A frat brother from college called yesterday, his mom killed herself. He found her body. His dad died of cancer four years ago, and his mom just could not live without him. She shot herself in the heart.
Her own mother did the same thing, also with a bullet to the heart, when she was 20 years old. I just can’t comprehend how she could do that to her only child too. She left him a brief note telling him how much she loved him and that he was the light of her life, but that she could not live without his father and to please take care of her dogs.
As choked up as I am I have to do something for this guy, but I don’t know how to help - we live 700 miles apart. I went through some really tough times in college and he and his parents were a surrogate family for me.
As long as I’ve known him he has had a tendency to disappear from time to time. During those times he wont answer the phone or return calls for weeks. Eventually he will just say he’s been busy. I have always suspected it was depression and that isolation was his coping mechanism.
I’m very concerned that he may take his own life as well. He has never married, and like his parents built a very successful career and has an enormous support network. That was no consolation for his mother.
My buddy is numb right now. He is running his father’s business, but he does not need to work. His mother used to bury herself in work during tough times. She was a real estate broker who had her best year ever the year she lost her husband.
He says he wants to travel and see a few of us who have moved away and perhaps go to Europe and Tahiti. Beyond supporting him there, and trying to maintain telephone contact, what can I do? I would not be where I am today if not for the kindness and compassion he and his parents had shown me much earlier in my life.
He says he wants to travel and see a few of us who have moved away and perhaps go to Europe and Tahiti. Beyond supporting him there, and trying to maintain telephone contact, what can I do? I would not be where I am today if not for the kindness and compassion he and his parents had shown me much earlier in my life.[/quote]
That is mostly all you can do, aside from possibly recommending he see professional help. My parent’s next door neighbor hung herself in the garage. She left a son, a daughter and a husband behind. She had also been on anti-depressants for years which I believe she either quit taking or they are blaming for not working.
Either way, if he suffers from depression he may be at risk as well. That family I wrote about appeared to be “perfect” on the outside before this happened.
What that means is, he may appear to be extremely well adjusted…but they can often be the ones most at risk.
He says he wants to travel and see a few of us who have moved away and perhaps go to Europe and Tahiti. Beyond supporting him there, and trying to maintain telephone contact, what can I do? I would not be where I am today if not for the kindness and compassion he and his parents had shown me much earlier in my life.
That is mostly all you can do, aside from possibly recommending he see professional help. My parent’s next door neighbor hung herself in the garage. She left a son, a daughter and a husband behind. She had also been on anti-depressants for years which I believe she either quit taking or they are blaming for not working.
Either way, if he suffers from depression he may be at risk as well. That family I wrote about appeared to be “perfect” on the outside before this happened.
What that means is, he may appear to be extremely well adjusted…but they can often be the ones most at risk.[/quote]
This is what frightens me. His mom had been on antidepressants ever since his dad died. She had gone through two years of grief counseling to no avail.
My buddy said that a woman who works for him, who knew of his grandmothers suicide also, said ‘You’re not thinking of harming yourself are you?’ and he said “If I was I wouldn’t tell you”. What’s your take on that comment Prof?
I think I am going to try to get him to go to Florida, like we did on spring break so many years ago.
Traveling and seeing friends would probably be a good thing (as long as he’s not alone). What you said about him being “busy” for weeks at a time is disturbing, though. Isolation, for most people, is a terrible coping mechanism. It allows them to fester in their own misery.
It sounds like he might be too proud to admit his depression. Try to tell him to see a psychologist on the premise that someone in his situation (not necessarily him) should be talking this out to prevent deep psychological issues from forming.
A friend of mine had his mother die of cancer and a few years later his father was shot at work. He seems normal enough, but he certainly has some personal demons that he never addressed. It’s better to take care of those problems before they become ingrained. Good luck.