friend since high school. He recently graduated from law school and ran his first triathlon in the same week. He ran 20+ miles to celebrate his birthday in June.
I have zero contact with the plentiful losers from high school, even the ones who I knew 15+ years. Grade school/ high school relationships are built on proximity and convenience. That’s not what adult relationships should be about. Many of the people who are closest to me now don’t even live in the same state. My close friends now all share common interests and motivation, without exception.
cliff notes: cut ties with losers, regardless of time invested.
I’ve had some similar issues, but more with guys who I was friends with - not exceptionally close with but still friends - who couldn’t control their drinking or drug habits.
I’m at the age where most of us are done with all that, and trying to get our shit together, and there’s no time for those that are going to be toxic.
Your friend doesn’t sound toxic, he just sounds like a loser. Although I suspect that if you went through the trouble of posting all this on an internet forum, you’ve likely already made up your mind.
Ya I’m still not seeing a problem. He’s a loser, so fucking what? It’s not like you have to take him to work or on interviews with you or introduce your wife/kids to him.
Like I said, unless he is metally/physically bringing you down or breaking the law/acting immoral in your eyes, why does it even matter?
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
LOL Adventure Time is geared to a young adult audience.[/quote]
Huh. I thought it was for little kids because of all the merchandising crap that’s thrown at them.
But that would make sense.
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
LOL Adventure Time is geared to a young adult audience.[/quote]
NOBODY BASHES ADVENTURE TIME ON MY WATCH.
Honestly though, Im hoping people that watch MLP are just watching it to be ironic. I just cant seem to wrap my head around the fact that there are grown men that are genuinely interested in that show when it’s clearly marketed towards an audience group on the other side of the spectrum; little girls.
What’s even more disturbing is that there is such a large following that it warrants its own convention. Think about that for a second. There are only a couple of shows on tv that had a large enough following and they were most Science Fiction shows.
^Here is a small taste of the convention. Prepare to shake your head in disbelief.
The thing is is that I have been trying to look at it from his perspective. Even though he may seem like a loser from most people’s perspective I have to wonder how I would feel if someone with a Master’s or PHD would refuse to be friends with me on the basis that I only have a Bachelor’s degree. Of course its more than just his education, its his lack of drive to do anything with his life.
The guy is fun to hang out with and we have a lot of common interests but going over to his parent’s house so we can hang out in their basement to play video games just doesn’t feel right, I’m 30 years old.
I really blame the whole Brony thing on his friends. He wasn’t a Brony originally but a lot of his friends were and I think my friend is constantly looking for a sense of belonging and being part of some nerdy sub-culture helped fulfill that feeling for him. When I ask him to explain why he likes My Little Pony I honestly don’t think he even knows why.
I think if he wants to have this obsession with My Little Ponies he can go ahead and feel free to do so but it shouldn’t take precedence over getting a fucking life. His other friends are the same way and when we all hang out I feel very out of place since I’m the only one who isn’t a loser.
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
[quote]Typhoon wrote:
Like I said before if he just watches that cartoon as an adult but leads a normal life, I really wouldn’t see too much wrong with it. Obviously if he turns into the stereotypical antisocial, live in the basement, no job type then I’ll consider myself a failure. I am just not so sure that there is a direct correlation. Like I said before I am an adult that watches anime (even go to conventions with buddies) and plays those nerdy MMOs (use to at least) and plenty of other video games, I also have a career and a family. There are plenty of other/similar types (to bronies) that watch anime and play video games but it doesn’t mean that those things cause that.[/quote]
I don’t think that there is a correlation from my little ponies or anything else to being reclusive either. I’ve seen people do this with all kinds of stuff.
The part that is spooky is when they have all kinds of distortions and rationale for not joining the rest of the world, like they have it all figured out from the comfort of their little shell.
[/quote]
Agreed and I’ve met plenty of both types.
[quote]Madtytecurls wrote:
The thing is is that I have been trying to look at it from his perspective. Even though he may seem like a loser from most people’s perspective I have to wonder how I would feel if someone with a Master’s or PHD would refuse to be friends with me on the basis that I only have a Bachelor’s degree. Of course its more than just his education, its his lack of drive to do anything with his life.
The guy is fun to hang out with and we have a lot of common interests but going over to his parent’s house so we can hang out in their basement to play video games just doesn’t feel right, I’m 30 years old.
