The plot thickens…(well, sort of, anyway). Okay, I’m at work tonight and I get a phone call from…guess who? She says she forgot all about me coming up (???) and she also forgot she had to babysit her nieces, which her sister had to call and remind her that she was supposed to be there a half hour ago. Whatever. Anyway, she ended up talking to me for a good forty-five minutes. If it was me and I wasn’t interested, I would’ve just apologized and called it good. Now I’m even more freaking confused. So basically I have come to the conclusion that I agree with reeshdawg (thanx for all the support, bro). NO girl is worth a three hour drive for a lousy date. As hard as it is for me to do, I’m going to try and forget about it for a while, and keep myself occupied, hopefully with some other women. If our summer party ever happens, I’ll have my personal trainer cert. done by then and hopefully that will be going well. Also gives me a few more months to keep improving the ol’ physique. I’m contemplating doing my first bb show in May, and guess where that happens to be? That’s right…this girl’s hometown. Just a coincidence, but it would be kinda cool to have her see me do that. Again, many thanks to everyone for the advice and for trying to keep me in positive spirits. This forum is the best!
So this 45 minute conversation – was it personal or business? If it was personal, then dude, she is interested in YOU.
I agree with brider, she may genuinely have forgotten (don’t know how,but could have). Good advice about not making her the be all and end all and focussing on other things but May is a long way off. If it were me I’d act now and get the whole thing sorted 1 way or the other. A couple of options, ask her out again and jokingly suggest she drive to your town this time, meet 1/2 way, plan on going to something at her town that you want to do that she would enjoy as well, eg and event of some sort and ask her to come along, that way if she again no shows you can still do the activity (important point, expect her not to turn up). 3 hours is a long way but if you were in a relationship it would be worth it.
Teddy, man, maybe she is still interested but don’t get too fixed on that. Take it easy and have fun. If you feel like it, flirt with her on over the phone as you did before. You can
even try to expand the limits on that, but always do it with ‘style’, even more since you two have a professional relationship. If you’re lucky and she’s really interested she might try to make up for forgetfulness and drive out
your way for lunch. Opportunities are everywhere, just try to see 'em and grasp 'em. But whatever you do - have fun.
Another thing - I might be wrong here, so no offense, but I agree with reeshdawg, there is more to life than work and gym and it really sounds like you got to meet more
women. And dating is just like bodybuilding… ‘No pain, no gain’. But the rewards are well worth it…
brider, as far as the phone conversation goes we discussed everything from her cat to her winning $100 playing pool the other night to a couple of classes she is taking…anyway you catch my drift. To whoever it was that asked why I haven’t dated, I really don’t have a good answer for that. Part of it is shyness (I’m sure that comes as a SHOCK to all of you that have been following this thread), part of it is pickyness. Basically every girl I’ve really liked we’ve either started out as friends or just have had quite a bit of time to get to know each other. The thing with this girl is that I feel really comfortable around her, and that is important to me. I’m probably going to play it cool for a little while, but Valentine’s day is just around the corner and it’s got me thinking. I’ve always wanted to send a girl flowers or do something special anyway, but we’ll see what materializes in the coming weeks. It’s getting to the point where I hear a love song on the radio and I start thinking about her…DAMN, did I really just say that???
TeddyKGB:
First, when you asked her out to the sports bar, did she know it was a “date”? You certainly thought it was a date, but did she think it was? You mentioned that you 2 have eaten lunch in the past, so did she think it was just like eating lunch with you in the past? It seems to me that she thought the get-together was nothing more than a literal “lunch” and nothing special while you thought it was special, am I correct? After all, look at it from the chick’s point-of-view… you haven’t made a move over these 6 years, why would this lunch be anything different? It was just a lunch to her and the other priorities in her life were more important than eating lunch with you.
Next, you talked with her on the phone for 45 friggin’ minutes. That was a no-no. That was not good because in her mind, you, as “just a friend”, wanted to talk during the lunch at the sports bar and the 45 minute conversation was the perfect subsitute which made up for her not showing up to the bar to talk to her friend. It was cool with her because friends talk. That’s what girls do with each other… they talk. You were her “girlfriend” for the last 5-6 years and still is. Not flaming you, but I’m just giving you a dose of reality. Just like if you were eating chocolate and ice cream while trying to get cut up, I’d say that you’re fucking up and you’re gonna be a fat tub of lard.
