My friend just asked me for some advice: he wanted me to give him some tips on how to stay motivated, because after a week or two, he just always falls off the wagon.
I gave him the link for “Merry Christmas, Bob” (Issue #136). He read it and his response was “interesting article, thanks”.
Now, I’m guessing I’m in the same position as you were – will he actually make any changes? Will he actually think about this article for more than 30 seconds after reading it? Will he show up on Monday morning?..
Nope, Bob never showed. But for every 100 or so “Bobs” out there you find someone who’s the opposite. Makes you feel better about the world when you do. These people not only show up, they show up early.
Motivation can be sparked by outside forces (a good article, a helpful friend, etc) but the real fire has to come from within.
In my experience, the key is often getting mad. Anger is what really gets that internal drive going. So unless your friend gets pissed at himself, he’s probably not going to stick with it. This is the difference between internal and external motivation. Internal is the powerful, long lasting one.
Talk to those who’ve made long term changes in their physiques and you’ll see this common factor more often than not.
I totally agree with all you said. No matter how much you motivate, push, belittle, someone to get them going they just arent going to do a damn thing until they are self motivated.
This is how it worked for me. I was a 300lber, and for years I had ppl trying to motivate me to get myself in shape. I would do it for a day or two, maybe a week, but the fact was I really didnt care that I was a fat ass.
Then one day I just woke up and I didnt want to be a fat ass anymore. So I changed. I did it for MYSELF. I feel that is the major key. You must change for yourself, not anyone else. Not so the hotties will look at u, not because the doc. says u should, etc., but soley for yourself. Those other factors just add extra wood to your motivational fire you have in yourself.
Just had to add my $0.02. Once again great post and I would be interested in hearing the further thoughts u have mentioned.
The other idea I have concerning motivation and long term success involves fear. I truly believe that fear plays a role in failure, all kinds of failure, but in this case I’m talking specifically about physique failure - issues of diet and training.
In many cases, it’s not ignorance but fear of failure that causes a person to remain fat and out of shape. They’re afraid to fail so they simply never begin. After all, you can’t fail if you never try. You can’t lose if you never play the game. I think many people are sick of failing - they’re unhappy about their relationships, their jobs and their bodies. They don’t want to fail yet again so they never try. Very destructive pattern of behavior obviously.
Two signs of those who have this self-defeating mindset: 1) they surround themselves with others in the same situation to make themselves feel better and 2) they procrastinate, always with the excuse of “getting started Monday” or “waiting until after the holidays” to start a diet or training program. FEAR.
The solution is simply to get started. The fear is worse than the actual exercise and diet. It’s not the fear itself that’s the problem, but the denial of fear. Once you recognize your fear of failure, you will know your enemy and be able to defeat him. It ends up being sort of a “leap and the net will appear” thing. And again, anger is the only thing that gets most people to leap.
Now that I think about it, that was definitely true in my case. I had people telling me that I should lose weight for years, including my doctor! But the motivation to do so, or the “fire,” never actually stuck until I personally wanted to make my own changes.
I guess that also explains why most of my friends and coworkers are now “interested” in working out, etc, (my interests rubbing off!) but none so dedicated as I.
And anger sure as hell is a great source of motivation; that’s specifically what got me going! Maybe instead of making suggestions to people in order to get them to change their habits, maybe I should try pissing them off…
I too would love to hear more of your thoughts on this!
Honestly, I just went from the 300 lbs (two years ago) down to my current 226 lbs simply because I was bored with sitting on my ass EVEN MORE while at university (I was a real book worm in high school and would study none stop. Still played sports every weekend, but obviously exercise just on the weekend isn’t enough).
It’s just a habit I guess, as even when I type my essays or study for exams, I need to take breaks to do some chin ups, hindu squats, burpees, or neck bridges. I would never consider it “anger” for myself… It’s just I like to move and not sit around infront of a television. I never felt motivated for the drastic or fast change, but I usually drop at least 20 lbs of fat a year, so I have no need to get all angry at myself, I guess.
The fear point you bring up is a great one. I had never taken a look at it that way. It does seem to ring true and clear.
Paul,
As far as your motivating people by pissing them off, I think you will find this to fail as often as other ways of motivation. From my personal experience it didnt work on me. I became obese @ a young age after spending nearly a year bed ridden in a hospital. For years my father used the piss me off/ be little me approach to try and motivate me to get in shape. Nope didnt work. It wasnt until I personally wanted to change, years after living on my own, that I decided to change. So your piss them off approach will probably just lead them to stay away from you until they are ready to change.
I bringing up Chris’s fear theory to them might be an approach worth trying.
It was just a complacency of lifestyle for me. I got comfy. @ little kids tying me down, too much trouble to do active things as a family. Good excuses I thought.
One day we got some pictures developed and I thought," where did that gut come from?"
Set myself on fire! I had never gone to a gym before but I became a regular 5 days a week 1.5h a day. I didn’t even know what I was doing but the fat melted.
People at work and home think I’m obsessed. Maybe. so what?
Man, my story is almost identical to Billy’s. Until I got married and had kids, I always maintained an active lifestyle. I’m 6’1" and was probably weighing in at around 165. Pretty thin but, not complaining. After almost 9 years of marriage and kids, I weighed in at 180 and it was all in my gut. After seeing some pictures of myself, at the beach, with my shirt off, I was disgusted. I immediately joined a gym and started working it off. After about a month, I stumbled across this site and loaded up with knowledge, ideas and direction. After 6 months, I’m 198, 15% bf, and I lost 2 " around the waist. I’ve now set goals for myself. I am pushing to reach 225 @ 12% bf by next summer. I’m in the gym 5 days for 1.5 hours. Motivation, for me, is seeing the results of my hard work and setting realistic goals. I will post before and after pics as soon as I get my home PC up and running.