I really blame the whole Brony thing on his friends. He wasn’t a Brony originally but a lot of his friends were and I think my friend is constantly looking for a sense of belonging and being part of some nerdy sub-culture helped fulfill that feeling for him. When I ask him to explain why he likes My Little Pony I honestly don’t think he even knows why.
I think if he wants to have this obsession with My Little Ponies he can go ahead and feel free to do so but it shouldn’t take precedence over getting a fucking life. His other friends are the same way and when we all hang out I feel very out of place since I’m the only one who isn’t a loser. [/quote]
The above situation is apples to oranges. The gap between Bachelors and Masters is infinitely smaller than the gap between bachelors and working at walmart from time to time. Most of my friends have higher degrees than a bachelors. I don’t. Degrees don’t matter a few years after school. Life choices do.
I don’t understand why you say you have a lot of common interests. You clearly don’t, unless you consider breathing, eating, and basic human movement as ‘interests’. You just said you don’t share his interests in cartoons and video games in his parents basement. You don’t have similar career interests (if he was ACTUALLY interested in being a PT he would have done it by now). You don’t share ambition. There’s a difference between sharing interests and simply getting along with one another.
Don’t blame the Bromy thing on his friends. Blame it on him. If he was so susceptible to the influence of friends, you would have been able to help him get his shit together by now. What he’s susceptible to is being a shit head. If his friends hadn’t introduced him to the Bromy thing, he’d be spending his time doing something equally dumb, guaranteed.
In your last sentence, the “When we all hang out” part is the most troubling. If you’re hanging out with this entire clique, then he is clearly bringing you down too. Life is way too fucking short to waste any of it. I would not give 5 minutes to these morons. If one of my lawyer friends asked me to watch ‘My little pony’ one fucking time, I would not speak to them again. I wouldn’t care if we’d been friends for 20 years.
[quote]Madtytecurls wrote:
The thing is is that I have been trying to look at it from his perspective. Even though he may seem like a loser from most people’s perspective I have to wonder how I would feel if someone with a Master’s or PHD would refuse to be friends with me on the basis that I only have a Bachelor’s degree. Of course its more than just his education, its his lack of drive to do anything with his life.
The guy is fun to hang out with and we have a lot of common interests but going over to his parent’s house so we can hang out in their basement to play video games just doesn’t feel right, I’m 30 years old.
I really blame the whole Brony thing on his friends. He wasn’t a Brony originally but a lot of his friends were and I think my friend is constantly looking for a sense of belonging and being part of some nerdy sub-culture helped fulfill that feeling for him. When I ask him to explain why he likes My Little Pony I honestly don’t think he even knows why.
I think if he wants to have this obsession with My Little Ponies he can go ahead and feel free to do so but it shouldn’t take precedence over getting a fucking life. His other friends are the same way and when we all hang out I feel very out of place since I’m the only one who isn’t a loser. [/quote]
I think Fighting Irish and and usmc pretty much are spot on. Why does it matter if he is a loser if he isn’t bringing you down? However you CLEARLY have a huge issue with this which is unlikely to change; you are unlikely to be able to change your feelings and he is unlikely to change his lifestyle any time soon. There is no shame in not hanging out with him as much or at all if you don’t feel comfortable.
[quote]flipcollar wrote:
[quote]Madtytecurls wrote:
The thing is is that I have been trying to look at it from his perspective. Even though he may seem like a loser from most people’s perspective I have to wonder how I would feel if someone with a Master’s or PHD would refuse to be friends with me on the basis that I only have a Bachelor’s degree. Of course its more than just his education, its his lack of drive to do anything with his life.
The guy is fun to hang out with and we have a lot of common interests but going over to his parent’s house so we can hang out in their basement to play video games just doesn’t feel right, I’m 30 years old.
I really blame the whole Brony thing on his friends. He wasn’t a Brony originally but a lot of his friends were and I think my friend is constantly looking for a sense of belonging and being part of some nerdy sub-culture helped fulfill that feeling for him. When I ask him to explain why he likes My Little Pony I honestly don’t think he even knows why.
I think if he wants to have this obsession with My Little Ponies he can go ahead and feel free to do so but it shouldn’t take precedence over getting a fucking life. His other friends are the same way and when we all hang out I feel very out of place since I’m the only one who isn’t a loser. [/quote]
The above situation is apples to oranges. The gap between Bachelors and Masters is infinitely smaller than the gap between bachelors and working at walmart from time to time. Most of my friends have higher degrees than a bachelors. I don’t. Degrees don’t matter a few years after school. Life choices do.
