Happy Marriages/Relationships

Off Topic
22

Aren’t you making the same mistake in equating what I mean by ‘submissive’ to ‘we treat each other as equals’ ?

Unfortunately, it is usually the man that has to bend the knee. Traditionally, this was accepted, because of the upswing in other areas of the relationship but that is not how it is in todays world.

In todays world, as I see it (let me emphasize that before some of you go full swing beta cuck on me), the man has to give more while also putting up with more because we’re overcorrecting for whatever perceived slight women have had to deal with for centuries or whatever bullshit feminist argument against the patriarchy.

Let me throw some examples out there:

Menstrual cycles: the amount of times I have had to, or others I have conversed with, dealt with this shit is… “I don’t want to do anything this week because I’m on my period” or “I’m bat shit crazy this week because I’m on my period” or whatever else goes a long with this excuse. BUT GOD FORBID anyone bring up the fact that women do have these hormonal time periods of intense ebbs and flows as a counterargument to them holding positions of influence and power over others. Boyyyy oh boy don’t do that now. Some how it isn’t an argument in those areas. Weird.

Equality: I still have not observed most women accepting men that make less. I just don’t see it. There are some, especially women that start to settle after 35, but still usually it is not the norm. Now compare that to how often I see men totally accept their wives not working a lot, or not working at all, it is not a condition for them to not like that person. On the flip side however, a man with no job, or a shit job, is literally going to be mateless. How does this work in todays society? Now, GOD FORBID you tell your gf, or a female in general, she probably should go to the gym and look good. Oooohhhh boyyyyy. Be prepared for that one. Women want the best of both worlds in the west and men here have to deal with it. Simple as that.

Now I’m rambling so let me just say one more thing - there was a couple recently that I met from a third party acquaintance, and all I kept hearing was how amazingly happy these two people, with two kids, were. How fucking awesome of a husband he was and how he did everything for her (she didn’t work, just took care of the kids and did YouTube videos about cooking) yada yada yada. I was actually impressed by them, they genuinely seemed happy… a few months later I overheard some friends commenting how the woman had been cheating on the guy this entire time! Now they were going to ‘counseling’ and he was giving her a second chance lol. hahahahah. Fuck me. I was like just… wow, fuck.

I feel like this is the default in todays society. I mean, literally today a news feed popped up about some Netflix movie called “Marriage Story” being frontrunners for awards or some shit. Yeah, “marriage story” about some fucking couple going through a divorce.

How telling.

edit: I’ll answer your questions more direct later.

1 Like
23

Beat me to it

1 Like
24

Because he should be. Why do you think that loser behavior should be rewarded?

1 Like
25

Badmouthing or criticizing your own spouse implies at least one of three things:

–You’re a bad judge of character.
–You’re a loser that can’t do better.
–You’re crazy.

If you’re considering saying something bad about your spouse to anyone but your spouse (and it’s not a lighthearted joke and even then you should probably tread very lightly), decide which of the above is true. Then proceed.

4 Likes
26

A couple thoughts:
1.) I firmly believe, if you find the right person who has respect for you and for whom you have equal respect for, neither one “bends the knee” more often than the other. In my experience with my wife, there are certainly times and/or situations in which I concede to her but, on the other hand, there are times she concedes to me. I think it ends up as an equal give and take.
2.) My wife definitely gets more emotional during her menstrual cycle (which is expected given the hormonal changes during this time). However, in our respectful, communicative relationship, I am aware of when her cycle starts and she does a good job letting me know her emotions are running on high. Conversely, there are definitely times I fell more emotional/stressed/anxious and I have to let her know about these emotional states so we can approach them together appropriately. All in all, I think it has more to do with being mature and communicating so everyone is on the same page.
3.) I make less than my wife (by 20-25K depending on overtime) and we are not over 35. We are both mature and self-confident adults who are happy in their jobs. She is not upset at me making less nor am I envious of her making more. We are both proud of each other for being able to work in careers we love and be able to make a difference. Also, I have made the suggestion that my wife make a more concerted effort to make it to the gym. She gets really busy and will often not make the conscious effort to set aside time for exercise and I will remind her of that. She often takes it well as a mature woman who understands her goals and what she needs to do to achieve them.
4.) Your personal experiences of this woman cheating on her husband is not indicative of society as a whole. Most of my friend circle are all late 20’s early 30’s couples who are often both working (sometimes the wife makes more than the husband) but the common denominator I see is that they are all mature people who respect and love their partner.

6 Likes
27

you mean they have common decency and modicum of humanity? gasp

1 Like
28

So you got dumped by your most recent, huh?

3 Likes
29

It’s like the eighth time this guy has talked about men not being able to deal with their SO making more than them.

My wife makes half of what I make and I swear to God I would give ANYTHING FOR HER SALARY TO DOUBLE MINE. HOLY SHIT. More money is MORE MONEY. I know we get on you for sweeping generalizations a lot, but I’d say any guy who isn’t okay with his SO making more than him just has a teeny tiny little peepee.

7 Likes
30

Couldn’t you guys have just replied…

“Yeah man, bitches be crazy”

Would have saved me some reading time.

3 Likes
31

No but we haven’t been doing well.

I’m a walking contradiction. I keep dating these professional girls when in reality I probably should get a church girl, or a fitness instructor or something.

