Help Me with My Bad English

Off Topic
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I need you guys to correct my english on a assignment for a second language english course. I wont be bothering you often with that stuff but I tought it would be nice that we could help each other between fellows tmuscle iron brother. Here it is, I know that’s the kind of stuff you did when you were 10 years old but that’s the kind of assignment you get on a class full of people inequal at english. I know I can get my point across and I also know I have a lose handle over english as someone said in another thread so here it is

                            Time to Regulate?

Product Placement on television is rapidly becoming a preoccupation nowadays. Are the companies going to far? Should we etablish some regulations? My opinion is that regulations are useless.

First of all television is commercial by nature. It is not a service and it was not given to us by pure altruism to entertain our lives. It is a mean that certain people can use to serve their interest. I dont think you are learning something new when I say that the world is place that does business. Trying to make the television anything else is absurd. If you are concerned about being manipulated it’s not my problem and it is my opinion that you are very dumb. If you are concerned about your kids getting manipulated why are you letting them watch television in the first place? If you want to pay for the privilege of wasting your time in a miserable manner watching tv it’s your choice and I don’t care. It would also cost unnecessary money to the taxpayers to make a law and enforce it when we can invest it in something else.

To summarize my thesis product placement is not even a real problem and we shouldn’t spend time nannying people who can’t think for themselves.

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Time to Regulate?

Product Placement on television is rapidly becoming a preoccupation nowadays. Are the companies going too far? Should we establish some regulations? My opinion is that regulations are useless.

Television is big business. It is driven by corporations that buy advertising to sell their products and services, not so that the public can be entertained by mindless programing. To the corporations, the viewing audience is sheep. The goal is to create a sense of inadequacy and to take their mind off of reality. Then, a product or service, often portrayed by a celebrity or super model, shows how the void can be filled, if only you buy this product NOW, for a limited time!

There are those that say that product placement and manipulative advertising is predatory and unfair to consumers. It is said that TV is ruining the minds of our young people and creating a generation of lazy couch potatoes that cant think for themselves. If a parent doesn’t want their child being influenced by television, then they can turn off the TV! If adults choose to respond to the advertising by purchasing the goods and services that is promoted on the commercials, then it was a successful ad campaign! This is capitalism at it’s finest. People are adults and are in control of their own lives. The government cant think for you. There are existing laws on the books that already govern what can be said or promised in advertising. The consumers are already protected. It would accomplish very little by further restricting companies, in fact it would create the OPPOSITE of what our country needs right now. People need to spend money so that our economy will grow again. We shouldn’t spend tax dollars on creating further limitations that would ultimately limit consumer spending. People can decide for themselves what to do with their money, the government has interfered enough.

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Ordinarily I’d consider that a finely written post, but in this case the OP’s grade may be affected by small details, so:

The phrase “the viewing audience is sheep” is problematic and might be marked down because audience is ordinarily singular (“there was a large audience,” not “there were a large audience”) and the verb is correctly singular, but “sheep” without an article before it is plural.

“The viewing audience is a sheep” would be correct grammar but would make no sense.

“The viewing audience are sheep” would be treating audience as a plural word.

Solution: “the members of the viewing audience are sheep.”

If wanting to bring sheep into it.

“Supermodel” is one word.

Also “can’t think” rather than “cant think.”

While millions of people treat “their” as singular when not wishing to denote gender, I don’t believe this is considered correct grammar. Solution: “If parents don’t want their children…”

“the goods and services that are promoted,” as “goods and services” form a plural.

“Capitalism at its finest,” as the possessive of “it” doesn’t receive an apostrophe. (The contraction for “it is” does receive an apostrophe.)

“Government can’t think.”

“It would accomplish very little to further restrict companies: in fact…”

Well, that would be good if it didn’t turn out that a colon could see better use in the last sentence.

So instead, “It would accomplish very little to further restrict companies. In fact,”

Then on the last sentence, “with their money: the government has interfered enough.”

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[quote]Bill Roberts wrote:
Then on the last sentence, “with their money: the government has interfered enough.”[/quote]

Agree on all points, but I thought that colons only precede lists? I would go with a semicolon. Pretty sure an English teacher somewhere just choked on their food, but it works there, IMO.

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I think you may be correct on using a semicolon there.

I personally use a semicolon where the new could-be-an-independent-sentence has some change in direction of thought, but a colon where it is a forceful summation or consequence of the thought or is the reason for it, but in any case is absolutely directly in line with it conceptually.

Or more simply, I see a colon as delivering punch, while a semicolon delivers a pause.

I can’t back that up, though.

