I feel it’s usually younger girls who leave because a guy comes across as clingy, except in extreme situations.
Those stupid “get girls now” type dating websites push this so hard because it then forces the guy to withdraw to control her, and a lot of girls (just like guys) will go nuts and try harder. It’s really manipulative.
Why do the girls go nuts though is the question?
Tbh I know the answer and don’t need to prove anything, I just don’t think op understands that trt won’t be his magic pill in saving his relationship like he hopes. Sure it could help bring out the alpha in him and make him less of whatever annoyed her, but theres still a deeper underlying issue which leads me to believe what I believe about this situation.
Hes trying to fix himself for her, to win her back, shes moved out to “find herself”. Doesnt sound like he was the dick. He seems selfless, needy, clingy, whatever you wanna call it, but yes these behaviors are usually exhibited by low t males.
I wouldn’t say TRT has been a magic fix for my issues like this, but it has made me more interested in working on them. I believe in myself a lot more now, and am not nearly as accepting of things that don’t make me happy.
Hey @bigmistake2, I’m older than you and let just repeat one stupid saying “Life is too short to be miserable” . I was married for 28 years to a woman that drove me fucking nuts for most of that time. We had a beautiful little girl who was, and is, the center of my life and I sacrificed my happiness for her to have a normal healthy home life. My ex and I didnt fight and there were a lot of good time but I wasnt happy for alot of those years.
About 6 years ago, my best friend (and the one responsible for me living the gym life for the last 20 plus years) got colon cancer and within 2 years he was gone. This is when I realized how short life is and how important it is to be in control of your own happiness.
The point of my rant is to show you that if you were miserable in spite of the hard work, then you need to get that out of your life.
Well so far you have described a one way relationship where you are doing all of the giving and she is doing all of the taking. Top that off with:
So you are walking around on egg shells all the time trying to keep her from getting upset? Sorry man but this sounds like a controlling person. Maybe I am wrong. Also you are painting a positive picture of NOT being with her.
Wow man, really appreciate that, good advice. And sorry to hear about your friend.
I do try to remember this…I recently lost my grandpa and my aunt. I always felt like my grandpa was invincible, so it’s really shaken me up the last few weeks. Night before his service, she hits me up for money to go to some party. And I’m like…really?
At the end of the day, you’re right, if you’re not happy then it doesn’t matter. Maybe the problem is all me, who knows, but it’s just a match that’s not meant to be, and it’s dragging me down. Every day seems like a hill to climb, and the red flags are piling up now too. Most recently, she’s late on her period, yet we’ve only had sex twice in the last month, and I’m on TRT. And I’ve always had low FSH already. Just sick of dealing with stuff like this all the time stressing me out.
Definitely eggshells. She says the same about me, in all fairness.
But recently I drew the connection that she gets mad at me for 90% of what I do, and my self esteem has been dropping a lot lately. Can’t subject myself to that forever ya know.
He’s trying to fix himself. He should. It’s not really possible to see things correctly and act appropriately when affected by serious stressors like health. People tend to be jerks when stressed, and if they weren’t nice enough before that happened, the woman is going to be gone because she doesn’t have any reasonable expectation of a reason to stay. If She is having the problem and he isn’t patient or understanding, it’s not fair to expect her to be okay with him being unsupportive.
Of course she does. Why own up to something when you can deflect it back and blame them? 90% Dude…
I can also guarantee you that long term stress is very unhealthy and will lead to an early death. It wreaks havoc on your body.
If you could, I would suggest that you get the hell out of there and find another town/state to move to. Start fresh.
Being married requires two adults to show maturity and be understanding. Two.
Did he tell you this? I havent read every post.
He’s on TRT to fix him, or he wouldn’t be on it after she left anyway. From personal experience I can say that serious medical conditions are not always obvious but can make you a jerk while leaving you believing that you are the reasonable one. We are very fragile in many ways.
And for the record, I’ve been married for almost 27 years and we’ve been through hell a few times.
@NH_Watts Sadly she’s taught me a lot about subtle manipulative things guys (including me) do. Not like gaslighting level, but much less intentionally bad stuff. Funny I feel like I’m being manipulated at times. Another huge red flag was when my therapist asked if I ever feel like things with her aren’t real, or don’t make sense, or that they’re not based in reality…and I realized that’s exactly how it feels.
@studhammer I feel like the stress has made me a lot less mentally sharp already. Sometimes I’ll just come home and lay on the couch. When things are good, I’ll stop at a couple stores or the park, come home and hit the gym, cook, talk to friends, etc. Funny a few weeks ago I proposed a mutual breakup and she took it really well. Couple days later she wants me back…I shouldn’t have gone for that. Now we’re ending it on bad terms instead of being at least cool with each other.
People pleasing is a symptom of low t, I’m sure. High t alphas don’t concern themselves with too many things that actually don’t matter. If your wife leaves you, are you gonna go out and about doing everything you can to win her back? Hell NO! She left for a reason, trying to win her back because you’ve lost control of her is like trying to force a dog to be a cat. You can’t force anyone to love you, changing yourself to make someone love you again is like putting on a mask for a little bit. Him taking trt to win her back wont fix the underlying issue. He needs to focus on himself, his kids, and his life, instead of trying to find ways to get her back. I’ve spent months chasing exes and changing for them which is why I’m even warning him, its not worth it. Cut your lies and rebuild, she doesnt respect you or anything you ever did for her or your kids if she left you at your lowest. Screw that.
I totally agree - she and I had been down that road, a lot in part due to medication changes for both of us. Sadly the understanding has turned into a one way street. She tried some migraine meds, and it didn’t work so well, but I told her if she thinks it’s helping, I’d support her in trying it longer and seeing if the mood side effects subside. Couple months ago I stupidly crashed my E2 and couldn’t get it up for a few weeks, and was constantly being yelled at for it. Yea it was my fault, and I learned from it, but like if you want to spend your life with someone, a few weeks without sex isn’t the end of the world if there’s a reason for it.
I thought TRT would save my relationship. Instead it played a part in ending it. Sometimes the best outcome isn’t the one you think you want.
I’m also a huge believer in the whole sticking with people at their lowest. It still makes me feel like a quitter leaving her at her lowest now, but both people have to be open and realize it’s not easy and work on it like adults. In other words, identify the problem and try to separate it from their emotions.
Amen, it gave you the balls and clairty to see you are more important than your current state of emotions that she fueled.
It isn’t about changing yourself to please her. It also doesn’t matter if she appreciates it. Grown-ups do things because that’s your responsibility. Being a considerate and understanding human being and having the maturity to realize that things aren’t necessarily how you are perceiving them are basic things to strive for, not partner pleasing in and of themselves.If the term “High T alpha” is actually in your vocabulary, you’re an idiot that needs to grow up and become a little less self-absorbed. Being in a relationship is a two way street, and requires a better attitude than that.