Just another guy here, wanting some help with my girlfriend. Now my girlfriend wants to lose some weight and she has started lately watching her diet and cutting out sweets. However, at the moment she doesn’t have much time for the gym plus working 25 hours a week. But the problem is she wants to do it(slim down) but she doesn’t believe she can do it.
She says that when he has tried before nothing has worked and she always stays the same. But, I asked her if previously she truly worked her hardest and she basically started crying. As I probably didn’t word it the best. But all I want her to do is realize it’s going to take work and not happen overnight and that nothing is impossible. But, she has poor body image of herself and doesn’t think she’ll ever change. What can I do to try and brighten her outlook!
you need to love your girlfriend the way she is. She needs to want to change and until that time (the time where she is more uncomfortable with herself then the process of changing) things will remain the same. And its not for you, or anyone else to try to change that/judge that/fix that. It just wont happen.
The best thing you can do to help is believe in her and let her do it on her own. Its not your job to change/advise/motivate another person, especially one you’re romantically involved with. Don’t help unless she asks SPECIFICALLY, and even then, don’t get involved personally. EX- She wants to know good cardio routines, send her here so she can do her own research and you weigh in with your own experience, NOT opinion. The less you’re involved in the physical process the better.
That being said, where you can help the most is in the emotional process. Women crave feeling safe, especially during times of uncertainty, (like not being happy with the way you look). Tell her she’s sexy and beautiful. She doesn’t NEED to change, especially for you. (If that’s not true, don’t say it). Tell her you respect her for wanting to change and improve herself and her life, that you admire her courage to begin what can seem like an impossible task. Let her know you support her and whatever she decides makes her happy.
Agree with twojar here. As a woman, I feel quite comfortable in saying most of us have body image issues. The best thing you can do for your girl is love her, workout yourself (BY yourself - it’s a rare couple that can train together) and eat well. Be a good example, but don’t try to force your choices on her.
And I’ll add that “leading by example” has not, for me at least, “worked” in the sense that it has produced any real results with her. What it has done is…
Get her to do wall squats (on her own).
Get her to do some some light dumbbell work, (again, with no goading from me).
Put some more thought into her snack/junk food hiding spots (either to keep the temptation away from me or to hide her bad diet choices from me, I’m not exactly sure).
These are all positive steps that she has taken on her own. I just leave it at that and do my thing.
On the positive side, she’s adjusted to how MY changes affect her, and no longer gives me grief for prioritizing workouts over [insert couples activity here]. She no longer complains when I prepare healthy meals instead of something fried or from a bag.
It has been a process for me. I wish there was some magic solution, but there does not seem to be.
[quote]coyotegal wrote:
you need to love your girlfriend the way she is. She needs to want to change and until that time (the time where she is more uncomfortable with herself then the process of changing) things will remain the same. And its not for you, or anyone else to try to change that/judge that/fix that. It just wont happen.
[/quote]
Bingo.
I’m always dumbfounded by guys who pursue non-fit women then try and turn them into a hardbody.
A can of walmart paint, oil change, and new tires ain’t going to turn a dodge neon into a ferrari! lol