Instead of talking to her about little bullshit for 45 minutes, you shoulda told her that you were disappointed that she did not show up without sounding angry and then offer another time where 2 could get together and have HER buy lunch or dinner to make it up to you. But then again, the situation has passed and you still gotta work with her and you might not want to risk pissing her off. See why it's not good to be romantically involved at ones workplace?...... You can't take those risks that get you what you want!!!
The only reason why I responded is because I thought you were on the right track by writing about trying to forget about her and gettin’ with other chicks in the meantime. But then you go ahead and contemplate giving her some flowers for Valentines. WTF!! Don’t give her shit!! At best you’ll be rewarding her for not giving you what you what you want, but most likely, it’ll destroy the “friendship” even if you do function as a “girlfriend”. Once you end up in a “friendship” type relationship with a woman, you should maintain it and get her to introduce you to her girlfriends and use her as a decoy of sorts for other women. She’ll eventually get jealous and she’ll chase YOU. Remember how catty she got when you made the comment about some other chick in front of her? Use her jealousy to your advantage!
Since you have a BB contest coming up, invite her to go and make sure you’re friendly with various chicks at the show in front of her and DEMONSTRATE that you are wanted by other women by looking like you’re having a great time with them and your arm around them. Then when she sees you, you give her a hug and get your arm around her and stroke her back up and down in a not-so-friendly manner to show another side of you that she has not seen (not your body, cuz she already knows it looks good). IOW, make her jealous of the attention she is missing out on. Come up with a plan BEFORE your contest. In the meantime just stay in contact and check out other women and do throw out that “nice-guy” routine you’ve been thinking about doing anyways.
But whatever you do, don’t be giving her flowers. You should give a chick flowers for Valentines only AFTER you’ve had sex as a reward for good behavior. Valentines Day is for lovers and not friends and at this point, she is only your friend. Good luck.
Teddy, three questions, if you’re willing. 1. Taking a cue from Posandrew, did she fully comprehend the effort you made to be there? You said in an earlier post, “I’ve decided on a pretty solid way of asking her out w/o making it sound like an obvious date.” Was this like, “Hey, I’m going to be in town this Sunday. Why don’t you drop by the sports bar and catch a game with me?” Missing a date where you drive three hours to meet her and only her, and then casually apologizing three days later, all the while knowing that she must deal with you in her business on a regular basis – above and beyond the friendship that’s been established for years – that’s not so much brutally cold as it is just plain weird. But if she thought you were going to be in town anyway, well, it’s still regrettable what happened (especially her not apologizing sooner), but it immediately makes a little more sense. 2. In that forty-five minute conversation, did you find yourself liking her more, less, or the same? Just wondered if you honestly got to know her better. 3. You’re an articulate fellow. Can you get this girl’s e-mail and get to know her more that way? I’m telling you, women love words. We don’t get that because we’re visually wired, but women generally adore written and spoken words. It’s a generalization, of course. But it’s a point of leverage that men habitually overlook. For Pete’s sake, it’s Cyrano. You’ve been warned about the “girlfriend” label, and that’s a real danger. But you’ll know that’s happening when she starts yapping to you about other men – as girlfriends do. If her romantic life is neatly excised from the conversation, if she talks about everything BUT dating, it’s a hopeful sign. Flirting, on the other hand, is inconclusive. Some people flirt to throw out signals, but others do it just to feel alive and attractive. I’m reminded of that John Cougar Mellancamp lyric: "She calls me ‘Baby’ / She calls everybody ‘Baby.’ "
Teddy that’s pathetic!!! Next you’ll be renting Beaches so you can have a good cry. Pull yourself together and do something, anything!
