Help...Need Romance Advice!!!!!

First time I’ve logged onto the Off Topic section…interesting stuff. Anyway, here’s the deal. There’s this girl I’ve basically been in love with for six years now. We work for the same health food store chain, but in different cities two hours apart. She is a supervisor and I am a manager. Throughout the years I think there’s definitely been some flirting going on, but I have never had the guts to tell her how I feel. Part of it was due to the old saying, “Don’t dip your pen in the company ink,” but recently the owner became engaged to one of his employees so that’s been pretty much thrown out the window.

This has been the only girl I have really been interested in in about five years…she’s even a huge football fan and that’s a big plus with me! Okay, the company Christmas party is in two weeks and I’ve pretty much decided I’m going to tell her my feelings. The question is, how do I go about doing so? I’m a little nervous because if she would reject me, I’m afraid things would be weird between us and I don’t want that; however, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I have not dated in literally ten years, and enough is enough. I would say my chances are around 65 percent. I welcome any advice, particularly from the ladies. Thanks in advance!

You’ve made this a difficult thing with your mind, and you can make it just a easy with the same mind. Don’t wait for the party to make yourself known. Get that out of the way first. Here’s an idea – ASK HER ON A DATE! Don’t go grovelling to her, telling her that you’ve been saving yourself for her and are so totally in love with her that you’d die if she rejects you (seriously pegs out the “wierd” meter in her eyes). You need to be cool about it. Got a local game? Take her to it. Something along those lines. You want to take action before the corporate pick-up fest – er, Christmas party. Get established before then. And no matter how you feel, if she rejects you, DON’T SHOW IT.

Good points brider, and thanks for the advice. I would agree that something prior to the party would be a good idea, as it would really suck if I got myself all pumped up only to find out she is bringing a date. Only problem is I doubt very much that I’ll see her beforehand short of making a special trip to Omaha, and I don’t want to come across as the idiot stalker boy. I talk to her on the phone every Monday morning…maybe I’ll “casually” ask if she has a hot date planned or something to that effect. Can you tell I’ve been “out of the game” for a while? I feel like I’m 16 again!

I just wish I knew for sure that there was a good chance to hook up (and I don't just mean a one night stand). We've gone to lunch a few times, and once she made a comment that people were going to start thinking she was my girlfriend. Another time I had mentioned that I thought a certain girl was attractive, and she got all "catty" on me, saying how she didn't see what was so great about her. Yet another time, when I found out she was a big NFL fan, I jokingly asked her to marry me, and she laughed and said, "Shame on you." Now some of this at least to me sounds like obvious flirting, but I don't want to read something into it that isn't there. Oh, what to do!

One thing I didn’t make clear is that I wasn’t going to just go up to her and tell her I was madly in love with her. I just want to let her know that I am interested. This will be the first time I have gotten to go to our Christmas party, and I am told that she makes a habit of getting pretty loaded at the festivities. Don’t take that the wrong way…I have no intentions of taking advantage, but I simply thought that after a few drinks she might be apt to tell me she’s interested in me.

Stop worrying about it so much and just go ask her out. You seem to need a lot of assurance that it’ll be a guaranteed success, but it never is. No matter how much you analyze the situation, it won’t change the outcome. The only way to find out for sure is actually trying. Don’t be afraid to take a chance; life sucks when you spend it holed up in your comfort zone. Read atomic dog in issue 151 for some inspiration.

I have to disagree with Brider. Just go ahead and tell her that you are just crazy about her. That is exactly what I did with a friend that was girl that I secretly had a crush on for three years during college. She wanted us to stay friend, and she felt closer to me. I had tried trying to stop spending time with her because my feeling for her was just driving me nuts. She felt hurt because she thought I did not want her as a friend. When she realized the real reason, she was smitten. I have to say my senior year was very nice. I would be married to her, except that she was strictly religious, and I am not, but we are still good friend (wink, wink). So, go ahead and tell her. Maybe it will be good to wait until she is drunk. You can have a drink just for show, but don’t get drunk. Confess your love for her and see how it goes. If it goes bad, blame the alcohol. Hey, wait a minute, didn’t Whopper suggest a similar ploy? Well, whatever. It will work. You’ve known her too long to play this Mr. Suave bit. Just go for it!

I don’t know. Telling a girl how you feel about her creeps her out, especially when you’ve had a crush on her for so many years. I’ve learned this from my own experience. I also learned that this shit only works in the movies. Hey man, when you’re at the christmas party, don’t be nervous. Women sense this shit. What you can do to not get nervous is enjoy the Cristmas party. Have a good time, mingle with friends, enjoy the decoration and the good food that’s around. Appreciate the fact that many people put time and effort to make this party worth while. First, this takes your mind off her. Second, you don’t want your whole night to be ruined just because you were nervous, thinking that this is the only chance you’ll ever get, and if you fail at this one, it will all be over and you’re dating life will end from here. And third, if this lady see’s that you’re in a good mood and you’re enjoying yourself, she’ll want to be with you. Hey man, if a girl want’s to be with you, that’s pretty good.

