Ok, I just got back from the gym. I went in and ended up seeing my ex girlfriend in there with the dick she dumped me for (holy christ, dont even get me started on how bad he looks, and hes training her!). So she sees me and gets this look on her face like “oh shit.” I dont do anything, just proceed to do my pull ups and chin ups ect…so about 30 min later, im doing dome preacher curls and she comes up to me and says “hi.” So i say “hi”, and she says “i feel really bad, this is kind of akward” and i shrug it off like whatever. I was kinda pissed she came up to me in the middle of my set to bring this shit up. She then asks me if id like to be introduced to this shit head shes with. So i turn and say “are you fucking kidding me? i dont want to meet him, i dont like him”. I wanted to introduce his teeth to a 25lb plate. So we talk some more and i ask if shes back togeather with this guy, and she says “yes.” So she says “you know we’re still friends, you can call me still…you know that right?” and i said “yeah i know” (in a tone like, i know but i dont plan on it). So i say, “im kinda busy here, give me a call later tonight, well talk then” and she said “ok”.
Now heres the question. I dont want her back, I would like to be friends with her still, but I want her to understand that I dont like that fucker shes with and I dont like how she dumped me for him twice (dont flame me on this, i learned my lesson) and lied about it twice. I want her to understand, not know, understand, that im not happpy about it. And that she cant just think im gonna automatically be friends with her like nothing ever happened between us. At first I was just gonna blast her on the phone, but i dont know if thats the best way to do it. I dont wanna talk all calm and nice and be a pussy about it…how should i go about getting my point across without starting a big fight?
You never mentioned exactly why you dislike her new guy so much. Is it because he “enticed” her to cheat on you? Remember, it takes two for that to happen. Is it simply because he has her now and you don’t anymore? She has to move on eventually. You don’t have to be best friends with this guy but at least examine where your hostility is coming from. If it’s rooted in affection for her that you can’t shake, perhaps being friends with her isn’t an option. Then again, maybe he’s just a tool.
Ahhhhh…Amore! It’s a complicated thing, and your situation is complicated by the fact that you, your ex and her new ‘stud’ work out at the same gym. First, if it is possible, go at a different time so you don’t run into them, no need for your work outs to suffer. Secondly, your main problem is that you still have felling for this chick, indicated by the fact that you seem jealous of him. No shame, any red blooded man who has ever loved a woman and been dumped or shit on what ever would be. It is going to be damn near imposible to maintain a freindship with her if you hate the guy she’s dating. I would suggest not communicating with her at least for a while, until you are calmer or she’s dumped him for somebody else. My out right suggestion would be to avoid her all together, being around her is just going to continually stir up those old feelings and make it very difficult to move on. That is up to you, however. If nothing else, don’t pick up the phone tonight, it will deppress you; go do something you enjoy.
Now here’s my question - if what you are saying is true and she treated you like a fool, why would you want to be friends with her? Relationships can break up and you still can remain friends, but there has to be some kind of basis for that. And if you truly want to be friends with her you will have to accept him as her boyfriend. You don’t have to like him, but you’ll have to treat him reasonably…
Are you really sure somewhere in the way back of your head you don’t really hope to win her back? Of course I don’t know what was going on with the three of you, but the way you describe the situation makes me think that you see him as rival (she wanted to introduce you to him - so I conclude you don’t know him personally). You know of course that it’s not entirely his fault that she dumped and fooled you. Still you want to be friends with her and hate him…
Save yourself the trouble and stay away from her.
If you want to convey this: “I want her to understand, not know, understand, that im not happpy about it. And that she cant just think im gonna automatically be friends with her like nothing ever happened between us.” I don’t see how you can say that you still want to be friends with her and not come off as a pansy. Just break off the friendship. Out of sight, out of mind, if you still are “friends” and then talk on the phone you will be reminded of that guy you hate… wtf would you want that eh? you want to be all peace and stuff (cept in the gym then its rage time).
It sounds like she’s trying to elicit a reaction from you. Don’t let her have ANY control over you. Don’t even let her control your anger. You are your own man, and she doesn’t even deserve the benefit of seeing a reaction from you, right? Your best bet is to ignore her completely. That’s the most effective response, but it’s also the hardest and least rewarding in the short term.
Let's face, there's no way you can be "friends" with this one. As Robert Ringer once said, you have to eliminate from your life the people who suck the energy out of you. (He didn't put it that way, but he meant the same thing.)
This girl most likely wants to be friends so you can be her safety net. If she dumps this punk she can get back with you. Do not call her or talk to her. That’s letting her know it’s o.k. to mess with your emotions. Also do not alter your workout schedule so you won’t see her. Doing that lets her know she has some control over your life. Go to the gym and work your balls off. Let her see you work hard and see what she’s missing. And if she happens to come over to you and says hello, say hello back and smile. Show her it doesn’t bother you a bit. She will absolutely hate that you are not affected by her. Eventually she’ll go away, you’ll look better in the long run, and hopefully a new hottie will come along. Good Luck
The best thing you can do is be a great guy and make her regret dumping you. If you go off on her and generally act annoyed by the situation, you will only make her feel that breaking it off was a good thing. Meet the new guy and act like it does not bug you at all. Laugh and have a great time with new girls. In general, enjoy your life, get buffed, and make her wonder how great it would have been if she stayed with you. Forget this staying friends crap. It does not work. Just stay on a friendly acquaintance basis. Whatever you do, don’t ever take her back.
Mister T… why would you want someone as a friend that has essentially backstabbed you twice? What kind of friend is that? If you still have any feelings for her, any type of relationship will not workout for you. Gotta think about yourself a lil here.
On another note, I bet as soon as you start ignoring you, and if she sees you in the gym she’ll want you more then she ever did. You ignore a chick, especially an immature cheating type, and she’ll come crawling back. You just gotta have the strength/integrity to kick her to the curb and realize it’s not what’s good for you.
Dude, let it go. You made a good move not being a putz and getting introduced to the guy whose polecat she’s now rubbing her stank up against. It’s clear you still have feelings, but maybe they’re about being dumped in general, not necessarily just about her. Find someone else…if your new girl is hot, you could always bring her to the gym! Peace out.
It’s over. It’s done. Time to move on. If she works out at this gym - if there’s another location for you to work out at - do it. Now. After I had seperated my now ex-husband, I moved and began working out in a different gym. He tried to use the “let’s be friends” thing to at least keep working out together - but I nixed that right away. Maybe 10-years from now we could be friends - but right now it’s best to go on with your life, meet other people. Period. MOVE ON.
Man this is just me but i cant be friends with Xs…i would just tell her what you feel about what a loser the dude is…and tell her whats shes missing then never talk to her again…and stay the fuck away from her…i know this is blunt and rude but this works best for me.This whole friend bullshit never works out…not for me at least i just get pissed and cuz em out…so good luck
If you had another chick then possibly you could be friends, but if it’s only her and you’re feeling hostile towards the situation, it isn’t going to be too friendly. The only reason she’s pulling the “lets be friends” thing is because she feels guilty about what she did. It’s a nice, polite, girl kind of thing to do. she knows she hurt you and she feels guilty, so trying to be friends is her way of assuaging her guilt–that’s all, and perhaps trying to make a potentially sticky situation, less so.
Ive been in your situation. These type of girls linger for a long time. Dont let it. It hampered me for two years. Dont talk to her. You dont have to tell her anything. Your above her. Next time you see her give her the head nod and let that be it.
Peace out.