I don’t understand why you say you have a lot of common interests. You clearly don’t, unless you consider breathing, eating, and basic human movement as ‘interests’. You just said you don’t share his interests in cartoons and video games in his parents basement. You don’t have similar career interests (if he was ACTUALLY interested in being a PT he would have done it by now). You don’t share ambition. There’s a difference between sharing interests and simply getting along with one another.
Don’t blame the Bromy thing on his friends. Blame it on him. If he was so susceptible to the influence of friends, you would have been able to help him get his shit together by now. What he’s susceptible to is being a shit head. If his friends hadn’t introduced him to the Bromy thing, he’d be spending his time doing something equally dumb, guaranteed.
In your last sentence, the “When we all hang out” part is the most troubling. If you’re hanging out with this entire clique, then he is clearly bringing you down too. Life is way too fucking short to waste any of it. I would not give 5 minutes to these morons. If one of my lawyer friends asked me to watch ‘My little pony’ one fucking time, I would not speak to them again. I wouldn’t care if we’d been friends for 20 years.[/quote]
…you make a pretty strong case here. I really want to believe that we share common interests and he just needs someone to help illuminate his path but I’m thinking maybe he really just doesn’t care. Thing is, I don’t think he is content with his life situation. He tells me how much he wishes he could get his own place, not have to work in retail etc. but he hasn’t shown the resolve to actually try to achieve such goals.
When he talks to me he’s talking to me about how he is planning on training in Tekken Tag Tournament 2 or some other fighting game or how he plans to battle his friends online but he never actually invests time into doing anything productive.
I just can’t believe that somebody whom I have known so well and for so long could be like this, what in the Hell caused this to happen. Was it external, internal? If his bad friends could influence him, why couldn’t I? That question is what leads me to believe that perhaps you’re right in that we actually don’t have very much in common.
Another thing I noticed is whenever I talk about an interest like working out or I bring up the ACE certification he quickly changes the subject back to comic books, anime, or fighting games.
He actually had a girlfriend very briefly who I introduced him to who ended up leaving him precisely for the reasons I mentioned, because he wasn’t doing anything in his life.
He acted like he was completely the victim and was upset that I am still friends with her in real life.
A lot of these fighting games have very arcane controls which require a lot of button memorization. I figure if he can study those fighting games why can’t he study a few key training concepts in the ACE textbook?
He doesn’t need to get a college degree but if he had a certification he could get a job as a personal trainer which is a perfectly respectable line of work. He could do it, Hell he was the one who asked me about it but he just doesn’t, its been over 2 years since he got the book.
[quote]Madtytecurls wrote:
…you make a pretty strong case here. I really want to believe that we share common interests and he just needs someone to help illuminate his path but I’m thinking maybe he really just doesn’t care. Thing is, I don’t think he is content with his life situation. He tells me how much he wishes he could get his own place, not have to work in retail etc. but he hasn’t shown the resolve to actually try to achieve such goals. When he talks to me he’s talking to me about how he is planning on training in Tekken Tag Tournament 2 or some other fighting game or how he plans to battle his friends online but he never actually invests time into doing anything productive.
I just can’t believe that somebody whom I have known so well and for so long could be like this, what in the Hell caused this to happen. Was it external, internal? If his bad friends could influence him, why couldn’t I? That question is what leads me to believe that perhaps you’re right in that we actually don’t have very much in common.
Another thing I noticed is whenever I talk about an interest like working out or I bring up the ACE certification he quickly changes the subject back to comic books, anime, or fighting games.
He actually had a girlfriend very briefly who I introduced him to who ended up leaving him precisely for the reasons I mentioned, because he wasn’t doing anything in his life.
He acted like he was completely the victim and was upset that I am still friends with her in real life.
A lot of these fighting games have very arcane controls which require a lot of button memorization. I figure if he can study those fighting games why can’t he study a few key training concepts in the ACE textbook?
He doesn’t need to get a college degree but if he had a certification he could get a job as a personal trainer which is a perfectly respectable line of work. He could do it, Hell he was the one who asked me about it but he just doesn’t, its been over 2 years since he got the book.[/quote]
I feel like a quote from the great philosopher-bodybuilder Ronnie Coleman is relevant here. “Everybody wanna be a bodybuilder, don’t nobody wanna lift no heavy ass weights!”