Teddy, your post reminds me of myself as a younger man. Adoring from afar. Parsing through conversational clues. Looking for the courage to be forthright. For what it’s worth, here’s what I wish I knew when I was your age… BOTH Hyok and reeshdawg are right. You need to admit your interest in her (the geographical separation forces the issue, if nothing else). So I agree with the courage that Hyok and others are suggesting. But Teddy, a guy like you – if in fact you are a guy like me – is in danger of “gushing,” which is admittedly not a T-man word. You’ve kept a lid on your interest for so long, this squelched passion could fairly explode if given free rein, and here, reeshdawg is right. Believe me. It may creep her out. Even worse, it can make you look desperate. Well, you’re not desperate – you’re a guy with a singular and sincere and long-standing interest – and WE understand that, but she might misinterpret. (I hate saying this, because that whole notion of “sweep’em off their feet and spare no expense” appeals to the romantic in me. So my heart’s with Hyok’s plan, but my head says reeshdawg.) Anyway, would you consider something more like, “I’ve been wanting to get to know you better for a long time…” and take it from there? This has two distinct advantages. Firstly, you can still gush four to six dates later if and when you two hit it off, and you’ll both have a big laugh over how totally smitten you were all along (“smitten”… another non-T-man word). Secondly, and far more importantly: Teddy, you adore this girl from a distance. Brief phone chats, incidental flirting, and intermittent contact do NOT equip you to make a qualified judgement on this woman, no matter how intoxicating you find her. You’ve got her on a pedestal. So, you owe it to yourself to get to know her before you make any grand declarations on her behalf. That’s the real goal here, my friend – getting to know her. All else is prefigured on your reaction to her as a human being. You don’t need love right now. You need information. Move heaven and earth to spend time with her. If she’s everything you thought she was, you’ll have a lifetime to gush. I salute you. For all the testosterone on this forum, the simple truth is, nothing requires more courage than vulnerability.

Dude, you have nothing to lose and she has a lot to gain if she is SMART! GO FOR IT! You only live once. We are so afraid to take risks because fear of outcomes but in the end you learn something, and you need to find out whether this was meant for you or not. So just go for it! Take it from someone who knows. I moved from CT to OH to be closer to someone I care about, not having a clue what would really happen. And if that doesn’t help ya, listen to Nike: JUST DO IT!

Steve makes a very good point. My post was based on my experience with a female friend in college, but we saw each other all the time. She and I confided in each other a lot and considered each other “best friends.” It seems like you guys may not be as close as I was to this girl. Of course, I wanted to be more than friends (what was that other thread?). Maybe in my case, it worked because I traumatized her by trying to put a distance in our friendship, and I had to explain to her later why I had to do that. In your case, it may be best to show an interest without getting all gushy. By the way, I did not get gushy in my case. I just frankly told her in a forthright manner how I felt and left the decision up to her.

I can’t tell you all how much I sincerely appreciate your advice. I feel rather silly for not being able to be more decisive on what I should do (I’m 29 for crying out loud), but again, I’ve been out of the game for WAY TOO LONG a time. My reasoning for wanting to be straight up with her is mainly because I have spent far too many years not taking chances for being afraid, and I don’t want to do that anymore. I definitely don’t want to scare her off though. If we didn’t work for the same company my decision would be so much easier. Steve, I appreciated your post in particular. You brought up some very good points. I said I wanted a girlfriend for Christmas, and if I could hit it off with this beautiful woman this would be the merriest Christmas I ever had. Again, thanks so much to all of you, and I will keep you posted on how it turns out.

After reading Steve’s post, there is something I would like to add. I’ve fallen in love so many times with women that I didn’t know so well. The fact I didn’t know them made it easy to fall in love with them. Let me make explain. After a few brief encounters with someone, I would let my imagination run wild. I would do stuff like flirt with them, dance with them at a club, or say hi to them when I pass them by. But when I would be at home, alone, that’s all I could ever think of. My imagination would run wild, and create a perfect image of this lady. The lady in my mind would have a perfect body, despite the fact that the real life woman would be 30 pounds heavier. And she would’t talk angelic either. In fact, her voice sounded normal. Oh, and in my mind, I would replay a scence where she enters a room at a party, all dressed up and everyone else in the background is all blurred, and she would come to me, grab me really hard and lay down a wet one. The point I’m trying to make is get to know someone real good before you make any judgments on her. Otherwise your mind will make images what you want this girl to be like, when in fact she is nothing compared to the picture you made her to be.

Okay Teddy, I’ve been away from the forum for the weekend, and I must say you’ve gotten some good advice. As for when to actually spill that you’ve been smitten with this lady is AT LEAST SIX MONTHS after you’ve established the relationship, so just put that one to rest right now. As for knowing there’s a good chance that you’ll hook up, I say there’s only one way to know. If you don’t ask, there’s NO chance you’ll hook up. If you do ask, yes, there’s a chance you won’t hook up. But there is a far greater chance that you WILL if you ask than if you don’t. On your death bed, you will only regret the chances NOT taken. It’s okay that you’ve been out of the game, and it’s even okay to let her know that. And even if she turns you down, don’t give up – it may just be that the timing isn’t right. There’s a lot to be said for focus and (appropriate) persistence. Relax. Most ladies will give a guy a chance. Give her a personal call and ask her out. Then just be yourself.

Teddy, spill the beans bro, what happened???

Give it up Teddy, I’ve been bangin her for the past 4 months. You should have made your move earlier. Maybe next time.

Well the Christmas party has been indefinitely postponed (figures…) so I have decided to throw caution to the wind and I’m just going to ask her out (casually, of course). I will likely be talking to her today so I will keep you all posted on the result. Thanks again to all for the great advice (except you, CEO!!!)

If that’s really true about the CEO, that’s a pretty hot visual as the CEO is also female (LOL!)

Well…tomorrow’s the day. I’ve decided on a pretty solid way of asking her out w/o making it sound like an obvious date. Wish me luck, T-men…I’m about 12 hours away from having the merriest Christmas I’ve ever had in my life!

Or you’re hours away from having your dreams shattered and heart broken! Good luck, man!

OK, I have been a “sleeper” reading this thread the whole way through but not posting but i can’t help it. This is definitely one of the most exciting, suspensful stories. If teddy doesn’t get the girl I think even I will be sad and pissed off throughout the days to come. I know what it feels like Ted, and beleive me, when you have these feelings people say to you dumb ass things like “Hey man, there are plenty of fish in the sea.” But guys like us know better.