The last few relationships, starting with the current one I’m with goes something like this -

Judicial clerk/lawyer
Financial analyst
Account manager
ER Physician
Physician Assistant

@flappinit

wait, who said anything about the dude not being ok with it? Some of the girls I just mentioned were/still make more than me. I was totally ok with it.

Most women aren’t ok with it though, from what I’ve seen it always causes a problem in some shape or form. Maybe this is changing though.

32

What about economic conditions? And did you not get the point I was making? of course not because you’re a Portland fuck.

@Silyak

I mean, in a way I kinda agree??? but spouses change over time. If your spouse gets fat and absolutely refuses to go to the gym or enter a decent diet regiment is it not in your right as the other party to mention bettering themselves? Will it make you a loser if they get fucking huge?

33

tumblr_nk6lp22lJU1re3x32o1_500

3 Likes
34

Do you treat her the way you talk about women on these forums? If so, there’s really no fucking mystery here.

2 Likes
35

What does my city have anything to do with it? Because you have a biased image of my city painted by alt-right and incel groups?

“Economic conditions” don’t prevent people from getting educations and jobs. Don’t be projecting your lackluster lifestyle onto others. It’s not like we’re in the great depression and everyone’s unemployed.

You seem to be upset about women’s expectations for men to be employed, but the only reason unemployed/broke women can date is because thirsty-ass dudes with low standards are willing to date them. Much like the women you claim to have dated you (Yeah right, incel)

36

I was watching some terrible contested cooking show with my wife a few years ago. At one point, the contestants taste and rate each other’s food. What was interesting is that you would often see contestants give the same rating for food they tasted eg 7 out of 10.

When asked to describe the food, the difference between what a 7 means was poles apart “the steak wasn’t salted well, it looked grey, over cooked, I don’t know why they chose steak they don’t know how to cook it 7”. “It was a pretty good steak and it looked amazing, 7”

What you are seeing / hearing is not necessarily accurately representing what the couple is experiencing and even if it is, it might be a snapshot. My kids, for example, are shits for loooooong portions of the day and I’m sure from the outside it can look like a nightmare but nothing has come close, in terms of overall happiness, to being with my kids.

I’m going to disagree with all the comments about relationships not requiring management - that’s flat out wrong IMO. We have research shows that couples that people who plan stuff to include their partner and partners who accept the plans are almost always going to stay together longer. That is one example of managing the relationship and if you are in a successful relationship you know it doesn’t end there. For example, we know relationships where one person starts ignoring the other in in an argument are nearly always doomed. You know my preferred way of dealing with an argument? Probably to punch the wall and leave for a week before coming back and pretending nothing happened lol It takes active management to work through that. I get that people don’t like the word management and for some the management effort is a bunch less than others plus we live in the age of having fits about words rather than intent but folks should get over the semantics.

So yes, relationships take work to keep alive. We are also moving to a model where people are less connected to community with more single parent families.

That means we are less exposed to role models that show us how to be in relationships. Those skills are also not taught. We also tend to be less happy with ourselves than we previously were and living much higher stress lives.

All that compounds to make relationships and particularly marriage harder but that is all true of not being in a relationship. And the intimacy and shared emotions of being in a relationship helps in living in our world and it will contribute to your happiness. 99% of us have this need for the intimacy and comfort above sex and friendships IMO and there is some research which tells us being married amplifies the affects over being in a marriage-like relationship.

That’s the part that makes putting up with all the shit worth it because I can tell you now if is a question of being by myself or having a 2 hour argument over whether the kids should be in bed at 700PM or 730PM, I’ll be by myself thank you.

I would also like my kids to benefit from being in a relationship and like most things, I prefer that they can learn from my mistakes so modelling that is important.

Note: I omitted the entire culture rant as this rant was way too long already but that is also a factor and the modern-day sport of poo-pooing marriage and long-term relationships doesn’t make things easier.

1 Like
37

You’ve got a weird metric for being a loser.

No job? Not a loser - which, obviously is a continual referral to that story you told where you got rejected at a bar because you literally didn’t have a job by some ‘fucking bitch’.

Overweight SO? Loser.

Being a ‘loser’ or not should be defined by your own actions and outlook, not someone else’s, right?

2 extra thoughts:

There are absolutely reasonable ways to suggest your SO go to the gym without being attacked. I don’t know why that would be taboo.

And finally: economic conditions preventing you from getting a job is bullshit. If I was out of a job, and couldn’t find one in my career path, I could be employed tomorrow doing any number of things. Not having a job for an extended period of time is a choice, not a consequence of the economy. It just means you think you’re above a ‘shitty’ job, when in fact, any job is better than no job (unless of course you’re staying at home with children, which is definitely a job, and a tough one).

5 Likes
38

So a pattern emerges.

Things bad= Bitches make too much, rotten bill of goods, etc.

Things good= Popeyes Chicken sandwich threads.

Nothing wrong with that.

Know yourself, know your enemy.

1 Like
39

His result of “Focusing Too Much On Working Out”

1 Like
40

Literally noone believes this

6 Likes
41

They probably deal with dick swinging manshit their entire careers and just want to sit down at night, relax, and be with someone who cares about them, not competes with them.

5 Likes