[quote]batman730 wrote:
Well, it’s more of a visceral impression than a hard and fast checklist I run through. Very much like when you’re deciding whether or not you trust someone you just met. It’s not necessarily evidence based, but it’s generally accurate.
Attempting to break it down a little, here’s what I’ve noticed. these women’s issues generally centre around excessive pleasure/attention seeking behaviour and inability to establish and respect adequate boundaries. What this looks like, IME: excessively “open” body language, especially in settings where it’s not particularly appropriate (i.e. work vs the club), tendency to encroach on personal space, tendency to give TMFI and/or ask excessively personal questions and put people on the spot, deliberately creating uncomfortable situations, need to monopolize attention and conversation in group settings, binge behaviour of all kinds (eating, drinking, partying, spending, sex, drugs etc), high risk behaviours (sexual and otherwise), making major presumptions about people’s (especially, but not exclusively guys’) willingness to put up with generally socially unacceptable behaviour, chronic lateness and general unreliability, addiction issues, frequent significant life changes, disproportionate number of male acquaintances (“beta orbiters” for the Game oriented), difficulty spending time alone (need an audience), continuing to actively cultivate new male acquaintances when in a relationship, difficulty maintaining healthy female friendships, forming inappropriate, although not necessarily explicitly sexual, relationships with males in positions of authority (bosses, teachers etc), seeming inability to flirt without coming across like they “mean it”, history of dysfunctional sexual conduct and/or abuse, relevant to this thread a large number of sexual partners and often an early first sexual experience.
There are more, but this should get you started. I’m sure some out there would say this describes the majority of girls/women aged 17-24. I can’t say, as I rarely hang out with women in that age group anymore. I would say however that more girls are trying to be this girl than actually are this woman. If they practice long enough though, it probably doesn’t matter.
Out of curiosity, are you asking so you can find this woman, or so you can avoid her?
Edited[/quote]
Very nice. I always enjoy reading your posts when you “break it down,” and it doesn’t seem to matter much to me what it is you’re breaking down.
I would say that from my experience in working with girls and women there are plenty of girls in their teens and early twenties who do not display these characteristics. I tend to encounter the women you describe after they’ve had a child and are continuing to experience relationship instability and drama, but of course that makes sense because the girls displaying these characteristics are having all sorts of fun with it until they have a kid, so don’t need a therapist, while the girls who are more earnest and steadfast will struggle with breakups of early LTRs and other age-appropriate angst and anxiety (grades, don’t know how to interact with boys, etc). The earnest girls tend not to have a need for me in their late twenties.
Other than that I would only add that I think some of the characteristics you mention would be red flags I would offer to young women looking to avoid making a poor choice in men. It’s funny to me that some of what you laid out also describes PUAs and their game.