Of course your friend wants a better job. Everybody wants a better life. But at the end of the day, most people don’t truly want to do what it takes to make that happen. Something inside them deep down convinces them that the trade-off isn’t worth it. Stocking shelves for a living and playing videos games is the easy way out.
I’ve known plenty of people who talk the same way your friend does. “Man, I wish I could do what you’re doing! I’m totally ready, I’m gonna take classes, blah blah blah…” They never do. Doesn’t matter if you offer to take the classes with them, study with them, give them recommendations, whatever. I’ve actually offered jobs at my company to people like this, and been turned down every time. They’d rather wait tables than take a position with room for upward movement.
To improve your life in the ways we’re talking about, you have to be hungry, and you have to enjoy the process. You have to love the feeling you get when you put effort into something, and then reap the rewards. Your friend does not make this connection. He can see it in his gaming, but he can’t see it in work. He likely never will. Most people don’t make that sort of drastic change in mentality after age 30.
I think you’ve made much more compelling arguments for leaving this guy in your past than I have.
[quote]Madtytecurls wrote:
[quote]flipcollar wrote:
[quote]Madtytecurls wrote:
The thing is is that I have been trying to look at it from his perspective. Even though he may seem like a loser from most people’s perspective I have to wonder how I would feel if someone with a Master’s or PHD would refuse to be friends with me on the basis that I only have a Bachelor’s degree. Of course its more than just his education, its his lack of drive to do anything with his life.
The guy is fun to hang out with and we have a lot of common interests but going over to his parent’s house so we can hang out in their basement to play video games just doesn’t feel right, I’m 30 years old.
I really blame the whole Brony thing on his friends. He wasn’t a Brony originally but a lot of his friends were and I think my friend is constantly looking for a sense of belonging and being part of some nerdy sub-culture helped fulfill that feeling for him. When I ask him to explain why he likes My Little Pony I honestly don’t think he even knows why.
I think if he wants to have this obsession with My Little Ponies he can go ahead and feel free to do so but it shouldn’t take precedence over getting a fucking life. His other friends are the same way and when we all hang out I feel very out of place since I’m the only one who isn’t a loser. [/quote]
The above situation is apples to oranges. The gap between Bachelors and Masters is infinitely smaller than the gap between bachelors and working at walmart from time to time. Most of my friends have higher degrees than a bachelors. I don’t. Degrees don’t matter a few years after school. Life choices do.
I don’t understand why you say you have a lot of common interests. You clearly don’t, unless you consider breathing, eating, and basic human movement as ‘interests’. You just said you don’t share his interests in cartoons and video games in his parents basement. You don’t have similar career interests (if he was ACTUALLY interested in being a PT he would have done it by now). You don’t share ambition. There’s a difference between sharing interests and simply getting along with one another.
Don’t blame the Bromy thing on his friends. Blame it on him. If he was so susceptible to the influence of friends, you would have been able to help him get his shit together by now. What he’s susceptible to is being a shit head. If his friends hadn’t introduced him to the Bromy thing, he’d be spending his time doing something equally dumb, guaranteed.
In your last sentence, the “When we all hang out” part is the most troubling. If you’re hanging out with this entire clique, then he is clearly bringing you down too. Life is way too fucking short to waste any of it. I would not give 5 minutes to these morons. If one of my lawyer friends asked me to watch ‘My little pony’ one fucking time, I would not speak to them again. I wouldn’t care if we’d been friends for 20 years.[/quote]
…you make a pretty strong case here. I really want to believe that we share common interests and he just needs someone to help illuminate his path but I’m thinking maybe he really just doesn’t care. Thing is, I don’t think he is content with his life situation. He tells me how much he wishes he could get his own place, not have to work in retail etc. but he hasn’t shown the resolve to actually try to achieve such goals. When he talks to me he’s talking to me about how he is planning on training in Tekken Tag Tournament 2 or some other fighting game or how he plans to battle his friends online but he never actually invests time into doing anything productive.
I just can’t believe that somebody whom I have known so well and for so long could be like this, what in the Hell caused this to happen. Was it external, internal? If his bad friends could influence him, why couldn’t I? That question is what leads me to believe that perhaps you’re right in that we actually don’t have very much in common.
Another thing I noticed is whenever I talk about an interest like working out or I bring up the ACE certification he quickly changes the subject back to comic books, anime, or fighting games.
He actually had a girlfriend very briefly who I introduced him to who ended up leaving him precisely for the reasons I mentioned, because he wasn’t doing anything in his life.
He acted like he was completely the victim and was upset that I am still friends with her in real life.