And most certainly when I was taught how they should be used (and at one time really did know, but now don’t) it was not in those terms.

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Here is a lesson in creative writing. First rule: Do not use semicolons. They are transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing. All they do is show you’ve been to college.

-Kurt Vonnegut

I know this is more or less useless to the second language learner but its still a good quote from an awesome writer.

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Well, he knew everything. All bow down. All the other successful writers who use them are wrong.

Getting back to the subject, to illustrate what I was describing above, here’s a situation that I consider of the “some change in direction of thought” category and for which therefore I use a semicolon. From a different post:

For that sort of construction, a colon would be wrong.

It would also be perfectly correct simply to break those into two sentences rather than to use the semicolon.

For the OP: While the “lesson” never to use a semicolon is simply an individual and isolated opinion rejected as being an absolute rule by any number of successful authors, many of them more successful than Vonnegut, semicolons should be used sparingly.

For that matter, colons should be used sparingly except they may be used freely in lists. This is why in the previous post I’d considered a colon in an earlier sentence, but decided not to use it on seeing it could be put to better use a little later on.

But colons need not be so sparingly used as semicolons.

Btw, I did like Vonnegut’s writing, though the only one I really remember now is Sirens of Titan, but his opinion just isn’t the be-all, end-all on that. As you said, I don’t think it helps someone being taught English to provide them with a claimed rule never to use a semicolon, that being a “rule” not to be found in the major stylebooks.

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[quote]jasmincar wrote:
I need you guys to correct my english on a assignment for a second language english course. I wont be bothering you often with that stuff but I tought it would be nice that we could help each other between fellows tmuscle iron brother. Here it is, I know that’s the kind of stuff you did when you were 10 years old but that’s the kind of assignment you get on a class full of people inequal at english. I know I can get my point across and I also know I have a lose handle over english as someone said in another thread so here it is

                            Time to Regulate?

Product Placement on television is rapidly becoming a preoccupation nowadays. Are the companies going to far? Should we etablish some regulations? My opinion is that regulations are useless.

First of all television is commercial by nature. It is not a service and it was not given to us by pure altruism to entertain our lives. It is a mean that certain people can use to serve their interest. I dont think you are learning something new when I say that the world is place that does business. Trying to make the television anything else is absurd. If you are concerned about being manipulated it’s not my problem and it is my opinion that you are very dumb. If you are concerned about your kids getting manipulated why are you letting them watch television in the first place? If you want to pay for the privilege of wasting your time in a miserable manner watching tv it’s your choice and I don’t care. It would also cost unnecessary money to the taxpayers to make a law and enforce it when we can invest it in something else.

To summarize my thesis product placement is not even a real problem and we shouldn’t spend time nannying people who can’t think for themselves.[/quote]

Okay… lessee…

First Paragraph
Product placement… should probably not be both caps
This is style, but it may not be the best idea to put questions in the intro (it’s, “Are the companies going TOO far”)
Also style, broadly speaking, in formal essays, you shouldn’t include yourself → “Current regulations are useless.” Just say it like it’s a fact.
“We” is also too broad. Say, United States legislature or something like that. If you’re going to use “we” at least define what “we” refers to.

Next part
“First of all,” is not necessarily the best hook. In fact, I don’t think you even need that. You can just say, “Television is commercial by nature.” I think your previous paragraph serves well enough as a hook, and since you’re still talking about television its a fine segue.
“It is a mean that…” → “It is a means by which people can serve their own interests” Not sure if that’s the best way…
Don’t use yourself! (Unless the prompt specifically says something about talking about your opinions…)And if you don’t think you’re saying anything new… don’t say it! It makes the sentence redundant/superfluous/whatever!

…ok sorry, but I’m tired now. Brain doesn’t work so well this late at night. I’m not the best writer, but if you’re writing formal essay style, I reiterate: don’t use yourself (I think… me, my, etc) and don’t ask questions. Say it like it’s true! Say it like a MANG!

…of course I have no idea what the purpose of this essay is. It might help if you gave us the specifics of the prompt and what this assignment is supposed to show/accomplish?

Thanks for giving me something to procrastinate with!

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And as for calling semicolons “transvestite hermaphrodites,” that was just bad writing.

Yes, some of Vonnegut’s writing was bad. Yes, I know, there was the usual gimmick of “Oh look how brilliantly intelligent he is to write what would appear to be badly but of course it’s not as this is a great author.”

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Semi-colons just get a bad wrap because people use them all too often. I find that usually commas or an entirely new sentence works, but there are a few situations where semi-colons just FEEL right to me. They have their place, but not often.