Thanx for that slap in the face back to reality, Hyphnz…I needed it. Yeah, looking back I feel pretty stupid. Some great advice on here…too bad there wasn’t a Romance 101 course I could take. Steve/posandrew, luckily there’s been no “guy talk” to date. What I originally did was tell her I would be in town doing some “shopping” (yeah, I know…) and being that she’s a big NFL fan, I asked her if she would like to go to lunch at this really nice sports bar up there. Should I have been more direct? In hindsight, probably; however, even asking her the way I did was a huge step for me. If it wasn’t for the work thing, I wouldn’t have thought twice about being totally s/u with her. If the written thing really works/helps, my odds have improved TREMENDOUSLY as I’ve always had excellent written communication skills, even about stuff like this. It would certainly be a much easier way for me to be more direct. Should I just come clean with her via email and stop playing these stupid games? Hell, I’m to the point where I don’t even care if I get shut down, as long as the issue is resolved one way or the other. I did ask her the other night when she might be coming down again, and she jokingly said, “Probably never.” She’s taking a couple of courses and getting ready for another one so she might be a little busy for a while (ouch). Maybe I should’ve suggested that I would like to come up and see her…I guess I was waiting for her to suggest that.
You know, I'm starting to feel like my good buddy Timbo awhile back when he was frustrated about wanting to put on some mass but was overly frightened about gaining any fat, and someone started the Skinny Bastard Support group on the forum. Everyone was telling him the same damn thing (just eat, dammit!). The answer to his problem seemed so blatantly obvious; however it was much easier said than done. Two different sets of circumstances, yet in a way the same. I think I need to make my New Year's resolution (since I never officially made one) to start taking more chances with women and stop worrying about the rejection thing as that's really what's been plaguing me for such a long time. You guys are the best, and I'll do my best to make you all proud. Peace.
I’ll admit it,iv’e been reading this post for a couple of days just observing but I have to chime in…Come straight out and say what you mean, make sure she knows you intentions…if you get shot down, at least you’ll go down like a man…on his shield. I know you’ve come to this conclusion yourself, but I had to say something…good luck
Ted go to askmen.com. All us guys have made these same romantic mistakes. posandrew is dead on with his advice. If you make a women your friend, she gets all the male strokes with no risk. At askmen.com they have some great advice on dating etc. There’s a guy who’s column name is Doc Love that would tell you the same thing as hyphnz. Check it out and good luck.
Teddybear-And I thought women were the only ones who overanalyized and discussed this kinda subject to death! Did she suggest a make-up date??? If she has your phone # and feels comfortable talking to you, just tell her to call you when she has some free time and you both can discuss the when and where then. If she calls great-if not,well, don’t bring it up again, just stick to business.
All I can say is if she was as interested as you are, she would not have “forgotten” about it, would she. Unless she takes you up on your offer-MOVE ON. If this sounds a little harsh, it isn’t mean’t to be, just trying to be realistic for ya.
Nice to finally hear a woman’s perspective (not that I didn’t appreciate the advice from my fellow T-men)…thanks Girlfriend. Yep, I thought the same thing when I tried to figure out how in the hell she could forget about our lunch date. I was a bit put off by that, but oh well…that’s life. I should’ve made it abundantly clear that she was my sole reason for going up there.
I’ve basically come to the conclusion (FINALLY) that I’m sick of this taking up so much of my thoughts. Overanalyzing? The understatement of the freakin’ century! I may give this another day of thought, but right now I’m leaning toward laying all the cards out on the table and getting this shit over with one way or the other. I’m tired of all this “will she or won’t she” nonsense. If I decide not to say anything, then I’m just done with it for now. If she wants anything to do with me, she knows where to find me. If she won’t, then like the skateboarders used to say, “Acknowledge…move on.” I honestly think this has been a tremendous learning experience, and at least I’ve made an attempt (albeit a small one) to get back in the game. Amazing how such a minor event (except in my mind) turned into such a long thread. I’m definitely keeping my eyes open for other prospects from this point on. Surely in a city of 42,000 people there’s got to be SOMEONE!!!
Okay : tell her b4 the party… BUT don’t make a comment at how long u have had the crush, because it will CREEP HER OUT. believe me.
One more thing, even thru the process of asking her out, don’t seem too easy. In the past, when guys have asked me out and it seemed like they were head-over-heels I HAVE STOPPED CARING FOR THEM…
IT IS A GAME — UNTIL U KNOW EACH OTHER WELL ENOUGH 2 BEAT IT…
This is the second time i’m going to use this link, but what the hell, you need your spirits raised:
www.leisuretown.com/stories /religion/agilike/index.html
Make sure you get to page 4. Girls REALLY like when this happens.