A lot of these fighting games have very arcane controls which require a lot of button memorization. I figure if he can study those fighting games why can’t he study a few key training concepts in the ACE textbook? He doesn’t need to get a college degree but if he had a certification he could get a job as a personal trainer which is a perfectly respectable line of work. He could do it, Hell he was the one who asked me about it but he just doesn’t, its been over 2 years since he got the book.[/quote]
He simply sounds scared to grow up. Some tough love may be in order, thats what friends do.
One of my best friends had a daughter that got hooked on heroin. I had to explain to him that his enabling her was part of the problem. It was tough for him to hear, we both cried, got the fuck over it and she is doing okay now due to him telling her she had to get it together or get out. Of course this is an extreme and a simplification, but sometimes friends have to do the hard thing.
Man this is really sad, but I think you have convinced me flipcollar. I have never actually told my friend how his life situation makes me upset but I think I am going to later this week.
I just have to think of a way to explain it without making it seem like I’m telling him “you’re not good enough to hang out with me” which isn’t how I feel. I also want to leave the door open in case he ever does decide to turn his life around and let him know I’m willing to help so long as he’s serious about it.
I think I’m also going to try to use that “nerd vs loser” comparison to talk about the kinds of company he keeps and hope he’ll understand that a nerds are supposed to enjoy learning. I enjoy video games, and some comic books but my life doesn’t center around them because they’re not productive activities and its possible to enjoy productive activities too like working out.
Man, I really am going to need to think about how I am going to word this.
He lacks drive. None of us know why, but that’s rather obvious.
I can give you a reason why I lacked drive back in high school though - fear of failing. It’s absurd, really, but the fear of failing made me decide that it’s just easier to not try at all. At least then I have a ready-made excuse, “I failed because I didn’t try, but I do try I can do great!”
It takes someone who cares for you enough to tell you that you’re spouting bullshit to break through that. And, even then, you need to be prepared to accept that you’re a fuck-up and that you don’t want to be a fuck-up anymore, which apparently is very difficult for a lot of grown people.
Hence you get man-children.
[quote]Madtytecurls wrote:
Man this is really sad, but I think you have convinced me flipcollar. I have never actually told my friend how his life situation makes me upset but I think I am going to later this week.
I just have to think of a way to explain it without making it seem like I’m telling him “you’re not good enough to hang out with me” which isn’t how I feel. I also want to leave the door open in case he ever does decide to turn his life around and let him know I’m willing to help so long as he’s serious about it.
I think I’m also going to try to use that “nerd vs loser” comparison to talk about the kinds of company he keeps and hope he’ll understand that a nerds are supposed to enjoy learning. I enjoy video games, and some comic books but my life doesn’t center around them because they’re not productive activities and its possible to enjoy productive activities too like working out.
Man, I really am going to need to think about how I am going to word this.[/quote]
You’re being a bit dramatic here man. This isn’t a break up. You can just stop hanging out with him. No need to have a conversation about it. You can pretty much just fade out of his life. That’s how this stuff generally works out. I’ve done this with plenty of bad influences. When he calls you to hang out, just say, no I’m busy. You do it enough, he’ll either A) get the hint and stop calling, B) confront you about it eventually, at which time you can talk to him about why you haven’t been seeing him, or C) he’s dumb as a brick, calls you incessantly, and you eventually do have to take the initiative and tell him to go away.
I am curious, and maybe you’ve mentioned this and I missed it, but how often do you see him right now?
I think the best way to help your friend change his life would be to ask him what he wants. He asked about personal trainer certifications 2 years ago and you’ve mentioned how he doesn’t even want to talk about the subject now. He obviously doesn’t want that but there might be something that he actually desires for his life. Something you can help him with by enabling and supporting him.
Get him to meet you somewhere other than his parents house (force him to at least make an effort) and ask him if there is something productive that he would like to do with his life. Don’t suggest anything for him. It has to be something that HE wants.
Draw up a time line with 3 boxes: one for today, one for 2 weeks from now, and one for 2 months from now. Have him come up with things he can do in each time period that’ll get him closer to his goal. Then, ask him how you can help out. If you just assume he wants you to check in on his progress then he’ll likely be annoyed by it. But at least it’s obvious that his failures are his own fault if he asks you to check in with him on his progress and he hasn’t done anything productive.
But there’s nothing wrong with ending your friendship if you’re done with him. The above scenario could easily end with him getting nothing done 2 months from now.